But her efforts failed.
I’m in love with him, Anna thought.
And that made staying with Donovan impossible, even if leaving meant putting off her dreams. If she stayed, he would discover the truth. Then he would feel not love but guilt.
That wasn’t going to happen, because she was going to leave here and find a new job.
“I will,” she whispered to herself, “just as soon as I can find someone to help him. Someone dependable and honest and…”
Not in love with him, she wanted to add, but she didn’t. The truth was that any woman who worked for him would eventually fall in love with him, but not all of them would have children or want children or remind him daily of his loss just by her very existence.
There must be many women who would be perfect for this job, Anna acknowledged. Too bad she was no longer one of them.
The next few days were going to be difficult, but for now…
She began to go through her list of friends and coworkers, searching for someone who would fit.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
IT WAS late by the time Donovan came home. He’d spent hours pacing, walking the shore path and wondering how he could have behaved so abominably.
He knew Anna desired him just as he desired her, but he also knew that she had grown up here. She cared what people thought. How utterly callous of him to practically maul her on a public street. Her eyes had been shocked when he’d let her go. He owed her so much more…
Beginning with a call explaining why he was late and letting her know he had a few more errands to take care of.
Anna had listened carefully. Her voice had betrayed nothing. Over the phone he couldn’t get a handle on how she was feeling, and it drove him nuts. He wanted to be face-to-face with her.
Of course, that was the problem. He wanted to be face-to-face with her all the time these days. He had tried to stay away, tried to keep his hands off her, tried to keep from thinking about her and worrying about her and wanting to be with her. None of it was working.
She deserved a man who would agree to all the babies she wanted, a man who could be a good father and a good husband. She deserved a normal life. Now, not later. Not someday.
Soon he was going to have to leave Lake Geneva. He’d grown to like it here. He was even beginning to feel more like a man and less like a complete disaster, and so much of that was because of Anna and the people she’d brought into his life. But he owed her the chance at a normal life, and she couldn’t have that if she kept running into him, a man who was apt to grab her without warning.
Anna would find a man like Tom someday. She would find love, because of course men would love her. Then she would discover that not all men were idiots.
Donovan could barely breathe. His chest felt tight.
“But some men are idiots,” he muttered. He was one of them. Of course, he had to leave. This was her town, her home, the place where she would find love and raise her babies.
“So do something, Barrett. Finish it. Make her happy,” he ordered himself.
He pulled out his telephone and dialed.
Phil picked up on the third ring. “Donovan?” he asked when Donovan had said hello and apologized for calling him at home. “Hey, buddy, don’t apologize. I’m glad you felt comfortable doing that. We used to talk all the time.”
“I know. I remember. I’m truly sorry I haven’t been a better friend,” Donovan said suddenly. A part of him wanted to smile. It was the kind of thing Anna would have said.
“Don’t,” Phil replied. “Maybe I wasn’t the best of friends. I shouldn’t have pushed you when you weren’t ready.” Donovan could tell that Phil wanted to ask if he was ready now, but his friend refrained.
“I probably would have pushed, too, if our positions had been reversed,” Donovan said. “I suppose you know why I’m calling. I wanted to wait, but…”
Phil laughed. “No one wants to wait when adoption is the issue. Actually, I was planning on calling you in a couple of days when things gel a bit more. I’ve put some feelers out. There are a couple of possibilities.” He explained the cases. “I can’t promise anything. Nothing is firm as of yet.”
Donovan sighed. “That’s all right. I haven’t told Anna yet, so nothing’s firm here, either.”
“It’s touchy,” Phil agreed. “Both sides have to be sure. And everyone has to know the lay of the land going in. These cases can be wonderfully fulfilling and successful, but they also have the potential to be filled with land mines.”
“But there’s hope for something soon?”
