Kallon sucked in a breath when Ulixes’s lids flew open. The warmth of the honey-brown irises that he remembered was gone. They showed no discernable emotion. What had been split wide open in the vortex now lay buried behind a strong barrier of concrete and steel. It didn’t matter. Kallon knew what it was now, and with that came peace. He could battle the known. It was silence that had been a true adversary. He wasn’t surprised by the husky, strained words that left the lips he craved to taste.
“You can’t fix this, Kallon. I’m ruined.”
* * * *
Rhia’s eyes widened when Caelius turned right instead of left onto Hwy 67. Shit! Where the hell is he going? A left turn out of Marfa would lead them directly back to Austin. This way only led through a bunch of small, scattered towns and toward the Chinati Mountains. Crap! If he didn’t know he was being followed before, he certainly would now. It was too desolate, and this late at night the cars were already growing scarce. Her heart decided to yank back on the fast gallop when the Jaguar pulled into the parking lot of a small convenience store and up to a gas pump. At least it gave her a brief respite to figure out what the hell to do. Hopefully.
Parking within the long shadows close to the side of the building, Rhia looked down at her gas gauge and frowned. She needed to fill up, but there were only two pumps. No way could she do that with him standing right there. If she waited for him to drive away, he may disappear down a side road, and she’d never find him. Hell, even if she did catch up to him, she couldn’t follow him down that imagined turn even if she wanted to. If she revealed herself now, she may never know where he was trying to go.
Turning off the ignition, Rhia steeled herself for the inevitable. She needed to get into his car. If he held true to his pattern, the silly man was going to put the pump on automatic fill and walk his gorgeous butt into the store without a backward glance. That was one topic they were going to discuss if she ever had the opportunity. He was too damn trusting. She was surprised his car hadn’t been stolen by now. Well, at least she could take advantage of his inattention.
Grabbing up her purse, Rhia locked the car and plastered herself up against the building. Peeking around the edge, she glanced through the glass front and found a gap in between the stacks of bottled water, beer, and advertising posters. She caught a glimpse of him strolling into the restroom. She only had minutes to make her move. Looking around the parking lot, she waited on pins and needles for a Toyota to drive away before she hauled ass over to the Jaguar. Rounding the back, she prayed he hadn’t suddenly gotten safety cautious and locked the damn doors. Dipping down, she scooted over to the passenger side and tested the handle. Smiling at her victory, she opened the door, jumped into the seat, and closed it before anyone realized the lights had briefly activated.
Breathing heavily, Rhia swiveled around, forced herself through the small gap between the seats, and launched herself into the back. Shit! What the hell was I thinking? Where am I going to hide? Looking back to the store, she sucked in her breath when she spotted Caelius at the register. With no time to plan, Rhia shoved ass first into the floorboard behind the driver’s seat, pulled her legs up as close to her chest as she could, and started praying she was smaller than she thought she was.
As her world narrowed to the size of the backseat, Rhia thought back to their conversations since they’d left Tucson. Now it made sense when he’d said he had some things to take care of before he could come by to visit her. At the time, she’d thought it would be local, not somewhere in the mountains. Hell, for all she knew, he was planning to cross the border into Mexico. Fuck it. Too late now.
Rhia bit her knuckles when the interior light came on. She heard the faint rustle of plastic, something landing with a thud onto one of the seats, and then the light was extinguished. The distinctive sound of the pump being removed and then returning to its resting place gave her just enough time to take a cleansing breath before the light came back on. The car dipped as he settled into his seat, and she was relieved to be blanketed in darkness once again.
God! He smelled so good. She was thankful that the sound of the growling engine masked the thundering of her heart. She was still reeling over their mind-boggling phone sex last night, and being this close to him triggered the memory of his final words. He’d said the sweetest thing to her about his heart, asked for forgiveness, and then quickly changed the subject when she’d tried to probe further. She guessed he was still sensitive about not coming back to her after that first night. Whatever was pounding around in his brain had kept him focused on small talk from that point forward. He’d called her every time he’d stopped to stretch his legs, caught a meal, or filled the tank.
