She studied McCarthy's face on the monitor. He had the sweet face of an old man seemingly incapable of lying. He reminded her of her own grandfather. She used to spend a lot of time with her grandfather before he died when she was eight years old. Continuing to look at McCarthy's face on the monitor, she recalled a time when she and her grandfather had been out walking. It had been a few months before his unexpected death. They'd come to a stop at the edge of the woods about a mile from their house.
“What's the matter, grandpa?” she'd asked, looking up at her grandfather. A late afternoon sun slipped through the branches of the trees, highlighting him, making it appear as if he was glowing. The smell of honeysuckle, a staple of springtime in Lumberton, permeated throughout the air, pleasantly tickling her nose.
Her grandfather smiled down at her. “How do you know something's the matter?”
“You always get quiet when you're thinking about something. Momma says it's because you're working out a problem in your head. We've been walking for a while now, grandpa, and you haven't talked about anything. You didn't even mention how big and red grandmother's tomatoes have gotten. And you always say something about those. What problem are you working on, grandpa?”
He patted her on the head. “You are a very bright and observant young lady. There is something bothering me.”
“Tell me, grandpa. Maybe I can help you figure it out.”
“And I bet you can at that,” he said. Looking around, he pointed to a spot under a white oak tree. “Let's go sit over there.”
“Okay, grandpa,” she said.
When they both had sat down, her grandpa said, “You remember our dog, King?”
“Yes, grandpa, he ran away when I was three. You said he wanted to go live with his real family in Fairmont. I still miss him. I used to wait up for him, thinking he would come back to live with us. But he never did. I guess he loved his other family more than us.”
“No, that's not true at all.” Her grandfather cleared his throat. “The thing is, King didn't run away, sweetheart. You see, we'd had King for many years before you were born. In dog years, he was very old and one morning, he simply died due to old age. Your mom, grandmother, and I didn't know how to tell you. We didn't feel you'd understand about life and death. So we made up the story about King running off to be with his family. We'd thought that King's dying would be too painful for you. But the reality was that we'd simply replaced one hurt with another one. We lied to you and for that, I'm sorry.”
“Is something troubling you, Kallie?” Father McCarthy asked again.
She tucked away the memory of her grandfather. “No.” She stared intently at McCarthy's image. The memory of her grandfather had shown her that even a lie with the best of intentions was still a lie. It had become apparent to her that either Bennett or McCarthy, or perhaps both of them, had lied to her. She needed to know which one.
“Are you sure?” McCarthy asked.
Kallie slowly shook her head. “Not exactly. I was visited by an agent from ICE.”
On the monitor, McCarthy leaned toward her. “Dennard Bennett?”
“You know him?”
“Yes,” McCarthy answered. “He visited me a few weeks ago. What did he want?”
“He wanted to know about my vision.”
“What did you tell him?”
“I told him that it had only been a dream, and I couldn't recall the specific details of it.”
“Good,” McCarthy said warmly. “That's very good.”
“There's something else,” Kallie said. “Agent Bennett said that you lied about Phillip Beamer. He said that the government didn't have anything to do with his death.”
McCarthy rolled his eyes. “I'm not surprised.” He paused, his forehead crinkling. “What else did he tell you?”
“Nothing. I didn't give him a chance to.”
McCarthy looked unconvinced. “Did he give you any indication that he knew about your ability?”
“No,” Kallie said strongly, feeling as though she was being interrogated. “I'm not even sure what my ability is. How could I possibly know what he was indicating?”
McCarthy's face softened. “I understand,” he said soothingly. “I know this whole experience is unsettling for you, to say the least. And you're probably trying to figure out who to trust. I can't make that decision for you. I can only tell you what I know. And then you'll have to decide whether or not to believe me.”
Kallie closed her eyes. He was right. He couldn't make the decision for her. She would have to decide whom to trust and believe. From the first time she'd met him, she'd sensed that Father McCarthy had a calming way about him, just as her grandfather had. She opened her eyes. “If eternal return is real, why keep it a secret? Why not announce it to the world.”
McCarthy smiled. “That's a good question and one that Reverend Swag will get into in major detail in a few moments. But for now, just imagine a world where everyone knew there was no ending, but you simply repeated the process over again. What do you think the criminal or evil element would do with that knowledge? How would people who are currently suffering in one capacity or another react?”
“I don't know,” Kallie said. “I guess it could become a chaotic world.”
“Yes, Kallie,” Father McCarthy said. “That's exactly what it would become. It would be total chaos. Despite what atheists may claim, the threat of damnation remains our biggest deterrent to abhorrent behavior in the world. Unfettered human nature cannot be trusted. The church has long understood this. Now, I understand that conspiracy theorists have long held that the Church has kept secrets. And maybe in some instances in the past that's been to the world's detriment. But in this case, it's for the world's continued wellbeing. Can you understand that?”
“I think so.”
“Agent Bennett and the US government may have valid reasons for their actions. They may feel that the national security of the country is superior to everything. But the Church has responsibility not to just one country, but to all humanity. Can you understand that?”
