“THIS IS THE ONLY WAY!” Kolt yelled, as the Time Cat rolled sideways off the branch and began hurtling toward the ground at an unthinkable speed. “If we went back to Skuldark now, they might follow us!”
Giant tree leaves slapped the window as Kolt fought to regain control. Gertie was pinned back in her seat by the sheer force of their dive.
“Let’s hope the emergency rockets heat up in time.”
“Or what will happen?”
“We’ll hit the ground, Gertie, or get ripped in two by a branch, then hit the ground.”
Doll Head was right behind them. Gertie could see the sinister face in the Time Cat’s only side mirror. The head was dirty and old, like something from a nightmare rather than a toy cupboard. Its mouth was locked in a grin of black and grimy teeth, while glass eyes stared freakishly at its intended victims—in this case, Gertie and Kolt.
“Why are they are in a giant, weird doll head?”
“Because Losers take pleasure in spreading fear,” Kolt explained. “People can’t learn anything when they’re afraid, you see. And there’s nothing creepier than a hairless doll with tooth decay.”
“Except . . .” Gertie said without thinking, “an arm playing tennis with a chopped-off hand!”
“Wonderful!” Kolt laughed. “Only a true Keeper would make jokes as we’re tumbling to our deaths.”
“What about the emergency rockets?”
Kolt looked at the dial. “Warm, but still not hot.”
Doll Head was closing in, dodging leaves, trying to get right up behind them as Kolt did his best to steer around giant pieces of fruit.
“I just don’t get it. If the Losers hate technology, why are they flying around in a giant doll-head spaceship?”
“Because like most maniacs, their own rules don’t apply to themselves!”
As another dinosaur apple loomed dead ahead, Gertie banged her fist against the emergency rockets’ dial.
Kolt scowled. “I’m sure that won’t woooooorrrrkkk!”
The Time Cat was rocked by four enormous bangs, followed by the sound of glass shattering, as fizzing corks exploded through the broken lights into the smug face of Doll Head.
“There go the rare Jaguar taillights,” Kolt cried. “But at least we have rocket power.”
Gertie looked back and saw yellow mist engulfing their pursuer.
“What’s all that smoke?”
“It’s not smoke.” Kolt laughed. “It’s champagne. Each taillight contains three bottles of vintage French wine, which, in the event of an emergency free-fall, can be heated to 604 degrees Fahrenheit and then released through metal straws giving us jet propulsion for about ten minutes.”
“Then what?”
“We have to wait until we’re back in the 1820s to sneak into Louis XVIII’s wine cellar at Versailles to borrow a few more bottles.”
“No, I mean after the jet power runs out.”
“Oh, we crash, unless we find somewhere to land first.”
“Then let’s start looking!”
Kolt pulled back firmly on the steering wheel, and the Time Cat’s hood began to rise. They were no longer falling but blasting through the dinosaur orchard so quickly it was a miracle they didn’t smack into any low-hanging fruit.
“We’ve lost them!” Kolt said triumphantly. “One of the champagne corks must have hit Doll Head in the eye. Oh, I’d love to have seen the looks on their faces.”
Kolt slowed down and circled a few times to make sure there was no sign of their pursuer.
“What would happen if we got caught?”
“They would force us to take them back to Skuldark, because it’s the B.D.B.U. they really want. Without that, our Keeper way of life would be finished.”
“Would they kill us?” Gertie said with a gulp.
“They’d probably try to get us on their side first, but Vispoth is unpredictable, and who knows what it would tell Thrax to order.”
Gertie glanced nervously in her mirror.
“Don’t worry, Gertie! Johnny the Guard Worm is our first line of defense.”
“But there’s only two of us left.”
“I’m afraid so. There used to be many more, like I told you, all living on Skuldark. It’s truly a mystery what happened. I mean—where could they all have gotten to?”
“I bet the Losers have something to do with it!”
When the champagne began to fizzle out, Kolt said the Time Cat would have to land immediately, and they descended slowly in search of a place to set down.
The whipping leaves of dinosaur apple trees soon gave way to ruined buildings, windowless skyscrapers, and advertisements too sun-faded to read.
“I don’t believe it!” Gertie cried, craning to see out of the Time Cat’s dirty windows. “I know where we are!”
21
The Abandoned City
“I KNOW WHAT THESE THINGS ARE CALLED!” Gertie exclaimed, pointing to something in the distance. “They’re billboards! And that one is for barbeque macaroni and cheese. I don’t have any memory of eating it, but my mouth is watering so I must have liked it, right?”
“Maybe,” Kolt said. “Can’t say I’ve ever eaten any myself.”
They swooped down between gray towers grown over with vines. “Do you know where we are? Do people live here, Kolt?”
“We’re on Earth, but no one has lived in this city for hundreds and hundreds of years.”
“Then maybe it’s where I used to live.”
They located a bare strip of road that was mostly grown over with weeds, and Kolt brought the Time Cat down with a bump.
“Can we please get out and explore? I think I may start to remember things!”
“Well, we really must return to Skuldark, now that we’ve lost Doll Head. We’re technically not supposed to be here.”
