by Eva Haining
I tried to explain to Mad that hanging out with the happiest couples I know might not be the best way to get over a breakup. When he couldn’t persuade me, Jax grabbed the phone.
“Now you listen here, Maisie Bryant, you’ve got nothing to feel ashamed of. You did what any Southern woman worth her salt would’ve done. You defended your man. I’m plum proud of you, you hear me.”
“Thanks, Jax. I just wish I could take it all back, you know? I wanted to make Jasper proud out in LA, and somehow, I managed to wreck everything. What if the movie tanks because of my bad reputation? God, I had no business going there in the first place.”
“Stop beating yourself up. You did what you did out of love. Tell me I’m wrong.” The line is silent because I can’t say those words out loud, it’s too painful.
“I’m not very good company right now, Jax. I’d just drag y’all down, but I appreciate you thinking of me. Maybe I’ll come by in a few weeks, okay?”
“Not okay. I’m not going to sit by and let you wallow, girl. If you don’t get your ass over here today and take care of this horse of yours, I swear to God, I’m going to march over to your house and drag your sorry ass over here.”
“Jax…”
“You feel me? So are you coming, or am I coming to get you?” My shoulders sag, knowing I’m fighting a losing battle.
“I’ll come over tomorrow. I promise. I just can’t today. Please… my heart can’t take it today.”
“You promise to come by tomorrow?” His voice is soft and reassuring, worry etched in every syllable.
“Hand on heart, I promise I’ll come and see Jessabelle tomorrow.”
“Well, okay then.”
“And Jax… thanks for caring.”
“Always.”
Dread pools in the pit of my stomach. The promise of tomorrow is like a noose around my neck. I’m not sure I can handle being bombarded with all the beauty that once soothed my soul but is sure to bring untold agony for the loss aching to break free from my chest and consume me.
My major outing for the day is going to be a trip to Cardinals for a bottle of top-shelf tequila. Kirby will hook me up without any kind of Spanish Inquisition. As night begins to fall, I grab a ballcap, shades, and slip some cash in my back pocket before heading out.
The sun is still blinding as it starts to wane, edging me closer to another long expanse of darkness. As I walk through the town square, everything is the same and yet completely different like I don’t fit in, and I’m now on the outside looking in on my own life. I nod my head where appropriate as folks pass me by, walking at a quick enough pace to seem too busy to stop and chat.
As Cardinals comes into view, a wave of calm washes over me, all dark corners and bottles of liquid regret. It’ll be a perfect haven for a few hours. Kirby will let me hang behind the bar if it’s too busy to find a quiet space. I could use an hour outside the confines of my house where everything reminds me of Jasper.
The familiar aroma of stale beer and bourbon is a far cry from my recent foray into LA nightlife, and the swell of gratitude for hometown comforts hits me hard. Kirby clocks me the moment I step inside. He’s about to jump over the bar to greet me, but thankfully, he reads the swift shake of my head. I don’t want to draw attention.
“Hey, girl. You doing okay?”
“Well, I’m back and in need of a crap-ton of tequila. Extrapolate.”
“You want a bottle or you sticking around?”
“I want a bottle, but it’s pretty quiet, so I could be persuaded to have a couple of shots before I go. It’s good to see you, Kirby.”
“It’s good to set eyes on you. I’ve been worried. What’s happening with you and Jasper?”
“Over.” He slides a shot my way with a salt shaker and a wedge of lime. “So, completely over.” My heart sinks as I slam back the shot, warmth burning down the back of my throat.
“Another?”
“Hit me.” I’m flooded with memories of drinking tequila with Jasper—the taste of his skin as I licked over the back of his hand to salt it, his lips brushing my fingertips as I held the lime for him to suck. My entire body aches. How am I going to survive when the movie premiere comes around? We’ll have to walk the red carpet together, and he’s going to look handsome as ever while I eat sorrow by the spoonful.
