“What else did I say? How did I tell you I would punish you if you tried to manipulate me into dominating you?”
She closed her eyes, licking her lips as she searched her brain. Damn. A rare cuss word filled her head. “You’d ignore me. Put me in a time out.”
“You want to spend this morning with my cock in your pussy or standing naked in the corner staring at the paint job?”
She swallowed. “You inside me, please.”
“You gonna try to control it?”
“No.” No way would she jeopardize this opportunity. His threats made her squirm even more. Would he really stick her in a corner like a child? A shiver raced down her spine.
“Good girl.” He kissed her again and then his face lowered to her chest where he sucked one nipple in hard and fast, his teeth pinching the tip enough to make her gasp.
She squirmed against him as he devoured her breast. Any concern she’d had earlier in the week about her body image flew out the window. Carter genuinely liked her. He thought she was sexy. He wanted her.
He’s already claimed you.
She tipped her head back and closed her eyes as she succumbed to his touch. His lips were everywhere and nowhere, teasing, tempting. She wanted more. She wanted everything.
She wiggled against the mattress, wishing he would turn her over and spank her before he entered her, but he didn’t show signs of intending to give her that play. Part of her was disappointed because she had never been through more stress than yesterday. It was boiling inside her like an overstuffed pressure cooker. It would explode, and there was no telling what the fallout would be.
Now that she’d had a taste of BDSM, she wanted more. She wanted to be able to come home at the end of a long day and know the man waiting on her would take her over his knee or restrain her to his bed, or secure her hands to a cross or a bench or anything in the world. As long as he eased her stress by flogging her or spanking her or even whipping her. She needed to feel the pain to get the relief she craved.
Didn’t she? Several times now Carter had given her relief another way—his way. Through sex. Orgasms that scrambled her brain. Was it enough? Part of her still thought she needed to feel the pain. It pushed her deeper, farther, harder. She wasn’t sure she could give up the darker aspects of masochism and rely on only the sexual side of the lifestyle.
Carter’s hand slid between her legs and stroked through her folds, gathering her wetness and then circling her nub. His fingers chased away her concerns. They always did.
“Your clit is so responsive, baby.”
She shuddered at his words. Clit. Pussy. Cock. So foreign. When would they sound less shocking to her?
Her nipples abraded against his chest, their sensitivity almost more than she could bear. Every movement against them sent a wave of tingling across her chest. She arched toward him, but her focus shifted a moment later when he nudged her legs apart and settled a knee between her thighs.
One finger rapidly flicked over her clit, taking her breath away. In seconds she was right there. So close. Two days ago she hadn’t known such sensation existed. Now she craved it like a drug addict. The build. The release. The pleasure.
When he thrust his finger into her tight channel, she gasped. “Carter…”
“I love the way you say my name. Desperation in your voice. Sexy as hell.”
She would have flushed if all her inhibitions hadn’t flown out the window. Instead, she lifted her hips into his touch.
He pulled his finger out and pressed his thigh against her sex. Hard. The pressure was intense, making her need. She craved his finger again. She craved his…cock. “Please…Carter…” She wasn’t above begging.
He pressed her wrists into the mattress and stared down at her. “I’m going to claim you now. You’re so tight.” He kissed her lips gently and then nibbled a path to her ear again where he resumed speaking in a whisper. “It will hurt when I thrust into you. I’ll hold steady for a while so you can adjust to me. Catch your breath. And then I promise you heaven.”
She nodded against his cheek. She wanted this. She was scared, but not as much as she was eager.
“You’re sure?” he asked her ear, sending a shudder down her body.
“Yes. Carter, please.”
He rose above her again, releasing her hand and reaching across her body to pull the drawer of the nightstand open. She couldn’t imagine what he was doing until he rose on his knees and used his teeth to tear open a small square wrapper. A condom. Right. Duh.
He added his other leg to the space between hers and nudged her wider as he rolled the rubber down his length, holding her gaze the entire time. And then he was over her again, both hands threading with hers and pressing them into the mattress. He lined his cock up with her entrance and teased her by rocking through the wetness.
She drew her knees up higher, willing him to enter her.
And then he thrust inside, all the way to the hilt.
Her breath left her lungs. Tears stung the corners of her eyes. Her heart beat out of her chest. The stretch was tighter than expected. It hurt.
“Look at me, Brooke.”
She couldn’t focus as she wildly tried to make eye contact.
“Take a breath for me, baby.” He seemed so in control. She was being torn in two from the inside out, and he wanted her to breathe?
She didn’t move.
“Brooke,” his voice was commanding. “Eyes on me.”
She met his gaze, still unsure she would survive this and wondering why anyone would do it more than once.
“Breathe,” he demanded.
She sucked in a lungful and let it out.
“That’s my girl. Again.”
She obeyed him a second time, deciding she might live.
The pressure. So tight. Filling. Maybe not so bad. Maybe even good.
He watched her closely as he slowly eased almost out and then pressed back in. It hurt less that time. He did it again. Something changed. The pain shifted into something almost satisfying.
