by Jana Janeway
She pushed out the door on her side of the car, off and running as soon as her feet hit the ground.
“Shit!” Craddock threw Bibi a glare before exiting the vehicle himself, out the same way Jessica had, calling to her as he ran to catch up. “Jessica! Jessica, wait! Please!” He knew his pleas had reached her when she slowed to a stop. She hugged herself as she waited for him to near her, her back still to him. “Jessica. . .” He sighed, uncertain of exactly what to say to her, but wanting to offer her comfort, or reassurances of some kind.
“It’s just so confusing!” she exclaimed, gesturing back towards the car. “And she obviously doesn’t approve!”
“Right now,” he closed the gap between them, slowly, “she’s more upset with me than you.”
“You didn’t do anything wrong.” She turned to face him when she felt his hand on her shoulder. “Did you?”
The subtext of what she was asking within her question was clear. “I wanted to kiss you, Jessica, and I don’t regret doing it, even with her disapproval.”
She looked away while maintaining her proximity, feeling awkward in his presence but also inexplicably drawn to him. “I see now what you meant, about it being complicated. This Chimie business sure doesn’t help matters, does it?”
“It’s only because of the stressfulness of the situation. Chimie is, in actuality, a very nice thing to experience.”
“It is,” she agreed, “but if it wasn’t for that—if it wasn’t for you feeling it in the first place—we wouldn’t be here right now. You probably would have just pointed me in the direction of the Registry, and they could have helped me, and you and your friends would be safe, and be able to continue your way of life.”
“Chimie or not, I never would have just walked away from you, when you were feeling so scared and confused.”
His defensiveness made it obvious that he was offended by what she had said.
“It wasn’t a slam at your character, Craddock.” Taking a single step sideways, she distanced herself a little, needing the space as she simultaneously abhorred the mere thought of it. “What happens now? With us?”
Somewhat confused, he asked, “Strategically or emotionally speaking?”
Facing him again, her focus of attention was more on the ground near his feet. “Strategically, I just assumed we’d still be relocating as husband and wife, and for now, we’re just waiting on word from Marcy and the Registry on when to continue.”
“So, you—you meant, emotionally.” He partially stuttered the half-statement, half-question, causing her to finally initiate eye contact with him. A nod was her only response. “Jessica,” he sighed, “just because we’re relocating as a married couple, doesn’t mean I’m expecting anything from you, okay? I mean, we obviously feel something for each other, but, Chimie or not, we don’t have to jump into anything right now. Ya’know? With everything going on, I think it would probably be best if we didn’t. But I would be lying if I said I wasn’t holding out hope of a future with you.”
“Yeah, but what kind of future are we talking about here?” Her heavy sigh was almost a scoff. “I mean, Bibi more than just implied that, not only would my life be a struggle now, because of all this, and therefore so would your life, but she was also talking about some kind of responsibility I would now apparently be having.”
“Don’t worry about that, alright?” He was trying to move past the subject of it, knowing the details would overwhelm her, but he guessed that would be impossible by the way she gave him a sideways incredulous half-glare.
“Okay, look, I get that you’re trying to keep from upsetting me and stuff, but c’mon! Can we please just stop pussy-footing around, and just get this shit out in the open?”
Her point being valid, he resigned himself to the fact that she deserved at least some form of explanation, even if he skimped on the particulars for now. “Well, for one, they’re going to want to talk to you.”
“Who? The Registry?”
He nodded. “And the Mengliad medical community. Your conversion is unique. They’re going to want to. . . understand it.”
“So they’re going to. . . what? Do experiments on me or something?” Her worry rose along with her voice.
“No,” he assured her, “and even if they wanted to, I wouldn’t let them. But no, it would be more like. . . a study. Tests, possibly, but not like painful ones or anything. Not like surgeries, or experimental drugs or whatever. It would be more like. . . a lot of questions. And comparisons, to the way things used to be for you—feel for you—as a Human, and how those things are for you now as a Mengliad.”
“And I would be required to do these studies?” She scowled, not at all accepting of the proposed scenario. “They can’t just leave me alone? I don’t want to be seen as a freak!”
“You won’t be,” he promised, wrapping his arms around her. “I won’t let that happen.”
Almost literally, she could feel his sincerity, and knew without question that he was speaking the truth, and that, regardless of what she faced, or they faced, he would protect her, and help her. It was almost eerie, the way they seemed to be connected, and how clearly she could feel him, even with contact as simple as a gentle embrace. She could scarcely imagine the connection they would have, if they were to be intimate with one another.
Startling at that thought, she pulled back, and off his questioning stare, revisited and continued the previous subject. “You said for one. What else can I be looking forward to with this?”
“It’s—”
“And don’t you dare say complicated!” she interrupted him, smirking against her will when he laughed.
“Sorry,” he apologized, “but why don’t we cover all that later, okay? Bibi and Josiah are waiting, and we really need to find a motel, ya’know? And wait for further instructions.”
“This is just a stall tactic, and you know it,” she quipped, though she was at least a little serious with the accusation. “Whatever the second thing is, it must be really upsetting.”