Despite his continued reluctance to delve any deeper into whatever was between them, Rhia felt him burrowing further and further into her heart. Whatever this big secret he was keeping from her was, it would have to be pretty huge to turn her away from him. If he called right now and told her everything—Shit! My phone!
Rhia determined that trying to dig around in a purse practically welded to her chest was an exercise in reluctant patience. She finally located the T-Mobile and flipped the tiny lever down to silence the ringer. Damn! I need to pay attention. Those words of caution bounced like rocks in her brain for close to an hour. When the car did indeed turn onto a dirt road, Rhia silently congratulated herself on her insane decision to become a human pretzel. After numerous suppressed yawns and skin pinches to keep from falling asleep, she finally came to full alert when the glow from a soft light bathed the interior. She startled when she heard Caelius’s deep voice.
“Hey, sweetness. You must be asleep already. I didn’t realize how late it was. I’m going to be unavailable for a little bit, so don’t think I forgot about you. I’ll call as soon as I have reception again. Sleep well.”
The phone call was surprise enough, but when the Jaguar came to a complete stop, so did her breathing. After he got out, and she heard his trunk lift and then slam shut, Rhia started counting. If she made it to thirty and he hadn’t gotten back into the car, she was going to chance a peek. She lifted her head at twenty-nine.
There wasn’t any light for miles around. Startled, Rhia finally extracted her numb ass and tingling legs from the floorboard. Easing up to the seat, she tried to adjust her eyes. A flash to the left caught her attention. It had to be Caelius. A stream of light was arcing back and forth across the ground. He was walking away from the car and she needed to get her butt in gear before the darkness swallowed him up.
Scrambling from the vehicle, she quickly caught up to him. Her fear grew the farther he drew her into the mountains. The ground became unleveled, and she tripped over her share of rocks and small bushes. Many times she had to slow her pace from her instinctive need to get as close to him as possible. She prayed he wouldn’t turn around to see her surreptitious use of the cell phone for navigation purposes. She just hoped her battery would last. If not, she’d have no choice but to call out for his help.
Rhia felt the first real punch of knee-weakening fear as the canyon walls grew higher and the path narrower. What in the hell was out here in the middle of nowhere and warranted this long trek in? For the first time since she’d seen Caelius disappear in the middle of that parking lot, Rhia wondered if she might not survive discovering his secret.
Chapter 22
Kallon knew he should roll aside and allow the poor male to get up from the ground. Instead, he acted on his urge and lifted his hand to Ulixes’s jaw. He traced his finger along the strong line and stopped short of touching the full, sculpted lips. He tried to keep the tone of his words calm, even pleasant. “You heard my thoughts, Ulixes?” At the quick nod, Kallon smiled.
“Then I wish you could read them always, for you’d quickly find out that I’ll not stop until I see a genuine smile upon your face again.” Kallon felt no surprise when Ulixes grasped his biceps in a firm grip and pushed him away.
They both rose from the ground and faced each other. Ulixes’s lips pa
rted as if to speak, but quickly clamped shut. He dropped his gaze and refused to look up as he brushed the dirt from his jeans. His voice was laced with enough defeat to fell an army.
“You waste your time, healer. This illness that I bear is bone deep. There is no cure.”
Kallon reached out and placed his palm on a broad shoulder bent with an unseen burden. He hesitated when Ulixes backed away and raised his palms, as if fending himself from further injury. It would have hurt had he not known what he was dealing with. The male’s words were haunting in their description.
“Don’t touch me, Kallon. I’m dirty. Can’t you see it?”
Kallon wanted to weep when those eyes finally lifted. A fleeting moment of fear flashed across them before they dulled once again. Ulixes rubbed his trembling hands together, slowly lowered his arms, and turned away. Quietly, he followed this broken creature down the trail leading to the helicopter. Though the broad back was straight and shoulders squared, Kallon knew he still fought whatever had him in its grasp as evidenced by the clenched, shaking fists clamped to his sides. He tried another tactic.
