Shards Book One

by Peter W Prellwitz

  "All right. All right. I understand. Looks like I'm not the first Cue to make this mistake."

  "Nor the last,? she agreed, giggling.

  "I suppose the cook set me up, too."

  "Uh-huh. Truly a gift much greater than his labors at cooking.? She had abandoned giggles for open laughter.

  "Hey, Lendler! I heard that!? A voice shouted from the kitchen behind me.

  "And I suppose it is kinda funny. Pretty mean way to welcome someone into your century, though,? I said, smile on my face and no hostility in my voice.

  "Call it an initiation. Or payment. These people went through a lot to get you here, and they want to see what you're made of."

  "Oh, yeah?? I smirked.? Then maybe I should show them."

  Screwing up every bit of courage I possessed, I rose and climbed up on the table and took a deep breath. All eyes turned to me, and the hall became quiet. Way in the back, standing on the ramp, was Dr.

  Barrett. It was the first time I'd seen him since I'd fainted last night. He was watching me very closely.

  I was about to bow, but decided to try something really terrifying. Instead of bowing, I slowly curtsied to the crowd, my whole body trembling with fear and my heart racing like a trip hammer. It was my first curtsy, and a lousy one it was, too. Poor balance, probably poor form, and done in pants instead of a skirt. But they loved it. As one, they shouted? Hooray!? and the sound was almost a physical blow. It struck me that everyone here undoubtedly knew more about me than I did, and to a person were also aware of their unintentional error. I felt my emotions flood to the surface, and with those emotions came tears. These people deserved a show.

  Picking up an apple from my still full plate, I consumed it for all to see. Shouts and applause reverberated through the hall. I finished the apple with the crowd roaring its approval. I then turned to the kitchen, where the cook Hill was laughing and applauding, and heaved the core at him. It was a very pathetic throw, landing less than half way and far to the right, but the message was clear. Everyone yelled and whistled, including Hill. I then curtsied to him, and he bowed back, his bow as ugly as my curtsy, but every bit as sincere. I then turned back to the crowd and curtsied a final time, trying to put all my thanks and gratefulness into that simple, awkward and foreign motion. Staying in my curtsy while everyone stood and pounded the tables, I looked down at Susie, who was also yelling and clapping, tears rolling down her cheeks. I spoke just loud enough for her to hear, which in that din was still pretty loud.

  "Susie, I really, really, really, want to get out of here."

  She nodded and stood up, wiping tears from her eyes. Still laughing, she clumsily helped me down from the table. My knees were very wobbly and I felt light headed. With me almost in a daze, Susie had to lead me toward the far tunnel. All along the way, people quickly rushed over, lined up and either curtsied or bowed as we passed. All of them were cheering. I tried to wave, but my whole body was numb.

  Still, it was nice to be wanted.

  Chapter Four

  We entered the corridor, much narrower than the main one, and headed down it a little ways, passing two doors on each side and stopping in front of the third on the right. By this time Susie had my arm around her shoulders, and was all but carrying me. My legs felt like over boiled noodles, and I was on the verge of fainting again. Behind us, the mess area was alive with excited noise, but no one had followed us down. We entered the room, passing through a ghost door that just turned off and on.

  Inside were simple, neatly kept quarters for two. There were standard furnishings and two beds close to each other. They were close because they had to be; the room was very small. There didn't seem to be a private bathroom, which was too bad; I would have really liked to heave my breakfast about then.

  Susie lowered me onto the first bed and sat down on the second. She took my trembling hands in hers and rubbed them. She had a look of respect in her eyes.

  "You, girl, have guts! No brains, but lots of guts."

  "Yeah,? I stammered out.? Guts you're about to get all over your lap."

  She started, but relaxed at my weak smile.? Whatever possessed you to do that? To stand up and make a spectacle of yourself?"

  "Just trying to say thanks. And give as I got."

  "Well, you did all that. Everyone has been pretty tense around here, wondering how you'd take all the changes. Now they have an idea. But you, girl! Wow! That was incredible!"