“I think I can say there’s an excellent chance. Even if this case doesn’t work out, from what you’ve told me, your Anna sounds like she’d be an exemplary parent. We’ll find something, but you have to talk to her, Donovan. I haven’t done much beyond asking questions of some colleagues, scouting out possibilities. Without Anna, that’s as far as we can go.”
“I know. I just wanted to test the waters. I’ll get back to you soon.” He started to say goodbye.
“Donovan, do you think you’ll ever come back?”
Donovan knew that Phil meant more than just to Chicago. He was talking about medicine.
“I don’t have any plans right now,” he said. “None.”
Beyond making sure that Anna had what she needed and wanted. That was the next step. Then he would see to himself.
Anna was trying to keep herself busy the next morning and keep her mind off of Donovan when he showed up in the hallway beside her. She’d been taking inventory of a linen closet even though she already knew exactly what and how much was in the closet.
Turning to meet him, she tried to figure out how to tell him that she was going to leave him without making him feel bad about kissing her and without revealing that she had somehow gone and done something stupid like falling in love with him.
He looked so serious. Staring up into his intense eyes, with his hair falling over his forehead he was like a dark lord ready to tell her that something terrible had happened.
“What?” she asked, not knowing why she asked.
“I need to talk to you. Outside would be best. Seated would definitely be preferable.” Gently he took the cloth she was holding and, with her hand in his, he led her out to the deck and beyond. There was a bench midway between the deck and the shore, shaded by a willow. It was private. No one from the house or the shore would hear them here.
Anna wet her lips nervously. She wondered if she should give him her resignation now along with the list of possible candidates she’d stayed up all night making.
But he surprised her by reaching out and gently smoothing his thumb over her cheek. “You didn’t sleep well. You have circles beneath your eyes. That’s my fault.”
“No,” she said, even though it had been him who had kept her awake.
“I’m sorry I kissed you in the middle of the street yesterday. I seem to have made a habit of that. I know it has to stop. Cold turkey this time.”
Her heart fell even though he was only telling her what they’d already discussed. “Yes.”
“I don’t know how much longer I’ll be in Lake Geneva,” he said quietly. “Not long, I don’t think. I came here to get away from things that were destroying me, and I think I’ve done that. You’ve helped me. I want to help you before I go. I have connections in Chicago. Private adoption is a possibility. I hope you don’t mind but I’ve made some calls. You could have your baby sooner than you might have thought.”
He was leaving. He was leaving. The words ran through her mind and her heart hurt and her eyes ached and she wanted to cry but if she did, she would hurt him. Anna swallowed.
“I can’t afford the medical fees.”
“I can.”
Mutely she shook her head.
“Yes, Anna. Let me.”
“I can’t take your money.”
“You can. You have to.”
Don’t think about him going. Don’t think about anything sad, she ordered her
self. “Why?” she managed to say.
He shook his head. “Why do you have to take my money?” He hesitated. “Consider it a severance package. I promised you one once, remember?”
“A severance package couldn’t be nearly as much as you’re offering,” she said. And then she could no longer avoid thinking about what all of this meant. He was going and…
“You’re firing me,” she said, her voice a whisper. Her heart was breaking at the thought of his leaving, but the other thought—that he was dissatisfied with her—was wrenching her soul apart.
“No.” The word was like a shot. Loud. Emphatic. Even angry. “Damn it, no, Anna. I can’t believe I gave you that impression. I—”
He leaned forward, cupped her chin and placed a kiss on her cheek. “No.” He kissed her forehead. “No. I just want you to be happy.”
She couldn’t be happy. Donovan was leaving.
“I understand,” she said, her voice weakened by the tears she refused to let fall. “You feel bad because you’re leaving me without a job. You feel sorry for me.”
“That’s not it at all.” Donovan cupped her face then and forced her to stare into his eyes. “You’re a strong, vibrant, admirable woman. I don’t feel sorry for you, but your happiness matters to me. More than you know.”