“Please, Kolt, this could be my chance to find home.”
“Oh all right,” he sighed. “I suppose it can’t hurt. Twenty minutes and not a second more.”
Gertie leaned over and gave him a quick hug, then rushed outside. Kolt got out too.
“The city is Los Angeles!” he called after her, stepping cautiously over the cracked tarmac. “Centuries after the evacuation.”
“What’s an evacuation?”
“People leaving in a hurry.”
“Where did they go?”
“Up! Gertie, remember? As I mentioned, it had already been decided that the planet would be turned into a garden for food—but as humans were preparing to leave for their floating communities just outside the Earth’s atmosphere, something happened that made them scramble to leave sooner.”
“What happened? An explosion? A giant earthquake?”
“I’d rather not say just now,” Kolt said, looking around nervously. “Let’s hope the last few centuries fixed the problem.”
Gertie couldn’t believe what was happening. It was like a dream within a dream. She recognized almost everything, from taxicabs abandoned with their yellow doors rusted open to the shells of hot dog carts full of colorful nesting birds. She felt like if she turned the right corner, she might run straight into her family, or least something that would make her remember them.
“It’s amazing,” Gertie said, searching around inside herself for an actual memory, “like I know what to do here.” She turned to Kolt. “Like I could live here!”
“Well, it’s abandoned, Gertie—no one has lived here for a very long time. Perhaps if we’re ever sent back by the B.D.B.U. when it’s inhabited, you’ll really have a chance to find home.”
“Could that happen?”
“It could, but we might hope it doesn’t. Long before the evacuation, Los Angeles was the most dangerous city to live in because of the Information War.”
“I don’t remember anything about being in a war.”
“It’s a knowledge license,” he said, “also known as a brain card.” He passed it to Gertie. “Seem familiar?”
She looked at the young woman in the photograph, smiling as though to disguise the terrible things that might have happened to make brain cards a part of everyday life.
“What were they for?”
“After the Information War, it was decided that you could only share information if it was factual, or based on firsthand experience—this was to stop opinions and feelings being passed off as facts, which caused chaos, especially in the medical field. Anyone posting false or misleading information would lose their brain card and be limited to ‘live speech’ for two years.”
“Did it work?”
“I don’t know. . . . I’ve found books on dinosaur-tree farming, and adjusting to life in space, but never anything on the aftermath of the brain-card experiment—which might mean it didn’t work. Plus, Gertie, this is the first time I’ve ever seen North America since the evacuation.”
Gertie understood why. “Because if there’s no one here—there can be nothing to return.”
“That is correct.”
“But you’ve taken things to people in space?”
“You’ll find oxygen suits are in a sealed cupboard at the back of the Sock Drawer.”
« • • • »
With only ten minutes left to explore, Gertie was desperate to remember something concrete about her life that she could take back to Skuldark.
“Please be careful!” Kolt called out, as she went from building to building, looking inside—even rattling the handles of doors to see if anything was open.
Every block or so, a giant tree stump rose out of the ruins and soared high above them. The old city was cool and dry as the dinosaur leaves and branches blocked direct sun.
“Please be careful,” Kolt said again. “I’m not sure if we’re alone down here!”
“People got left behind?”
“Not people, Gertie—not humans.”
“I don’t feel afraid at all,” Gertie admitted. “I’ve waited too long to feel this way. I know all the names for things,” she said, pointing. “Those are parking meters, and that funny circle over there is where you chain up a bicycle.”
“But can you feel your memory actually coming back?”
“No, not really,” Gertie admitted with some disappointment. “And there are things here I don’t know,” she said, going over to a glass dome with nothing inside but a comfortable-looking pink chair.
“That’s a Boon Bubble,” Kolt explained. “Back when Los Angeles was inhabited, if someone on the street felt ill, or couldn’t breathe, or had a pain in their chest, they could go inside the Boon Bubble, sit in the chair, and get immediate medical treatment. Tiny computers in the glass would scan the body and release medicine in the form of a spray while the chair gave you a massage and played smooth jazz.”
Gertie rubbed away the dust and looked in.
“I don’t remember it,” she said sadly.
Colorful shapes in the distance turned out to be an old playground. With only five minutes left, Gertie amused herself by swinging on the monkey bars and spinning around on a giant wheel that you could stand on. “Anything else spring to mind?” Kolt called out as she revolved.
“Not really,” replied Gertie, running toward some swings. “But I love these!”
“Well, sorry to rush you, but Doll Head might be up there searching for us. And we have a new mission to complete.”
Gertie glanced at the gold watch on her wrist. It was still glowing.
“If the B.D.B.U. has decided this little watch is important to the human race,” Gertie said, jumping off the swing, “then let’s go.”
Kolt held up his small wooden box and Keeper’s key. “Remember to . . .”
“Yes, yes, always take the time machine and key with you when you leave the Time Cat. And no magnets!”
Then something occurred to her. “You don’t think the Losers know about me, do you? And that’s why they followed us?”
“No, why would you say that? How could they?”