  "Then why do I feel like I've been filleted?"

  "That's easy. You pushed yourself too hard again. Only this time it was your emotions you rode too hard.

  Guys can push down better than gals. Your 'guy' mind did quite a number on your 'gal' emotions. Ease up some, huh?"

  I smiled weakly again and carefully sat up. My nerves and breathing were settling down. I looked around the tiny room.

  The room was maybe, just maybe, three meters square. As you entered the room, the door was in the left front. There were two single beds, Susie's against the back wall and mine parallel to hers with a narrow, half-meter aisle between them. Facing the beds on the left wall as you entered were two chests of drawers, standing head-high. The beds and dressers took up two thirds of the room. The other third, nearest the door, had a narrow counter with what looked to be a computer display embedded into the wall, and a simple chair. As I'd mentioned, there was no bathroom, but I noticed a small sink with spigot to the left of the counter, in the corner. Beside the sink and on the wall beside my bed was a full length mirror. The mirror appeared to be painted on the stone. The door had a small alcove, all of one meter deep.

  "So. Home Sweet Home?"

  "Yep. Just the two of us. Normally I sleep alone unless I've been assigned a Cue. A female Cue,? she added hurriedly.? All the noncoms and officers have either private or semiprivate quarters. Because of my direct involvement with new Cues, I get my own quarters."

  "Must be nice, rooming with a potential nut. Ummm, Susie? Are you, you know, comfortable with me sleeping with you? I mean, what with…"

  "With you being a man to start with?? I nodded, avoiding her eyes. I had to admit I was scared of either answer.? Well, I didn't know until last night, remember. But yes, I gave it some thought once I did know."

  "And what do you think?"

  "I think I don't mind at all. You're not a man now; you're as female as I am. So I'm not worried about improper advances. For me at least, you've got nothing to advance that I'm interested in. And it's not like I'm embarrassed about having you watch me dress or shower or anything. You're more of a girl than I think you realize yet. So I wouldn't be hesitant about rooming with you for my sake or safety.

  "Which leaves… what about you? Again, I don't mind. What are your choices, really? As uncomfortable as you are now, how much worse would it be if you bunked with one of the male noncoms-which you couldn't anyway. You'd probably die from shame. I would. And like I said, you're a lot more woman than you know. You'll find out, soon enough.? I had confusing emotions on that comment. Come to think of it, though, I had confusing emotions on everything.

  She took my hands again.? So, no, my sweet Cue, I'm not at all worried or uncomfortable having you sleep with me. We're buddies now, and we watch out for each other.? She gave me a warm hug and a small kiss on the cheek. It tingled and felt nice. She stood up and pulled me to my feet. I wobbled, but stayed up.

  "Well, back to work! We've got a lot of ground to cover. I need to show you around the place. This afternoon will be busy, but we have the evening to ourselves. Doctor Barrett wants to give you a checkup sometime this afternoon. Oh! And let's check the new shipment that came in; there should be some proper clothes in there for you. Then it's dinner, the gym, showers, and bed. Tomorrow, our research crowd wants to talk to you. If you're willing, they'd like to know more about you. Let's see…

  anything else?"

  A thought occurred to me.? Yes. I'm going to need a new name."

  She giggled.? Already ahead of you, there. I'll be giving you your n
ame tomorrow night, after dinner.

  Tradition."

  "Huh? You're picking my name? Why? And why would you even have need of such a tradition? Don't Cues keep their old names?"

  "You'd think so, wouldn't you? But the fact is, many do change their names. Maybe as a way of marking old and new times, of starting ties with the present. Of course, many just keep their names.

  "Whether or not they keep their original name, though, we still give you a name. We follow the tradition of having the primary researcher-who also acts as counselor for the first few months-name the Cue. Even the Cues who keep their original name often use our name as a middle name. It helps you become a part of us and our time. And it reminds us that we are responsible for you. So since I was the primary researcher, that makes me your counselor, your roomie, and I get the honor of naming you."

  "Unfair!"

  "Really? Who picked out your present name?"

