Now it was her turn. Nora felt the blood rush from her head and knew she suddenly looked as pale and shaky as Seth.
He did remember.
"I was worried about you," she said. "You were late.”
“You should have waited where I told you to," he said stubbornly.
"No. They were coming for me." Memories washed over her with a tidal wave of ferocity. For a moment, she was there again. In the woods. Listening to the thunderous roar of a dozen war-horses racing down a narrow road. "My father. Lord Simons."
"You should have waited," he repeated.
His voice brought her back from the darkness. Frowning, she dismissed his accusation and went on to the next life, eager to find out if he recalled them all. “Then there was that whole pirate ship thing. Why the hell would you sink your own boat?" she demanded.
"I didn't want that bastard to claim her as a prize.” he blurted. "How was I to guess that he'd follow me after I left harbor? You weren't supposed to be on board.” His jaw snapped shut on the words. His features were a perfect picture of astonishment. Seth swallowed heavily and rubbed one hand across his mouth anxiously.
"You should have known that I wouldn't let you sail alone," she told him hotly.
He pulled in a long, shaky breath before saying, "What I know is, you never did what I told you to.”
Nora's insides fluttered. It was one thing, remembering past lives. But it was entirely disconcerting to remember them with the man who had shared them. To see things from his point of view.
"Now you've got me sayin' things that don't make sense," he mumbled more to himself than to her. "Crazy must be catchy."
Nora ignored that last remark, determined now to hear what he had to say about the rest of their lifetimes together.
"What about the wagon train?" she prodded.
"That wasn't my fault," he shouted, and looked surprised to hear his own voice. "You weren't supposed to be behind my wagon."
"That's not the point," she argued. "The point is that you let your temper goad you into trying to beat that other man."
"It wasn't about beating him. It was about him watching you. Wanting you."
"Oh, for God's sake,” she told him. "I was engaged to you."
"And if you'd been in your pa's wagon like I told you to, nothing would have happened."
She threw her arms high, then let them fall down to her sides again. "You have been trying to boss me around for hundreds of years."
“And you've always been as stubborn as a team of mules," he argued, still looking stunned at the memories filling his mind.
Nora took a deep breath again and told herself to go at this more calmly. After all, she'd had a while to get used to the images running through her brain. She had a feeling that this was still pretty new to Seth.
"You remember them all, don't you?" she asked quietly.
"No." He shook his head, then rubbed the back of his neck. "I don't remember anything. They were just dreams. None of it happened. None of it's real."
"It's all real," she said, laying one hand on his forearm. "For centuries, every time you asked me to marry you, I died before the wedding.”
He inhaled sharply, blew it out, and briefly looked outside to where the mist had cleared, leaving only the gray traces of a dying day.
"Who are you?" he finally asked quietly. "You're not the same Nora I used to know."
"No," she admitted and felt enormous relief at saying it aloud at last. “I'm not."
Seth shook his head fiercely, stepped away from her, and walked to the fire. Squatting down beside it, he stared into the flames. Obviously, he wished he had never asked that question.
But now that they'd started, they weren't going to stop until it was settled, once and for all. Nora took a seat beside him. He turned his head to look at her. She shrugged gently and gave him what was meant as a reassuring smile.
He didn't respond.
Reaching toward him, she caught one of his hands in hers and squeezed. "I died more than a hundred years from now," she said softly, her voice almost lost in the snap and crackle of the fire.
He flinched slightly. "Jesus."
"And," she went on, trying for a smile, "I might add, you were there. Bowling."
"What's bowling?"
"Long story." And not enough time to tell it at the moment.
He shot her a quick look. "We were engaged again?"
"No," she said and paused thoughtfully. "No, we weren't." Strange, she hadn't considered that before. But, she reminded herself, hadn't Tom, Dick, and Harry told her that her death had been a mistake? Maybe she and Seth finally had been destined to live the life they always started and never finished.
But for French fries and a broken diet, she might never have found herself in this situation.
She glanced at him and caught him staring at her. He looked as though someone had punched him in the stomach. But she had the distinct impression that he actually believed her. She had to give him credit. Not many men would be willing to put any faith in such an outlandish story.
"Where's Nora Wilding now?” he asked.
"Right here," she told him firmly.
He nodded and gave her a half smile, but asked, “I mean the Nora I knew. Before."
She shook her head and sighed. “I don't know. Maybe Heaven. Maybe she's dealing with the Resettlement Committee as we speak. If so, I wish her luck.”
"Resettlement Committee?”
How to explain the Three Stooges?
She shook her head. "Another long story. Actually, they're the 'friends' who gave me this ring.” Nora pulled the chain from beneath her shirt and held the golden ring toward him.
He didn't touch it, but he did give it a more curious look than he had before.
“One of these days, you're gonna have to tell me all of these long stories of yours." His gaze lifted to hers. Nora's stomach fluttered once, then stilled again. Amazing that through the centuries, she continued to respond to those pale blue eyes of his.