Four shots later and with a bottle in hand, I figure it’s time to head home. The bar is starting to fill up for the night, and I want to avoid questions as long as possible. As I reach for the door, I’m accosted by Jax, his huge frame barreling me back toward the bar.
“Hey… you. I wasn’t expecting to see you in here.” Pulling me into a hug, he spins me around and crushes me tight to his chest for such a long time. I guess this is what pity feels like up close and personal. “Jessabelle has missed you, and so have we. You doing okay?”
“I’ll live.” When he finally lets go of me, I step back, unable to meet his gaze. “Doesn’t feel like it right now, but I’ll live.”
“I promise you it’s going to get easier. It’ll all work out.” My eyes well with tears at the tenderness in his voice. “You still coming down to the ranch tomorrow?”
“Sure.” Stuffing his hands in his pockets, he can barely hold my gaze. I’m that pathetic.
“Savannah and A.B. are excited to see you.” I swallow past the lump forming in my throat.
“I’m not really up for company. It’s real sweet of y’all, but a ride with Jessabelle is probably all I can handle. She’ll get me back into the swing of things.”
“Right… right. Whatever you want, Mais. All you have to do is ask. You know we’re all here for you.” Tears spill over my lashes, rolling down my cheeks. “Oh shit! I didn’t mean to make you cry. Fuck.” Pushing myself up onto my tiptoes, I press a kiss to his cheek before heading for the door.
“I’ll see you in the stables tomorrow. And Jax…” I choke the words out. “Thank you for being such a good friend.”
His tight smile tugs at my heartstrings. Once known as the bad boy of Kingsbury Falls, Jax has the heart of a lion—fierce, loyal, and as big as Texas. As I head out into the warm night air, my tears flow freely under cover of darkness. It’s lucky I could walk this town blindfolded because my vision blurs as silent sobs rack my body.
I crawl into bed with my bottle of tequila to keep me company, no need for pretense, swigging straight from the neck. Why bother with a glass?
Sleep finds me in a drunken stupor, my dreams tormenting me with a mixture of memories and what-ifs.
My head is screaming, my brain sloshing around inside my skull. A crack of sunlight through the drapes assaults my retinas and has me begging for relief. The taste of stale tequila and the sensation of sandpaper in my mouth makes me question my thought processes last night. Getting drunk as a skunk seemed like a perfect plan at the time. Now, I’m thinking it will be a really long time before I can stomach another alcoholic beverage.
Grabbing my phone from the nightstand, I have several messages from Jax checking in, telling me Jessabelle is ready to ride. Just the thought has me running for the bathroom and hugging the toilet seat. Retching over and over until there’s nothing left, I’m horrified by how quickly my decisions lately have changed my fortune.
I can’t keep doing this.
Sliding myself across the cool tile floor, I reach for the faucet, pushing the plug tight in the tub. Even the sound of running water is like a battering ram to my senses, but I keep my eye on the prize. I pour in some of my favorite bath foam and relax.
By the time the tub is full, I’ve mustered enough energy to peel off last night’s clothes and brush the gross film of tequila from my teeth. Sliding into the tub, I let the tension in my muscles and my mind go, overwhelmed with sadness.
The water is cold when I resurface, my tear ducts empty as I attempt to pull myself together. It takes me another hour to make myself look anywhere close to reasonable as I fight the urge to blow off going to the ranch. It’s a battle I need to win. I have
to find some semblance of normal if I’m going to get my life back on track.
I hate to admit it, but I haven’t been able to ignore Cece’s social media since my fist was introduced to her mouth. There’s a small part of me that can’t be sorry for seeking some kind of payback for Jasper. I know it was dumb and dangerous, but she deserved it. She’s been slinging mud in my direction. I obviously got under her skin, and she’s refuting Jasper’s ‘claims’ that she was the one who was unfaithful.
Like a true gentleman, Jasper kept her dirtiest secret, unwilling to go into the gruesome details of the end of their relationship, so matter-of-fact and steadfast. Hearing him finally stand up and let his beloved city know they backed the wrong horse made my chest burst with pride. When probed, he remained stoic and levelheaded about dealing with not only Cece’s betrayal, but Hollywood’s willingness to believe her.
