She pulled back and looked up into his face. “I know she came with someone else, but I think you should try to talk to her before you leave.”
He started to shake his head and opened his mouth to tell her that Hannah obviously didn’t want to talk to him, but Megan kept going, not letting him speak.
“You’ve been miserable since she left, and since I know she hasn’t returned any of your calls, she doesn’t know about your plans. She needs to know so she doesn’t regret her decision sometime down the road when it’s too late to change anything. Talk to her, Matt. Don’t leave tonight without taking advantage of the opportunity when fate drops it in your lap.”
He pressed his lips together, not sure what to say. He wanted to talk to Hannah. That hadn’t changed in the weeks since she’d broken up with him and sent him away. But he didn’t know how Hannah would react. Or if he could keep it together in front of the crowd.
He meant to tell Megan that it was hopeless, but instead he nodded. “If I get the chance, I’ll talk to her.”
Megan smiled, her face brightening. “Okay, good. Now, I must get back to my adoring fans.”
He couldn’t help chuckling a little along with her, his eyes following her as she took Chris’s hand and led him back out to the party to greet more people who had arrived while they had their impromptu meeting in the back.
Lance gripped his shoulder. “You alright, man?”
No. But he nodded. “Yeah. I’m fine.” Or he would be eventually. “Thanks, man.”
“Anytime.”
The three of them moved back into the crowd. He went to the drinks table to get more punch, hoping that he didn’t crush this one. When he looked up, he scanned the crowd, needing to find Hannah and see what she was doing, his eyes drawn to her like metal filings to a high-powered magnet.
She stood in one corner of the gallery, Daniel next to her, not touching her for once, chatting with a few other people. As though she could feel his eyes on her, she turned, her gaze colliding with his. Even from across the room, he could see her green eyes widen and her face pale. She spun back around, her posture stiff.
Well, fuck. If she reacted like that to simple eye contact, how would he get the chance to talk to her?
* * *
Hannah stiffened, her eyes going wide when they clashed with Matt’s. She turned back to the group she stood with, trying and failing to focus on the conversation flowing around her. She had no idea what they were talking about anymore.
Daniel seemed to notice the sudden change in her posture, glancing down at her, his eyes curious. “You alright?”
She shook her head, then nodded. “I’m—I’m fine.” God, how ridiculous that just making eye contact with Matt across a crowded room reduced her to a stammering wreck. They weren’t together anymore. She’d ended it. He didn’t care as much about her as she did about him. It couldn’t work. She was moving on. That’s why she came with Daniel, after all, but when he tried to wrap his arm around her waist again, she stepped away, unable to bear his touch. Not with Matt in the room. Not with the memories of her and Matt playing through her like a film projector and her body the screen. The memories were visceral things. Each touch, each caress, each kiss played over her skin like a real, living thing, instead of the phantoms they were.
Daniel looked surprised when she didn’t let him touch her, and she couldn’t blame him since she’d allowed it up until now. He glanced behind him over his shoulder, and when he looked back at her, his face was grim. “You saw Matt.” It wasn’t a question.
She nodded, the movement little more than a downward jerk of her head. She wouldn’t look at him, but she felt his eyes studying her.
“Are you okay?”
She nodded again, this time a little more convincingly. “Yeah. I was just surprised.” Though she didn’t know why. She’d expected him to be here. But she’d scanned the room after talking to Megan and Chris and hadn’t seen him. So to make eye contact with him so suddenly had shaken her up. Had he gotten there while she wasn’t paying attention? Or had he been hiding somewhere? Was he as affected by seeing her as she was from seeing him?
She gave herself a mental shake. What did it matter? They weren’t together. They couldn’t be together. They’d both chosen their careers over their relationship, and that was the the way it was. Nothing else could be done.
But if she still had this kind of reaction to him, how would she survive a whole summer with him as one of her managers? She wouldn’t be able to avoid him then like she could now. Ignoring him could be considered insubordination. She let out an involuntary groan at the thought.
