by L. Wilder
I could barely keep my eyes open by the time I pulled into Lily’s driveway. It was Christmas Eve, and the house was lit up with lights, making what I was about to do feel even more impossible. I tried to shake it off. This wasn’t about me. It was about John Warren. Giving him a life like this… filled with Christmas trees and family. The life I’d never be able to give him.
Goliath lived the club life, and although his club was different, safer, he understood the danger that came along with it. He would know better than anyone why I had to do this. As VP of the Devil Chaser’s, he’d seen the hard times of living in a one percenters’ club… the uncertainty… the danger. They had put that all behind them, and his club had worked hard to become a legitimate club that was focused on the brotherhood and their families. It was one of the things that I respected most about these men. Nothing was more important than keeping their families safe. I put the car in park, and by the time I turned off the engine and opened the car door, Lily was standing on the front porch.
“What happened to you? Are you ok?” she asked. Her eyes filled with fright as she studied my cuts and bruises. I knew I looked like hell, but I had no intention of telling her what had happened. When I didn’t answer, she asked, “What are you doing here, Maverick?”
“I need to talk to you and Goliath. Is he here?” I asked her. I knew I was the last person she expected to see tonight, and I hated that I had scared her.
“I just got off the phone with him. He said he’d be here in 5 minutes. Come on in, and we’ll wait for him inside,” she told me as she turned towards the front porch.
“Give me a second. John Warren is still sleeping in the car. Let me get him,” I said as I reached for the car door.
“John Warren? He’s here with you? Is he okay?” Her voice was high pitched, almost breaking into a cry as she spoke. Her eyes widened with dismay as she watched me pull John Warren out of his car seat. The second I got him out, she raced over to me and took him from my arms. I instantly felt the loss of his touch, and fought the urge to take him back from her. The look on his face stopped me. His eyes lit up with excitement as he reached out to her, making me realize just how much he loved her… he was where he belonged.
“He’s here. I can’t believe he’s really here!” she cried, tears streaming down her face.
John Warren looked up at her and smiled. He reached for the collar of her shirt and squealed. Lily’s eyes danced with excitement as she looked at him. I took a deep breath, and began to feel a sense of relief. Lily loved him. There was no doubt in my mind that she would care for him like she was his own mother.
“I don’t understand. You have to tell me what’s going on, Maverick,” she pleaded.
“Let’s go inside and wait for Goliath.”
I reached into the backseat and grabbed John Warren’s bags, and Lily followed me through the front door. She cautiously watched as I set his bags on the floor. We were just sitting down on the sofa when I heard Goliath’s bike pull into the driveway. Lily jumped up and met him at the front door.
“Goliath….” she said stopping him at the front door. He looked down at John Warren in Lily’s arms, searching for any sign that something might be wrong. He finally looked over to me, noticing my broken arm and all the bruises that marked my body.
“Maverick, what the hell is going on?” Goliath asked as he stepped inside.
“I really don’t know where to start.”
“Start with what happened to you,” Lily said as she walked over to the sofa and sat down beside me. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah… it’s nothing. I trusted the wrong person, and it cost me,” I said as I looked down to the floor, unable to look at her. The irony of it being her sister that I’d trusted was too much for me to bare.
“You gonna tell us why you’re here?” Goliath asked.
I laid my head in my hands, trying to search for the right words to say. After a few seconds of silence, I drug my fingers through my hair, trying to calm my nerves. I looked over to Lily and said, “I just can’t do it to him. I love him, Lily. I really do. I love him enough to know that he needs more than I can give him right now.” Overwhelmed with all the mixed emotions churning inside me, I stood up. My heart was racing, and I began pacing back and forth. I needed to make them understand. They needed to know why I had to do this. “I let Hailey down. I should’ve done more. Should’ve protected her, but I fucked up. I don’t deserve to have JW. I’ll just fuck it up.”
“You’re being too hard on yourself, Maverick. Hailey made those choices. Not you. No one blames you,” Lily told me, trying to calm me down.
“I do,” I stopped pacing, and looked directly at her. “I should’ve been there for Hailey. Instead, she sank into the darkness where no one could save her. I can’t let that happen to JW.”
“I don’t understand. What exactly are you saying?” she asked me.
“I came here to see… to ask if…” I swallowed my pride and my own broken heart and said, “I wanted to know if you and Goliath would take John Warren… raise him as your own. I want to be everything he needs, but I know I’m not. I can’t give him what you can.”
“But why now?” Lily asked, as she looked down at my son, her hand softly brushing over the top of his head.
“Lots of reasons. More than I care to explain. Let’s just say a baby doesn’t exactly fit in the life I’m living right now.” The thoughts of them beating me with that crow bar flashed through my mind, and I winced in remembrance of the pain they inflicted. It didn’t come close to the agony I was feeling at this moment, but it reassured me that I was making the right choice for him.
“Are you sure about this Maverick? You have to know that I want him, but I need you to be sure. I couldn’t take losing him again,” Lily said.