“I do,” she answered meekly.
“Good, now are you ready to get started?”
“I am.”
“Good. And now I'll leave you in the very capable hands of Reverend Swag. I'm positive that he can answer your questions. And if there's something he can't answer, he'll direct it to me later, and I'll see if I can answer it for you.”
“Thank you, Father,” she said.
At that moment, Swag came back into the room and went over to the monitor. “Are we ready?” Swag asked Father McCarthy.
“I believe we are,” McCarthy said. “Keep me abreast of her progress.”
“I will,” Swag said. He logged out of Skype and then turned off the monitor. “Let's move to another table,” he said to Kallie.
“Okay,” she said and followed him to a table on the other side of the room. There was a computer on this table as well, but it was an older model, unlike the one she'd just Skyped on which had a flat screen monitor. The computer on this table was big and bulky-looking.
“Yes, it still works,” Swag said, noticing how she was staring at the ancient thing.
She smiled. “What's with all the old stuff? Are you a hoarder?”
Swag laughed. “Not really. All of this stuff still works. And trust me, there's a method to this apparent madness. Have a seat.” He directed her to the chair at the table in front of the computer. After she sat down, he walked over to the back wall and retrieved an easel and pad, setting them up in front of the table where Kallie was seated. Using a red color marker, he drew a huge circle on the pad. Above that he wrote the words, 'Circle of Time.' Then, he drew rectangles at alternating points on the circle. Underneath the circle, he drew a single straight line with an arrow point at one end. “This represents time,” he said, pointing to the circle.” Then, he pointed to the line. “This, contrary to general opinion, does not.”
“You're saying that time is not heading infinitely in one d
irection, but rather circles back onto itself,” she said.
“Exactly.”
How do you know this?” she asked.
“The Alliance of Initiates.”
“The Alliance of Initiates?” she repeated.
“Yes, you've heard of the United Religions Organizations?”
She scrunched her face. “I believe so.”
“Well, A.I. was formed out of URO sometime after the discovery of people born with the unique ability to remember. Rememberers have been around since at least the second time cycle. No one knows how or why certain people are born with the ability, nor is it known how many people throughout history have had the ability. At least I'm not privy to that information. Currently, including you, there are four known Rememberers.”
Kallie thought briefly about Madame Isabel and wondered if his figure included her. But she didn't want to ask in case it didn't. It was obvious Madame Isabel preferred operating underground. “These people that have the ability, the confirmed ones, are they okay? I mean are they dying or are they mentally ill in some way?”
Swag smiled. “No, they're not dying and they're not mentally ill. They're normal people who just so happen to be born with a gift. There's nothing mentally wrong with them, you or me.”
“You have the ability, as well?”
“Yes, I have this unique and special gift,” he said.
“But it doesn't feel like a gift.”
“That's because you don't understand it.”
“And you can help me do that?”
“That's why you're here. But you will have to trust me. Can you do that?”
“I believe I can,” she said.
“Good. But I believe that in order for you to do that we need to address the elephant in the room.”
She looked at him curiously, but didn't say anything.
“What have you heard about me?”
“Heard?” she repeated, knowing full well what he was referring to. “I really haven't heard anything.”
He just looked at her.
She looked off for a brief moment, and then faced him squarely. “Okay, I know you started preaching at the age of six. And I know your father went to prison. I don't know if he's still there or even alive. I don't know if your mother is alive. I heard you bounced around in foster homes for a bit. But then you picked yourself up by your own bootstraps.” She said the last part feigning a deep voice and puffing out her chest playfully.
He smiled. “Sounds like it would make a good Lifetime movie. Is that all?”
Isn't that enough? She thought but didn't say. “Is any of it true?”
“All of it. My father was sentenced to thirty years. But he only served six of them. He suffered a massive heart attack while in prison and died. I never knew my mother. She died shortly after giving birth to me.”
Kallie felt tears welling in her eyes. “I'm sorry.”
“Oh, don't be. Sometimes you never miss what you never had. And as far as my father is concerned, I've accepted what was and I don't dwell on it.”
“You sound like a real together dude.”
A half-smile creased his lips. “I don't know about that. But I've accepted what life has thrown at me. Do you have any more questions?”
“Yes, just one. When did you first discover your ability to remember?”
“I think I always knew, even back when I was preaching as a little boy. I think I even saw what was going to happen to my dad. I had a vision of him getting arrested. But at the time, I didn't think the vision was related to any kind of special ability. Even after he got arrested, I just convinced myself that I hadn't actually envisioned it, but rather I'd internally knew that he'd been doing wrong and would ultimately get arrested. Needless to say, I pushed the thoughts away. Then about five years ago, the ability became more pronounced and I found myself beginning to remember more and more. By that time, I'd taken over the ministry at New Vibe and had joined the United Religions Organization. Sometime afterwards, a member of A.I. learned about me and my ability. They initiated me into the group and then enlightened me on time cycles and eternal return. And as the saying goes, the rest was history.”