“I don’t know. . . . I just thought of it, that’s all.”
Kolt stared with a suspicious look that caught her by surprise.
“What?”
“Oh, nothing,” he said. “Nothing at all.”
« • • • »
When they were halfway back to the Time Cat, Kolt stopped walking suddenly.
“Don’t move!” he whispered. “Don’t move an inch!”
Gertie froze.
“We’re being watched,” he said. “There’s something over to your right . . . the building behind the rusty shopping carts.”
Gertie slowly turned to look. It was a warehouse of some kind, with crumbling walls and green plants growing in the cracks. Attached to the front of the building was an old sign that read:
NEW HOLLYWOOD TOYS & GIFTS
WE HAVE A SURPRISE FOR YOU!
Inside each enormous, rusty letter, Gertie could see movement: what looked like small creatures shuffling about inside the hollow metal words.
“What are they?”
“For goodness’ sake, don’t move, Gertie. We’re in deep trouble now. They’re robot pet children.”
“What’s so scary about that?”
“It’s why people abandoned Earth early!”
“Are they dangerous?”
“Yes they are! So try not to show any kind of emotion whatsoever, and let’s get out of here.”
“But where did they come from?” Gertie whispered.
“There was a time,” Kolt said, “when people didn’t want the trouble of raising real children anymore, but craved more than just a pet. So a computer genius, who also happened to be a veterinary surgeon who also happened to be a child psychologist, invented a creature that was part robot, part animal, part child, who could talk, dance, sing, read, write, even do yoga—a little friend who was capable of deep feelings, but who never expected you to pick up its droppings because it didn’t do any.”
The Time Cat was now in view.
“C’mon, Gertie, almost there, but no sudden movements, and definitely no smiling—the last thing we need is another chase.”
Gertie just couldn’t understand why the creatures were so dangerous. “Did they attack their owners or something?” she said, tiptoeing behind Kolt. “Were they vicious?”
“No, nothing like that. They were very popular at first, but then people got bored looking after them, and wanted to be free. The stores refused to take them back, not having the facilities to look after the poor creatures once they were switched on, and so people abandoned them in the streets, or drove them out to the woods, or to the tops of mountains.”
Gertie was horrified. “That’s so mean!”
“Careful, Gertie! Don’t start feeling sorry for them—they’re programmed to detect a sympathetic heart within two square miles.”
“So what happened?”
“The mad genius who invented them was furious when the goverment demanded that she reprogram each robot animal child to be less needy of love and more capable of washing floors, scrubbing toilets, and vacuuming up crumbs. By this time she was the richest woman in the world, but had also gone insane. She rounded up every single abandoned robot pet device, made them self-powering, virtually indestructible, and with the means to defend themselves against abusive owners. Then she released every single unit back into society.”
“Without an Off switch?”
“It was madness! The day she opened the doors of the factory, millions of them walked out into the sunshine, more desperate than ever for hugs, kisses, attention, stories, lullabies, even birt
hday parties. They could never be switched off, and they never aged. This new breed, their inventor called the Forever Friend.”
“And that’s why humans left planet Earth in such a hurry? To get away from their Forever Friends?”
Kolt grinned. “A case of cuteness overloadus if you ask me.”
When they were only a few yards from the Time Cat, there was a clanking of metal parts.
“Oh no!” Kolt said, as they both turned around. One of the robot animal pets had caught up with them. It appeared to be some kind of grimy rabbit with the ability to stand on its back legs and walk upright.
“Shoo!” Kolt hissed. “Go away!”
“Wait!” Gertie said. “That’s a Robot Rabbit Boy Series 7! Just like in the book I found at the cottage!”
“What book?”
Gertie bent down and smiled. “Hey there!” she said, reaching out her hand. The Series 7 rabbit had a round metal belly but genuine rabbit face, ears, and soft paws, which trembled with excitement from the very likely possibility that, after hundreds of years alone in an abandoned city, it might finally get a hug.
“We must go, Gertie,” Kolt insisted. “There’s no room for hitchhikers.”
“But look at its cute glowing eyes!” she said, shuffling toward it. “We can’t just leave him here. He likes us.”
“For goodness’ sake, look around!”
From every rooftop, window, hole in the ground, and even the rusted-out sockets of car headlights, they were being watched. Not only watched—but studied, examined, and scrutinized by an army of forgotten robot beavers, gerbils, kittens, puppies, squirrels, koala bears, wolf cubs, owls, pigeons, guinea pigs, and piglets. Gertie even noticed robot hamster babies still waiting for their aluminum foil diapers to be changed.
“Be careful!” Kolt warned Gertie. “They’re programmed to recognize love. Show any sign of affection and we’re done for!”
But it was too late. Gertie already felt herself getting attached to the Series 7 who was himself mesmerized by the glowing fondness in her eyes. The legion of lonely pets sensed Gertie’s desire to start hugging, and were now scrambling toward her, their fluffy circuits blazing with love.
Gertie and Kolt bolted for the Time Cat as the army of fur and steel bore down upon them.
Gertie Milk and the Keeper of Lost Things Page 10