Resurrecting Gavin (A Dismantling Evan Companion Novelette)

by Venessa Kimball

  So, back to my job. I walk the halls, looking for anyone wandering about.

  Mr. Hank gave me a walkie talkie to make it official. Nurse Cindy asked me what in the hell I thought I was doing with a walkie talkie. I threw it to the ground, scared, but Mr. Hank told her to “Hush woman,” and handed it back to me. I tried not to laugh, but I couldn’t stop myself.

  A few times I catch Henry the Rocker in the main hall when he should be in his room. I think about helping him back to his room, but call Mr. Hank instead. He says I did good calling him. He also says I might get a promotion to cafeteria duty.

  GF

  April 9

  Mom has been visiting without Brody. Each time she tells me he's working or fixing something at the house. I think he's frustrated with the arrangements. Dr. Larson says I shouldn’t jump to conclusions. I argue a little and ask her what I'm supposed to do; he doesn’t talk to anyone. Doesn’t visit. Nothing!

  She tells me Brody losing control of certain things in my life might have displaced certain things in his own life. I tell her I wish she could talk to him.

  GF

  April 10

  I have my medicine schedule memorized. Nurse Cindy has been quizzing me on it before she gives me my medicines.

  A.M

  Prozac (for my mood, nervousness, anxiousness).

  Abilify (helps the Prozac work better).

  Lunch

  Xanax (if I feel anxious).

  P.M

  Depakote (for mood and seizures. Also helps with sleep).

  Dr. Larson says it could change if my body gets used to the dose or if I have some kind of side effect.

  GF

  April 14

  Brody came by himself yesterday.

  FINALLY!

  I was standing in the cafeteria (my new position as monitor) and I noticed him poking his head through the open doorway. Once he saw me, he walked over, looking at the patients one by one as he passed them. I think they made him nervous. He asked me what I was doing. Angry from the mixture of him not visiting and Evan’s letter, I told him that I had a position and nothing more. I think he understood, since he leaned closer to me and said he was sorry for not visiting sooner. I didn’t answer right away, but I did tell him I forgave him. Once Nurse Cindy started collecting all of the trays from the other patients, Mr. Hank came over and told me I could visit with Brody. He and Brody exchanged a handshake, just as Sam and MK walked over.

  MK was acting weird. She kept sticking her boobs and butt out. Brody was too occupied with Sam asking him what kind of car he drove to pay attention to her. Still, I nudged MK with my elbow and told her to stop it. As we walked through the hall to get to the courtyard, Brody kept looking over at me, then at my cap. He finally asked how I had gotten it. It seemed to make him sad to see it on me, so I took it off and messed with my hair a little before putting it back on. I told him that Evan sent it with a letter.

  He sounded nervous when he asked what the letter said. I wondered whether he was afraid she had put something in the letter that I shouldn’t know.

  I didn’t want him to be angry with Evan, so I told him that I was happy she sent the cap. He seemed to relax a little.

  I did ask him if he was treating Evan right. He asked what kind of question that was. I told him it was an important one since Evan was my friend and the love of his life.

  His eyes widened and he looked down at his folded hands and chuckled right before he said that I must have grown some big balls. I told him that was disgusting and that my balls were exactly the same as they were.

  He laughed harder, and patted me on the back as he told me it was a figure of speech.

  I told him that I didn’t think I would ever get good at understanding those. He said that it didn’t matter. The point was that I was a better man than him and that made me wonder about him and Evan even more, but I decided to keep my big mouth shut.

  I asked him about work. He said it was busy. He said he was impressed that I had a job. I told him that I was good at it and very responsible. I wasn't sure whether he caught on that I was trying to show him that I could take control of things in my life. When I told him I had memorized my medication schedule and that Dr. Larson said that I might be able to get off of one of them before I go home, his smile disappeared. He asked if she had said anything about me coming home in June. I told him she hadn’t.

  As quick as he got serious, he lightened his mood and told me that he took my advice and started journaling. I couldn’t believe it when he told me. He said he knew I wouldn’t believe him so he brought it. It was small, like a mini-notepad. I flipped through it quickly, not wanting to appear like I was reading it. That would be rude. I did notice that he only had two or three entries, so I guess he'd just started.

  Dr. Larson walked over and said she didn’t want to disturb us, but my group session was about to start. As the three of us walked back to the center, I proudly told her that Brody had started journaling. He tried to tell her that he had just started and it wasn’t much. She said if he ever needed to talk, that she would be more than happy to listen. He smiled, but it wasn’t a real one. I knew Brody’s smiles and this one was a fake. He said that he would stick to the journaling. I hope he does.

  GF

  April 22

  I’m leading the activity today in group session.

  I needed to pick a craft that I could teach others. The first thing I thought was I don’t have a craft. I mean, I have taught Sam and MK a little about photography and cameras; just the little bit I know, but that wasn’t something I could teach to fifteen other patients.