“And you believe A.I. has told you the truth?”
“As they knew it. After my ability was fully developed, it no longer mattered, as I was basically able to confirm everything that they told me, and then some more. And you will, too, if you're ready to proceed. Are you?”
She nodded affirmatively.
“Good. Now your first step to understanding is disregarding your whole concept of time. Everything you know about it or think you know about it. Everything you've been taught about it or have ever assumed about it. You must forget it all. You will never understand eternal return through the lens of what you currently know or think you know about time. Is that understood?”
“Yes,” she said softly.
He pointed again at the circle on the pad. “As I said before, this drawing represents time. In a moment, I'll show you a video that explains that further. But first, there is one other thing you need to know. Are you ready?”
“Yes,”
He took the red marker and underneath the title, Circle of Time, he wrote in big bold letters, the words:
God is Time. Time is God
After he finished, he put the marker down on the easel extension and then stood back. “Now,” he said after a few moments, “let that phrase run in the background of your mind as you watch the video.”
Reaching around her, he flipped on the computer. After the computer had fully stirred to life, he punched a few keys and moved the mouse across the desktop, stopping and clicking on a little icon of a globe with a thunderbolt slashing through it.
“The video runs about forty minutes,” Swag said. He clicked on a speaker icon and adjusted the volume. “I'll see you on the other side.” He stared at the monitor for a moment. And then, apparently satisfied that the video and audio were adequate, he left the room.
Kallie didn't know what to expect from watching the video. In fact, she didn't think watching a video on remembering or eternal return was even necessary. She'd already accepted what Madame Isabel and Father McCarthy had told her about her ability and what it had signified. She'd accepted it partly because it made the most sense to her, but mainly because she'd wanted to believe there was something special about her. What child didn't want to believe they were special in some way? Most likely every person that ever breathed air had thought themselves special at one time or another. Almost every child started out thinking that the world revolved around them, which of course eventually led to a crash and burn to reality when the potential harshness of life rendered that belief a cruel and utter joke, unless of course the child was born into the isolated world of the rich and famous or had otherwise indulgent circumstances.
Kallie hadn't thought the world revolved around her. Her mother, grandfather, and grandmother had tried to make sure she'd understood her place in God's kingdom. After the deaths of her mother and grandfather, her grandmother told her that despite God's taking away of the people she loved, He still loved her and Kallie was indeed special and unique. But then, so were all of God's creatures. Every person and thing was unique and special in their own way, and though God's ways could be mysterious, He still loved all his children. Her grandmother had tried to walk the thin line of explaining God's sometimes unexplainable actions. Kallie understood her grandmother's intentions. But they hadn't helped her to understand God's ways.
Kallie's eyes widened as she saw the Reverend Johnny Swag appear on the video. He was wearing a two-piece white suit with an open-collared silk blue shirt, reminiscent of the suit worn by John Travolta's character in the seventies' disco flick, Saturday Night Fever.
“You're probably wondering why I'm dressed like this,” Swag said on the video. “Well, if you were alive during the seventies or are a big fan of the disco era, this get-up has sparked a memory.”
The Bee Gees' 'Staying Alive' song began playing
in the background and Swag did a quick two-step. Both the song and Swag's dancing stopped just as abruptly as they'd started. “I won't further embarrass myself,” Swag continued. “Despite my obvious lack of dancing talent, I'm willing to bet that those of you that are familiar with disco were suddenly taken back to another place and time. For some of you, the Bee Gees song did the trick, taking you back and retrieving perhaps a forgotten moment.” He winged his arms out. “That's what this suit is about. That's what the room you're now sitting in is about. All these old things, the old computer monitor you're watching, the newsroom setup of the room, all of these things are memory triggers. It's part of what we do here. It's all aimed at helping you to unearth and nurture your God-given ability to remember. We'll primarily use a technique called 'priming,’ which is the form of human memory concerned with the perceptual identification of words and objects. It's like when you saw me in this suit and heard the Bee Gees song, you immediately thought disco and the seventies. I essentially primed your memory. Are you ready for the session? Sure you are. That's why you’re here. That's why you're watching this video. So sit back and enjoy the rest of the video. And when it's finished, it will be time to get to work. Okay?”
Totally immersed in what Swag's screen version was saying, Kallie nodded affirmatively. Momentarily, she broke her trance and looked around the room at the old desks, chairs, and typewriters. Suddenly the room made sense to her. Time triggers. Just looking at the old things made her search her mind. Snippets of memories flickered on and off, partial images of old movies and television shows she'd seen, bits of old songs she'd heard. She could feel her mind churning, trying to make the connection between these things and a previous reality. Anxious to start her session with Swag, she could hardly contain her growing excitement as she watched the remainder of the video.
As the video's ending credits rolled, Swag returned to the room. “How do you feel?”
“Great,” Kallie said. “The video is helping me put it all into prospective. I am curious about something though.”
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