“That’s it. Keep breathing.”
She blinked, realizing she was holding her breath again.
The next thrust was deeper—if that was possible. The base of his cock slammed into her clit. She moaned. Oh God, that felt good.
Again.
Better. So good.
His fingers held her tighter, clasped around hers as if the two of them might get torn apart if he didn’t hold on. His jaw was tight. His eyes glassed over.
She lifted her hips the next time he entered her, moaning.
“Oh, baby. If you don’t stop making that noise, I’m going to come too soon.” He gritted his teeth, his words disjointed and muffled. Almost before he finished speaking, he picked up the pace, thrusting faster.
Her eyes rolled back as the entire seismic event shifted from painful to bearable to oh my God, that feels good. She stopped breathing again for an entirely different reason, concentrating on every nerve ending as her body came alive in a way she never imagined possible.
Every thrust pushed her closer to the edge. Every time the base of his cock hit her clit, she thought she might combust. She wasn’t sure if she wanted to reach that peak or stay on the edge of sanity. The edge was very, very nice.
In the end, she didn’t have a choice. Carter slammed in deep, set his lips on her ear, and demanded, “Come, baby. Now.”
She shattered, her body nearly convulsing with the tremors. She was only vaguely aware of him groaning out his own orgasm on the heels of hers. For long moments, she did nothing but luxuriate in the feeling of being so full and so sated, and then she blinked her eyes open to find him smiling down at her.
Sudden embarrassment crept up her skin. Had she screamed? Yeah, she was pretty sure she had.
He nuzzled her nose with his and then kissed her gently. “Beautiful.”
She nodded. He was not wrong.
When he slid out, she winced. “Don’t move. I’ll be right back.”
M
ove? How could she move? She didn’t even close her legs. She was limp and heavy and unable to do more than glance around and catch her breath while he headed toward the bathroom and returned a few minutes later with a wet washcloth.
Her skin flushed as he nudged her legs wider and wiped away the evidence of her virginity. She didn’t even look.
And then he was back on the bed, gathering her in his arms and pulling the covers over her shivering body. He kissed her shoulder, nestling her back to his front on their sides. “You okay?”
“Better than.”
“Good. Thank you for giving me that. It was the best gift I’ve ever received.”
She closed her eyes, unable to speak.
For a while, he stroked her skin everywhere—arm, thigh, belly, breasts, neck… And then he wrapped his arm around her and held her even tighter as though she might escape if he gave her the chance.
She didn’t want to escape, though. She wanted to do it again. No way would she ask for something like that. She wasn’t bold enough. But she thought it. Would it be as good the second time?
“I need to feed you,” he whispered.
“Not yet.” She snuggled infinitesimally closer.
He chuckled, the movement vibrating against her neck.
“I’ll cook. Give me a minute.” Maybe if she presented it that way, he wouldn’t be so eager to leave her.
“Mmm.” The tone of his mmm had her stiffening. It suggested he was about to say something important. “You had a rough day yesterday. How about you submit to me today. Let me handle things. I’ll tell you when your services are needed.” He brushed her hair away from her face as he rolled her onto her back to meet her gaze.
She licked her lips. All day?
“It calms you when you let me dominate you. Don’t fight it. Let me control things. You’ll relax if the decisions are not yours to make.”
Two things happened. One, her recently sated body jumped to attention, wanting more. Two, she admitted to herself he was right. Every time she let him dominate her, she found peace. Every time she took control of her life, nervous tension clawed at her.
She had no idea if letting him dominate her so thoroughly for an entire day was the right thing to do. Didn’t it imply serious weakness on her part?
She needed to learn to stand on her own. She’d spent twenty-two years under her mother’s thumb and then six months floundering like a lost kitten. She was stronger now. No, she didn’t have the skills to make it on her own, but she had the will to get them finally.
Carter was responsible for nearly every milestone of her emergence. She owed him her life. Without him, she had no idea when she would have found her family or had the knowledge to get her birth certificate or social security card. Without him, she would be sleeping in her car, homeless, looking for work without success. Without him, she wouldn’t be anyone or anything.
He was frowning at her, and she realized she hadn’t hidden her emotions. “What’s running through that mind of yours? I’m not asking you to go skydiving without a parachute. I’m asking you to submit to me so that your mind can take a day of rest.”
She nodded. It would be ridiculous to fight him on this. Even if it was the wrong thing to do, she needed today anyway. She needed to pull herself together and make some decisions. It would be so much easier to take a moment to breathe if she submitted to him. He’d proven that several times.
“Good girl. Clear your mind of everything I see in your eyes. You have one job today, obey me.”
She nodded again, the butterflies in her belly fluttering so hard she had to fight not to squirm. She didn’t want him to realize how aroused she was again.
Of course, there was another way he could clear her head and soothe her soul. It would be much faster and last longer. Should she dare suggest it?
She opened her mouth to speak, but he stopped her with a finger to her lips. “How about instead of coming up with excuses and trying to control me, you give up the fight and do as your told?”
Another quiver. Her sex felt warm and funny. “Okay.” This was good too. This feeling he instilled in her with his words.
