by Al K. Line
I lay there all night, going over old ground, trying to figure things out, but I was kidding myself. Results wouldn't come with me flat on my back, they'd come when I was out in the world searching for answers, making people talk and chasing down leads I would hopefully uncover.
I felt trapped. I was still a prisoner. The cell was my mind and I couldn't break free.
Never make decisions in the dead of night. Your mind does funny things in the darkness, it makes small things seem important and important things inconsequential. You get worked up and then more confused than ever. I couldn't switch off and all I could do was wait until morning.
I guess I slept eventually, once my mind was exhausted, and I remember making a promise to myself. I would enjoy what I had, never take things for granted, and wake up with a positive outlook.
Something woke me as the sun shone through the window and the birds sang happily. I felt at peace. I also felt a tug beneath the sheets. Now that isn't something that happens in prison, unless you are unlucky and get shacked up with Gobel the Molester.
"Morning," I managed to say before Kate kissed me and we spent the next hour getting some exercise.
Everything felt right with the world as we showered, dressed, then chatted over breakfast and I told her about my evening and what I'd decided was my rudimentary plan. She didn't argue, didn't tell me I was a muppet—okay, only once—and said that if I thought it might work I should give it a go.
By the time we'd cleared up I was down one day. Two left to sort out the mess or I'd be history. I checked in with Rikka, who sounded more stressed than ever, and then called Grandma. She sounded stressed too and that never happened. The roles of my two nearest and dearest apart from Kate had been reversed and neither was coping well. Why the Council had done such a thing was beyond me, but they never were big on logic, just on maintaining the Laws and messing with people's lives, wrongly accusing them of killing faeries and the like.
Suited, winklepickers on, tie straight and hair somewhat under control, I kissed Kate, promised to be in touch, and went to lure a faery. Halfway out the door I turned back around and went in.
"Gotta make porridge first. We need to set some kind of reminder or the hobs will be angry again."
"Faz, I've already done it. No way am I going to forget, ever."
"Ah, okay then. Bye."
Kate waved me off. It was so weird, I felt like a guy off to the office, not a guilty dark magic enforcer off to deceive a faery and maybe fight the odd giant.
Such is the life of the Hidden. Beats watching morning TV, I guess. Maybe.
Small, but Perfect
I have to admit, I was reticent. It's one thing deciding to call a faery, another to actually do it. They can get angry, and they are not fun when they are like that. They can do things, awful things, worse than what had already been done to me. A lot worse.
What choice did I have? If I wanted to clear my name then there was only one way to do it. Get my accuser to admit the truth so I could find out what really happened.
I ended up at the top of Roath park, a place where my life had already almost unraveled once before, but that felt so long ago. A different time, another life. Walking over the damp grass, I made it to the northernmost point of the lake and stood on the small bridge, idly watching ducks go about their early morning business. Little ducklings chased after their mothers, quacking loudly and learning the rules of how to be good ducks.
The park was almost deserted as I circled the water, nodding at a few dog walkers who would have forgotten they even saw me the moment they were past. Even the dogs ignored me.
Down the hill, I made it to a quiet spot tucked away discreetly behind large azaleas and pulled out the case from my suit pocket. I carefully lifted out the vial and shook it, watching golden flakes of faery love glitter in the sunlight. Even that was wrong. Sunshine? A nice day, warm and clear? It should be cloudy and overcast, drizzling and fitting my mood. This was Wales. Was nothing as it used to be?
Would this work? Could I really entrance a faery, get her to tell me the truth and help me clear my sullied name? Time to find out.
With a deep breath I unstoppered the vial, cleared my mind, and tipped it down my throat.
Damn the Chemist.
The liquid hit my tongue and burned like molten lava. It sliced down my esophagus, hit my stomach and turned it into a bowl of acid. I cramped up, bent forward and fell off the bench. The stuff was eating me alive. What the hell had he given me? This was no potion full of love and desire, it was taking everything from me. I was being consumed, gnawed away from the inside by a corrosive concoction from a comedian-cum-alchemist ghoul. Duped and poisoned for some nefarious reason or other.
