“I’ll have Hayden and Dante check them out.”
She nodded. “Are you headed to your family thing?”
I glanced at myself in the handheld mirror I’d been using to apply a subtle amount of makeup. I didn’t wear makeup often and when I did, sometimes I didn’t recognize the face that looked back at me in the mirror.
“I think Cole and Amber are going to announce that they’re pregnant. That that’s why they moved up the wedding a few weeks.”
“I wouldn’t be surprised.”
“I don’t know how to feel about it. I love Cole and Amber…she’s good people. And she makes him so happy.”
“But?”
“But I’m jealous as hell and I can’t make myself stop feeling jealous.”
“That’s understandable, Megan.”
“I know, I just…” I looked at her. “I miss Luke. As much as I lecture myself, and remind myself that he didn’t want me—that he was the one who chose to walk away—I miss him.”
“I do, too. And I’m angry for what he did to you and for what he did to the rest of us. He was my friend, too. And Peter’s and Cole’s and Hayden…” she shook her head. “He had no right to just leave us all behind like that.”
“I wanted to believe he had a good reason, something he couldn’t tell us. But the longer he’s gone, the harder it is to believe that.”
Sam came around the desk and offered me a hug. “I know about you and Dante.”
I blushed. “I should have told you.”
“I know why you didn’t. But I think it’s good for you. You need to move on and maybe this is the first step.”
I sat back, studied her for a minute. “The thing is I don’t think being with Dante is moving on. It feels like moving sideways.” I blushed a little, my thoughts roaming over his body, his touch. “He reminds me of Luke.”
Sam’s eyebrows rose. “Does he?”
“His voice. The way he looks at me. His touch…” The blush deepened. “I don’t know what it is, Sam. I know in my head he’s not Luke, but my heart thinks something much different.”
“He’s not Luke.” She took my hand and drew me close to her. “I wish you wouldn’t do this to yourself. Luke…he’s gone. He might come back, but the longer he’s gone, the less likely that is. You have to learn to accept that. You can’t punish yourself this way forever.”
“I know. But, like I said, my head knows one thing, but my heart thinks a totally different thing.”
She leaned down and kissed my cheek. “Go hang out with your family. Be happy. This will all work out if you let it.”
That I knew, too. I guess I just wasn’t ready.
Cole lifted a glass of champagne as PJ, our nephew and Amber’s beautiful little boy, squealed in Momma’s arms.
“To family. To friends. To love and happiness and respect.”
“Here, here,” Daddy said, holding out his own glass.
Amber looked up at my brother, simply beaming. She was so clearly in love that it was almost painful to see. And Cole…the feeling was very mutual. It was written in every line of his handsome face. My little brother, who slept with all of my friends in high school with the exception only of Sam—which I think always offended her a little—who spent his time in the military moving from place to place, leaving dozens of broken hearts in his wake, had finally found a woman who won his heart and made him want to be monogamous. I never would have believed it possible. But here he was, so clearly in love. And not just with Amber, but with PJ, too.
Peter would be pleased to see that his former lover had found happiness and that they were raising his son together, raising him with love and respect and everything a child deserves.
“So tell us,” Momma suddenly demanded. “Why are we rushing this wedding? What happened to a Christmas ceremony?”
“Can’t it just be that we’re anxious to make our family official?” Cole asked.
“No,” Momma, Daddy, and I said in a chorus.
Amber blushed, but Cole just laughed. He knew us. And he knew we knew him.
“We’re pregnant!”
There were cheers and laughter. Somehow I ended up with PJ in my arms, and he was laughing, clinging to me as if I was the most exciting amusement park ride he’d ever been on. Not that, at nearly a year old, he’d ever been on an amusement park ride.
And I was there, a smile plastered to my face, but feeling hallow inside.
This was supposed to be me. That was the selfish thought that floated around my head the rest of the night as I listened to Momma pepper Amber with questions, as I watched them plan out the birth of another grandchild, another happy future unrolling for someone other than me.
This was supposed to be me.
Two years ago, it was me. I was at my wedding rehearsal dinner, laughing with my family, looking into the eyes of the man I loved, so ready to be his wife that I would have said my I do’s right there at the table.
And now…
I drank too much. I held it well, but I drank too much. And I smiled, said all the right things, even offered a little advice of my own. No one would have guessed that it came from this huge black hole in the center of my soul. That there was nothing left of me when it was done. I’d given it all.
I took a taxi, well aware that I couldn’t drive myself. Somehow he was there when I stumbled up the front walk.
“I was waiting,” he said, gesturing to the swing that was slightly hidden in the depths of my front porch.
“You should go,” I said. “They’ve all found happiness. Cole and Vincent, Dominic and Marcus. They all found happiness. You should go, take a case, and find some pretty little thing of your own.”
“Why would I want to do that?”
“Because I can’t love you.” I shook my head, making the vertigo that was threatening to overwhelm me just grow and swallow me whole. “Because I will never stop loving him no matter how desperately I want to. And I want to. I want to move on with my life. I want to be able to fall in love again. I watch Cole with Amber, Marcus with Cadence, and I see what they have. I see how they’ve somehow managed to grab onto the impossible. They found true love. But me?”