He has been restored to his throne as he should be, and it would seem my indiscretion won’t derail the movie. As long as I lay low, his consummate charm will carry it over the finish line.
The humidity is low today, a rare joy in Texas, so I decide to stroll through town and out to the ranch. Besides, my blood-alcohol level is probably still too high after my boozy night. With every step and every landmark, a glimmer of normalcy creeps into my conscience, but the moment the ranch comes into view, my pulse begins to race.
I can do this. I can do this.
Avoiding the main house, I head straight for the stables and to my Jessabelle. The sight of her soothes me in ways I can’t express. I run to her side, letting my hand caress her mane in a familiar greeting.
“Almost gave up on you. I was about to take her out myself just to let her stretch her legs.” Maddox. The low gravelly tone of his voice is comforting, and there’s no pity in his words.
“Hey, Mad. Thanks for looking after her. A ride with my girl is just what I need.” He moves to finish saddling her up, his eyes weighing my mood.
“How you doing?”
“Heartbreak is a bitch.”
“Don’t I know it.” I think back to before A.B. came home to Kingsbury Falls, to a time when Maddox kept very much to himself out here.
“How did you get through the heartache when A.B. left?”
“I didn’t. Every minute we were apart, she was on my mind.”
“I get that.” I focus my stare on Jessabelle’s reins.
“Were you in love with him?” My breath catches, his words a blow to my chest, winding me as if it were a palpable strike from his fist.
“Thanks for saddling her up, Mad.” With my foot firm in the stirrup, I hoist myself up, swinging my leg over Jessabelle’s back. I gather strength from her steadfast power beneath me. “I’ll be back in an hour. I’ll muck out the stables and feed the rest of the horses.” As I pull on the reins, she moves with practiced ease.
“I didn’t mean to upset you. It’s just… I believe if something’s meant to be, it finds its way back to you.”
“I think you and A.B. are the beautiful exception.” Without another word, I head out, desperate to find solace in the rolling fields of Mustang.
Harnessing Jessabelle’s raw power as we gallop through the tall grass, my lungs fill with air, my heart racing in time to the pounding of her hooves. I feel alive for the first time in weeks. With the wind in my hair and the late afternoon sun on my back, I speed through the fields, letting my mind switch off. Although it’s difficult to see this place restored to my childhood memories—all evidence that a movie was filmed here gone—it’s comforting to smell the familiar scents of home. The fresh grass and bluebonnets mingling with the leather of Belle’s saddle create a warm embrace.
Galloping through one of the tree lines, we emerge into the adjacent field, and I pull tight on the reins, grinding to a halt. There’s a trailer in the distance. Did they leave it here?
I jump down, leading Jessabelle over to one of the posts, tying her reins, my fingers working on muscle memory rather than cognizant thought.
My heart is pounding in my chest as I weave through the grass, edging closer, my mind racing. It’s definitely one of the trailers we used for the movie, and if memory serves me correctly, this is where I first stumbled across J.J. Savage.
When I’m within twenty yards, I can see there’s a sign on the door.
JACKASS SAVAGE
A small chuckle rises in my throat, an unfamiliar sound in recent weeks. As I reach for the door, it swings open, and my heart stutters to a complete standstill. I must be dreaming. This can’t be real. I’m hallucinating. He’s back.
My memories seem like a sad black-and-white movie compared to the glorious Technicolor of Jasper in the flesh.
“I believe this is yours.” His ocean-blue eyes view me with trepidation. Holding out a box, he steps outside, sucking the air from my lungs with his proximity. He reaches out, lifting my hand, setting my skin on fire with his touch. The warmth of his hand is quickly replaced with the sharp edges of a box, leaving me bereft.
“You’re here.”
“Open it.” I can’t tear my gaze from him long enough to look down. “Please.”
