by Eva Luxe
“But you still continued to talk with her while she was in town.”
“Yeah,” I said. “Damn. Why the fuck did I do that?”
“Look, I’ve never met her, but I do know this. I’ve never seen you fall for a woman this hard before. Hell, I’ve never even known you to go on a fucking date, and I’ve known you for how long now?”
“Eighteen years.”
“Right, too goddamn long. And in that time, never once have I seen you go out on a date.”
“That’s not true,” I said.
“Name one woman you’ve actually taken out on a date besides Paige.”
“What about that one woman with the long legs and the… shit, what color was her hair?”
“Are you fucking with me right now?” he asked.
“No, I’m serious. There was one other woman, I’m telling you. Long legs, slender body, delicate features.”
“Welcome to every girl I’ve ever seen you take home from the bar.”
“Fuck. Her eyes were brown, maybe?”
“The fact that you can’t remember her tells me she wasn’t important. What color are Paige’s eyes?”
“Green,” I said. “But I just saw her last night. That doesn’t mean anything, just because I can’t remember a woman’s eye color.”
“Where is she from?” Caden asked.
“Seattle, but she grew up in Spokane.”
“Did she ever tell you what happened with her parents?” he asked.
“She wasn’t too sure, but she knew her mother was a junkie. She assumes it was her father that dropped her at—why the fuck does any of this matter?”
“The last woman you went on a date with, you can’t even remember. When was the last time you could tell me the name of a woman you fucked before you kicked her out of your house?”
I racked my brain for answers to his question, but I came up empty-handed. What did that say about me as a man?
“My point is, she’s got you in knots, and it’s a good look on you. But if you want to keep her, it’s gonna take work. And it starts with you making things right with her.”
“How are they not right?” I asked.
“Did you wake her up before you left? Or did you throw down the ‘I’m too broken’ excuse and leave without saying goodbye?”
“In my defense, she left me high and dry the time before.”
“Do you really want her last memory of you to be you getting even with her?” he asked.
Shit. Caden was right.
“How the fuck do I make something like this right?” I asked.
“Take your sandwich to-go. Ride over to her hotel room and find her. Then, tell her what happened this morning. Be honest with her like you were last night. You didn’t seem to struggle with it then. Why should you struggle with it now?”
“When the fuck did you get to be so smart?” I asked.
“You always call me smart. Are you just now starting to believe it?”
The shit-eating grin on Caden’s face made me laugh. I grabbed my sandwich and munched on it as I strode out to my bike. He was right. I needed to make things right with Paige. I needed to make sure we were on the same wavelength, and if we were, then we could go from there.
If I was just a fling for her, then I’d get over it. I always did. It was how my life had gone up until this point.
But if we were on the same wavelength and I wasn’t just a fling, then we were going to need to figure out what the fuck to do next.
I sped over to her hotel and rushed up the steps. I didn’t have the patience to wait for the elevator, and my veins were coursing with adrenaline. I thought about scooping her up in my arms and kissing her before I did anything, proving to her through my actions that I was sorry for leaving without saying anything.
But when I got to her door and knocked, there was no answer
I pounded my fist against the door until someone from a different room stuck their head out into the hallway. They gave me a nasty look, and I held my hands up in surrender.
My chest started to swell with panic. The worst-case scenario was now starting to dawn on me. I had been so preoccupied with how I would greet her that I didn’t stop to think about what Paige would’ve thought when she woke up alone.
I jumped my way down the steps and jogged to the front desk, hoping someone would tell me she was still here.
“Can I help you?” the man asked.
“Yes, I was just in room 204 with a young woman. Paige? I came by to drop something off for her, but she’s not answering. Could I leave it with you to give to her?”
“You can, but we’d have to mail it to her. She checked out this morning.”
My heart fell to my toes, and I could feel every ounce of confidence I had trickling out onto the floor beneath my feet.
“Well, if that’s the case, then I can just do that. I figured I’d catch her before she left.”
“You missed her by about two hours, sir. Is there anything else I can help you with?”
“No, but thank you for your time.”
I walked out to my bike in a daze. The sun seemed to shine a little dimmer, and the sky didn’t seem as vibrant as I remembered. My legs felt like they were going numb as I straddled my bike, and as my eyes fell to the black bullet between my legs, a thought ran through my mind.
I would never be able to get on my bike and not long for her arms around my waist.
“Fuck.”
I’d allowed her to paint my life with her colors. I had given her permission to make memories that would etch themselves into the walls of my mind, and now there would be things that triggered her memory, like taking a shower, eating at Dick’s, or straddling my bike.
She peppered just enough in my life for me to feel her absence, and I had no fucking clue what to do with that information.
I was officially in new territory, and like the rest of my life, I was entering it alone.
Chapter 33- Paige
“Well, you’re just making this a habit, aren’t you?” Kami asked as I walked into her shop.
“Hey there, Kami.”
“So what’s wrong with your life today?” Kami asked.
“So. Fucking. Much.”