“Try not to worry about anything beyond what we have to deal with next, okay?” He pulled her back into his arms, stroking her hair in a comforting manner. “I promise you, whatever the future holds, if you want me to, I’ll be with you every step of the way.”
Nodding, she allowed him to soothe her with his gentle touch. “I can’t imagine getting through this without you.”
“You won’t ever have to imagine that.” Shifting to stand beside her, his arm encircled her waist as he started leading her back towards the car. “I meant it, when I said that I’m in love with you.”
“I know you did.” Leaning her head against his shoulder, they both fell silent for several seconds as they walked.
“I’m not expecting you to say it back,” he whispered, sensing where her thoughts were. “I know you’ve been through hell.”
“You’re a very understanding person, I just. . .” Organizing her thoughts first, not wanting to crush his hope, she eventually said, “I have feelings for you, Craddock, I just. . . have a lot going on in my head right now.”
“I know,” he whispered, “and I’m not trying to pressure you. . .”
“I know you’re not.”
“I’ve just. . . never felt this before, and I guess I’m just. . . not quite sure what to do with it.”
“You’ve never felt this Chimie thing with anyone before?” Outwardly, she sounded surprised. Inwardly, though she couldn’t pinpoint why, she was pleased.
“No, never. It’s rare,” he reminded her. “Most people never do. Feel it.”
“Do you think Marcy and Jeramey feel it?” she asked, as she thought back to how they were with each other. “Their relationship seems to be based on insults.” When he laughed, she smiled in return.
“Chimie doesn’t change your personality, and they seemed pretty compatible to me. Weirdly compatible,” he grinned when she laughed, “but compatible nonetheless.”
A moment later, and she was unexpectedly pensi
ve. “Shea and Stacy will never feel that, will they?”
“Shea might, but Stacy won’t.”
“He could still feel it, even though she’s Human?” She felt him nod in answer. “So maybe that’s how the whole. . . interspecies mating thing came about?”
“Yeah, maybe.” Shrugging, he then requested of her, with all the seriousness the topic deserved, “I need to know what you want from me at this point.”
“What do you mean?” She scowled, uncertain of what he was referring to.
Nervous, he swallowed hard, trying to wet his suddenly dry throat. “With regards to me being. . . affectionate. . . with you. I need to know what I can and can’t do. . . with that. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.” He slowed their pace as they neared the car, wanting the conversation between them to remain private.
“Everything you’ve been doing up till this point has been fine with me.” With a light tone, meant to dissolve some of the tension, she added, “More than just fine. You didn’t notice that I was clinging to you, too?”
“I did,” he stopped, turning to face her, “but now, with the knowledge of how I feel about you, would you see it as pressure? Or inappropriate?”
“No, I wouldn’t see it as either of those things. I know what your intentions are, Craddock.” She placed her hand on his chest, over his heart. “And besides,” she wore the slightest hint of a smile, “this Chimie thing doesn’t seem to be a sexual thing, so much as an emotional thing.”
His grin grew as he stared back at her for a long moment, before he eventually murmured, “For now.”
“Meaning what?” she asked, jokingly incredulous.
Leaning in, he brushed his lips against her ear, instantly setting both of their hearts aflutter. “We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.”
Chapter Twenty-Five
Tensions were high amongst the four of them as they ate their meals in silence, as Josiah drove them towards their unknown destination one-handedly. No topic of conversation seemed appropriate after the previous argument between Craddock and Bibi, so the only words uttered, near about thirty minutes from when they’d left the restaurant’s parking lot, were about a sign that mentioned lodgings ahead.
The motel was a dump, but at least it had two queen sized beds and running water, though the shower itself looked like it was in the middle of a bad remodel, which was most likely to never be finished. Still, it was the first motel to present itself, and due to their anxiousness to get off the road, they opted for it, even with its obviously poor maintenance and lackluster appeal.
Losing at the game of rock, paper, scissors, which was played to see who would get to take a shower first, Bibi and Josiah decided they would be the ones to go out in search of a nearby cell phone store, or a store that sold cell phone supplies, to buy a charger for the phone left in their care by Marcy.
Jessica, being the one to win the game, quickly excused herself, escaping the awkward atmosphere by disappearing into the bathroom. The shower was certain to be pathetic, but at least she got to go first. This then gave Bibi the moment she’d wanted since they’d left the diner, to confront Craddock about his actions without having to be concerned about upsetting Jessica.
“So, you lied before,” Bibi challenged him, whispering, “about not being in love with her.”
Craddock sighed in exasperation. “I never lied to you, Bibi. I worded things carefully. I said things like, you’re reading too much into this, and, I barely know her, but I never actually lied.”
“Why didn’t you just tell us that you were all. . . Chimied out on her?” Josiah asked, also confronting his friend, but sounding a lot less irritated than Bibi.
“Because,” his eyes shifted from one accuser to the other, “I knew you wouldn’t believe me!”
“It’s not that we don’t believe you, Craddock,” Bibi countered defensively, “it’s just. . .”
When she trailed off, Craddock huffed. “It’s just what?”
