Unbridled (The Monroe Series Book 2)

by Nicole Dykes

  “Why?”

  “Yeah, why are you always so busy. It’s like you have every single second of your life scheduled out for you. You afraid that if you have free time, you’ll sin?”

  He’s half kidding and, I know, half mocking. And it’s only because he doesn’t understand how I fight every single minute of every single day to stay good and stay true, and not fall into the hell I found myself in three years ago. I know he wants an answer to a lot of questions that would explain the person I am now, but I can’t give him what he wants.

  “I’ve told you I’m on an academic scholarship. Without it, I’ll never get what I want because you know my dad will not support me getting a college education. So I can’t just screw around and fail at this.”

  “Right,” he acknowledges sadly.

  “But I’m happy to be here at the moment.”

  He grins at that, looking quite proud of himself. The waiter returns with two huge bowls of chili, sits them in front of us, and we immediately dig in.

  “Oh my God, that is the best chili I’ve ever tasted.”

  “I told you. You need to learn to trust me again.”

  His face says maybe he shouldn’t have said that and now he’s waiting for me to get angry. Instead I laugh and say, “Maybe that’s true.”

  I think I already do.

  Chapter 11

  Luke

  “So you had dinner together?”

  I re-rack the bar and sit up to wipe the sweat from my face with the hem of my shirt. I take a second to catch my breath before answering Hunter, “Yeah man, last night.”

  Cameron starts doing sit-ups on the mat in front of me, “So, you two are fucking now?”

  I roll my eyes, “Fuck dude, I’m gonna say this one more time, since you two are having a hard time getting it. It’s not like that with Hannah. I’m not in it to fuck her. It’s like going out to dinner with one of you.”

  Cameron laughs, “Except with tits.”

  “With great tits, and a better personality.”

  Hunter laughs while doing curls.

  Then Cam asks, “So can I then? Because there’s something sexy as hell about that girl.”

  I look at him trying to decide if he’s serious or not, “Don’t go near her.”

  “Why not, I dig the sexy nerd, good-girl type. It makes me want to get her to do naughty things with me.”

  Hunter shakes his head, and I growl, “Hannah is off-limits.”

  Hunter looks over and joins in, “Why? You don’t want her.”

  He, of course, isn’t interested in her. He’s just busting my balls because he thinks there is more behind my warning Cameron to back off. I know why he’s pushing, and it pisses me off. “Because she’s my friend, so consider her just one of the guys. Or better yet, don’t even consider her at all.”

  Cam laughs as he rests between reps. “You can’t tell me you haven’t thought about it.”

  I refuse to have this conversation and admit to anything. Of course, I’ve thought about it. I’m a guy, and Hannah is a beautiful girl. But it’s not like that with us.

  Is it?

  “I’m not talking about Hannah this way with you or anyone. Just keep your distance and I won’t have to break your legs.”

  He laughs and finishes his set.

  Hunter looks over, “So you had a good time at dinner?”

  “Yeah, I did. It felt almost like old times, which were always great.”

  “That’s good, Luke, just be careful.”

  “Careful with what?”

  “You never know, man, you may catch feelings. You two aren’t kids playing in the dirt anymore.”

  He’s fucking with me so I flip him off and go back to lifting. But the more I think about it, he’s right, and Hannah’s been right all along. That was then, and this is now.

  These are grownup games.

  It’s the end of the third week of March now, and it’s finally starting to feel like spring. Last week was Spring Break, which wasn’t so spring-like, but at least we got to ditch our classes and workouts.

  Hunter, Cam, and I took a road trip down to our cabin on Lake of the Ozarks instead of going to sunny Florida and joining in all “things gone wild” like most college kids do. We opted for a week of beer and basketball. Not only did the football team have a good year, but Kansas State’s basketball team is predicted to go all the way to the Final Four and probably win the National Championship.

  I know Hannah didn’t go home for Spring Break and stayed in Manhattan with her roommate, Rachel. We did manage to send a few texts to each other even though her roommate kept her busy volunteering most of the time. Now, I’m back in the same town as her and we are both back in our regular routines.

