by Lux, Vivian
I swallowed, trying to keep the note of pleading out of my voice. "My mother hated you. She would have blamed you, tried to get the cops involved. I was eighteen, we made sure of that." I slid my hand over his. "But that wouldn't have mattered to her. She would have ruined your life, Keir, don't you see that? I couldn't be responsible for that. She would have done everything in her power to derail your life, and I loved you too much to let that happen. She's poison, Keir. She would have poisoned you just like she poisoned me."
His jaw worked, a muscle jumping at his temple. I waited, watching him carefully as every emotion rippled across his face. Until he finally, carefully asked, "You got pregnant the first time we had sex?"
"The very first time I ever had sex," I pointed out.
Keir made a small, amused sound. "So, you're like, super fertile, huh?" He looked a little worried.
I laughed into the wet patch on his T-shirt that I had made with my tears. "Only with you, apparently."
A proud smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. "That shouldn't make me feel good, and yet…"
This time, I laughed out loud. "You always wanted kids. I thought you'd be upset.”
"I am."
"Oh."
"I've been upset for five fucking years."
I looked down. "I know."
"But now..."
"What?"
"Now I understand."
I looked up. "You do?"
"You were a kid, Scarlett. I keep forgetting that. You didn't know anything except your parents' house. And your parents' fucked up ways. The condom broke, but I barely thought about it. I was too excited about running away. I should have never put all that on you."
"I wanted it on me," I told him. It was the truth. "But then..."
"Then it was too much."
"It was."
"That's..." He exhaled, and it was like watching something unspool. Coils of tension I hadn't even noticed he was wrapped in suddenly unraveled. "I've been carrying this a while," he finally said. Even his voice sounded looser. "I'm going to need..."
"Yeah." I bounced to my feet. "I get it. I'll give you space."
"No." He reached out and yanked me back down. "You didn't let me finish. I'm going to need you to stick close and help me figure it out. No running away again, okay?
I leaned forward, careful of jostling him. "I'm not going anywhere. I love you."
He choked a little, then cleared his throat. "I'm not trying to save you anymore. You are capable of saving yourself. You're strong enough; you don't need me." I started protest, but he held his hands up. "And I'm glad. I am so fucking glad." He settled his huge hand over his chest, pledging his heart. "I get it. I don't need to fix you. I'm not even going to try to fix us anymore. I just want to be with you. That's it. I'm happy just to hang out, so long as I can hang out with you. I don't need anything more than that."
I ran my hand down his arm, tracing the hills and valleys of his bicep before winding my fingers through his.
"But what if I do?" I asked, leaning in to brush my lips against his. "What if I need something more?"
I felt his lips spread into a grin against mine, and I was laughing before he even said it. He didn't need to say it, but he said it anyway. "You know I'm a sucker for you," he sighed. "Whatever you want, Scar. You know I'll always do whatever you want."
Epilogue
Scarlett
Some things can change completely.
But other things seem never to change at all.
Mrs. Soule bustled around the circulation desk, her iron-gray hair in exactly the same coiled braid as she wore six years ago, tight to her head with nary a strand out of place. I recognized the purple skirt that swished around her calves, and her glasses swung from the same silvery chain around her neck.
"Scarlett Sawyer." She smiled, kind eyes crinkling, and I swore there were no new wrinkles on her face. "It is absolutely lovely to see you again."
I returned her hug, emotion welling up in my throat, rendering me speechless. "It's so good to see you too," I finally managed to choke out. "Where do you want me to set up?"
"We've had an overflow crowd, dear," she clucked. "We are going to have to put you in the community room downstairs. It's not where I wanted to have you…"
"It's absolutely fine," I reassured her. "I'm ready whenever you want to start."
"I'm just going to say a few words, introduce you, thank you for your generous donation to the library." She winked at me, and I blushed. "Are you certain you are ready to go?" I swallowed and nodded.
When Kelly floated the idea of turning my piece on Ruthless into a full-blown memoir, I initially scoffed. Never would I have thought that someone would be interested in my story.
Turns out millions of people were interested, including a standing room only crowd at Kenmore Public Library, just down the street from the house where I grew up.
Mrs. Soule led me into the community room with her head held high. There were a few whispers, then a smattering of applause that turned thunderous. I felt myself standing up straighter and even managed a few waves. So this is how Keir feels, I thought. No wonder he loves playing in front of a crowd.
The famous author lifts her chin....
I startled for a second, closing my fists tightly. The old tic of watching and narrating my life caught me by surprise. I hadn't done that since...
Since I left to go on tour with Keir fourteen months ago.
Ever since then, I hadn't needed to watch myself from the outside. The careful cautiousness had fallen away and left just...
Me.
I kind of liked being me, now.
