by Ford, Linda
Gazing down at her cherubic face, Rachel’s heart swelled anew with gratitude. There would always be sorrow associated with the memories of her pregnancy, but nothing could detract from the miracle and wonder of this tiny life. Every day she fell deeper in love with her daughter.
Cole loved Abby, too. He wanted to be a part of her life, and wasn’t that only right and fair? That a father and daughter should be together?
It was like beating a dead horse, she knew, but again her mind conjured up what-if scenarios. What if Cole had been here through the entire thing? How would he have taken the news of her pregnancy? Would he have been overly protective of her, pampering her at every turn, or would he have retreated into himself, ignoring her sick spells and burgeoning belly?
An image of her husband, his large hand splayed across her belly, his handsome face struck with wonder as he felt their child move within her, flashed through her mind. Her heart twisted with anguish for what could’ve been.
Irritated with herself, she pivoted and approached the fire, staring unseeing into the flames. The mantel clock chimed the hour. Two o’clock. He’d been out there working for five hours. Had he stopped to eat lunch? She’d half expected him to come knocking around noon, then she’d remembered his promise not to bother her.
Worry pricked at her.
He’d been so weak yesterday. And in pain. He should be resting, not doing hard physical work. What if he passed out again? The remembered fear and uncertainty propelled her into action.
With unsteady fingers, she quickly sliced off two pieces of sourdough bread and several hunks of cheese and, together with a slice of apple pie, wrapped them in a cloth. Taking him a snack was a better sounding excuse than checking to see if he was conscious or not. After checking to make sure Abby was resting comfortably, she swung her cape about her shoulders and, closing the door softly behind her, hurried to the barn.
Lanterns cast a soft, golden glow in the corner where he was working to measure and cut the pieces for the backdrop. His back was to her, his hat discarded, offering her a clear view of his injury. The knot beneath his wound was a deeper purplish-yellow than it had been yesterday, but the gash didn’t appear to be infected. A good sign.
She cleared her throat. “I brought you a snack.”
He laid aside his measuring ribbon and turned around, his gaze flicking to the bundle in her hands. “Thanks. What time is it?” Dusting his palms against his pants, he strode forward to take it from her.
“Two.”
“Already? Time got away from me.”
Was he pale or was it the lighting? “How are you feeling?”
He paused, his gaze reproving. “You really should stop asking me that. I’m all right. Don’t worry about me.”
Without giving her a chance to respond, he eased down to the floor and, leaning back against the barn wall, unwrapped her food offering. Rachel sat on a nearby hay bale, her hands clasped tightly in her lap. Not worry? Easier said than done. Someone in this town wanted him gone badly enough that they were willing to resort to violence. What happened when they realized their first warning didn’t have the desired effect?
“Abby’s taking a nap.”
“How long does she normally sleep?” he asked between bites.
“About an hour and a half. Sometimes longer.”
He finished off the sandwich and turned his attention to dessert.
“Cole, those men—”
He stopped midchew, his hazel eyes growing stormy.
“What if they come back?”
Swallowing, he spoke slowly, weighing his words. “There’s a good chance they will. This time, however, I’ll be prepared.”
His words didn’t reassure her. “You can’t be on guard twenty-four hours a day. What if they come while you’re sleeping?”
“I’ll keep the door locked and sleep with my gun. If they try to bust in or break the window, I’ll hear it.”
“But—”
“Rachel. We’ll have to trust the good Lord to watch over us and protect us. Remember, He’s got everything under control. Nothing happens without His consent.”
“Yes, but sometimes He allows bad things to happen.”
“Yeah, I know,” he said, his tone softened, threaded with patience, “but He gives us the grace and strength to see us through the tough times.” A glimmer of a smile hovered about his mouth. “That’s wisdom passed on from Ole Jeb. You see, he and I had a similar conversation.”
At the reference to his absence, burning curiosity temporarily shoved her fear aside.
“Where did you go?”
She wouldn’t ask why he left. She already knew the answer to that one. Cole had found life with her unbearable. That he was willing to give it another try proved how much he loved his daughter.
His almost-smile vanished. He looked as if the topic made him uncomfortable. Dread flared in her middle. Had he done something he was ashamed of? Something unlawful?
A more depressing thought occurred to her. A year and a half was a long time for a married man to be on his own. Had Cole sought the company of a woman during his absence? Or perhaps more than one?
“I won’t ask what you’re thinking,” he stated darkly. “From the look on your face, I doubt I’d like it.”
Rachel attempted to school her features. He’d always been able to read her too well. Unfair, considering his thoughts were an unrelenting mystery to her.
Setting the remainders of his food aside, he drew his legs up and balanced his muscled forearms on his knees. He’d rolled up the sleeves of his green-and-blue-checked shirt and she could see the light dusting of hair against golden skin.
“There was an advertisement at Clawson’s. Vanderbilt Shipping was looking for able-bodied men to build ships. So I headed down to South Carolina. To Port Royal. Hard labor and long hours, but the pay made up for it.”
That explained his tan, his hardened, muscular body and financial security. There was no hint, however, about his non-work-related activities.
“Where did you live?”
