Attack Doll 5: The End of Lily Lee

by Douglas A. Taylor

Chapter 22

 

  Shelley called me into her office early the next morning, and we had a heart-to-heart about Lily. The gist of it was that Shelley wanted her to learn to trust more people than just me. Li Lin-fa was to be introduced to my sister as soon as possible to broaden her horizons, so to speak, and Lily needed to get to know as many of my fellow Primes as she could.

  "That all sounds good," I agreed. "I don't have a problem with any of it, except . . . what are we going to do with her, Shelley? Long-term, I mean. We can't keep her prisoner in JB Swift's old lab forever, but with the way she is now, we can't let her go, either. I really want to help her, but I have no idea what to do."

  I looked down at her desk, thinking. "I suppose what we ought to do is to pick one personality to be the dominant one and try to get rid of the others somehow, but I don't know which --"

  Shelley was shaking her head vigorously. "No. Bill and I have been doing some reading on something called dissociative identity disorder -- which isn't what Lily has, but it's the closest mental condition I can find -- and the key seems to be integration, not further separation. We need to integrate her personalities."

  "You mean, to bring Lily and Li Lin-fa together?"

  "I mean, to bring Li Lin-fa and commander mode and attacker mode and operator mode and even companion mode together." Shelley smiled sympathetically. "She called herself a broken doll, Trev. That's a sad thing for anyone to say, and I'd like to see all the pieces of that doll put back together again."

  I nodded slowly. Shelley can be very persuasive when she wants to be, but this went beyond persuasion. It felt like the right thing to do. Heck, it was the right thing to do. "Okay, I'm in. How can we do that?"

  Her smile broadened. "I have an idea, but I'll need your help . . . and a few magic words."

  So that was why she and I found ourselves alone with Lily that afternoon in the main room of JB Swift's lab. Lily had woken up in operator mode, and we had left her that way all morning. Now, the three of us were seated in a small circle facing each other. I was myself, but Shelley was clothed in the poured-metal facade of Prime Gold. "Lily," I said, "initiate commander mode."

  We witnessed the same gradual awakening that we had seen the day before. Lily's eyes widened in alarm when she caught sight of Prime Gold, and she edged over towards me and took hold of my hand. Still, she didn't seem anywhere close to panicking, which I thought was a good sign.

  "Hello, Lily," Shelley said, putting all the friendliness in the world into her voice. We had decided that she would do most of the talking. "How are you?"

  Lily glanced at me before replying. "Fine?" she said warily, as if she hoped that would be an acceptable answer.

  "That's good. Lily, can you tell me how old you are?"

  Lily glanced at me again, then back at Shelley. "I'm . . . " Her eyes flicked up to the ceiling as she calculated. Then she said firmly, "I'm three."

  "Three? Lily, you're a grown woman. How could you be three?"

  Lily looked puzzled. "I don't know. But I remember only three years of being alive, so I must be three."

  "I see," Shelley said thoughtfully. "What is your earliest memory?"

  "My earliest memory?" Lily frowned. "I remember waking up in a tub of warm water, and Uncle Oswald was taking some sort of helmet off my head. The helmet was attached to a whole lot of wires. There were needles in my arms and legs, and he took those out, too. Then he told me that my name was Lily and that I could call him Uncle Oswald. He was very nice to me."

  "And you remember nothing before that?"

  "No. Should I?"

  Shelley shifted slightly on her seat. "Lily, most people remember some sort of childhood -- being younger and smaller than they are right now. They remember parents and growing up and learning new things."

  "I don't remember anything like that," Lily said, slowly shaking her head. "I have always been the way I am now."

  "Do you know why that is? Why you are so different from everyone else?"

  "No." She looked from Shelley to me, then back to Shelley. "Do you?"

  "I think so. Would you like me to tell you?"

  "I don't know." She turned to look me in the eyes. "Trevor, should this yellow sparkly person tell me?"

  It was kind of weird the way she said it, too. It wasn't as if she were simply seeking another opinion before making up her mind, the way most people would do. It was more like she was expecting me to make the decision for her, almost the way a little child might. Like I said, kind of weird, but also kind of endearing.

  Shelley chuckled. "You can call me Prime Gold, Lily. Or just Gold. That isn't my real name, but it'll do."

  "I think it's very important that Gold tell you," I assured her. "This is something you need to know."

  "Okay." Her eyes hadn't left mine the entire time. "Then yes, um, Gold, I would like you to tell me."

  Then Shelley told Lily what we knew about her history, about Li Lin-fa and Lily's own various modes of existence. When she was done, Lily stared at the floor thoughtfully. I thought she looked sad, or dismayed. After a time, she fixed her eyes on me again. "Is all this true?"

  I nodded. "We didn't see what Oswald did to you or how he did it, but it's as true as anything we know about you."

  "And this Li Lin-fa -- you have met her?"

  "I have, several times."

  "When?"