His voice was harsh, and Anna felt as if she were somehow making him miserable. She wanted to tell him that his happiness mattered to her, too. That was the only reason she was working to hold her tears back and trying so hard not to beg him to stay. She didn’t know how to make any of this right. Taking the money seemed wrong, but if she took it, that might free Donovan. He wouldn’t feel guilty. He could leave here satisfied and with no regrets.
“I want you to be happy, too,” she said.
He groaned. “Then take the money. Let me help you make your dreams come true.”
Anna knew she hadn’t earned that money. Taking it didn’t even seem honorable, and yet she knew she had to say yes. She could never tell Donovan that he couldn’t make all of her dreams come true. She would have her child, and she would be eternally grateful, but she would never have Donovan, the man she now realized she loved more than she had ever loved anyone.
“Anna, please,” he said.
A low, whining sound split the air. The sound of a harsh yell and a scream froze Anna’s blood. Then a crash, loud and metallic and terrible followed.
She and Donovan turned to each other in shock. The scream had been male. Young. Familiar.
Then Anna ran, with all her might. Her heart screaming, the tears already flowing, Anna turned toward the place where the crash had sounded. Well over a block away. When she made it to the street and had run a full block, Donovan passed her up.
A small sports car sat halfway off the road at a skewed angle, tire tracks showing the path it had taken. The driver was trying to crawl out the door, but a bicycle, Frank’s bicycle, lay partially under the car, up against the door, its frame bent.
Anna scanned the scene, looking for Frank. Please, please, please be okay, her mind chanted, even though she knew he couldn’t be okay. She couldn’t even find him. He’d obviously been thrown.
“Frank!” she cried.
“There,” Donovan said, already moving to a small stand of bushes across the road.
Following him, Anna saw what Donovan had seen. A loose tennis shoe, an arm, the small mass that was Frank’s body. There was blood. Oh, so much blood. Frank’s body was twisted, his legs sprawled, his left arm at an awful angle.
Anna struggled for breath. She fought blackness as she tried to get to Frank.
“He turned out of the driveway like a flash,” the driver was saying, limping over. “I didn’t see him at first. I tried to swerve. Is he—”
The man didn’t finish his sentence, and no one answered him.
Donovan dropped to his knees heavily. He stared at Frank. Then he looked at his own hands.
Anna saw they were shaking. Seconds were ticking away, and fear ripped through her. She didn’t know what to do to help Frank.
“Donovan…”
He didn’t answer at first.
“Donovan…”
He still didn’t look at her.
“Donovan,” she begged.
He took a deep, shuddering breath. “Call 911,” he said. Then he moved to sit behind Frank’s head.
“We’re here, Frank,” Donovan said, even though Frank hadn’t moved. “You’ve been in an accident, but you’re not alone. Help is on the way.” His voice was low and almost robotically calm. It betrayed none of the shakiness that Anna had seen in his hands.
“He’s breathing. We’ll leave the helmet on. It’s very important that we not move his head until the EMTs arrive and can stabilize him. His leg is bleeding. I need something to stanch that,” Donovan said, looking up at Anna. His eyes were dark, anguished.
Then things started happening very fast. Donovan started barking orders. “Lie down,” he told the motorist who was crying and swaying. “If you faint and hit your head, things will be worse. Get off your feet.”
The man complied.
Within minutes Donovan had mobilized all of his staff. He had asked for and gotten cloths to stanch the blood flowing from Frank’s leg. He had cut away Frank’s clothing and examined him, trying to ascertain if there might be any internal injuries. He kept Frank’s head immobilized, continuing to check his vitals.
Anna was vaguely aware of a murmuring, of the sound of neighbors and bypassers gathering, stopping to stare. But her heart and her mind were on the man and boy in front of her. Donovan was dark-eyed and tense, completely focused on what was happening beneath his hands. And Frank was lying so still. Too still? Was this as bad as it looked?