  This is the time of year that makes me think of my mom because it was her favorite season. She loved flowers and made sure there were fresh ones from her garden in every room in the house. And no matter how fucking girly it makes me sound, fresh flowers make me smile.

  These are things I can only talk about with Hannah. She understands that I know the name of certain flowers because she knew and loved my mom as much as me, and my mom loved her. We’ve been hanging out quite a bit more lately, though it’s always in public. I’ve slowly been catching her up on what's been going on in my family. And still she offers me nothing about hers. I’ve asked outright, I’ve hinted, but nothing. I can’t deny, though, that I’m happy she makes time for me. That’s not to say I’m not sick of the boundaries and rules, and I intend to slowly chip away at those.

  Today in Econ, I convinced her to hang out with me after her shift ends at the library. It’s Friday, and there’s no reason for her to just go back to her dorm and be a hermit. Those were my exact words to her, too.

  So now I’m standing in front of Hale at eight o’clock, and when she walks out with a smile on her face, I’m stunned at how fucking gorgeous she is with her hair down. Even dressed casually in jeans and a K-State hoodie, she looks sexier than the girls running around campus displaying everything they have. She’s been wearing contacts for the last couple of weeks, and every time I look in her eyes, I feel like she’s reading every dirty thought going through my mind. Thoughts I shouldn’t be having about her, but can’t stop.

  “I can’t stay out too late, so what are we doing?”

  I shake my head, “Don’t start that shit tonight, Hannah. You’re in college, you don’t live with your parents anymore, and you’re going to live a little.”

  She narrows her eyes at me, and I swear she’s two seconds from arguing. But then she smiles, “Where are we going?”

  I lead her to my car, “Surprise. Now, slide in.”

  She obeys without hesitation, and that right there makes me feel like I won a battle. Our first stop is a barbecue place across town. It’s not bad, but it has nothing on the KC BBQ I’m used to. It makes me happy to see her enjoy food, and I know she would love Brooke.

  She tries to pry information about our next stop, but I’m not giving in. I plan on showing her the coolest spot in Manhattan, Kansas. When we finally reach the top of the hill that spells out Manhattan we get a view of the entire city. It’s one of the first things you see when you get into town, and the first time I saw it is when I felt my first real taste of freedom.

  After I park my car, Hannah looks over at me suspiciously. “We’re parked at the top of a hill? You know this isn’t a date right?”

  I laugh, “Yeah, dork. I’m well aware. And for the record, I’ve actually never brought a date here. So quit complaining and come on.”

  After getting out of the car, I zip up my team hoodie, and Hannah follows a little hesitantly. Then, she finally gets a look out over the side, and can’t hide her smile. Up here we’re able to see the glow of Aggieville all lit up on a Friday night, as well as the house parties going on near campus.

  “Wow.”

  I walk over to where she is standing, “Pretty cool, right?”

  “Yeah, how did you find this place?”
>
  “Exploring, Hannah. Remember that?”

  She rolls her eyes which are shiny. I just can’t tell if it’s from happiness or sadness.

  “Yes, I remember.”

  I slide on the hood of my car and Hannah carefully joins me, as if her small body could break it. For a while, we just sit and stare at the scene far below us, and the only sounds are the ticking of the cooling engine, the sounds of insects, and our breathing.

  She’s the first to break the silence, “Thank you for bringing me here. And you’re right, it’s nice to get out, get away.” Her voice is just a whisper.

  Somehow, I don’t think she’s talking about just getting out of the dorms.

  “What happened, Hannah?”

  She looks so conflicted and so fucking sad. She swallows hard, “Nothing. I’m…”

  “Fine, forget I asked. I seriously knew not to ask.”

  She nods like she’s mentally trying to shake off the threat of having to answer my question. Whatever hope I had that she would finally open up and come right out and tell me what happened three years ago is gone.