  Yesterday at lunch MK asked what I planned to teach. I told her I didn’t know and she said I was being modest and that I could probably teach everyone in the room to speak Latin or recite some kind of essay by Shakespeare. I told her that Shakespeare didn’t write essays. Sam called her a dumb ass and she swatted him with her frail arm. She looked like she had lost more weight. I looked down at her plate and saw the torn pieces of pizza, half eaten apple sauce, and full serving of carrots that she'd left. I had already eaten all of my food. She noticed me looking and asked if I had something to say. I did want to say something, but I didn’t. Sam nudged her and whispered he would eat what she didn’t finish. He didn’t realize I heard him, until after he said it. He hastily said that he was trying to help her then looked away and pretended to watch Mr. Garret helping Henry the Rocker.

  He wasn’t trying to help her. He was trying to keep her here. I watched MK slip some of her food onto Sam’s tray.

  I don’t think she wants to leave.

  GF

  April 23

  I taught my group to make origami cranes. Mr. Garret sat next to Henry the Rocker and folded his paper and well as his own. MK and Sam didn’t come to session. Nurse Cindy said she wasn’t at liberty to say why as she folded Iris the Head-banger’s paper for her. I continued giving instructions and modeling how to fold until we finished and our cranes were ready to take flight. After the session Mr. Garret complimented me. He said I did a great job explaining how to make the crane. I didn’t think it was too hard and I told him so. He asked me if I wanted to see something he'd been working on - his craft. I told him I did and, after dinner, he took me to a garage at the rear of the center. I didn’t know there was a garage at all, but he said it was used for storage and his welding materials. I didn’t know what welding was, so that made him even more excited to show me. I would have never thought Mr. Garret would be so passionate about something artistic.

  When he showed me the welding tools, the scrap metal of all different shades; some rusted, some shined to a bright copper finish, his voice became alive like he might have been talking about someone he loved. When he lit the welding gun, I jumped from the sound of the ignition. He shut it off quickly and placed it back on the table, covering it so carefully you might think it was fragile. I noticed a sheet covering something in the corner. He caught my eye and walked over to it. He said he'd been working on t
he project for a while, but it was almost done so it was all right to show it to me. When he pulled back the sheet, the light shining through the open door from the setting sun hit each feather of the sculpted dove he had created. He said the dove was in flight, rising up from chaos.

  He called it his Dove of Peace.

  I saw MK at dinner, but not Sam. She was eating. I asked her where Sam was, but she didn’t answer.

  GF

  April 24

  Mr. Garret’s Dove of Peace inspired me to make an origami dove in flight. It will be beautiful once I get the right folds down.

  Dr. Larson made a change in my medicine. She said I was making such strides that she wanted to see if I could safely stop one of the medications. Took away the Depakote.

  GF

  April 28

  Haven’t felt like writing in the last couple of days. I feel like I should say sorry to you, but you are just a journal so it doesn’t really matter.

  I miss home.

  Miss my family.

  Miss my friends.

  I have folded about fifty origami doves in flight. I’m getting better at it. I just need to get the wing fold right.

  I’m noticing things that upset me here all of a sudden. I notice Henry's rocking more, Iris hitting her head, and the new boy making a gurgling sound. It is super annoying and I have told Nurse Cindy about everything I've noticed. I told Dr. Larson about too. She just wrote on her notepad and said that she would look into it.

  GF

  May 1

  Today was not a good day, again. Everything was wrong from the paleness of the overcast sky to the way Nurse Cindy seemed to ignore me when she came in to give me my morning medicine; like I didn’t matter.

  I knew it was my mood changing. I hoped it would go back to the way it was on its own, but it didn’t. I had kept it from Dr. Larson, but I didn’t want to anymore. I promised her I would tell her if I felt different.

  I plan to tell her today.

  I just read Lia’s newest letter for the fourth time. All five of the letters she has sent actually. I laid them side by side which might have seemed unusual to anyone watching me, but no one was.

  Lia has gotten a job for the summer. She wrote that she hoped it would pass the time until I come home. She said it would make missing me a little bit easier... maybe.

  She always signed all of her letters with “Love you.”

  If I listened to my mind right now, I would quickly scribble back to her and say that getting a job would not make missing me easier. I would tell her that I have a job and I still think about her every single moment of every day. I would tell her to forget about me because I may never come home and because I am so messed up and I don’t think I can get better. I would beg her to give her heart to someone worthy of her “love yous”.

  Thankfully, I didn’t. I wrote it here instead.

  I’m going to talk to Dr. Larson. I’m worried she will keep me longer. I may never go home.

  GF

  May 1

  Dr. Larson put me back on Depakote. She said that it might have been too soon to get off of that one. So, back to lunchtime medication. I did tell her I was afraid that I may never go home. She got really talkative, which was weird because she was usually just the listener and I was the talker. She said I should be proud of all that I was accomplishing for myself. She reminded me I had been seizure free for a month and counting. She said that I had proven I could be in control of my mind and my life and that I was using all the tools we had been working with to do just that. She even said that she knew about my position as a monitor and thought I was being a great role model for all of the other patients.