“I shared a company cabin with a man named Lionel Jergins. It was kind of like a camp. There were roughly one hundred cabins, along with two bath houses and a large dining hall where we could eat cheap. There was a small general store, too.”
He didn’t seem to mind her questions, so she asked another. Not the one she really wanted to ask, but close. “What did you do during your off time?”
“There wasn’t much of that, but once a week I went into town with the others. We played games. Chess. Nothing too exciting. The company warned us not to get into trouble. If we did, we’d be let go with no explanation.” He turned thoughtful. “A couple of men didn’t heed the warning. They got drunk. Engaged in fistfights. They were gone the next day.”
It all sounded very...innocent. But it wasn’t the answer she sought. Why does it matter if there were other women? Your marriage ended the day he walked out. A divorce decree would be redundant at this point.
“I should go and check on Abby.” Irritated with herself, she rose to her feet and shook the bits of hay out of her skirt. He was at her side immediately, the heat of his body drawing her.
“Something’s bothering you. What is it?”
“Nothing.”
When she turned to go, he placed a restraining hand on her arm. The sizzling skin-on-skin contact, the imprint of his strong fingers on her inner wrist, hauled her down memory lane so fast it made her head spin. Cole’s touch, as rare as a solar eclipse, resurrected forbidden feelings. Yearning. Affection. Love.
Love? No. Never that. Surely she was smart enough to know that loving Cole could only lead to heartache! He’d been alone too long, had learned to rely on no one else but himself. For the span of a few short weeks, she’d allowed herself to hope, to believe she was penet
rating his wall of self-protection....
“Don’t shut me out,” he urged, his warm breath stirring her hair.
“That’s unfair, coming from you,” she accused, glaring up at him.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
Angry now, she wrenched her arm free. “You’re the one who refuses to let me in. If I dare to get close, you retreat back into your shell. I never had a chance, did I?” To her horror, a tear escaped to slip down her cheek.
The remembered anguish and humiliation of their final month together pulsed through her body, flooding her lungs and threatening to smother her. Nothing in her life had prepared her for the emotional extremes she’d experienced with him. Like an out-of-control sled on snow-slicked hills, her hope had skyrocketed with each precious night in his arms—only to plummet with bone-jarring intensity when, time and again, he reverted to his cold, distant self with dawn’s arrival. Almost as if he was two different men.
Cole reached for her, but she flinched.
“Don’t.”
Fleeing the barn, she thought she heard him whisper “forgive me” but that was no doubt a trick of the wind.
* * *
Cole stood rooted to the floor, unable to breathe, unable to move or even think. Rachel’s pain held him in a viselike grip. He’d done that to her?
The headache that had been building all afternoon exploded to full strength. Oh, Lord, I didn’t realize. I didn’t intend—
He rubbed a shaky hand down his face. He should’ve known. She wasn’t like him. His wife was compassionate, tenderhearted, sweet as maple syrup. Of course his behavior had confused her. If he, an expert at keeping people at arm’s length, had been affected by their intimacy, then certainly she had been. Idiot! That’s what he was.
He began to pace, his boots scattering the straw. Cocoa watched him with solemn eyes from her stall.
She’d hidden her true feelings from him. Until now. The expression on her face... He cringed, remembering. Her grief provoked an answering grief in him. Her pain caused him pain. And that could only mean one thing—Rachel mattered. Time and distance hadn’t accomplished his purpose. As far as his heart was concerned, it was as if he’d never left. What he felt for her was not love, he was certain, but it was dangerously close.
Leave now, while you still can.
He ground to a halt. The temptation to run was strong, seductive. If he left now, never to return, how long would it take to forget her? To forget the feel of her silky soft skin against his? The impossible blue of her eyes? The texture of her hair? The airy floral scent that was hers alone? How long until the dreams stopped?
Running didn’t do any good last time.
True. His wife had lodged herself in his heart and refused to leave. No matter where he went, she’d still be there. And he truly didn’t want to leave. Not all his memories of this place were unhappy. He loved these mountains, the endless forests and streams, valleys and peaks. The abundant wildlife. The breathless beauty each season displayed.
There were people who mattered in his life. The O’Malleys. The Timmonses. The Monroes.
Rachel. Abigail.
If he concentrated really hard and was very careful, just maybe he’d be able to pull it off. Exist around her without sliding in too deep. It was perfectly natural to care about the mother of his child, right? Love didn’t have to be the end result.
Caring and loving weren’t the same thing at all. So why did he still feel like running?
Chapter Seven
At the decorating party that night, Rachel was preparing to eat when she sensed a change in the room’s atmosphere. The quiet hum of conversations all around her faltered, stammering into acute silence. Everyone stopped what they were doing, even those who’d been dishing food onto their plates, and stared at the newcomers. Trepidation slithered down her spine. She didn’t have to turn around to know who it was.
Standing just inside the alcove were Josh and Kate and, slightly behind the pair, her husband. Like an outlaw, Cole was dressed in head-to-toe black, silver-handled Colts shimmering on his hips underneath his floor-length black duster. His dark, hooded gaze dared anyone to approach him. The only thing missing was his signature scowl.