Then he shifted his gaze back to the fire. He didn't let go of her hand, though. Instead, his fingers tightened around her flesh as he studied the flames. The wavering light of the blaze threw wild, flickering shadows across his features. He looked as though he was searching the dancing flames for answers to the questions no doubt racing through his mind.
"So," she said quietly, "you understand now why I don't want to marry you?"
Seth nodded, then said. "But understanding is one thing. Agreeing is another."
"How can you say that to me?" She tried to pull her hand free of his grasp, but he held on tight. "You remember," she accused him. "You know what's happened time after time.”
He slanted her a look. "It doesn't have to happen again."
She laughed brokenly. “Oh sure, ninth time's the charm? I don't think so."
"Nora…"
"No." She cut him off quickly. "The Committee promised me that I'd live to be ninety-five this time around."
The shadows in his eyes lifted slightly. "Then there's no problem."
“Of course there's a problem,” she countered, yanking free and scrambling to her feet Looking down at him, she went on. "I was going to be single in this life. We didn't say anything about what would happen if you showed up on the scene again."
"But they had to know I was here when they sent you, didn't they?” he demanded, uncoiling his long legs to stand in front of her. He sucked in a breath, then reached up and shoved both hands through his hair, squeezing his skull as if he could rid himself of the thoughts plaguing him by simply strangling them. “Damn, this is odd. Talking about stuff like this could get us both sent to an asylum."
Nora ignored that last comment and focused on the first. "Sure they knew. But I told them I didn't want love this time.”
His gaze narrowed thoughtfully. "You don't have to love me," he said in a logical tone of voice. "Just marry me."
Now those words mirrored too closely what she had thought of herself just a l
ittle while ago. She breezed right past them.
"Haven't you been paying attention? As soon as we get engaged, I die."
"All right," he agreed. "No engagement this time. Just a marriage.”
"Damn it, Seth, it's not that simple."
"Yes, it is, Nora." Frustration colored his voice and flooded his features with an angry red. "Blast everything, you might be pregnant. With my baby.”
She ducked her head.
He tipped her chin up with his fingertips and lowered his voice again. "I don't know what it's like in your time," he admitted. "But in 1875, a kid whose folks didn't bother to get married is called a bastard. To his face."
She winced and saw him notice her discomfort.
"I don't want that for any kid of mine," he ground out.
"Me either," she snapped, stepping back from him. Nora wrapped her arms around her middle and squeezed as she took a few steps away from him before turning to look at him again. "What about your temper? All those other times, that temper of yours has gotten me killed."
“If you're gonna remember," he warned, walking toward her, "remember it all."
"What's that supposed to mean?” She tilted her head back to look up at him.
"It means that my temper was part of it, but so was your cussed stubbornness.”
"Oh, that's great." She nodded. "You're blaming me?"
"You and me," he said. "We were both at fault. You never listened to me. You always had to go your own way."
Well, now, that hit a little close to home.
Nora gritted her teeth as all of her previous lifetimes raced through her mind. If she was to be honest, she had to admit that at least part of what he was saying was true. But did that make a difference really? Would it change anything?
After all these centuries, shouldn't they just admit that karmically they weren't destined to be together? Wasn't it time to throw in the towel and yell "Uncle?"
"Seth," she started.
He grabbed her suddenly and pulled her close. Running his hands up and down her back firmly, he said, "Marry me, Nora. It'll save your reputation— and mine," he added with a half smile. "And I promise you, this time will be different.”
"But it won't be," she said, trying desperately to make him understand. "Heck, it's probably already started."
“What do you mean?”
"I fell off a cliff today, have you forgotten?" She hadn't, and she had the aches and pains and blossoming bruises to prove it.
“But you didn't die," he pointed out, frustration ringing in his voice.
"Yet," she muttered. Staring up at Seth, she saw the determined set of his jaw and braced for what was coming next.
"I swear," he whispered. “I'll protect you with my life."
A ridiculous curl of pleasure snaked through her veins.
Hadn't she learned anything in the last few hundred years? Did she always have to be a sucker for the strong, heroic type?
Steeling herself against the overwhelming desire to lean into him and surrender, she said, "I know you mean that. I do. But you can't protect me every minute of every day, Seth. No man could." Shaking her head, she added, "Accidents can happen anytime, anywhere."
"Once we're married, you'll be safe."
"You don't know that."
"You don't know that I'm wrong."
True. Nora flicked a glance skyward, but didn't even bother trying to contact her boys. She had a feeling the line would be busy anyway. Something told her that in this, she was on her own. She had to decide if the risk was worth taking.
"This time I’ll keep you safe," he promised.
“For seventy years?" she asked wryly.
"Forever," he swore, the strength of his vow glittering in the pale blue depths of his eyes. "All you have to do is trust me."
Oh, she wanted to. More than anything. Life in this time would be much easier if she had Seth to turn to.
She wouldn't admit to loving him, not even to herself. Nora wasn't willing to tempt fate that much. Every other time she'd loved this man, nothing but disaster had followed.
He was the Typhoid Mary of love.
Or maybe she was. She wasn't sure anymore.