“You’re always talking about making things as easy on her as possible,” her tone was only slightly less combative than it was previously, “but then you go and make things harder for her by playing with her emotions?”
“I’m not playing with her, Bibi!” Craddock insisted, annoyed by the accusation. “I’m in love with her!”
“Let’s pretend that’s true,” she said with a disbelieving lilt to her voice; she glanced at the bathroom door, listening for a moment to be sure the shower could still be heard running. “Expecting her to feel the same way, with everything that’s been going on, is asking too much of her.”
“I’m not expecting her to feel the same way! And I told her that!”
“He said before—” Josiah’s words stuck in his throat when Bibi’s eyes snapped over, locking onto his. “He said before that she was feeling it, too.”
Bibi sighed. “I know he did, but like I said before, she could just be responding to him because he gave her his blood.”
“I don’t think Chimie works that way,” Josiah said uneasily, hesitant about contradicting her. “I mean, I don’t know much about it, and it’s never happened to me, but if Chimie is about finding your soulmate, how could one feel it and the other not?”
“Chimie can be one sided,” Bibi answered. “And I don’t know if it works that way, either. I’m just saying, since we don’t know, it could be possible.”
“What you’re suggesting makes no sense.” Craddock’s irritation continued to boil. “She’s just responding to my blood? It’s not a blood thing and you know it! It’s a person thing! A DNA thing! Why are you so against this? Why do you even care?”
“I guess I don’t,” she answered, teetering between angry indifference and shame. “Forget I said anything, okay? I don’t want to lose you as a friend over this.”
“You’re dangerously close to the edge of that,” he told her firmly, though his tone indicated a touch of sadness. “If you believe any of the nice things you’ve said about me over the past few days, to the various people you’ve said things to, then how can you even think I’d do anything dishonorable towards her? Unless. . .” His eyes widened, as if there had just been a sudden revelation. “Unless this isn’t about me at all!”
The implication was clear. “I don’t have a problem with Jessica. As a person,” she added guardedly.
“So, it’s just the idea of her being with me!” he challenged her, glaring hard.
“Let’s just drop it, okay?” she snapped, turning to face Josiah. “Let’s go get the fucking phone charger.”
“No, wait!” He touched her shoulder to stop her, stepping around to stand in front of her. “I don’t want to just drop it! I want to know what the hell your problem is!”
“No, you don’t!” she shot back. “You’ve obviously made your choice! Nothing I say now is going to change that!”
“What in the hell is that supposed to mean?” he asked, confused and frustrated, trying desperately to determine where her thoughts were. There was something very wrong, he could sense that, but what, exactly, was just beyond his understanding, causing his emotions to flip flop between anger and concern.
“It doesn’t mean anything.” She sidestepped to pass him, calling over her shoulder to Josiah, “C’mon, Joe. The errand isn’t going to run itself.”
Offering an uneasy smile, Josiah shrugged at him, and then followed Bibi out the door, leaving Craddock to watch helplessly.
“What’s going on?”
Spinning around at the sound of her voice, his breath caught when he saw that she was in nothing more than a towel. He composed himself first before answering. “Nothing. Bibi. . .” Not knowing how to complete the sentence, he trailed off, sighing as he moved over to one of the beds in the room and sat heavily upon it.
“Bibi?” Jessica asked, encouraging him to continue. She secured her towel tightly as she shuffled towards the bed to join him.
“She’s upset about something,” he answered vaguely, wanting to save her the de
tails of the argument. His eyes focused on his clasped hands in front of him as he slumped forward, resting his elbows on his thighs.
His inner struggle was apparent to her. Rather than add to his anguish, she dropped the inquiry, offering a faint, “I’m sorry,” as she slid her hand up his back to rest on his shoulder.
“I’ve known Bibi a long time,” he said with a shake of his head, confiding in her, “and I’ve never seen her act like this.”
Formed opinions inched to the front of her mind, but she knew, based on his mood, that it wasn’t the time to mention them. Instead, she told him, “We’ve all been through a lot, in the last twenty-four hours specifically. Just give her time to cope with it all, then ask her about it.”
Nodding in acceptance, he looked over at her, a slight smile creeping onto his face. “I like your dress.”
The way she pulled the towel tighter, smirked uneasily, and dropped her gaze to the floor caused him to feel a pang of guilt for the comment.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”
“You didn’t,” her insistence fell short, “it’s just, this Chimie thing is making me want stuff I know I shouldn’t.”
“What do you want?” He strained to keep his hands clutched in front of him, wanting more than anything for her to say ‘you’.
Pushing away from him and off the bed, she muttered somewhat sarcastically, “Use your imagination,” then turned to leave, heading towards the bathroom.
Moving quickly, he stood and stepped up behind her, placing his hand on her shoulder to hopefully stop her, which it did. He encouraged her to face him by dropping his grip to her waist and applying gentle pressure, whispering as she turned, “It’s okay to want, ‘cause I do, too. It’s just okay if you don’t.”
“You said that with everything going on, it would probably be best if we didn’t jump into anything.”
“I’m not talking about jumping into anything.” He inched closer, slowly, his fingers twitching against the terrycloth material wrapped around her.