“Good. Let’s shower, and then I’m going to feed you.”
Let’s? Did he intend to shower with her?
He gathered her in his arms and carried her to the bathroom. After setting her on her feet, he turned on the shower and closed the door.
She stood in the bathroom feeling awkward. She’d never showered with someone, of course. Like everything else. He knew that.
While the water heated to fill the room with steam, he gathered towels and set them on the white countertop. His bathroom was huge. She grew chilly standing on the gray tile. Finally, he opened the glass door and took her hand, leading her into the spray of warm water.
She sighed at the contact and then closed her eyes as he angled the water over her hair. When she started to lift her hands, he gently rebuked her attempts to help. “Stand still. Let me take care of you.”
She was glad she wasn’t required to speak because her throat was thick with emotion. No one in her life had ever said “Let me take care of you.” No one had cared enough to see to any of her needs. Especially the emotional ones.
She relaxed into his touch as he worked shampoo into her hair, loving the feel of his hands on her scalp and the way he gently ran his fingers through the length over and over. After rinsing and applying conditioner, he washed the rest of her body.
It should have embarrassed her to stand in Carter’s shower and let him run his hands all over her naked body, but she couldn’t find the will to do anything except enjoy his touch.
When she thought he was finished, she found him flattened to her back, his hands on her breasts, molding them in the slippery soap. “Love your tits,” he whispered.
Her head rolled back against his chest.
“Flawless skin. Pink nipples that jump to attention when I touch them. Sexy.” He punctuated his words with a pinch to the swollen tips, making it difficult to stand still.
Letting her rinse her hair alone, he quickly washed his own body and then shut off the water and led her to the fluffy white rug on the tile. He patted her body dry and wrapped her in a huge white towel next. And then he led her from the bathroom.
Her belly dipped to a new level when he settled her on the bed and sat behind her to run a comb through her hair.
She held back tears, glad he couldn’t see her face. So much kindness. Would life with him always be like this if she agreed to stay and let him dominate her?
Other than insisting she was his, he hadn’t specifically mentioned a future with her. She didn’t want to bring it up and ruin her bliss because she feared an argument would ensue when she told him she needed time and space.
She couldn’t lean on him for everything. It wasn’t right. Moving directly from her apartment into his house was a bad idea. She didn’t know who she was. She only knew who she wasn’t. It would take time to find herself. If he wouldn’t give her that time, then things with him would have to come to an end.
He finished and set the comb aside, hauling her body backward against him. His lips were on her neck again. “Stop thinking so hard. Let your brain relax.”
How did he know?
Chapter 21
Carter eyed her carefully all day. She submitted to him easily, letting him make choices for her so she wouldn’t have to. She even kneeled in front of him for a while without complaint. He’d learned it calmed her. Every time he noticed her getting flustered or stressed, he knew he could point between his legs and her entire body would relax.
He also knew she wanted more, and he had no idea how to handle that problem. He was skilled enough to handle a masochist, so he wasn’t worried about injuring her physically. But he was seriously concerned about the emotional ramifications of harming her mentally.
She’d been abused. Her entire life. He didn’t want to contribute to that. It worried him. He knew her well enough to recognize the times she o
pened her mouth to say something and held her tongue, struggling not to ask him to spank her, or more. He really needed to call Lincoln and get his advice. Lincoln was a sadist. He understood that aspect of BDSM much better than Carter.
So, when Brooke fell asleep on the couch in the afternoon, Carter stepped out back with his cell phone to call his best friend.
After a few seconds, Lincoln answered. “What’s up?” he asked as a greeting.
“Hey, you busy?”
“Nope. You okay?”
“Yeah.” Carter sighed, running a hand through his hair as he stared across his backyard without seeing anything. “Need your advice.”
“Okay.”
“It’s Brooke. I keep hoping she’ll let go of her obsession with masochism, but she won’t let it go.”
Lincoln chuckled. “You knew she was a masochist the first day you laid eyes on her.”
“Yeah, but I didn’t know anything about her then. I was hoping she could get what she needed from a tamer more sexual form of BDSM.”
“And she’s pushing you,” Lincoln stated.
“Yes. I know she gets release doing things my way, but it’s never enough. I’m not sure I can be what she needs.” He choked out those words, hating the admission. It would kill him to let her go.
“We all suspected she had been abused. Were we correct?”
“Yes. But not by a man, by her mother.”
“Wow. Okay, then it’s probably a habit. She’s used to being struck by something.”
“It’s more than that. I think she seriously believes she’s done things she needs to be punished for. She isn’t just role-playing. She wants the atonement she gets from a skewed view of reality.” A shudder raced down his spine.
“Makes sense. It’s not that uncommon, Carter. She’s not alone.”
“I know, but it scares me. I never want to harm her.”
“She’s important to you.”
“Yes.”
“Then you need to step up to the plate and be what she needs. You can do it. It’s not like you aren’t trained. You surely aren’t afraid of injuring her physically.”
Collaring Brooke (Club Zodiac Book 3) Page 21