Muscle

by Lexi Whitlow

  He bangs his gavel and we’re done—for now.

  “I really thought he’d finish this today,” Sam says. “I’m sorry. You know, you don’t have to be here tomorrow. I can call you with the decision.”

  I shake my head. “I’ll be here. I want him to see me.”

  Driving home my mind is a muddle, spinning between the wildfire reports and Grace. I slept fitfully last night, dreaming of her. Dreaming of making love with her. Dreaming of watching her walk away without so much as a backward glance.

  I love her. I’m angry at her. I’m hurt that she doesn’t believe I love her. I’m crushed that she probably doesn’t feel anything close to the same thing for me as I feel for her. But I have to talk to her. I have to get this out of my head and into the air.

  Chapter 21

  Grace

  “He’s doing what?!” I exclaim into the phone.

  “You heard me,” Kara says. “He’s on his way. He said he wants to surprise you. I told him that was a really shitty idea, but he wouldn’t listen. He thinks it’ll impress you. He thinks it’s all heroic and shit. I told him it was stupid.”

  Mark Edmunds cannot be coming here. Not now.

  “Oh fuck,” I moan into the phone. “This is not good. Cam’s pissed at me because of some shit I said in court, and he had to leave early this morning. We haven’t had a chance to talk, to sort it out. Where was Mark when you last spoke to him?” I ask Kara.

  “I dunno. It was eleven this morning and he said he was halfway there. I’d expect him any time.”

  Shit.

  “Thanks for the heads up,” I say. “At least I’m not completely blindsided.”

  Maybe I can get rid of him before Camden gets home this afternoon. That’s a good plan.

  That idea looks more doable by the minute when I see an unfamiliar car hurdling down Mollman Pass Trail, lifting a cloud of dust in its wake.

  This has to be Mark, driving a Mini Cooper too fast down a dirt road. No one else would be that boldly stupid. He could hit a rut and break an axle, flipping that little thing six times before it stopped moving.

  The Mini turns in and sure enough, I recognize Mark’s face peering at me, grinning, through the windshield.

  The soul patch is gone, replaced by a full beard. I’m not sure which I like least.

  He parks the tiny car and steps out, a wide grin stretched across his face.

  “You don’t look surprised to see me,” he says. “Kara must have called you.”

  I nod. “She did. Lucky for you. I’ve had a few minutes to prepare. Mark, you shouldn’t be here.”

  He dismisses my concern, stepping forward, stretching from the long drive. He’s dressed in slacks and little brown wingtips, a fitted dress shirt and a vest, like he’s getting ready for a GQ fashion week spread. I can tell he’s making good money by the clothes and the car. Otherwise, he’s unchanged in every other essential.

  “You told me not to come,” he says, stepping closer, looking around. “That’s when I knew I had to come. When Kara told me not to come, that sealed the deal.”

  “So, what I want doesn’t matter?” I ask him. “Mark, are you really this arrogant, or are you just stupid?”

  He looks hurt.

  “This isn’t Disneyland,” I say. “This is where I work. This is someone’s home. You can’t just show up unannounced. Not only is it rude as shit, you also put my job at risk.”

  Mark laughs. “Good!” he says. “Maybe you’ll get fired and then come back to civilization.”

  Behind me I hear the screen door squeak open. Emma comes up from behind, sliding her arm around my leg, regarding Mark with cautious curiosity.

  “Hey there little girl,” Mark says, “What’s your name?”

  She looks up at me for permission before answering. “Emma.”

  “That’s a pretty name,” Mark says. “I’m and old friend of Grace’s. I came to see her.”

  I drop down, getting face to face with Grace. “Go inside baby. I’ll be inside in a minute.”

  When I return my attention to Mark, it’s with intent. “You can’t be here,” I say. “Find a place to stay in town and I’ll come have lunch with you tomorrow. I’m on the clock now. You have to go.”

  Mark laughs at me. “You’re on the clock with a six-year-old, and I don’t see anybody else around except for horses.” He steps forward. “Grace. Baby. It’s been months. Let’s talk.”

  My plan for getting rid of Mark evaporates when I see a familiar, black 4WD pick-up bounding down the trail. I can hear the big engine powering toward us, and I know there’s no way to avoid the inevitable.

  Mark’s timing could not be worse.

  “Find a place to stay in town. Text me.” I say, as Cam turns his truck down the lane toward the house. “And don’t be a dick. Cam’s probably had a rough day.”

  “Who’s Cam?” Mark asks.

  He hears the truck rumbling up, turning his head toward it, momentarily confused.

  When Camden steps out of the truck, I see his wary expression. He takes in the little lime green and black striped car before settling his assessing gaze upon Mark, sizing him up.

  “Hey,” I say, trying my best to hide my agitation. “Camden, this is Mark, from Mountain View. Mark, this is my boss, Camden Davis.”