I sighed, running my hand slowly over his jaw, wishing it was the same jaw I’d touched a million times since high school. Wishing he was the one who made promises to me in the dark, who held me when life got too hard, who made me strong. But it wasn’t.
“I had that once. I had perfection. And it wasn’t enough for him.”
Pain flashed through Dante’s eyes. He lifted me into his arms and pushed open the front door, carrying me into the bowels of the house I bought to share with Luke. There were memories everywhere, his face laughing at me from the corners.
“It was all just a fucking joke, wasn’t it? He promised to always love me and when it came time to sign the contract, he just couldn’t do it. All those wasted years…all that wasted time. He simply couldn’t do it.”
“Megan,” Dante whispered, his voice filled with emotion, “it wasn’t a joke.”
I shook my head. “It was. Because he wasn’t sincere.”
He laid me on the bed, his hands moving over my face, my shoulders. He slowly began to undress me as I lay there, too drained to even move.
“People are complicated,” he said. “Sometimes they have to do things that don’t make sense on the surface, but with some explanation…”
I shook my head. “There’s no explanation that could change this. It’s been two years. If he was going to come back, he would have.”
I sat up, pulling my pencil skirt up around my waist as I climbed onto Dante’s lap. I kissed him with all the passion I could master—which was probably not much—reaching between our bodies to touch him, to pull him free of his clothing.
“Make me forget.”
It was all I had to say. He lifted me and threw me down on the mattress, his hands almost punishing as he explored my body, touching and biting and tasting every inch. Even in the state I was in, even with that big hole
in my soul, he took me to heights no one else had ever managed. I screamed in his arms that night…screams like none I’d ever uttered before.
If I couldn’t have love, at least I could have this.
Chapter 27
Marcus
“Are you sure you want to do this now?”
Cadence glanced at me. “We have to do it soon. He just buried his wife. I don’t want to leave him hanging on the surrogacy thing.”
I waved a hand at our attire. “But we’re not really dressed to deliver bad news.”
She glanced at herself, self-consciously tugging at the front of her formal dress. We were on our way to Cole Bradford’s wedding reception. It was an invitation from Megan that I felt we couldn’t ignore, but I hadn’t known she would want to make a stop at Blake Zimmerman’s mansion on the way.
“He’s not going to be pleased to see me.”
“He probably won’t be pleased to see either of us. But we have to do this.”
I gritted my teeth as I made the turn onto Blake’s block. Paparazzi, dozens of them, were sitting outside the house. They’d been there for months, ever since Blake announced his retirement from football because of a knee injury. There were constant rumors that he was going to return to the NFL and become a free agent after the doctors cleared him to play again. The paparazzi wanted to be the first to break the news. But then his wife died and that just increased his popularity. They were lining the street, blocking other residents’ driveways.
“Vultures.”
I glanced at Cadence. “That’s Vincent’s code name.”
She smiled. “Really?”
“I guess Megan has a thing for birds.”
“What’s yours?”
“Grosbeak.”
“Healer of the heart.” She smiled. “That’s fitting.”
“Yeah? Is that some sort of symbolism or something?”
“Birds are often used in art as symbols for something else. A grosbeak represents healing of the heart, and family dynamics.” She reached over and touched my knee. “Fitting.”
I smiled. “Megan’s pretty smart, I guess.”
I pushed the button on the gate. They rolled open without any exchange from the house.
We drove up to the circle drive and got out. Blake was waiting on the doorstep, looking like ten miles of bad road. His clothes were wrinkled, his face creased from lying down. There was a drink in his hand.
“Marcus Hanson. They told me you were the Dragon bodyguard, but I didn’t believe it.”
“It’s me.”
He walked up to me, and I braced myself, not quite sure how to respond to him. But then he threw his arms around me and offered a huge bear hug.
“It’s always good to see old friends.”
I nodded, wondering if he remembered anything that went down between us all those years ago.
He turned to Cadence, sadness filling his eyes. “You look beautiful.”
She touched her hip, smoothing her hand over the material of her dress. “I’m sorry, Blake.”
He shook his head. “My own fault. I should have seen how far over the edge Annie had gone. I just didn’t want to.” He studied her a moment, then he sighed. “I don’t suppose you want to continue with the contract.”
“The thing is,” she said slowly, “I can’t.”
He nodded. “I get it. After what Annie did, I’m surprised you could even come here.”
“No,” she said, glancing back at me. I came up beside her and slipped my arm around her waist.
“Oh,” Blake said, eyeing us both. “I see. You finally got me back, huh, Hanson?”
“It’s not about that, Blake.”
“No. I wouldn’t think so.”
He swallowed the last of what was in his glass and turned to smash it on the marble steps. Then he faced us again, a smile glued to his lips that didn’t reach his eyes.
“I’m happy for you, Cadence. This one…” He punched my arm. “He’s a good guy. I burned him the worst way a buddy could and he only took a swing at me. But he should have done a lot worse.”