“Ulixes, I assume your visit to Protonecis was successful. How fares the new king?” The warrior’s gait slowed for a brief moment. He flicked a glance over his shoulder then continued on with his brisk stride.
“All is well. He identified the senate members he perceived as adversaries to his succession. They quietly retired to their estates instead of facing a public trial for their part in his exile.”
“This is good. What other progressions did you witness?”
Kallon watched Ulixes’s shoulders drop a notch and his hands relaxed, though they never fully released from a full fist.
“Calpion appears to have a solid hold on the populace that sought to oppose Bellator. He has delivered on his promise to Lucien and convinced them the old ways were no more. Not all were happy to hear it, but there really was no other choice but to place their weapons and agendas aside to join the others. They’ll see the benefit in time.”
Kallon liked that Ulixes’s voice was growing stronger. Perhaps he would feel sturdy enough to speak of darker things later.
“So, you feel that they’ll leave him be while he reorganizes?”
“Though it was peaceful when I left, Bellator appeared to be listening to my advice. He was a third of the way into completing the selection of his army. Nicomedes, Argus, and Leto returned home as well. He trusts them since they assisted me with the freeing of the Trejani. He’s named them among his top commanders. He would be wise to sleep lightly for a while. However, I do foresee it remaining quiet long enough for him to circle himself with loyalty.”
A slight smile lifted Kallon’s lips when he heard the soft snort issued over the broad shoulder. Any sign of normalcy in Ulixes’s demeanor was a tremendous victory.
“As with any court, that could shift as easily as the wind.”
“Yes. I know what you mean. Bellator appears to be very cunning. I have faith he’ll prevail. I’m sure you’ve given him sound advice.”
All too soon, the helicopter came into view and ended their trip into easy conversation. Ulixes lifted his hand in response to Sotarios’s friendly wave and they quickly boarded.
An hour later, Ulixes was still staring out into the darkness. He’d not uttered a word since he’d plopped into the seat. Kallon knew if he didn’t start this male toward healing, he might never recover. Once they hit the ground in Austin, he’d bolt. Of this, he was positive.
“Ulixes?” There were several beats of silence before he responded.
“Yes?” At least his shoulders appeared relaxed. He continued to look out into the blackness.
“Why did you return to Earth?” Again, measured time clicked by before he would answer. Even then, it was as if memorized.
“Bellator needed to find his second-in-command. His reliance on me grew. It was time to part.”
“Was that the only reason?”
“What do you mean?”
“Did your time at the court settle the past with Basilius? Have those memories been laid aside as they should be?”
Ulixes cleared his throat and placed his hands upon his lap. Kallon could sense him withdrawing, yet he answered in a hushed tone.
“What is there to settle? He’s dead.”
“You know this is not what I mean, Ulixes. Have you reconciled that the one you once loved can no longer harm you? Did you finally realize that having feelings for him didn’t make you a monster? Even he knew your worth at the end. Despite his last heroic action, Ulixes, he fooled thousands. Do you now see how easily he hid his true nature? His victims never saw it coming. He was broken, Ulixes. Not you. He admitted as much.”
Kallon was surprised by the subtle head nod. He’d expected an outburst or complete silence. He sighed in relief when Ulixes spoke, even if it was shaky and hesitant.
“Tana said something similar as to his nature while we were locked away.” Kallon relaxed back into his seat.
“She’s very wise.”
“Yes. Yes, she is. I heard her conversations with the emperor. We were one cell away…just one cell away. She studied…broken people. I wonder…”
Kallon leaned forward, hoping that Ulixes would turn his way and continue to share his thoughts. He didn’t.
“Wonder what, Ulixes?”
“Nothing. It’s nothing.”
Taking a chance that he still might lose this tenuous connection, Kallon pushed on.