  “Luke, I just grew up. I have goals now that I intend to achieve. No, I have to achieve them. We used to have so much fun, and I’ll never forget those times. But I also know that I went a little wild.” Her voice trails off weakly. Then in a stronger determined tone, “I just simply had to grow up.”

  Bullshit.

  “Hannah, I get growing up, because believe it or not, I did too. And that’s not what I’m talking about. I’m talking about the sudden change that took you from being my best friend to just barely a memory of the girl I used to know.”

  She nods, “People grow apart, Luke.”

  “Not overnight. After just those few hours together, you fucking vanished from my life. And goddammit, it pisses me off that I don’t even know what I did to deserve it, if I did anything at all.”

  She turns to me, biting her bottom lip, tears in her eyes. So real and raw, everything inside of me just wants to make whatever happened better. If she would just fucking tell me, maybe I could.

  “Luke, something happened when we were 15, in Texas. Something bad, but I turned it around. I made it okay.”

  I can only stare. My chest is hurting because my heart is breaking for this beautiful woman, who used to be a girl I protected from big dogs in our neighborhood, bullies on the playground, and the wrath of her father when she got caught doing something “inappropriate.” Then something horrible happened to her, and I wasn’t there.

  I remain silent, hoping like hell she will just keep going and tell me the bad thing that happened. Since it happened in Texas, I’m assuming it can’t have anything to do with me. So was it her father? Did some motherfucker in Texas hurt her? I’m screaming and shattering inside, but on the outside, I remain eerily calm.

  She looks at me, “You know that I went crazy for the first two years in Texas. I did so many stupid things, and then something happened. I will never talk about it. But it just made me realize I can’t live my life like that. I had to stop. Maybe I overcorrected a little bit when my dad introduced me to my roommate Rachel. I started to going to church a few times a week. I stopped hanging out with the rough crowd. Quit drinking, smoking and doing drugs. No more…”

  “Me?”

  She looks like I knocked the wind out of her, but she nods slowly, “Yes. I just devoted my life to being good. Besides, you had your own life in Overland Park. The last time I saw you, you were so happy.”

  “Yeah I was, and then it all went to shit.”

  “I’m so sorry, Lucas. I had no idea. I swear I thought you were living in bliss—the girls, the parties, football. I just didn’t want my hell to touch you.”

  I was fucking devastated when Hannah blew me off and then my brother did the same, but I kept up appearances and, of course, I still had fun. It wasn’t exactly the end of my life. It doesn’t mean it didn’t scar me. But listening to Hannah, something definitely scarred her. And as much as the curiosity to find out is driving me crazy, there’s a part of me that actually wants to remain oblivious. Whatever happened will gut me if the devastation I see on her face and hear in her voice is anything to go by.

  Amazingly she continues to comfort me, “And I am so sorry about your parents. I never saw that coming. Your mother was like a mother to me. She was the most incredible person I’ve ever met.”

  My mom was something else. I smile when I remember Hannah and my mom. She adored her, and it’s true she treated her like another daughter.

  “She really cared about you, but you cut her out too.”

  She’s fighting back tears again, and I know I shouldn’t have said that. Not right now.

  “I know I did. It’s just one more thing I regret and can never take back.”

  Part of me doesn’t want to let her off the hook and make her feel better, but dammit she looks heartbroken by my last dumbass statement and the memories I brought up. I can’t let her keep being so hard on herself. “You know what, if anyone would understand, it would be her. She would forgive you in a heartbeat.”

  She smiles and wipes a lone tear that escaped, “You know she gave me the sex talk?”

  “What?” I choke out.

  She laughs, “Uh huh. Complete with a banana and a condom. She told me that I was a very pretty girl, but I was also a wonderful person and to never do anything I didn’t want to.”

  “Okay. Wow. That’s not awkward at all.”

  She shakes her head and laughs, “It wasn’t really. And honestly, I’m grateful. Without her, I probably wouldn’t know anything about sex. Not that I need to.” This time her laugh is kind of sad and resigned.