“He means the world to me. He’s the one truly good thing I’ve done with my life. I hate the thought of losing him, but I just can’t do this to him. He deserves more.”
“Maverick, we’ll want to adopt him if he stays with us. You gonna be okay with that?” Goliath asked. Lily looked over to him with surprise, and I could see the love and wonder in her eyes when she looked at him. A small smile spread across her face when she realized what he was saying. Now, I knew Goliath wanted him just as much as she did.
“I get that. Yeah, I’d be okay with that, but I still want to see him. I want him to know who I am, so that one day, when he’s older, he’ll understand why I did this,” I explained. I knew it was a lot to ask, but I couldn’t imagine never seeing him again. I needed to know that I could still have some kind of contact with him, or I wouldn’t be able to survive this.
“You will always be welcome here, Maverick. I want John Warren to know you, too. It takes a special kind of person to love someone enough to let them go,” Lily told me with tears in her eyes.
“I wish I could be more for him. I wish I could be the father that he needs, but I know you both love him. You’ll give him the kind of life I can’t.”
“We’ll do our best. I can promise you that,” Goliath said confidently.
“Thank you for trusting us with him. We’ll do everything we can to make him happy,” Lily promised. JW reached out his hands for Goliath. He walked over and took him from Lily’s arms. He rested his head against Goliath’s chest like he was meant to be there. Goliath ran his hand over his little head and down his back as he hugged him closer.
Goliath kissed JW on the head and said, “Glad you’re back Little Man. We’ve missed you.”
I couldn’t take it any longer. One more second of this, and I was going to fall apart. “I’m going to head back.”
“You can stay here tonight,” Lily offered.
“Thanks Lily, but I need to get back. We’ve got some shit going down back home, and my president needs me to get back. I’ll be in touch.”
“Okay, but you are more than welcome. The door is always open. Just let us know when you want to come back for a visit.”
“I’ll be ba
ck. You can count on that. If you ever need me, I’m just a phone call away. Thank you both. I know in my gut that this is the right thing to do.” I walked over to JW and kissed him on the side of his head. I laid my hand on his back and stared at him for a minute. I leaned over and whispered in his ear, “Don’t hate me for this. I wouldn’t do it if it wasn’t the right thing to do. I love you.” I couldn’t stop the tears from filling my eyes as I walked out to my car.
Chapter 2
Henley
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Six Months Later
“ARE YOU REALLY going to keep your face buried in that book all night?” Cassidy asked.
“You know, I have my final tomorrow. I need to make an A in this class,” I told her without looking up from my book.
“You have to make an A in every class. It’s like you’ve forgotten how to have fun. I miss fun Henley. What happened to her?” she said as she looked in the mirror and played with her hair. “You need to go out with some friends and have a good time.”
“Yadda, yadda, yadda… I’ll go out and celebrate when I finish my finals.”
“Why don’t you come to the club with me tonight? The guys are having a party, and I know they’d love to see you. I miss hanging out with you. Let’s go out and have some fun like we used to.”
“Ummm… how about NO?” I answered sarcastically.
I had nothing against going to the clubhouse with Cassidy. I actually kind of liked going there from time to time. The guys were a little rough around the edges, but they all seemed like pretty decent guys. It didn’t go unnoticed however, that they all liked Cassidy… a lot. The way they pawed all over her, made me feel a little uncomfortable sometimes. But I’ve done my best to avoid asking her questions about it. She’s not one to talk about what really goes on at the club. Besides, I learned a long time ago that Cassidy has a mind of her own, and it’s best to just leave her to it. She was happy—that was all that mattered. The Satan’s Fury MC had become like a second family to her, and I knew she loved them… all of them. I’ll admit that I’ve even found myself a little jealous of the life she has created outside of ours, but I’d never tell her that.
“Oh… come on. Don’t be a ‘Debbie Downer’. It’ll be fun. We can have a few drinks and dance on my break…,” she encouraged as she shook her hips from side to side. The bangles on her wrist clanked together as she tugged at the hem of her mini skirt. As she looked in the mirror, Cassidy pulled her hair up in a messy bun, and touched up her make-up. She was club ready. I smiled to myself thinking how different she looked an hour ago when she was sprawled out in front of the TV eating potato chips and chocolate chip cookies in her pajamas. Her transformation was complete.
“Maybe some other time,” I told her as I flipped through the pages of my textbook. “I’m just not up to partying tonight. Besides, you know I’ve got to get up early in the morning.”
“Okay, then let’s do something else then. We could go grab a burger and watch a movie? I’ll get one of the girls to cover my shift. You know I hate leaving you here all alone, Lee Bug.”
“I’m fine, Cass. I really do need to study. I’ll go with you next time… promise. Go have a good time. I’ll be here when you get back.”
“Ok. Have it your way, but you know you’ve got this. You’ve been studying for weeks,” she said as she reached for her purse. “You know where to find me if you need me.”
“Try to behave,” I told her playfully.
“Always,” she said giving me a wink.