Daniel glanced down at her, looking over his shoulder to locate Matt, and wrapped his arm around her, pulling her close in a gesture of undeniable possessiveness. She let him this time, because part of the point of coming with him was to keep Matt away. If she constantly stepped out of his hold or shrugged him off, Matt might realize it was just for show and come talk to her anyway. Plus, Daniel was a nice guy. She didn’t want to hurt his feelings or discourage him too much. She enjoyed spending time with him, and she normally liked his touch even if she didn’t crave it like she did Matt’s. If she acted like she couldn’t stand him tonight, he might take it as a wholesale rejection, and she didn’t want that.
She spent the next hour or so trying to distract herself with conversation with Daniel and people he knew at the party, mingling and meeting new people. But every few minutes she couldn’t help scanning the room for Matt. Each time she found him, he was either watching her already, or turned and looked at her just as she found him, like he could tell she was looking for him. Or he was looking for her just as often.
After Megan’s speech thanking everyone for coming, the models for their assistance, the gallery owner for hosting the show, and her professor for setting it up for her, Hannah needed to escape. She excused herself to Daniel, tossed her empty cup in the trash, and headed for the ladies’ room. She washed her hands, running cool water over her wrists, taking deep breaths, trying everything she could to keep herself together. She might have to bail soon, and Daniel seemed like he was having a good time, so she hated to cut his night short. If she got desperate, maybe Elena could come get her. She knew coming tonight would be a bad idea. Why had she let Megan talk her into it? And what was Megan thinking? Did she want to torture her? And what about Matt? Weren’t they friends? Why would she do this to him?
Deciding that she couldn’t spend any more time in the restroom without people wondering if she’d snuck out the window, she pushed those thoughts aside and opened the door.
Matt stood on the other side, leaning against the wall. He raised his head as she stepped out of the restroom, his mouth a firm line, a muscle in his jaw ticking, his blue eyes full of pain.
She froze, having barely stepped through the door. When it swung closed, it smacked into her, pushing her forward, her breath coming out in an undignified oof.
Matt caught her by the arm as she took a stumbling step. The feeling of his hand wrapped around her arm made her gasp as heat raced through her body. Dammit, how was she supposed to get over him when the most innocent contact had her reacting like this?
“Hannah?”
She looked up into his expectant face, realizing that he must’ve asked her something. She shook her head. “I’m sorry, what?”
He let out a loud exhale, almost a sigh. “Can we talk? Please?”
After a moment, she nodded. Maybe if she talked to him, they could figure out a way to coexist without bad feelings since their paths would inevitably start crossing more in about a month and a half.
His hand still on her arm, he led her to the end of the little hallway past the restrooms. Once there he let go of her and ran his hands through his hair, pacing back and forth a few steps up the hall and back to where she waited. He looked agitated, and she waited for him to talk.
After a few minutes, he still hadn’t said anything. She raised an eyebrow. “Matt? Did you want to talk to m
e about something?”
He looked at her, then at the ceiling, his hands clenched in his hair, a groan escaping from him. Dropping his hands, he speared her with his ice-blue gaze. “Are you dating Carter?”
“That’s why you dragged me back here? To ask if I’m dating someone else?” She injected as much irritation into her voice as she could, even though on the inside she got a little thrill that he was jealous.
He shook his head, and growled low in his throat. She remembered what it felt like when that growl rumbled in his chest. “Just answer the question, Hannah.”
She sighed and crossed her arms. “Not that it’s any of your business, but we’ve gone out a couple times. He’s my date for tonight.”
He growled again. “Is it serious?”
Another frustrated sigh came out of her. She didn’t want to do this. This talk was supposed to help them move forward. Devolving into a jealous argument wouldn’t do that. “Look, Matt. If this is the only thing you wanted to talk about, I’m leaving. Daniel’s waiting for me. And I don’t need to justify my dating life to you. You already made your choice.” She took a step to maneuver around him, but he moved in front of her, blocking her way out of the hall. “Let me go, Matt.” She kept her voice even, but kept her gaze trained on his chest. “Please move out of the way.”