  "Well…"

  "Your parents did, of course. Unless they let you grow up, calling you 'it', until you could choose yourself.

  In a way, I'm your parent now.? She thought about it a moment.? Well, maybe more like your sister. I hope to be your friend-"

  "You are my friend!? I said pretty forcefully and impetuously.

  "Mind your manners and don't interrupt. Anyway, I'm your nearest living relative now, and one of your rescuers, and your roommate, so I get to name you."

  "You're right. I'm sorry. So you name me tomorrow, huh?? She nodded.? What are you going to call me until then? 'It'?? I smiled and almost, but not quite, giggled.

  "Just what I have now; nothing. I've been avoiding calling you John, both to help you acclimate and because it just sounds silly. No offense, John,? she giggled.

  I giggled for the first time, and it felt wonderful, like opening a vent and letting all the pressure out.?

  None taken. Go ahead and keep doing it that way.? I tapped my head.? I'm still John up here, but it's starting to sound silly to me, too.? I stood up.? I'm looking forward to tomorrow night. I'm also a little afraid of… aargh!? I said with frustration.? I hate these constantly mixed emotions! But I will keep my last name. I'll always be a Wyeth."

  "Oh, yeah? What if you get married?"

  That floored me. I tried to envision such an impossible circumstance, but my imagination boggled. It boggled because I pictured myself, my old self, in a wedding dress, a ludicrous sight even in the mind's eye. It hit me that I didn't really know what I looked like. I'd only had a brief glimpse of my face in the mirror in the doc's office, and it was pretty dark then. And I'd certainly had no inclination earlier this morning to see any of me. But now I felt the twinges of curiosity tugging at me. I glanced at the full-length mirror, off to the side. Maybe later today.

  "I don't really see marriage in the future for me, Susie."

  She gave a knowing look.? Well, maybe, maybe not. You're still young. Don't look at me like that.

  Anyway, you could still keep Wyeth even if you did marry."

  I shrugged.

  "I dunno. I'm pretty traditional, and would probably…? My mind caught up with what my mouth was saying, and I shut up. Susie laughed.

  "Now how about that tour?"

  As a tour, it ended almost before it started. We left our quarters, the ghost door blanking the entire frame, and turned right along the corridor. We skipped the first door on the left-Susie said it would be the last one on the tour-and came to the first door on the right after our room. She knocked on the ghost door. It gave an odd, hollow sound. There was no answer, so we continued on. Susie said it was the quarters of Corporals Bent and Geher, the other two female noncoms beside herself. We continued on to the next door, only three meters further down and also on the right. Susan ushered me in through the double-wide ghost door which allowed us entrance while turning translucent.

  We walked down a short hallway and into a large room holding maybe three dozen single beds. The barracks. The women's barracks. There were six women in there with us. Four were sprawled out on their bunks, either sleeping or relaxing. The other two were stark naked, toweling off after a shower. I felt myself getting very uncomfortable and wondered just how loud they'd scream when they saw me. But they didn't. They just waved and curtsied in their birthday suits, mimicking my performance with mischief but no malice. Susan walked us up to them and introduced me. We chatted a bit about something then left. I noticed I hadn't stared a single time, and could actually remember their faces better than their other, um, features.

  We stepped out, and I breathed a sigh of relief, sagging against the rock wall. Susan looked at me curiously and far too innocently.? Something wrong?"

  "No. Yes. I don't know. That was so weird. You sadistic little so and so. You could have at least warned me!"

  She smiled wickedly. This girl had a nasty streak in her I'd have to watch.? Why? Just a bunch of women and one young lady making small talk,? she said naively. But her next comment showed her true thoughts.? So, what was it like?"

  "Like I said, weird. I kept thinking that I'd start staring at them and drooling. But I didn't even care.? I blushed.? Well, I cared maybe a little. This is pretty hard to say, but I was… was…"

  "Comparing their bodies to yours?"

  I stared at her.? How did you know?"

  She laughed.? Silly. Almost all women do that. See, I told you you were more woman than you realized.