The potion scalded down into my lower intestine, traveling fast and seeping into my bloodstream. Just when I thought it could get no worse it really kicked in. I clawed at my clothes, soaked and already dirty, howling and screaming with noise and a vision nobody would take notice of as I was shrouded in my own small magic bubble of nothingness. It expanded as I fell deeper into the clutches of the Chemist's evil alchemy.
I felt heat travel through every vein in my body, tearing down my arms, searing my legs to the bone, rising up and flushing my neck scarlet then turning my face purple, ready to explode as faery love poisoned me and it kept on getting worse.
Why had my friend done this? I thought we were buddies, but someone or something had clearly got to him, made him a better offer than anything I could give. Would I be dead in minutes or could this go on for hours? It already felt like a lifetime but it had been in effect for mere seconds.
Pain I had never felt before continued to sear me to my soul until even that screamed and left, leaving me devoid of anything but agony. No mind, no thought, just all-encompassing hurt that made the early days of calling magic feel like a picnic on a warm day with plenty of sandwiches and even a pork pie.
This was it, the end. My innards would be crispier than Madge's toast, my flesh as molten as the butter she spread to cover up the black brittleness. That was what I was in my deranged state.
Burned toast, blackened and ruined, crunchy and slathered in runny fat. I envisioned my skeleton as black, little bits crumbling away, mixing with my butter flesh, tarnished and being sliced off with a blunt knife, every nerve exposed.
And then it hit my brain.
My head was cracked open, a spoon fresh from the forge dipped into gray matter to cool. My mind scooped out one scolding spoonful at a time until I was empty and the spoon scraped around the insides of my hollow skull, getting every last bit. Then tap, tap, tapping at my head as if it had morphed into a tiny hand. It began to caress me, soothe me, tell me everything would be all right.
Then I was whole again, flesh normal, scarlet torture receding as my heart rate slowed and a glimpse of the Empty promised me I was still me, still alive. Magic restored me, but it wasn't my magic, not me that called it. It was her.
My love, my true soul mate. A tiny creature of perfection that stared at me with utter longing as I opened my eyes and found myself back on the bench, sat with the empty vial on the grass in front of me with a few golden nuggets stuck to the sides.
"Hello," I said, smiling and feeling love well up like a drug, which I guess it was.
"Who are you? What's going on here? I don't take kindly to humans making me come and... Ooh, you're nice." The faery danced around my head, a vision resplendent in a purple dress so tight you could see every curve of her perfect body. Low cut front, high hem, tiny feet, toes so perfect I wanted to lick them. But then I saw her ears and the toes were forgotten. Such lobes, the likes of which I had never seen before.
"You've got a nice smile," said the faery, eyes glazing over, her own smile widening as she studied me. She reached forward carefully and stroked my cheek. I tingled and was left dazed and awed by her beauty and sensuality. "I do love a human with a little stubble. Very manly." She sniffed and something odd happened. Her wings stopped beating and she beg
an to fall.
I caught her in outstretched hands, her body as light as a feather and just as tickly. "Oh, boy, you smell divine. Like home but with extra Parmesan." I think that was a compliment. She sat down and smiled up at me with the most beautiful emerald eyes I have ever seen. Wide and clear, giving access to her perfect soul, a true beauty inside and out.
Then my hands began to shake and I felt ill again, not like before but something snapped in my head and with a weird crunch like the bones of my skull realigned I was back being me, through the love potion and out the other side. It made the connection between us but was now doing the job it was intended to—make the faery love me.
I could get her secrets, make her admit the truth and tell me what really happened.
Then she pulled off her dress and I couldn't think straight. She was damn perfect in every way and I couldn't stop looking.
"You like it, don't you?" she said, seemingly totally unabashed by her nakedness in front of a human.