I sat down and flipped through the pages of my manuscript until I landed on the portion I had highlighted to read tonight. Mrs. Soule introduced me as one of her favorite patrons, then bragged about being the one to teach me shorthand, which made the crowd give an appreciative chuckle.
And then it was time for me to begin.
I cleared my throat.
"Music saved my life," I began. "Those four words have been said so often that they could almost turn into a cliché, but for me, they are the absolute truth. Music saved me, music gave me life, and music taught me the true meaning of what it is to be loved." I blinked several times, willing the tears not to fall. "It was pure luck that let me grow up next door to one of the greatest musicians of my generation. But it was music and love...and love of music that brought us together."
I looked up and out into the crowd. "My name is Scarlett Sawyer. I don't expect you to know me. If you saw me on the street, you would probably glance at me then keep going. I'm not famous, but my story—this story—makes me special. And I would have never known that until Keir made me believe it."
As I looked out over the crowd, I saw the smiling faces and nodding heads, and I began to smile. I looked down at my page, tracing my finger past the few paragraphs I wanted to skip before picking up at the end of the chapter. A hushed, expectant silence fell over the crowd.
Just then, a voice rang out, cold, clear, and terrifyingly familiar. "It's all lies, you know," she called.
I stiffened. I knew that voice.
Whispered questions buzzed through the audience, and several heads turned to find the source of the interruption.
But I didn't look at her.
Maybe she thought I would agree? That was probably her expectation. Maybe she thought I would duck my head, mumble apologies and allow the attention of the room to go to her. That's what she wanted, of course. To make a scene. To tear my triumph away from me and make it about her. Her. It was always about her.
Except today, it wasn't.
"Caleb?" I called.
He stepped forward smoothly.
"Caleb, would you please show my mother the door?"
The whispers rose to a hum. My mother stood up, and for one terrible moment, we locked eyes, her eyes so much like mine it was like looking into a mirror, except mine could never be filled with so much hate. "You selfish, ungrateful lit
tle…"
"Okay, ma'am. Time to go," Caleb said smoothly, grasping her by the arm.
I saw her eyes narrow. She was debating. Should she make a scene? But wouldn't that be letting me win?
She couldn't have that.
"I'll go," she said, smoothing her hands down her front. She lifted her head and raised an accusing finger in my direction. "My own daughter doesn't want me here—you see it. I come out to support her, and this is how she treats me."
"All right, ma'am, that's enough. Let's go." Caleb hustled her out the exit.
From the back came one single clap, then another, then another. I smiled in the direction of whoever it was that started the applause.
And saw Keir.
He had snuck in, slouching in the very back row with a knit cap pulled low on his head and sunglasses obscuring his face. The face I loved more than anything in this world. One by one, the rest of the audience joined in with his applause, drowning out my mother's strident voice as she heaped abuse on Caleb from down the hallway.
And then she was gone.
When my reading was over, I shot a grin over the crowd at Keir. "Love you," I mouthed silently.
"Love you too, Scar," he said.
He was there, just like he said he'd always be.
He kept his promises. And I was going to keep mine.
THE END
Thank you so much for reading! As a special thank you, I've included my very first rockstar book
JAX: A ROCKSTAR ROMANCE.
If you want to read that too, all you have to do is turn the page!
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Jax:
A Rockstar Stepbrother Romance
Vivian Lux
Copyright 2015
All Rights Reserved
This book contains adult themes, explicit language and sexual situations. It is intended for mature audiences.
NOTE: All characters in the book are 18+ years of age, non-blood related, and all sexual acts are consensual.
BOOKS BY VIVIAN LUX:
Sons of Steel Motorcycle Club:
Steel My Heart
Steel Me Away
Steel My Love
Steel My Soul
Devil's Due Motorcycle Club
The Devil's Due
I love to hear from my readers.
Email me at mailto:[email protected]
Friend me at facebook.com/vivianlux.romance
Like me at facebook.com/vivianlux.author
Amazon Author Page
Get the latest in new releases and limited time promotions by signing up for
my mailing list
COPYRIGHT INFORMATION
Please respect the work of this author. No part of this book may be reproduced or copied without permission. This book is licensed for your personal enjoyment only.
This book is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental. Any similarities to events or situations are also coincidental.
The publisher and author acknowledge the trademark status and trademark ownership of all trademarks and locations mentioned in this book. Trademarks and locations are not sponsored or endorsed by trademark owners.
(C) 2015 by Vivian Lux and Velvetfire Press
All Rights Reserved.
DEDICATION
To B., first always.
To N. and E., Mama's so proud
To TTT, thank you for the letting me have the title, if I could have only used it! Oh and for everything else, too.
To Megan, my rockstar, for helping me out with the finer points of the music biz. I miss you ladies. Love to Team Manlis.
To Kaylee Song and Honey Palomino, both of whom were instrumental in getting me back on my feet and back to writing. Thank you for all of the help.