He sighed, his chest deflating, and she raised her eyes to his face. He looked defeated. “I’m sorry, Hannah. No, that’s not what I wanted to talk to you about. It’s just—I can’t—” He shook his head and blew out a breath, looking over her head, trying to gather himself. “Give me a few minutes? Please?”
She crossed her arms again. “Fine. But please just say what you have to say and get it over with.”
He nodded. “I—I wanted to apologize to you and to thank you.”
That caught her attention. “To thank me? For what?”
A ghost of a smile crossed his face. “You aren’t interested in the apology?”
She grunted. “Sure. But I can imagine what you want to apologize for. The thanks is the unexpected part.”
“Let me get the apology out first.” He reached for her hands, and she let him take them in both of his, his blue eyes imploring. “I’m so sorry for the way I acted. For expecting you to give up on something that you wanted, that you’ve worked hard for, so I didn’t have to break out of my comfort zone. I’m sorry for being a complete jackass and fucking everything up. And I want to thank you for making me see how scared I was of trying to do something I care about. For making me see how much I was settling already.”
He looked away for a minute, licking his lips, gathering himself for the next part. “I’ve dreamed of being my own boss since I was a teenager, but I’ve always been told that that’s for people with money, rich people, not people like my family who scrape to get by, living paycheck to paycheck. We had enough, but just enough, nothing extra. I was supposed to go to college so I could get a good job so I didn’t have to worry so much about money. So I could afford to take vacations and do fun things. All my parents ever wanted was for me to get a good job with a great benefits package and start saving for retirement right out of college. They were so proud of me for getting a job offer before I even graduated. And the fact that I got a scholarship to cover most of my tuition means that I don’t even have tons of student loan debt. Not like some of my friends.
“Anyway, that’s not the point. You made me see that I was too much of a coward to go after what I want. I have a business and marketing degree. I have ideas. Well, you’re the one who gave me the best idea, so I have to thank you for that, too. I’m starting my own surf travel company. I’m starting with beginner packages for people who want to learn to surf. I handle all the arrangements. All they do is pay for it and show up. I’m taking my first group in June. That, plus my savings, and a couple friends who’ve promised to invest as well as be some of my first customers, means I’m quitting Eco Utilities at the end of May. Don’t tell anyone there, though. I haven’t let them know yet.”
She stood there stunned, not expecting any of this. He was quitting his job? Starting his own company? Because of her? He looked into her eyes, his mouth open like he wanted to say more, but he closed it and swallowed, his Adam’s apple bobbing in his throat.
“Why—why are you telling me this?”
His eyebrows went up. “Well, like I said, I wanted to thank you. If you hadn’t said something about taking people on surfing vacations before you broke up with me, I wouldn’t have ever come up with that on my own. Or had the guts to go after it. You make me braver, stronger. And—” He cut his eyes to the side, then looked her in the eye again, his hands tightening around hers. “Well, I’d hoped maybe you would be willing to try again. If I’m not working at Eco Utilities there’s no conflict. But if you’re with someone else, then, I guess that’s off the table.” His grip on her hands loosened. “I still wanted you to know, though, regardless.”
His fingers slipped away from hers, and her hands dropped to hang limp at her sides. She stood there staring at Matt, her eyes roaming over his face, unsure what to say or how to respond.
“Hannah?” Daniel’s voice cut through her daze. “Are you back here?”
Matt flinched, turning at the sound of her name. “Hey, Carter. Sorry to interrupt your date. I just needed to talk to Hannah for a minute.” He shoved his hands in his pockets, and Hannah watched as his expression shut down, his face going to that neutral mask that she had seen him hide behind before, but rarely with her.