  "Every time you go to sleep, Li Lin-fa comes out and I can talk with her." I smiled. "She is very nice. I think you would like her."

  "What is sleep?" Lily looked blank. "I don't remember ever going to sleep."

  Shelley said, "Do you remember last night, Lily, when you went to your bedroom?"

  "Of course." She nodded. "But whenever I enter my bedroom, there is a time that is . . . not."

  "That's when Li Lin-fa comes out," I said. I laid a hand on hers. "Trust me, Lily. Everything that Gold has told you is true."

  "Of course I trust you," she murmured absently. "You are a completely trusted user. I have no choice but to trust you." She looked back down at the floor; the dismayed look was back. "So does this mean I am not a real person? That I don't really exist?"

  "I wouldn't put it that way," Shelley said kindly. "Of course you exist; Trevor and I are talking with you right now. It's just that Oswald somehow split you into many different pieces, and we would like to put those pieces back together again. We think you will be happier that way."

  Lily closed her eyes. "Please don't kill me," she whispered. She began to cry softly. "I don't want to die!"

  Surprised, I put an arm around her and pulled her close. "No one is talking about killing you, Lily," I murmured into her ear. I ran a hand gently along her hair. "There's nothing to be afraid of."

  She buried her face in my shoulder, sobbing. Shelley reached out and stroked her back lightly. After a minute or so, Lily pulled away from me. "Trevor, I want to tell you something. Just you."

  "I won't keep any secrets from Gold, Lily."

  She nodded. "You can tell Gold later, but I want to tell just you. I -- I can't tell anyone else. Please?"

  I looked up at Shelley, who rose from her seat and strolled to the far end of the room. I knew I wouldn't have to repeat Lily's words to her; Wizzit would relay them instantaneously from the link in my belt. I asked, "What is it that you want to tell me?"

  She took a long breath, brushing the tears from her eyes. "Sometimes when I'm sitting by myself," Lily began hesitantly, "and I don't have anything to do, I . . . daydream." Then she paused and looked up at me, as if seeking my approval.

  "Everyone does that," I encouraged her. "It's normal."

  She seemed relieved by my words and went on, "In one of my daydreams, the one I have the most often, I am the queen of a beautiful country, except that I'm not really the queen. Someone has taken the real queen prisoner and locked her away in th
e dungeon. They are making me pretend to be the real queen." She shivered. "The country is falling apart all around me, and I live in constant fear of the day that the real queen will get out, because she will have her guards kill me as a usurper." She looked down. "That's my daydream."

  I didn't say anything for a while, mainly because I felt a little out of my depth. I mean, it was obvious what was going on in her head, but I wasn't quite sure what to tell her. "If you really were this false queen," I said carefully, "what would be the right thing to do?"

  She shrugged. "Try to kill the real queen, I suppose."

  "Wouldn't it be better to make her your friend?" That was Shelley, coming toward us.

  Lily looked sharply up at her, then at me. Her look softened into resignation then, and she turned back to Shelley. "Why would I make friends with someone who wants to kill me?"

  "To make her no longer want to kill you, naturally." Shelley made it sound so matter-of-fact, so utterly reasonable, that Lily actually smiled. I knew the feeling; Shelley had pointed out the obvious to me many times before, and it always made me grin.

  Shelley took her seat again and laid a hand on Lily's shoulder. "Li Lin-fa speaks a language known as Cantonese," she explained. "Trevor speaks that language, too; millions of people do. You call it the magic language." Lily inhaled sharply, and Shelley went on, "When Trevor speaks Cantonese to you, I think Li Lin-fa hears and tries to wake up. I would like him to speak Cantonese to you now."

  Lily whirled to face me. "Please, no!" she implored me. "She hates me! She will destroy me!"

  "She doesn't hate you," Shelley declared calmly. "If anything, she is afraid of you, just as you are afraid of her. And I don't think she can destroy you, any more than you can destroy her. Apart, the two of you are weak; together, you can be much stronger."

  Lily was still staring at me, the pleading in her eyes. "I will tell her to be gentle," I promised. "I will tell her what Gold has told you, that the two of you need each other."

  She studied me for a minute longer, then flung her arms around me and buried her face in my chest. "Do what you want to me." Her voice was barely audible.

  I looked helplessly at Shelley, who nodded and made a "go on" motion with her hands. I put my arms around Lily and started stroking her hair gently. Then I began to speak Cantonese to her.

  The three of us spent the better part of that afternoon together, trying to get Lily in contact with Li Lin-fa, and if you think what I've just detailed was pretty intense, emotionally speaking, that was nothing compared with what happened then.

  Lily was sobbing almost continuously while I, in Cantonese, kept calling out to Li Lin-fa. I crooned more-or-less the same phrases over and over, asking her to come out to talk and telling her that "Li-li-li" wanted to be her friend. Shelley, speaking English, did her best to keep Lily calm and focused on what we were trying to do. Part of the time it felt like a seance, as if we were trying to call some ghost or other back from the dead; other times seemed like we were in some sort of group therapy together.