To the whole incredible community of indie authors to which I am fortunate to belong.
And
To my wonderful readers. I hope you like it.
Prologue
"Bit?"
"Hmm?" I was almost asleep. In the pitch dark of the studio, I could almost believe his voice was something out of a dream.
Until I heard his little snort of laughter. "Asleep already, Bit?' Did I wear you out that bad?"
I groaned and shifted. His naked body was pressed up against mine, warm and heavy and solid. I was as limp and floppy as a wet noodle after what we had just done, but I would never tell him that. He didn't need the ego boost.
"I'm not asleep," I huffed.
He pressed his lips to my shoulder. "Good. Because my arm is completely dead. Can I have it back?"
Muttering, I flopped onto my back. He yanked his arm out from under me with a sigh of relief. It felt like he was leaving. I almost panicked.
Until he immediately shifted out bodies even closer together, pulling me flush against him. "There,” he murmured against my forehead. "That's better."
I was pressed up against him on the narrow, beat-up sofa that hulked in the far corner of the studio. I couldn't see him—not in the close, thick darkness—but in my mind's eye I could perfectly picture his long body as I ran my hand along his side and down to his hips. "Did that just happen?" I whispered.
Now it was his turn to sound asleep, He sighed, stretched, then stroked his hand lazily along my stomach to cup my breast. "Yeah Bit," he chuckled. "It happened. This isn't one of your stories; it's real."
Damn right it wasn't one of my stories. It was better. Better than I could have ever imagined, really. I thought we'd be trading tender embraces. But no, it was so much more than that. Raw. Urgent. Primal, even. Instead of sweet words to remember it by, I had the marks of his fingers on my skin. And I liked it that way.
It made it so much more real.
"So, what you're saying is…" I trailed off. I needed him to say something else. About what this meant. To him. To me. For him and me… together.
He must have heard the edge in my voice, because he didn't rise to the bait. Instead he somehow pulled me in even tighter. "Yeah. We had sex, Liliana," he said, using my real name for once. "Made love. Whatever you want to call it, we did it. Don't you go freaking out on me now."
But I was already way ahead of him. Wide awake now, I stiffened and pulled back. Don't go freaking out? How could I not? I had just had sex with—no, worse than that, I had just lost my virginity to…
Jax.
Jax!
Jaxson fucking Blue.
"Lily, shh, I can feel you spazzing out. Stop." Jax somehow found my mouth in the dark, brushing his lips against mine.
"How the hell am I supposed to stop?" I asked him. I honestly wanted to know. "I can't believe we did… that I let you… that you did…" I blushed at the memory.
Jaxson smoothed my hair in the dark. I could feel the guitar callouses on his fingers. The ones I had been so recently suckling and kissing as he thrust himself inside me. "Why can't you believe it?" he asked. "I fucking love you, Lil Bit."
My heart stopped. Time stood still. I floated in the pitch dark in the warmth of his arms. I listened, waiting for him to laugh, to take it back, to say he got me and it was all a joke.
Instead I heard his breath deepen and quiet.
Holy shit, he had fallen asleep. Right after he dropped that bomb in my lap.
It was the most arrogant, cocky, Jaxson Blue thing he could have possibly done.
I couldn't help but laugh. "Goddammit, Jax. I love you too. Asshole."
And then I fell asleep in his arms.
Part Two
Chapter One
Liliana
At the very first note, my heart dropped to my shoes.
I had to get out of here. Fast.
"Angel?" I called frantically into the dressing room, "I'm running next door. I'm desperate for caffeine. You want anything?"
"Caramel latte?" my roommate called from inside. This shopping trip was supposed to be about bonding, getting to know each other, but fuck it. I couldn't stay in this store a moment longer.
The beat was infectious. I could see shoppers starting to sway near the racks of discounted jeans. It was a four-on-the-floor, balls-out pop song, all glittering synth and pounding bassline. Almost impossible to ignore.
And it was already in my head. The last place I wanted it to be.
I rushed out into the oppressive heat of the New York City streets, but my cheeks were blazing even hotter as I tried like hell to avoid the song of the summer. I fled into the cool of the Starbucks next door and took my place in line.
The overhead speakers were piping in some plinking little indie folk tune. I sighed in relief. I checked my nails, resolving for the fifty billionth time to stop biting them, then immediately stuck my thumbnail in my mouth and started nibbling.
I was next in line when the plinky song ended. There was a pause. I craned my neck and saw one of the baristas changing out the iPod behind the counter.
And there it was again.
I managed to hold it together, right up until the vocalist began. He started with the chorus, a nail right to the center of my heart.
"You got it right, babe/We spent the night, babe/And I'm just a little bit cocky, yes, it's true…"
I was out of there before the rest of the song ramped up. Because he didn't say, "little bit." No, he snarled and slurred his words, so that it came out sounding a lot more like, "Lil Bit."