Not the best way to win over a crowd already inclined to distrust him.
Was he attempting to send a silent message to his attackers? His wary stance screamed hands off. Rachel quickly scanned the familiar faces. Could it be someone in this very room? She shuddered.
Megan stepped closer to her side in a show of silent support.
When her gaze returned to Cole, he was looking directly at her. Uncertainty flickered in his hazel depths. The mask slipped for a split second, revealing a vulnerability that shook her to the core. Of course. He had every right to be cautious. Experience had taught him to expect the worst.
Suddenly the gossip and speculation no longer mattered. Cole needed her.
Hugging Abby closer, she approached the trio, the tap of her boots on the wooden planks echoing in the hushed room. Cole’s handsome face registered stunned surprise. Josh and Kate exchanged pleased smiles.
“Good evening, Rachel.” Dark-haired, petite Kate reached out and smoothed Abby’s curls. “What a doll! I declare, every time I see her, she’s grown another inch.”
“She has a good appetite,” she murmured with a strained smile, aware their conversation could be heard by everyone in attendance. Nerves quivering, her lungs were working overtime and she felt light-headed. She hated being watched.
The second Abby spotted Cole, she squirmed and strained toward him. This past week he’d spent his days in the barn and his evenings with them. Feeding him supper was the least she could do, she’d told herself, considering he’d bought the supplies and was providing free labor. He’d quickly won the little girl over.
As Rachel transferred her to his arms, he murmured a quiet thank-you for her ears alone. Gratitude colored his husky voice. The baby splayed her chubby hand over his mouth, and he grinned down at her. Abby grinned her toothless smile in response. Rachel’s mouth went dry. There was something irresistible about a strong man with a baby in his arms. Seeing Cole with their daughter never failed to stir her emotions.
The sound of papers rustling and the beginning strains of Silent Night flowed from the piano. Reverend Monroe urged everyone to go about their business before joining their group near the door. Whispered conversations sprang up again.
His smile encompassed them all, but he addressed Cole. “It’s good to see you here. I’d heard you were back in town and was wondering when I’d get a chance to welcome you.”
Absently rubbing Abby’s back, Cole shook his outstretched hand and nodded solemnly. “Thanks, Reverend.”
The older man curled an arm around Cole’s shoulders, his kind gaze touching on Rachel’s. “What do you say we go and fill our plates before it’s all gone? I’m determined to get a piece of the O’Malley twins’ apple crumb cake this time. I missed out at the last gathering.”
“I’m sure Jessica and Jane would make one especially for you and Carol, if you asked,” Kate interjected.
His eyes lit up. “Thanks for the suggestion.”
Then he steered Cole toward the table. Rachel followed, her gaze trained on their backs. Josh and Kate walked behind her. Megan intercepted the men and took Abby so that Cole would have his hands free.
The sheriff of Gatlinburg, Shane Timmons, appeared at her side, his somber expression troublesome. In his mid-thirties, he was a tough-as-nails, no-nonsense lawman. Married to his job. Had he come to advise her and Cole to leave?
“Evenin’, Rachel.”
“Sheriff.”
“That knot on Cole’s noggin. Was that an accident?”
“No, I’m afraid not.”
His lips pursed, displeased. “Who did
it?”
“He doesn’t know. They concealed their faces.”
His jaw hardened. “Tell Cole I’d like to speak with him before he leaves. If trouble’s brewing, I need to know about it.”
At her acquiescing nod, he left her side to assume post on the side of the room, his sharp gaze scanning and rescanning the crowd. At least he was a fair man. He didn’t hold a grudge against Cole like so many others. Like her father.
Since that first confrontation, her parents hadn’t come near the cabin. Usually, her mother came by once or twice a week. And Rachel and Abby spent every Saturday morning and Sunday afternoon at their place. She’d stayed home this morning, however, partly because of Cole’s presence and partly because she’d had pies to bake for tonight. And, coward that she was, she hadn’t wanted to face a lecture.
Rachel missed her conversations with her mother, missed Stephen’s good-natured gibes and comforting hugs. She couldn’t avoid the fact that Cole’s reappearance had driven a wedge between her and her family. It hurt, but she couldn’t blame him. Lawrence and Lydia hadn’t ever attempted to build a relationship with their son-in-law. She had to wonder if, by not sticking up for him from the beginning, she’d made things worse.
She moved through the line, not paying attention to what she put on her plate, and followed the men to a pew. The reverend did all the talking. As she picked at her food, Rachel felt Cole’s gaze on her.
It wasn’t until about an hour later that she found herself alone with him. Seated on the last pew, they threaded red and gold ribbons through the evergreen garlands.
“You’re awfully quiet,” he murmured, his eyes on his task. “How are you holding up?”
She shrugged. “So far, so good.”
“I hadn’t planned on coming tonight,” he said in apology. “I know you wanted to avoid a scene. But then Josh and his wife showed up and insisted I accompany them. They gave me no choice.”
Determined to keep the peace, the two O’Malley families had formed a human buffer around the two of them. Even now, Megan and Nicole sat nearby playing with Abby, while Sam, Mary and Alice placed candles in the windows behind them.