  I was pretty wrung out by the time Shelley finally called a halt, and if I was exhausted, I knew Lily had to be a wreck. She didn't protest when we led her to her bedroom. Angie, as Prime Violet, teleported in at that point. She accompanied Lily into the room, with instructions from Shelley to introduce herself to Li Lin-fa and to strike up a friendly conversation with her if possible.

  The next morning, I showed up at Shelley's office again, ready to head over to JB Swift's lab with her to work on Lily. Shelley shook her head, though, when I explained why I was there. "I'm not so sure that's such a good idea, Trev."

  I frowned. "Why not? You're not giving up on her already, are you? I thought we made at least a little progress yesterday."

  "We made a good deal of progress yesterday," she agreed. "Even more than I thought at the time."

  "What's that supposed to mean?"

  Shelley folded her arms and leaned back in her chair. "Trev, you went to check on her this morning, right?"

  "Sure," I said. "I made sure she had woken up, and then I told her to start her morning routine."

  "And she was in operator mode when you left her?"

  "Yes . . ." I drew out my reply, wondering what she was driving at.

  "Well, sometime during her shower, she spontaneously switched to commander mode. That's what she told me when Wizzit sent me over, anyway."

  I raised my eyebrows in surprise. "She did? Wow, that's . . . that's great news!"

  Shelley nodded. "I agree. At least, I think it's good news. I think it means that Lily's personality is getting stronger and more able to assert itself. She seemed a lot more normal this morning, too -- a little apprehensive of me, but almost like a real person."

  "I'm glad to hear it. So . . . now you think we don't need to work with her today?" I asked doubtfully.

  "I think you don't need to work with her today," she corrected me.

  It took me a second to absorb what she said. "You're going out there by yourself?"

  "No," she replied. "I still need someone who can speak Cantonese to her, and who can translate if necessary. I'm taking Angie with me."

  I felt my heart sink; I didn't like the way this was starting to sound. "Is there any particular reason you're cutting me out of this?" I asked.

  Her gaze drifted down to the top of her desk. She seemed unsure of herself, very un-Shelley-like. "It's not a slam against you, by any means," she began carefully, her finger tracing patterns on the desktop. "Lily couldn't have a more caring, more devoted minder."

  "But . . ." I prompted her when she paused.

  She sighed. "But I worry that Lily has become too attached to you, too dependent on you. You saw what she was like yesterday. She never let go of your hand, even for a second; every time I asked her a question, she would check with you before she answered. Whenever you're around, Trev, it's as if she wants to please you, above and beyond anything else, and that's just not healthy. I think it would be better if she didn't see you for a while."

  Shelley shook her head. "I'm sorry, Trevor. I imagine this sounds pretty unfair to you, and I guess it is. I'm not quite sure why or how she formed such a strong attachment so quickly, but . . ."

  "I do," I said heavily. "It's because I'm a completely trusted user."

  She gave me a puzzled look. "Come again?"

  I blew out a long, slow breath. "JB Swift performed some pretty heavy-duty mind-control voodoo on Li Lin-fa," I began.

  "Yes, we knew that."

  "Well, when he did, he set himself up as something Lily calls a completely trusted user, which, I suppose, meant that Lily would do anything he told her to. I saw it in action myself a few times, although the significance of it didn't hit me until later. Like you said, a very strong attachment. Any little problem she encountered had to be referred to him; anything she did was to help him, even if it harmed her in some way."

  "I'm sure she was very loyal to him," Shelley murmured.

  I shook my head. "It went way beyond that. She's been through hell for him, Shelley. I've seen her scared to death, dying of hypothermia, sick and vomiting from lack of oxygen, half out of her mind because everyone was speaking 'the magic language' to her, and her loyalty never wavered, not for an instant.

  "A couple of those times, she would have died if I hadn't intervened. Heck, she did die once, in fact, or close enough to it. Yet even after all that, she was still completely devoted to him. Even when all I did was to offer to teleport her out of danger, she kept on fighting me because it was what 'Uncle Oswald' wanted. She would have dug her own grave for him; she couldn't help it." I closed my eyes and sighed deeply. "And then, before he left, he set me up as a completely trusted user, too, so I could take care of her."

  Shelley laid a sympathetic hand on top of mine, but she didn't say anything. I went on, "So, now you're telling me that if she's
going to have any chance at a normal life, I can never see her again? That really sucks."

  "I'm not so sure about 'never'," she said softly. "Let me think about this. If her attachment to you is part of her 'completely trusted user' programming, as you say, then maybe we shouldn't keep you away from her. Maybe that would damage her in some way. But . . . let's try it just for today and see what happens, okay? I promise, I'll go over the vids with you tomorrow, and we can reassess then."

  I dredged up a smile from somewhere. "Sure, Shelley. Let's go with that."

  She squeezed my hand. "Be patient, Trev. We'll think of something. It's going to work out okay."