The rapid rise and fall of his chest are hypnotic, my fingers fumbling with the box while my eyes stay fixed on Jasper. As my skin touches on cool heavy metal, recognition hits. I look down, my fingers tracing the lines of a top-spec camera. This is a professional-level piece of equipment.
“You got me a camera?”
“I heard some jackass tossed your old one in a field. I thought maybe I could make up for some of his mistakes.” His voice is thick with emotion, a low rumble threatening to break free as he visibly holds back, forcing himself not to come any closer.
“You didn’t have to do this.”
“I don’t have to do anything, but hear me out.” He scrubs the scruff on his jaw before running his hands through his hair the way he always does when he’s tense.
“Jasper, I’m so sorry.”
“Don’t you dare apologize.”
“But…” He moves toward me, his hand reaching out to caress my cheek. I can barely breathe as he continues.
“I never should’ve left. All you asked for was time, and I pushed you away because I was afraid you would never love me.”
“I do love you, Jasper.” His eyes find mine, his gaze so intense it sends a lick of fire straight to my core.
“I know, baby.” Every fiber of my being is crying out for the taste of his lips on mine, but as I move to close the distance between us, he holds me at arms’ length. “You need to let me finish because if I kiss you now, I’m going to strip you and bury myself so deep inside you, I won’t ever want to stop.”
My breath leaves me in a rush, leaving me mute.
“I heard you when you said you were concerned. I understand your reticence. The day we met right here in this field, I was a total dick to you, and you did nothing to deserve it. I was hurt and angry at the world, and I took it out on you. We didn’t have the greatest start. We fight like cats and dogs, and maybe physical attraction isn’t the best way to start forever.
“So, Maisie Bryant, I’m here to turn back the clock. I want to go back to the beginning. I want you to get to know Jasper Savage, the guy who loves you more than life itself. I want to be your friend, and I’ll wait as long as it takes until you know with the same certainty I do that we’re meant to be together.”
“We can’t change the past. I almost ruined everything for you.”
“You ruined nothing.”
“I knew your livelihood was on the line, and I couldn’t control myself. I saw red. She hurt you and goddammit, I wanted to hurt her. I’m not built for Hollywood, Jasper, and I know you’re going to try and convince me otherwise, but I know myself, and I won’t make you choose. It’s your home… you love it. I saw how you came alive in LA.”
Whatever semblance of restraint he was holding onto snaps. His body slams into me, dropping the camera into the tall grass of the field before fisting his hands in my hair, hi
s lips crashing down on mine in a desperate plea.
“I died a thousand times the day you left.” My hunger for his kiss is wild as I pull him down, my tongue darting out to stroke his in a whirlwind of desire. “None of it matters without you, baby. I’d give it all up in a heartbeat.” His lips kiss and nip and suck, finding his way to my neck, driving me to the edge of insanity.
“Jasper…”
“I don’t want any of it if it means I lose you.”
“I…”
“Let me love you, Maisie. Stop fighting it, just let me fucking love you.” My body succumbs, all of the tension and heartache that’s been waging war on my soul dissipating with every caress. Lost in the arms of the man I love, I give myself over to his impassioned pleas.
“Make love to me, Jasper.” I want to savor the moment, give it the reverence it deserves, but my body can’t survive another minute without Jasper inside me. A raw growl rumbles in his chest as I reach for his zipper, something primal taking over—something savage.
Chapter Twenty-Two
JASPER
“I can’t believe you let my new camera fall into the grass. It’ll be like finding a needle in a haystack. I never did find the one you tossed out here the day we met.” Lying in a tangled heap of naked, sated limbs, Maisie traces the line of my jaw with her fingertips as the scent of her perfume tantalizes my senses.
“I had it scripted out. It was going to be all epic romance and taking it slow. Then you go and remind me you literally knocked my ex out to defend my honor. Sexy as fuck.” She buries her head in my chest with a shyness she can’t hide.
“Really?”
“Baby, I just wish I could’ve seen it for myself.”
“It did feel really good.” My laughter echoes up into the trees.