Anna bit her lip. The thought of Frank never smiling again, never being…here was too terrible to even consider. And the prospect of Donovan losing a child he’d tried to save after what he’d been through…Anna’s heart felt like a bird trying to flutter its way out of her chest. She felt sick. So very sick. Perhaps she swayed.
“Don’t do that. Don’t lose it on me, sweetheart.” Donovan’s voice reached her. “Talk to him, Anna. Softly. Sing to him, hum to him. We can’t tell if he can hear or not, but he may be able to. If so, it might help.”
Anna talked; she sang. She told Frank a story about the first time she met him. She watched Donovan working over his patient and casting fleeting glances toward the driver in the grass.
Once, when the man groaned, Donovan looked down at his hands as if he wished that he had more than one pair. There were people around, some who were talking to the driver but none who appeared to know what to do if the man warranted medical attention. Anna could see the agitation in the glances Donovan gave the man, but he never left Frank. Frank who was so pale that he looked almost—
She couldn’t even think it. Anyway, it wasn’t true. He was breathing. Donovan was checking his pulse, touching his skin to see if shock had set in.
“Stay with me, Anna,” Donovan said. She did. She kept talking to Frank.
Sirens sounded in the distance. Donovan spared a glance for his watch. He’d done it before. She knew what he was thinking. Getting trauma patients transported to a hospital quickly was of incredible importance. The Platinum Ten Minutes. She’d seen it on a news program.
“Donovan,” she began, but then Frank stirred and whimpered.
“Son, can you tell me your name?” Donovan whispered urgently. “Don’t try to move your head. Don’t try to nod. Just talk to me. Tell me your name,” he said as Frank’s parents drove up in their car and ran over to their son.
Anna nodded to them. They looked so lost. They nodded back and moved away slightly to let Donovan take care of their child. Anna noticed that Donovan didn’t look at them. His concentration was completely on Frank.
“Can you tell me your name?” he coaxed again.
“I—yes.” When Frank managed both first and last names in a raspy, disjointed voice, Donovan closed his eyes.
>
Immediately he opened them again. He looked directly at Anna as he asked Frank a few more questions. For a few seconds it felt as if all three of them were connected, Anna couldn’t help thinking. But now that Frank was coming to, he was in pain and he was scared. He started to buck.
“Frank,” Donovan said. “I know you hurt, but don’t move.”
“I—Donovan, my arm—”
“I’ve got you, buddy,” Donovan’s voice soothed like cool medicine. “The ambulance is on the way. Better than a bike, even. A big, fast, red car? You’ll be the talk of the school.”
Frank stared at Donovan, his eyes glazed but completely trusting. Anna’s heart flipped.
“Okay, big guy. The ambulance is almost here,” Donovan said as the sirens grew louder. “You hang on and lie still and we’re going to take you out of here. These guys tend to be very good. They know their stuff, and they’re fast, too.”
His words were low. He continued to monitor Frank, but he was so unobtrusive about it that Anna doubted Frank was even aware that Donovan was tracking every beat of his heart and every breath he took.
“Frank?”
“Yes?”
“What day is it?”
“Wednesday.”
“You got it. Where are we?”
Frank started to try to shake his head. Donovan soothed him, leaning close to whisper encouragement.
“By Anna’s,” Frank whispered back. He moaned.
“You’re doing great, Frank. That was an excellent job. Keep holding on and listening to me. What kind of sports do you play?”
“Baseball,” Frank managed to say, his voice thick.
“Pitcher?”
“Catcher.” She knew what he was doing. Trying to monitor Frank for shock and trying to keep the boy’s mind off his pain and fear.
The exchange only lasted a moment. The emergency vehicles arrived. Donovan and the emergency workers moved into action, getting Frank on a cot, his neck in a brace. They put him in the ambulance and Frank’s mother climbed in.
Anna rushed to Donovan who was starting to look ragged around the edges now that he was no longer the sole person in charge. She wanted to ask if Frank would be all right, but she couldn’t ask that of Donovan. If the answer was no…
The Maid and the Millionaire Page 12