I watched her walk out the door. Silence quickly filled the apartment as soon the door closed behind her. Questioning my choice to stay home, I took a deep breath and tried to focus on my notes. Studying right now was pointless; it was just too freaking quiet. Every little noise became a distraction, and I couldn’t concentrate. Deciding it was time for a break, I reached for the remote and started scrolling through all the endless channels of sitcoms and infomercials. I finally stopped on some detective show that my dad always liked to watch. I couldn’t help but feel a little homesick when I saw his favorite character appear on the screen, so I grabbed my phone and called him.
He picked up on the first ring, “Hey there, sweetheart. How’s it going?” Just hearing his voice brought a big smile to my face.
“Hey, daddy. Everything’s great. I have my last final tomorrow, and then I have some time off before the summer semester starts.”
“Why don’t you just take the summer off? Take Cassidy and go to the beach for a few days… or come home for a visit. You know I’d love to see you.” I felt a twinge of guilt when I thought about him being there all alone. Even though it’d been several years since mom left, he was still having a hard time adjusting to not having her there.
“You know I’d love that, but I’ve got a lot going on. I’ll see what I can work out,” I told him.
“You need to get out and see the world. You’re only young once, you know.”
“I’ll see plenty once I graduate. Promise,” I answered. “You worry too much.”
“That’s what fathers do. What about your sister? What’s she up to these days?” he asked apprehensively. Dad wasn’t exactly happy about her working as a bartender at an MC’s clubhouse, but he’d given up trying to talk to her about it. Actually, they barely talk at all anymore, and I can tell it bothers him.
“She’s doing great. Just left for work a few minutes ago.”
“Ok… well, keep an eye on her. You know I worry,” he said softly.
“I will, daddy. She’s happy… really.” I waited a few seconds for him to say something, but he remained quiet. Finally, I said, “Well… I guess I better get back to studying.”
“Ok, sweetheart. Call me later and let me know how you did on your exams. And, think about what I said. It would do you some good to take the summer off. You’ve worked really hard. You deserve to go out and have some fun.”
“Ok. I’ll think about it. Talk to you soon,” I told him as I hung up the phone.
I tried to get back to studying, but searching through the endless pages of notes was making me stir crazy, and my growling stomach was making it hard to focus. I hadn’t stopped studying long enough to eat dinner, and it was finally catching up with me. I grabbed the bag of chips that Cassidy left on the coffee table, and when I put my hand in the bag, I only found a mound of crumbs. I tossed the bag into the garbage and went to the kitchen to search for something to eat. We were down to milk, eggs, and an old veggie tray. That wasn’t going to work. It was time to make a snack run.
Chapter 3
Maverick
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WITH A TWIST of my wrist, I throttled the accelerator and the sound of the engine roared to life around me. The wind whipped against my face as I sped down the long, curvy road to nowhere. Nothing helped me clear my head like the feel of the raw power radiating from the machine beneath me. The wind. The open road. The freedom. It’s just a matter of time, but I knew that it was out there waiting for me. Peace.
I’d gotten to know this highway pretty well over the past few months. He’d never admit it, but I knew these runs were Cotton’s way of keeping me busy. He knew it’s what I needed right now. Giving up John Warren had almost broken me, and focusing all of my attention on the club was helping me reconcile with some of my demons. Today, he sent me to meet up with Nitro to handle the payment for this month’s shipment. He was waiting for me in the upstairs loft of an old warehouse. Each time we met, it was somewhere different… a bar, an apartment, or the back of an SUV. Nitro always made sure he covered his tracks, and Cotton trusted him. He was the only one that we dealt with when it came to the gun trafficking side of our club. He was older and had been around the block long enough to know a good deal when he saw it.
“You again? I’m beginning to think that you like coming to see me,” he said with a smirk, his dark eyes peering at me. His sarcasm didn’t go unnoticed, but I decided to ignore it. I learned a long time ago that Nitro was a smart ass, and it was best
to keep things short. The last thing I needed was to mingle words with him today.
“Cotton wants the shipment doubled for next month. Is that going to be a problem?” I asked.
“Nope. Not a problem at all. I’ll take care of it,” he answered as he wrote himself a note and then shoved it into the back pocket of his jeans.
“I’ll let him know,” I said as I handed him the thick envelope full of cash. “This should settle us up for now.”
“Right on, brother. I’m sure I’ll be seeing you soon.”
I gave him a quick nod and headed back for my bike. As the miles back home blurred into one another, I found myself thinking about my younger brother, Gavin. I had been thinking about him a lot lately. It just hasn’t been the same since the day he left for Tennessee. I couldn’t stop thinking about the conversation we’d had about him leaving. It was a talk that I hadn’t been looking forward to having, but I knew it was inevitable. It was something we’d discussed several times over the past year. Gavin was bound and determined to follow my footsteps into the club life. It was getting harder and harder to put him off. Gavin is a good kid, and any club would be lucky to have him. But if he truly wanted to prospect for Satan’s Fury, he would have to wait until things settled down at the club. He’d need to have time to adjust before all hell broke loose, and rest assured – all hell would break loose.