  She looks embarrassed by her honesty, but it makes me smile. I don’t have to ask if she’s a virgin because I already know the answer, but I do wonder if there was anyone else after that….. No, I highly doubt it. Based on what she just told me about the last few years, I know there probably hasn’t been any boyfriends let alone sex. Still, I’m curious.

  Don’t ask. We aren’t there yet.

  “So you haven’t done anything else wild since you were 15?”

  “Not really. I didn’t even go to high school parties. My graduation party was at my parents’ house, surrounded by family and our church congregation. Punch and cake.”

  “That’s so fucking sad, Martin.”

  She giggles and wipes one final tear from her cheek. “I know. The 13-year-old me would be so disappointed. I used to think I would go to college and study hard, but also party hard. I haven’t even been to one college party.”

  And there it is.

  As far as I’m concerned, that is an invitation to help this girl loosen up.

  I hop off of my car and grab her hand, “Let’s go.”

  She’s confused again, “Go where?”

  “A college party of course.”

  “No way, what? I can’t, Lucas. I have to be home. It’s 10 o’clock.”

  I cover my mouth in fake shock and raise my voice a few octaves, “No way, 10 o’clock? Oh, grandma, whatever will you do?” She glares at me for mocking her. Then in a normal voice, “Come on Hannah. It’s not a school night, and better yet, you’re eighteen years old and in college. This is your fucking right. So let’s go.”

  She slides off of the hood of my car and tries to hold firm, “I can’t go to a party.”

  “Don’t worry. I won’t tell your dad you were bad.” I try and tease.

  “Lucas, I can’t. That’s not who I am anymore. My dad may not find out, but I will know.”

  “Look, my friend Nick—he’s from Overland Park and I’ve known him forever—his friend is having a party. Well, their parties are more like get-togethers, but it’s at his house and they are really tame. I’ll start you slow. No crazy stuff tonight. We’ll go there, and you can go in, look around, have a drink, and mingle. As soon as you’re ready, we’re out of there. Then, you can say you’ve been to a college party.”

  She puts her hand on her
hip while she’s thinking it over. “Okay, but when I say I’m ready to leave, we’re gone and you’ll take me home.”

  Shit, and I thought Hunter was bad.

  “Yup, you have my word. As soon as you say it’s time to go we’ll leave. Scout’s honor,” I say seriously while putting two, then three, then two fingers over my heart. Whatever.

  “Luke, did you forget I know you were never a Boy Scout?”

  “Okay, then I promise. Just trust me. Please,” I tack on for good measure.

  “Fine, let’s go.”

  Yes.

  We get back into my car and I drive down the hill to the house just on the outskirts of campus. When I pull up, I see at this get together there are way more cars than usual. I look over at Hannah, who looks nervous as hell, and smile encouragingly.

  Shit, I really hope this doesn’t make me the villain of her story for real.

  No turning back now.

  We get out and I guide her up to the house. The door is standing wide open, and we can see people inside as we navigate around the ones who’ve spilled out onto the porch. Typical college house party.

  She turns to me, “We’re not staying long.”

  I cross my heart, “Promise.”

  She rolls her eyes, “Better than pretending you’re a Boy Scout.” Then she follows me, staying very close, as I walk into the small house.

  I hear my name and see Nick walking our way quickly. He looks equally happy and surprised to see me. I don’t worry about Hannah meeting him because I know he’s not drunk.

  “Monroe, you made it!”

  “Yeah, I thought I would stop by for a second. Wanted to introduce you to someone.” I can feel Hannah against my back, holding tightly to my shirt. I reach behind me and release her tiny fingers to bring her to my side. “This is Hannah Martin.”

  He looks her up and down, a little too fucking slowly if you ask me, and then holds out his hand, “Hi, Hannah. Luke told me a little about you. So, I know you’re from Overland Park, but moved to Texas.”

  She nods shyly, but still gives him a devastatingly pretty smile, “Yeah, he told me about you too. Well, only that you’re from Overland Park.” She giggles.