"I, er, yes, but please put some clothes on, it's, er, it's cold. Get dressed." That was the hardest sentence I had ever spoken. I could have stared at her until I took my last breath—her body was perfection. Flawless. The skin unblemished, golden and glowing like heaven, her proportions what I understood to be my ideal of a woman, without knowing I had such an ideal.
She looked at herself, as if in confusion, then slipped her dress back on as if she'd been in a dream and had no idea how she found herself to be naked and sat on a man's hand in a park in Cardiff. I can still feel the imprint of her tiny, perfect bottom on my palm now, feel her cheeks wriggle and squirm as she pulled her dress up.
Then she stood, a faraway look in her eyes, and said, "I am yours, my love. I have come to you. Where have you been for eternity? We are one, together for always."
It was going quite well.
Getting Cosy with the Fae
I couldn't believe it, the potion worked! The Chemist had come good on his promise. She adored me, I could see it in her eyes, in her every move. This was beyond love, this was infatuation. I focused, trying to put the image of her nakedness out of my mind. That was another first—I'd seen a faery naked! I wanted to tell someone. This was such a big deal it went beyond, well, anything.
Then I pictured Kate standing with her hands on her hips as I told her about how divine the naked form of a faery is and how she looked like my ideal woman in miniature, and Kate scowled at me then smacked me over the head with a frying pan. Or did the vampire jig and ripped out my throat for being a male chauvinist pig. Maybe I'd keep quiet about it and just let it be my secret. No telling!
"Well?" said the faery, pinning golden hair as perfect as a freshly opened flower behind her ear. God, what an ear!
"Well, what? Are you feeling okay?" I raised her up to eye level and she cocked her head to one side.
"Of course I'm feeling okay. Better than okay now I've found you, my love. Oh, we shall be together for all time and it will be beautiful." She began pulling down her dress again but I said, "No, stop," and she looked at me questioning why. "We have things to talk about, now we have found each other."
"Oh, okay." She hitched the purple, figure hugging dress up and sat down, waiting for me to talk. She twirled a tiny finger around my palm, tracing invisible patterns, tickling and making me forget what I was about to say. Faery dust fell and it took all my willpower not to lick it, and her.
"What's your name?" I asked. I had to have it and this was my best chance.
"Ah, my sweet, you know I cannot say that in this world. If I told you it would drive you mad, and I don't want my love to be all gaga. I want my hunk of a human to be smart and handsome and have his wits for when we take off our—"
"Okay, okay. How about you give me a name you use in our world, not your fae name? Can you do that? Please, my sweetest little faery pie." Look, I was at a loss about the sweet talk, give me a break.
She stood and brightened. "Great idea. You can call me Florenta Feist-Schuppach-Fick-Frost. That's my name if I absolutely have to use one in the human realm. It's a little short but hey, it will have to do. Hang on, I know you don't I?" She looked at me funny, as if she'd totally forgotten.
Here we go, I thought, same old nonsense. Faeries are so damn flighty they can drive you nuts. You can be talking to one and the next thing you know they've forgotten what they were doing and they are gone. They're too busy and too forgetful—it's a good job they have such nice ears. And bums. God, I'd seen a faery bum.
"Yes, you know me, and we'll get to that, Florenta. Can I call you Florenta?"
"You can call me anything you want, as long as you call me." She fluttered her eyelashes and stuck out her chest. Damn, what was with her? The Chemist had overdone it, I needed her to get her act together. I began to panic. How long would the potion work for? After all, it was me that drank it, not her, it just acted as an attraction.
As I thought about it I got a burning sensation in my groin. I needed to pee, and bad. Uh-oh, this was it. If I peed then the potion would be gone, and then I'd be in deep trouble. Messing with faeries is a strict no-no and I was already in enough trouble. On the bright side, it couldn't get any worse. At least I hoped not.