“I really wanted to help you, Blake. I did.”
His expression softened, his eyes moving over Cadence. “I know. You’re the only truly good soul I’ve ever known.”
She smiled. But it was a weak smile.
“Let’s go,” I said, turning her toward the car.
“Goodbye, Cadence,” Blake said.
I put her in the car, closing it tightly before I turned to Blake again.
“She’s pregnant,” I said. “It wasn’t intentional and she feels bad about it. Don’t make it worse.”
“She’s pregnant?”
“It’s mine.”
Blake took a swing. I easily ducked and landed one in the center of his belly, then raised my knee into his crotch.
“You’re right. I should have done that a long time ago.”
I left him there on the ground, rejoining Cadence in the car and driving off like nothing happened. She didn’t utter a word.
She didn’t have to.
Chapter 28
Cadence
I was lost in a sea of decadence. The reception was held in the home of Megan Bradford’s parents. They were obviously people of means. Their house was larger than Blake Zimmerman’s and so full of luxuries I’d never knew existed, therefore never known I’d missed. It was like stepping into a fairy tale or something.
There was cake and cupcakes, hors d'oeuvres made of such decadent things as caviar and paté. There was champagne flowing everywhere, chocolate fountains and ice sculptures. It was like something I’d seen in the movies, but never truly believed could exist.
I clung to Marcus’ hand. I knew no one there. They knew him, though, and people kept coming up to talk to him, congratulating him on surviving my case. And they smiled when they saw me.
We’d been there almost an hour when this woman, just out of the blue, came over and grabbed my hand. She dragged me to a corner of the back deck where other women were standing.
“I’m Quinn Smith,” she said with a quick smile. “I’m sure you’ve been told about me. I’m the porn star who seduced Vincent Caplin on his first case for Dragon.”
I blushed, not sure if it was her brazen introduction or the fact that I had heard about her that caused the reaction.
“And this is Amy Greene Gil, she’s Dominic’s wife.”
“Wife?” She sighed. “I’m still wrapping my mind around that title.”
“We’re all new girls on the block, so I thought I’d drag you over here, introduce you, and let you know you aren’t alone.”
“Thank you.”
Quinn laughed. “Don’t worry, honey, you’ll get used to all this. This is what it’s like being a member of the Dragon family.”
“Are all the parties like this?”
“No. Megan’s a little subtler than her parents are. But they’re close.”
“She threw Dominic and me a wedding,” Amy said. “We were just going to the justice of the peace, but she insisted on doing it at her house. She was so generous; the dress alone was worth so much more than what we had planned….”
They filled me in on everything Dragon family. When they were done, I had to admit I was a little overwhelmed. But I also had to admit to feeling a little privileged for being a part of all this. And when Marcus found me later, I was a little more confident as we mingled with the other guests.
Chapter 29
Sam
I found myself stepping back from the crowd, more comfortable as an observer than a participant. I was a little dizzy, feeling a little off. It was becoming my new norm, this feeling of being on the verge of becoming quite ill. It was something I was beginning to think I was going to have to get used to.
I should go to the doctor. But, based on warnings he’d given me months ago, I was afraid to confirm my worst fears.
I wasn’t ready.
“Hiding?”
I glanced at Hayden. “Come to make f
un of my dress?”
“No. You actually look pretty good in lace.”
I glanced down at the lace and silk dress I was wearing, a vintage piece I’d picked up at a secondhand store. It had a high collar on which I’d pinned a cameo. The waist was high, cinched tight with a thick piece of ribbon, and the skirt fell clear to my ankles, my heeled boots barely peeking out when I stood still. It was conservative and old fashioned, but I liked the way it fell over my curves, accentuating them in an interesting way.
“We need to talk.”
“What about?”
“I was checking into that man who was after Dominic and Amy last month. The one Dante killed?”
“I thought we couldn’t find an ID on him.”
“The cops couldn’t. But I did a little more digging. I think Dominic was right. I think he was former CIA.”
“Former?”
“A friend of mine in the agency said that a bunch of agents went rogue like two years ago. He said they were involved in some shady business and they suddenly all left the agency at the same time, for various reasons. He thinks this guy might have been one of them.”
“Was Luke another?”
Hayden looked sharply at me. “Why?”
“He was involved in this thing somehow. His name was in Emily Greene’s files. I think he was on the taskforce she worked on. And I think he knew something, or did something. Something that got him on her radar long after he left the agency.”
“You think this has something to do with why Luke ran off.”
I looked toward the crowd, to Megan where she was standing with her brother, talking happily about something. This was so hard for her. She was smiling, but I could see the strain on her face. It was killing her, bringing up all these memories of Luke.
“There was a reason. I knew him—knew them together. He never would have left her if he didn’t have a good reason.”
“I agree. But this? That’s an awful lot of coincidences.”
“Not really. Peter went to him about his investigation into the sale of unlicensed versions of his software. We know Peter traced that back to this same terrorist cell. Luke disappeared three months before Peter died in that car accident that we now know was connected to his investigation.”
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