But she could admit to liking him. To caring for him. To wanting him so badly she could hardly stand the constant ache of being without him.
Even now, while the memories of her previous lives and deaths were still fresh in her mind, she wanted nothing more than to lose herself in him. To open her body and take him inside. She wanted to feel again the incredible sensations that were created when they came together.
If she was going to be honest, she might as well admit that she'd like nothing better than to spend the next seventy years curled up in bed alongside Seth Murdoch, reaching for him in the darkness and waking up beside him in the mornings.
Did she really want to live to be ninety-five without him?
She shuddered slightly at the mental image of herself as a withered, lonely old crone, surrounded by dozens of screaming cats.
What if he was right?
What if they got married immediately and forgot all about an engagement? Would that change the pattern of centuries? Could this really be their chance at being together at last?
"Nora?" He ran one hand up and down her back, coaxing her to speak. To say the words he wanted to hear.
She swallowed back her fear, closed her eyes, and leaned into him, resting her forehead against his chest. Warm strength surrounded her as his arms closed around her, holding her snugly to him. Nora cuddled in closer, suddenly needing every ounce of comfort and reassurance she could get.
Laying her head on his chest, she listened for a moment to the steady beating of his heart and let the rhythmic cadence calm her. Everything would be all right, she told herself. Wouldn't it?
"Nora," he said again and his voice rumbled along her spine.
"All right," she paused for a deep breath, “I’ll marry you."
"Good," he whispered and she felt his breath brush across her hair.
"But I won't love you," she warned him.
His arms tightened around her briefly. "You don't have to," he said and she thought she heard a wistful tone in his voice.
Resting his chin on the top of her head, he continued. "We can start for home first thing in the morning," he said softly, "be there in a couple of days, and then head straight for the preacher in town.”
She nodded, but couldn't quite stop the pang of worry that settled in her stomach. If it took them two days to get married, then technically that would be a two-day engagement, right?
Oh, God.
"Guess this puts an end to your cow-counting trip though," he said, obviously trying to lighten the mood.
Cow counting.
It had seemed like such a simple idea at the time, she told herself as she concentrated on the steady beat of Seth's heart. Now, she was about to marry a man who'd been the death of her eight times. All she had to do was survive the engagement.
"I guess the cows aren't that important right now," she said softly.
He squeezed her tighter, as if he planned to keep her in the circle of his arms forever. "Don't worry, Nora," he said, his warm breath brushing her hair again. "Everything'll be fine. I swear it."
She didn't doubt that he meant it. She knew he would try to prevent her death. Nora just wasn't sure how strong good intentions could be when faced with centuries of bad karma.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
"You can't be serious," Richard said, his astonished gaze flicking from Seth to Nora.
"Trust me," she said. "He’s serious."
"This is such a surprise," Elizabeth piped up, laying one hand on her brother's forearm as if to hold him back.
"Surprise or not," Seth said quietly. "It's settled."
"Well," Hannah said, throwing her vote into the conversation, "I think this is just fine."
"Fine?” Richard echoed, with a startled look at the older woman. "Are you insane?"
"Richard," Eli
zabeth tried to hush him, but the man wasn't about to be hushed.
"Nora," he said quickly, pulling away from his sister's restraining hand. "There's no reason for you to rush into anything— to make a hasty decision you may come to regret later…"
"I don't know about that," Red whispered in a tone just loud enough to be heard.
Seth shot the young cowhand a quelling glance. The kid’s features fell and he once again subsided into silence.
"Decision's made," Seth said curtly. "We head home tomorrow. Wedding's the day after."
"See here, Murdoch," Richard snarled and pushed himself to his feet. Staring down at the other man, he bunched his hands into helpless fists. "You're in no position to make demands of Nora. You don't have the right to make plans for her future and expect her to follow them blindly.”
Nora looked at Seth, waiting. In the light of the dying campfire, she watched his features flush a dark, angry red. Every muscle in his body tightened as if preparing for battle. Tension and barely controlled fury radiated from him. Before she could stop him, Seth tossed the last of his coffee onto the nearly extinct fire. The small bit of liquid hissed and spat at all of them. Curls of smoke twisted into the night air.
As the smoke lifted, so did he. Uncoiling his long legs, Seth slowly stood up to stare directly into Richard's eyes. Even in the dim, half light of a moonlit night, Nora saw trouble in the way the two men were facing each other.
That weird sense of déjà vu was back again. The same feeling she'd experienced so profoundly the day the two men had tried to teach her to ride Sadie. Worry niggled at her brain. Visions of other times, other places, tried to form in her mind, but somehow didn't quite make it.
Why couldn't she remember? Nora frowned and reached up to rub her temples. Hell, she could recall any number of ridiculous details about her previous lives. Why couldn't she put her finger on what was wrong between Seth and Richard?
She shook her head and stared up at them, hoping to jar loose one of her memories. Something about the way they stood, she thought. Each of them more than ready for a fight. A chill slithered up her spine and a hard knot of uneasiness settled in the pit of her stomach like a lead weight.
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