  Yeah, she really said that!

  She also said that I had taken my extraordinary mind by the horns and owned it. She didn’t say it that simple though.

  She actually yelled, “OWNED IT.”

  I'd never heard Dr. Larson yell with such... gusto!

  The horns thing was kind of strange, but I didn’t say anything to her about that. Didn’t want to interrupt her gusto thing. :)

  Anyway, she said I would be going home soon enough, then winked at me. I thought that was a little inappropriate and I told her so. She said it was a sentiment that she would have shared with one of her own children if she had any. It wasn’t meant to be inappropriate.

  She would be a good mom.

  GF

  May 3

  I had a bad headache both yesterday and again today. Nurse Cindy said it was the Depakote and they would go away, just like they did the last time. I sat up to get my morning medication, but told her I just wanted to stay in bed. She said she wouldn’t have any of that. She turned on my light and told me that God didn’t make this day for me to stay in darkness. She said that she wanted me to take a picture of her today. She'd never had her portrait taken and today was the day since she'd put on her rouge, mascara, and wore her lavender scrubs for the occasion.

  Rouge is a funny word. She said it meant blush; that stuff girls put on their cheeks to keep from looking pale.

  She said she had heard around the center that I am a very good photographer.

  That caught my attention.

  I took her picture in the courtyard by the rose bushes. She said she loved roses. Mr. Garret and Mr. Hank watched us from afar. She called to them, said that they should get their pictures taken. She said, and I quote, “Someday Gavin Ferguson is going to be a well-known photographer.”

  I didn’t know Nurse Cindy thought so much of me.

  I took Mr. Garret’s and Mr. Hanks pictures too. Not in front of the rose bushes though. Mr. Hank posed on the bench and Mr. Garret asked if I would take a picture of him with his sculpture now that it was finally finished. I jumped at the chance to see it again, so I took his portrait with the Dove of Peace. I asked if I could take a few more of the sculpture from different angles. He said it was okay.

  I sent the film with a note to Evan and asked her to take special care of this roll. Told her that I missed her and couldn’t wait to see everyone again.

  I'll write to Lia too. I'll tell her that having a job will help the time pass and I will sign it “love you”.

  GF

  May 5

  Headaches stopped! Super busy with monitoring the cafeteria, group session, and working on something Mr. Garret said he would help me with. I want to have it ready before I go home, whenever that is.

  Gotta go. Meeting with MK and Sam before our group session. We are going to see a movie today in the Recreation room.

  GF

  May 5

  Watched Night at the Museum. It was funny.

  GF

  May 10

  My project with Mr. Garret is coming together really well.

  I finally got the wings on the origami dove in flight just right; I taught my group during session today. Henry the Rocker stopped rocking when Mr. Garret held up the completed dove for him to see. He never stops rocking! It was a big deal for sure. He must have liked the dove in flight too. Mr. Garret smiled and said that it truly was the dove of peace if it got Henry to stop rocking.

  GF

  May 12

  Dr. Larson asked if I would meet with her in the morning for my therapy session. I don’t really like change so I asked her why. She said that she wanted to update my mom, Brody, and me on how things were going and what the next steps would be.

  GF

  May 13

  I am awake and dressed before Nurse Cindy brings me my morning medicine.

  “Well, what are you up so early for, sunshine?” she asks.

  “Dr. Larson is meeting with my mom, Brody, and me this morning.”

  She nods her head and hands me my small cup of pills. “That’s right. She told me last night.”

  She had? Does Nurse Cindy know something?

  “She said she wanted to update us on how I was doing and what the next steps would be.”

  I take my pills and drink down the small cup of water. I drink extra slow, hoping that
she might say something about the meeting.

  “That is good Gavin,” she says as she turns to leave my room.

  When she gets to the door, she stops, looks back at me and says, “Maybe there will be good news.”

  Bummer. I guess she doesn’t know anything.

  “I hope so,” is all I say.

  * * *

  Mom gives me a big hug in Dr Larson’s office. Brody isn’t here and Mom says he is running a few minutes behind.

  “Is it okay to start without him?” Dr. Larson asks.

  Mom clears her throat. “Yes, that's fine. He should be here any moment. He had to run an errand.” Her voice sounds scratchy, like she has lost it or something.

  “Are you okay, Mom?” I ask.

  She pats me on the hand and smiles. “Yes honey, just laryngitis. That’s all.”

  Dr. Larson starts talking about all of the things I've been doing over the past six weeks. She tells mom about my medication, how I've memorized them so I know what I'm taking and why. She tells her that I help monitor the halls and cafeteria with Nurse Cindy and Mr. Hank.

  “Oh my goodness Gavin!” Mom says, the words partly broken on her uneven voice. “That is extraordinary!”

  “Yes, that is exactly what I told him!” Dr. Larson says, happily.

  I feel my cheeks warm and I know I am probably turning red from embarrassment, just as a knock at the door interrupts us; it’s Brody.