Something else tried to force its way to the fore of my memory, something about this faery sat in my hand admiring me with utter devotion. What was it? I lifted her higher, closer, and studied her face. She winked at me and I couldn't help smiling.
"You fancy taking me out for a meal?" she asked.
"Um, maybe later, it's only morning."
"You humans and your time. If you're hungry you should eat, right? Or, how about we go back to mine and you know, do a bit of the old—"
"I know you!" That was it, I knew this faery. The dress was a different color but the face was hers, I was sure of it.
"Of course you do, my love, we are soul mates. Distanced through time and space and realms but finally together at last, never to be parted. You can come to my world, be faery, and we shall be as one."
She was losing the plot. The potion was working too well. I couldn't go there, no human could, and besides, as far as I knew there were no male fae, just female. Maybe that was why they were so highly sexed, or maybe they had a harem each and the men were too exhausted to go out and about.
"No, I mean I recognize you, from before." This wasn't going as I expected at all. I was thinking I would be trapping a vindictive faery that had it in for me for some reason, but something was telling me this wasn't the case at all. Where did I recognize her from? I'd seen a lot of fae over the years, but faces weren't easy to remember, mainly because of the ears, and the cleavage.
"We have searched for each other through the ages. We know each other because we are meant to be together. I will take you with me. Now."
Oh, shit. "No, stop. I can't come with you," I pleaded. "If I come I will be gone from here. Forgotten. Humans cannot go to the faery realm, it's not allowed."
"Then you shall be the first. Our love will make it work, it has to." She was getting flushed, eyes wild and hair dancing around her head as magic dust spilled and covered my hand. The air shimmered as her wings beat fast and she lifted elegantly from my hand.
"That's it! You're the one that came to punish me when I ate the troll." It was her, I was sure. When I fought Ankine Luisi the succubus, this faery, this Florenta, appeared to deal with us both. I hoped to hell I was right.
She stopped, hand ready to wave and we would be gone to a timeless place where I would be destroyed. I would be dust, not even a memory, my death sentence carried out prematurely without her even realizing as she was lost to obsession and desire.
"Why wait? And besides," she said, a slyness creeping into her voice, "you do love me, don't you?"
Was this a trick? I chose my words carefully. Fae know if you are lying, and they are keen on punishment if you break the Law.
"I feel as deeply for you as you do in your heart for me. As you have always felt about me up until now."
> "Good, because I don't want to find out you are trying to pull a fast one on me. Me, a faery, who knows when she is being duped and when a human is stealing my heart and doesn't feel the same."
"I just want you to be happy." That was the truth. I held no grudge. Okay, not much. This was what they were like.
"Good, then we shall go." She flew up high above my head and I felt the air ripple as the world faded away. I caught glimpses of an impossible world, all sparking and bright and unknowable. Death.
Panicking, not knowing what else to do, I turned away from her, opened my zipper, and a steam of pink urine watered the grass. It hurt like all hell, especially when little gold bits came out as though I was passing kidney stones.
I sighed and zipped up when finished. I knew the good times were over when Florenta pulled her hair over her ears and said, "You tricked me. Time to die, Black Spark. I know you. You killed my friend and I think you deserve your punishment a little early."
"Wait," I screamed as she flew at me, wings angled to slice through my throat and leave me dying in a park in Cardiff.
A Close Shave
I stepped back, her wings so close I felt them shave hair off my chin. Panicking, I caught the bench with the back of my legs and ended up sitting down with a hard bump.
"Stop, stop, you've got it all wrong. You made a mistake."
"I don't make mistakes. I know who you are and I know what you did. You were to be killed in two days but after this perverse deception your time is up. Now."
She came at me again and I did the unthinkable, I used magic against a faery. Magic under my control, manipulated by my mind without conscious thought, pushed out at her, sending her toppling through the air in a spin. I dared not risk more as it would make her angrier and there was no way it would actually harm her, anyway. I was surprised it did anything at all, but then, I'd never tried it before.