“Perfect. Come back into my office of coping mechanisms and take your pick.”
When I woke up yesterday morning alone, I knew I had to leave Brookings. I couldn’t do this back and forth with Zach any longer. I couldn’t start something with a man that was nine hours away.
How the hell was I supposed to come clean with him and then expect him to move forward with me? How the fuck was I supposed to take a man I had been watching and somehow turn it into a productive relationship? The only logical decision was to leave it all behind.
But when I fell asleep last night and dreamed of Zach’s smile, I knew I was in trouble.
Kami gestured around at the variety of desserts. “We’ve got sin-namon rolls and red velvet cupcakes. I’ve got a German Chocolate cake that’s about to be finished. And I’ve perfected my blackberry cobbler.”
“Then the cobbler’s what I’ll have. The last time I tried it, it was shit.”
Kami smiled sweetly at me. “Thanks, bitch. Now, spill your guts.”
“Aren’t you going to have any?” I asked.
“I’m waiting for the cake. When did you get back into town?”
“Last night.”
“And you didn’t come straight here?” she asked. “What kind of best friend are you?”
“The kind that needed sleep,” I said.
“Well, you’re not in the office, and it isn’t lunch time. What’s going on?”
“The job got called off,” I said.
“The one with the guy in Oregon?” she asked.
“Yep. That one. My client—well, Mr. Kent—said he would still pay me the full sum, even though I only worked for, like, a week.”
“Wait, Mr. Kent?” she asked.
“Yeah. The man that owns Kent Enterprises.”
&nbs
p; “Your fucking client was Kent Laine? Why the hell have you been calling him Mr. Kent and not Mr. Laine?”
I ignored her question. “You know who that is?”
“I’m shocked you don’t. How the hell do you live in Seattle and not know who that man is?”
I shrugged. “Anyway, yes. He was my client. And he called off the job for reasons I still don’t know. He said he’d give me a raving review to my boss or some shit like that.”
“Well, this is a good thing if you ask me.”
“Why’s that?” I asked.
“Now you can quit your job and focus on your painting. You did say this was your last job with them, right?”
“I guess.”
“Then it’s settled. You can focus on your painting, and in the meantime, you can come work for me.”
“Work for you?” I asked. “With what baking experience?”
“Shit, girl. You wouldn’t bake a damn thing, but I need help around here. Cleaning, customer service, taking orders. It would be a full-time gig. It won’t pay you what you’re making now, but you’ll break even without tapping into whatever you managed to stow away.”
“Hey, I’m not bad at saving money,” I said.
“Whatever. The point is, now you can work on being happy.”
“That’s the thing, though,” I said. “I’m not sure quitting my job would make me happy.”
“But you’re miserable there. You told me yourself.”
“I know, and I am. I was. I don’t know. Fuck, you know how I am with loose ends and shit.”
I stabbed my cobbler before I scooped a spoonful and took it between my lips. The sugary sweetness ignited in my mouth, causing me to moan. I could feel Kami’s grin bearing down on me as I took another massive bite, chewing as quickly as I could and swallowing it whole.
“Whoa, slow down there, Augustus Gloop.”
“This is fucking amazing, Kami. You need to sell this shit in stores.”
“If they want it, they can come get it from me,” she said. “Now, what’s this shit about not being happy? You know your painting makes you happy.”
“It does, but I just don’t feel like painting right now.”
“Why not?”
I thought back to the half-finished painting in the back of my car and sighed.
“No inspiration, I guess.”
“You just spent time in an oceanside city in Oregon, fucking a man you still aren’t quite sure is innocent. How the hell is that not inspiration?”
“It’s just not, okay?!” I startled even myself with how loud that statement came out.
“Okay, girl. Just take a breath. You’re wound really tightly right now.”
“No fucking joke,” I said, sighing. “I thought a good night’s rest would help, but it only made it worse.”
“Did you dream?” she asked
I felt my body lock up at her question as my eyes panned up to hers. “What does that have to do with anything?”
“Sometimes our dreams can stress us out or make us feel things we wished we didn’t. Like nightmares and waking up scared. What did you dream of?”
“I didn’t say I did.”
“You’re getting defensive. That means you did dream, and that I’m on the right track. Just let me work my magic for a second. I’m too tired to pull this shit out of you.”
“Fine. Yes, I had a dream about Zach.”
“The guy from Oregon?” she asked.
“Yeah.”
“Sounds like a fun little case of a broken heart,” she said.
“I didn’t fall in love with him,” I said.
“But you got accustomed to him. You spent enough time around him for your body to get used to him, and now you’re experiencing withdrawals.”
“I’m not addicted to him,” I said.
“I didn’t accuse you of being anything but attached to him. You got attached—however that’s registering emotionally in your body—and now he’s not here. And it’s freaking you out. Coupled with this shit with your job and all the unanswered questions you now have to live with, I can see why you’d be stressed.”
I twirled her words around in my mind before I drew in a deep breath. “So, what now?”