  The way the two of them look at one another, you’d think it was a cock-fight about to commence.

  Cam’s brows lift. He looks at me, then at Mark, then back at me. “Mark?” he asks. “Middle school Mark?” He takes a stride forward. “Mark who left you in Raleigh for fame and fortune in software?”

  “Well, it wasn’t exactly like that,” Mark says, smiling nervously. “She was supposed to come with me—or follow me out.”

  Camden smiles coldly. “Is that right?”

  I swallow hard. “I didn’t know he was coming. He thought it would be fun to surprise me.”

  “Fun?” Cam says, taking another step closer to Mark. “Really?”

  Camden is at least a head taller than Mark, and easily fifty or sixty pounds heavier.

  “It’s been months since we talked,” Mark attempts to explain, his voice quaking. “I had some vacation.” He looks at Cam, and I can see that he’s rattled.

  “Cam, he’s okay. He’s going.”

  Camden smiles, stepping up to Mark. “Is he going?” he asks without looking at me. “He looks like he’s too scared to move.”

  “Cam, leave him alone. He’s a friend. Please.”

  “A friend?” Camden observes, sizing Mark up, finding him lacking.

  He presses forward another step, getting right up in Mark’s space.

  “Son, I don’t know what you’re doing here, but you’ve come a long way to get your ass stomped in the dirt. I’ve had a bad few days in a row and I’m in no mood for some pissant little shit like you to come to my house, sniffing around to see what he can turn over.”

  Cam glances to me, then fixes his steely gaze back on Mark, who is now almost shaking in his dusty wingtips.

  “That girl there on the porch, I get the impression she didn’t invite you here, so you need to take your ass back where you came from. You sure as shit are not welcome here.”

  It’s then that Mark does something I never expected from him. Maybe it’s the delirium from driving all night. Maybe it’s the sheer arrogance of a guy who lives in a world where power is measured in bank accounts and job titles. Maybe he’s just naïve enough to think that Camden is pretending.

  He bows up. He stands up to him. Then he starts laughing at Camden.

  “That girl on the porch is my best friend in the world, and the love of my life, and it’ll take more than your backward redneck threats to make me go. You’re not even good at the stereotype tough-dude act. Your bad-ass skills are as old and tired as Clint Eastwood.”

  Yeah. Not the correct approach in this situation.

  Cam levels Mark with one, clean right-hook to the jaw, rocking his head so hard I think I hear tendons pop. Mark drops
onto the dirt like a sack of potatoes.

  “Goddammit Cam!” I shout, coming off the porch. “Are you that fucking insecure that you needed to hit him to prove something?”

  Cam looks at me like I’ve just punched him in the gut. He offers no response. Instead he just turns on heel and walks into the house, leaving me with Mark in the dirt.

  Two hours later I’m handing Mark an icepack in his room at the Ninepipes Lodge in Charlo.

  He’s stunned from his encounter with Cam, but at least he’s conscious.

  I call Cam, hoping that he’ll come pick me up. Otherwise it’s going to be a long walk home.

  “Will you come get me?” I ask when he picks up, “Or do I need to call Amanda? Or your mother?”

  “I’ll come,” he says. “I can’t believe you left Emma alone.”

  “And I can’t believe you punched my oldest friend in the world. I didn’t leave Emma. She was with you.”

  “I’ll be there in twenty minutes.”

  “Fine.”

  Chapter 22. Camden.

  That twerp with his little green car showing up unannounced at my place got everything that was coming his way. You don’t turn up out of the blue like that. You don’t stand down the guy who owns the place—laughing at him—without expecting to get your bell rung.

  I don’t care who he is. He’s an arrogant little prick without a clue how the world works.

  Grace is standing outside on the walkway in front of the motel, her arms crossed tight over her chest against the spring chill in the air.

  She climbs into the truck without a word, seeing Emma snuggled against me. We drive home in silence.

  She’s mad. So am I.

  Once home, she hauls Emma onto her shoulder, walking her upstairs to bed. I wait downstairs, expecting her to come down and finally talk to me, but I’m disappointed, again. When I go up her door is closed, and her light is out. She never goes to bed this early.

  “Grace, can we talk?” I call through the door.

  No response.

  Who is this little shit I punched in the driveway, and what is he to her? When we talked about him before, she acted like he was no one who mattered. Now she’s closing me down over him. She’s shutting me out.

  Chapter 22

  Grace

  Mark’s text reads, “Branding Iron Bar & Grill. 1:00 p.m. No promises. Looks suspicious. But it’s the only thing in town. Amazing there are no Taco Bell’s in Montana. BTW, my jaw still hurts like a bitch.”

  It’s Friday. My free weekend starts at noon.

  I dial Beck’s number. She picks up chirping. “Hey, I’m the hair salon. I’ll be out in twenty minutes; can I call you then?”