“If you can’t look at me, Ulixes, at least listen to my words. You’re not ruined. It may feel that way right now, but you can work yourself through this. I know that you can. Talk to me, please.”
Kallon’s eyes widened when Ulixes’s head rolled against the seat and his eyes locked with his. At least there was emotion there now, even if it was abject sadness.
“That was my plan, Kallon. I came back to speak with you. I didn’t realize how hard it was going to be.”
Smiling at the admission, Kallon felt hope suffuse his chest. “Tell me then. What did you want to say?” Kallon watched the honey-brown eyes search his face and finally rise to his.
“For you to find another. Don’t look to me for love, Kallon. I don’t know how to return it. I never did.”
Leaning back against his seat, Kallon allowed himself a few moments to corral his thoughts. This was too important for gut reactions.
“I see. So, you think yourself unworthy of my love?”
“Yes.”
“Don’t you think that should be my decision?”
“You’d be wise to follow my advice.”
“Why, Ulixes? If I gave you my heart would you purposefully set out to hurt me?”
“Of course not.”
“So, you must think that I’m so weak that I can’t handle a life with someone that isn’t absolutely perfect? That I would run at the first sign of trouble? Do you really think that low of me?” Kallon raised his eyebrows when Ulixes released an exasperated huff of air.
“You twist my words, doctor. You know what I mean.”
“No, I truly don’t, warrior. You’ve continuously avoided me and obviously prefer to keep whatever bothers you to yourself. What other conclusions could I draw?” Kallon was pleased to see Ulixes sit straight in his seat and narrow his eyes. This show of emotion was welcome. Anger was much healthier than despair and gravelly words better than lethargic monotone.
“You know exactly what plagues me, Kallon. Don’t act like that was a normal trip through the vortex. I sensed you. You were everywhere.”
Reaching forward, Kallon clamped on to Ulixes’s knee. He felt the instinctive flinch, but didn’t move his hand away. He let the stubborn male hear his own frustration and ire.
“Yes. I blanketed you, and I learned. Did I run from it? Did my essence recoil in fright? Tell me, Ulixes. What did you feel when I wrapped myself around you? Was it disgust? Pity? Spill it, warrior. What did you feel?”
Eyes locked, Kallon felt like he’d just stepp
ed into the ring with a prizefighter. Chills went up his spine at the deep, husky voice that responded.
“Nothing. I felt absolutely nothing.” Only Sotarios’s pissed off voice broke the unrelenting stare-down.
“Oh, for the love of Dii. Would you two get your gods damn shit together? Everyone knows that you love each other. Why can’t you see this? I should set this fucking transport down right here and make you two walk the last five miles into Austin. Perhaps it will clear your heads and you can get right to the damn point instead of this back-and-forth bullshit. Son of a bitch, Ulixes! If anyone should know that life is entirely too short to waste it with pebbles of truth and missed opportunities, it should be you. Have you learned nothing from what we endured?” At the continued silence from the sullen male, Sotarios huffed out a breath. “Fuck it! Just sit there like a damn stone. Waste your time then.”
Kallon leaned back in his seat and grasped the armrests to steady his emotions. He refused to be the first one to look away.
“You lied, Ulixes. You felt something, and you know very well what it was.”
Ulixes leaned back and mimicked his posture. He said nothing as the helicopter landed on the tarmac. His eyes never wavered until Sotarios slid the doors open, gave them both a glare, and then pointed back toward the hangar.
“I’ll be in the car. Try not to kill each other before you join me. Can you at least agree on that?” Shaking his head, he turned on his heel and marched over to the black Suburban parked by the side of the large metal building.
Kallon lifted his hand outward and gestured to the open doorway. “After you, warrior. I certainly don’t want to get in your way. You seem to know your path so well. Please, don’t let me stop you.”
Ulixes rose from the seat and leaned close to Kallon’s ear. He could feel the warm, panting breath caressing his cheek as he spoke in a low, rolling timbre.
Fueled by Lust: Caelius (Siren Publishing Classic) Page 19