“You quit, Paige. You’re miserable at that job, and that’s a fact. And if you don’t wanna work here, then we’ll find you another job. Something that’ll give you time to paint. Because if there’s one thing I know about you, it’s how much you fucking love to paint.”
She was right. Even though I didn’t feel the spark of inspiration now, eventually that would fade. My passion for my art would come back, and it would consume me, swallow me whole, and wrap me in its embrace, and never let me go.
Shit, I was thinking of Zach again. When the hell was that going to stop?
“I gotta get to the office and submit all the shit I had on this case,” I said.
“And then you’ll quit?” Kami asked.
“I’ll call you the second I walk out for good.”
“I’ll be waiting by my phone.”
I finished my cobbler and drove to my cramped little office to gather up my things. I didn’t have much here that was mine. I could carry the whole of my private investigator career in the palm of my hand.
I shoved everything into my purse before I started gathering up Zach’s profile. I took all the information I could find, and I shoved it into the manila envelope Mr. Kent had given me. My boss would be waiting to file away all this shit as soon as I could get it to him.
Something told me to sit down at my desk, so I did.
Even though I hated this job, I reminisced. I thought about all the client meetings I tried to have in here before I relented and started having them at the coffee shop up the block. I thought about all the sleepless nights I spent in this office, dreading going to my apartment because of how unsafe I felt there. I thought about all the people who came to find me, crying and hugging me and telling me how much my work had meant to them.
I decided to send an email to my connections to let them know I was retiring.
I pulled up my email to write my farewell letter when something caught my eye. It was an email I hadn’t read yet, and I snickered when I saw who it was from. I’d emailed this joke of a contact when this case first began. I’d wanted him to unlock some shit I couldn’t access with regard to Zach’s past.
“A bit late for that now,” I said, murmuring.
Still, I opened up the email to see what he’d sent me. I found a slew of PDF files that popped up in front of my eyes. I scanned the documents, and the pieces quickly fell together in my mind.
Holy fucking hell, Zach had changed his name when he turned eighteen. His original last name was Laine, just like Mr. Kent’s. Interesting.
I clicked through the other documents, seeing records of multiple hospital visits Zach made as a child. I saw other documents proving to me that the information Mr. Kent had handed to me was false.
But it was the document at the very end that caught my eye
I printed everything out and shoved it into the manila envelope. My boss could deal with everything else with regard to Mr. Kent. I didn’t want to stand in the presence of that man ever again. If I did, I wasn’t sure I could be held liable for what I would do to that man.
The very last document didn’t go in the envelope. I kept it for myself. It was an avenue I was going to explore personally. An issue I was going to take up with Zach.
I scribbled a note to my boss, telling him that I was quitting, and then I taped it to the envelope and ran it over to his office. I shoved it underneath his door without even bothering to see if he was there. Then I ran to my car. It was going to be a long drive, but no matter how things ended up between Zach and me, he deserved to know what I knew.
At the very least, I needed to see him again to ask if he knew.
Chapter 34- Zach
Things felt lonelier than ever without Paige around. It wasn’t as easy as I thought it was going to be to
fall back into my old routine. My cabin seemed bigger and more isolated than ever, and my bed still smelled of her.
No matter how many times I washed the sheets and vacuumed my mattress, it still smelled of her. She had penetrated everything about this cabin, and laid her memory here to rest and haunt me after she was gone. I was glad to have the day off work today because I was in no frame of mind to be operating heavy machinery.
Damn it. I had purposefully isolated and secluded myself from the world. Now I just wanted one woman to share it with me and I felt her presence everywhere but she wasn’t even here.
As I laid there in my bed hoping Paige would call, there was a knock at my door.
Reminiscent of a few nights before, I hopped from my bed and threw on some clothes. The knock was light and rapid, and had I not already been awake, I would’ve slept right through it. Images of Paige standing there crossed my mind. I pictured myself throwing my arms around her and pulling her into the cabin.
I thought about how I wanted to hold her naked body against mine and simply sway in the middle of my kitchen. I didn’t want to fuck her, and I sure as hell didn’t want to share her with the public.
All I wanted was to feel her cheek pressed against my chest.
However, when I opened the door, I was shocked by who was standing there. It was the woman in the white car. The one with the big brown eyes and the scarf around her head. Her daughter was with her. I looked down at the little girl, whose eyes were bright blue, and suddenly, my memories came crashing down onto my shoulders.
I knew why this woman had seemed so familiar to me when I saw her at the store that day.
“Could we come in?” she asked.
“Marlie,” I said.
Her smile was bittersweet. “Hi, Zach.”
I looked down at the little girl as she clung desperately to her mother’s leg. I studied her jet-black hair and her chubby little cheeks. I took in the ringlet curls that were pulled into two little pig tails on either side of her head. She had long legs like her mother, but stern features that were all-too familiar.
“Please?” Marlie asked.
Swallowing hard, I stepped to the side. I remembered that night at the docks now. Marlie walked into my cabin while holding her daughter’s hand, and the memories came rushing back.