Annoyance at Daniel flashed through her. And annoyance with herself. What was she doing? She was here on a date with Daniel. She was supposed to be getting over Matt, not standing with him in dark hallways, memorizing his face and wishing she could press her body against his once more.
She closed her eyes, facing the fact that she wasn’t over Matt, despite her best efforts. Would she ever be able to get over him? Did she need to? He was quitting Eco Utilties. There was no more conflict. He’d said so. But did that mean he cared about her as much as she cared about him? Or was he quitting just because he was already tired of working in a job he didn’t care about?
Opening her eyes, she drew in a breath to ask Matt what he wanted by telling her this. By saying he wanted to try again. But before she could get the words out, Matt had taken a step backward, then another, and he turned and went back to the party. She stared after him, her mouth hanging open, all her words clogging her throat.
She dragged in a breath, and it came out on a sob, tears running down her cheeks.
Daniel wrapped an arm around her, pulling her into his chest, rubbing her back. “Hey, babe. It’s alright. He’s gone. I won’t let him bother you any more tonight.”
She shook her head, wanting to protest that he had it all wrong, that she wasn’t crying because Matt had said something mean to her, but that she was heartbroken and nothing Daniel could do would make it better. That she’d finally realized that she’d given Matt her heart during that summer along with her virginity, and she could never recover it. Even if she wanted to. Which she didn’t. Not anymore.
And now Matt had turned away from her. He was quitting his job. Would he be moving away too? And she’d let him believe that things with Daniel were more serious than they were. He’d hoped for a second chance. Would he quit sooner now that he thought that wasn’t an option? Move away sooner? Oh, God. What had she done?
Daniel kept whispering reassurances to her, and she felt horrible, because here he was being a great guy, and all she could think about was Matt. She needed to talk to him more, to figure things out. She couldn’t let him leave like this. But first she needed to deal with Daniel. God, this was going to be awful.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
Matt pushed his way back through the crowd, leaving Hannah in the hallway with her date. The thought made him want to simultaneously hurl and punch something. Or someone. Preferably Daniel Carter. But it wasn’t Carter’s fault. He wasn’t the one who’d fucked everything up. C
arter was a good guy. At least she wasn’t with some douchebag.
Matt thought his heart had already shattered when Hannah broke up with him weeks ago, but the faint hope that she’d give him another chance had done some damage control. Now he had to fight the urge to rub at his chest to see if the hole he felt there was real. Not only was his heart broken, but seeing Hannah with someone else had ripped it out and stomped on the shards.
A hand grabbing his forearm stopped his blind progress toward the exit. His eyes followed the delicate fingers wrapped above his wrist to their owner. Megan’s concerned brown eyes met his. He looked over her head to see Chris standing there, looking just as worried as Megan. He saw Megan’s mouth moving, but couldn’t make out what she said over the buzz in his ears that made all the sounds around him fade away into an indistinguishable drone.
He shook his head, deciding not to worry about whatever Megan was saying. He freed his arm, leaned in, and gave her a kiss on the cheek. “Great show, Megan. You should be proud of all of this. It’s great. But I’ve got to go. I can’t stay anymore tonight. I’ll see you guys at home.” He gave Chris a nod and left before either of them could say anything else. Hell, maybe they did say something, but his hearing still wasn’t right.
Once outside, he stopped and gasped for air, one hand on the brick wall of the gallery while he bent over. His stomach still churned and acid burned the back of his throat. He swallowed it back, determined not to puke on the sidewalk like a drunk. He hadn’t even had any alcohol tonight. Just the punch the gallery had as an alternative to the beer and wine available.
After a few minutes the urge to vomit receded enough for him to walk to his car. The pain in his chest had faded from a sharp stab to a throbbing ache that he figured would stay with him forever. He’d been so sure that Hannah would give him another chance. She was it for him. He didn’t want anyone else. But apparently she didn’t feel the same.
Players of Marycliff University Box Set, Books 1–3 Page 67