  “Just seeing of you can pick up Emma at pre-school. She has her weekend bag with her.”

  “Sure, sweetie,” Beck says. “I’ll get her. We’ll catch up later.”

  Perfect.

  My puttering little Honda hasn’t seen many miles since I got to Montana, but with the weather dry and warm, I put her on the road toward Charlo without pausing. Cam is in Missoula for the final day of his custody hearing. Tyler is busy with ranch duty. Emma’s at pre-school until Beck picks her up, and I have the rest of the weekend free.

  The Branding Iron Bar & Grill looks suspicious, just as Mark warned. It’s a dive bar, with more emphasis on dive than bar.

  I find him inside at a booth by the window, nursing a cold drink and a basket of loaded cheese fries.

  “I was starving,” he says apologetically. “And I wasn’t sure you’d come.”

  I slip into the bench seat across from him.

  The lid around his right is eye is purple and his jaw is swollen. He looks like he was on the wrong side of a street fight.

  “That boss of yours has a helluva right hook. I never saw it coming.”

  “He lives in a different world,” I say. “You wouldn’t see coming half the things he sees.”

  Mark smiles sadly at me. “So, is that what it’s come to? You’re making excuses for the Neanderthal in tight jeans? Is that really you? Or just Stockholm Syndrome taking hold?

  I could punch Mark in the face myself right about now.

  “You showed up unannounced,” I say. “Without a clue as to what else is going on—which is a lot. And yeah, I like his tight jeans. And his muscles and bravado. I’m not going to pretend like I don’t. Cam is important to me. I care about him.”

  “Damn Grace, I gave you more credit than this. Maybe I misjudged you all these years.”

  He looks down at his cheese fries then back up at me.

  “That guy is toxic masculinity on steroids. He punched my lights out. You need to think hard and fast about what you’re willing to give yourself over to.”

  The waitress comes. I give her my drink order.

  “He says he loves me,” I hear myself say, realizing how ridiculous that sounds.

  Mark laughs.

  “Do you even hear yourself?” he asks.

  I stay quiet.

  “He punches me and you take me to a safe place then sulk back to him. Did you even talk or did he give you the strong-man silent treatment, punishing you for caring? Baby, you and I go back to playground days. I know you better than you know yourself. What you’re looking for is a daddy-replacement. The strong man. But that guy is bad news.”

  He flips a cheese-fry into his mouth.

  “The problem with that type is they’re rarely strong and often volatile. It’s just an act. Call them on their act and you get this.” He points to his face.

  “You have no idea what you’re talking about,” I say. “And honestly Mark, I don’t have the energy to explain it to you. You need to get in your car and go back to Mountain View, or go anywhere but here.”

  His expression shifts.

  “Are you serious?” he asks me. “After everything? You’re just done with me?”

  I draw in a deep breath, then sigh dramatically. He wants it spelled out, so I’ll spell it out.

  “Mark, we were done before you ever left Raleigh. I just didn’t have the guts to put a stake in it. It was just so much easier to let you fly away without the big dramatic ending. If you want the big dramatic ending, here it is; go home. I don’t love you. I have no intention of following you to Mountain View or anywhere else. We. Are. Done.”

  He blinks, then sits back hard on his bench. He regards me silently for a second. Then, without warning, he picks up his basket of cheese fries and hurls them toward me in an outburst of unchecked rage.

  “You’re a fucking cunt!” he screams at me. “A god-damned cunt with no fucking soul. You’re the coldest bitch I’ve ever known!”

  Every patron in the place stops what they’re doing and turns toward the show.

  “Go fuck yourself, you ungrateful little slut,” Mark adds, sliding out of the booth. He stalks across the room, then roughly shoves the door open, slamming its steel frame against the brick wall as he exists the place.

  I take a moment to still my thoughts, breathing, counting to ten before I look up or move.

  When I open my eyes, a waitress is approaching. She looks down on me with some sympathy.

  “You okay?”

  I nod, picking greasy cheese fries out of my hair and clothes.

  “Good,” the waitress says. “He didn’t pay for those fries and drink. I can call the sheriff on him if you don’t want to cover his tab.”

  I hand her a twenty and tell her to keep the change, leaving the mess behind me.

  * * *

  Is this what love is? A thing that turns on us, clawing and gnashing its teeth? Calling names and wishing us dead—or worse—when it doesn’t get its way?

  Apparently, it is.

  I closed my door to Camden last night because I was so angry with him, I was afraid of the terrible things I would say. I had a rolling, vicious dialogue going in my head for hours. I knew it was all too close to the surface, too raw, to give vent to. So, I hid.

  Mark was probably right about more than
I want to admit. I am attracted to Camden because he’s the strong man, the unshakable pillar. Now that I’ve seen him shaken, I wonder what the hell I’ve been thinking all these months. He’s handsome and kind most days, and always a great father. But he’s got a dark side too.