  Just wait until you compare yourself to somebody you know. Like me.? I flushed even more at that thought. Flushing seemed to be one of my more accomplished skills so far this century. I became convinced there was a? Turn Red? switch inside me, and some maniac was at the controls.

  "Still, try to warn me, okay?"

  "Okay,? she said cheerfully. We walked to the next door on the right, about ten meters down.?

  Consider yourself warned. Here are the ladies showers and rest rooms.? She grabbed my arm and tried to haul me in, but being warned, I pulled back.

  She tugged harder, but not hard enough to force me, which I'm sure she could.? Come on!"

  "Susan, no! I'll die of embarrassment!"

  She relented immediately.? All right, then. Let's go in here.? She indicated the next door on the right, five meters from the ladies room.

  "What's in there?? I asked suspiciously.

  "The men's showers and rest rooms. Now, in you go.? Again she tried to get me in, but pushing this time instead of pulling. This time I really lost it. My little maniac was hitting the red button. With a sledge hammer.

  "Are you crazy! I can't go in there!"

  She stopped her pushing and crossed her arms.? So what's it going to be? Men's? Women's? Or should we just dig a hole for you outside the cave?"

  "I don't know,? I said sullenly.

  "Good grief! One or the other! Decide! Either that or…? she paused and smiled mischievously.? Or we can just wait an hour or so and let nature decide. You drank an awful lot of juice for breakfast, you know. Milk, too."

  Now here was a problem. And her mentioning it only made it worse, cutting her hour estimate down considerably. By about an hour. But the problem was all in my head. There really only was one choice. I might die of embarrassment in the ladies room, but I'd probably get arrested in the men's. Giving her as indignant a? Hmmph!? as I could muster, I walked into the ladies room, Susan following.

  When we came out five minutes later, I was relieved, in more ways than one. Despite her attempts at making it as terrible an experience as possible-including shouting out helpful and somewhat vulgar hints while I made use of the facilities-it wasn't uncomfortable at all. Which was her point. A point she intended to drive home.

  "Now do you get it? Own up to it, girlie; you're a girlie."

  "I already knew that.? I didn't feel too cooperative.

  "Yes, you know it. But do you feel it? It can't just be in your head. It's got to be in your mind, your being, your… your soul.? She really was banging at this, but I had had enough. I felt a switch go off. But this time it had anger
labeled on it.

  "Just let it go! You don't have to pound it into me! I'm not an idiot!"

  "Then don't act like one!? Susie spoke louder, more frustrated than mad.

  "Me? You're the one trying to haul me into places I don't want to go or can't go! I'm done with the tour!

  I'm going back to our room!? And I stalked off.

  Or at least I tried to stalk off. I had kept telling myself that Susie was bigger and stronger than me, and that she could use force if she wanted to. She'd even said so, in a round about way, when explaining the reason behind using such young teens. But I don't think I believed it. I had looked up at her. I was in her underwear and it was too big for me, and her clothes almost hung on me. Yet I somehow knew I could handle her if I had to, which made me feel a bit more secure and in control. That security and control was about to become a shattered illusion.

  I had gone five paces when I felt an iron grip latch onto my upper left arm, and then she was dragging back me into the ladies room. I screamed at her to let go of me, and used every ounce of strength I had to twist free, but I was helpless. The best I could do was stagger her walk a little, and not much at that.

  She effortlessly slung me through the door and walked in after me. I heard her speak a quick word, and the door became solid. She grabbed me again and hauled me into the showers, which were abandoned at the time, though still wet from use. Again, she tossed me with ease into the middle of the slick tiling. I slipped and went down.

  I rose to my feet, wet and angry. Who was she to… I didn't even bother trying to finish the thought. I just went at her. That little…

  I was on the tiles again. I started to get up again when she walked up and heaved me up to then up off my feet. I landed, still in her grip, and began fighting like a wildcat. A desperate, terrified wildcat. Holding my shoulders, and ignoring my best blows, she slowly shoved me back to the shower wall, her face showing no emotion.