by Liz Lovelock
With a mouth full of food and a lump in my throat, which makes it hard to swallow, I’m sure I look like I’ve just stuffed food in my cheeks for the hell of it.
A long silence fills the room. I stand. “Sorry, just going to grab a drink. If that’s okay.”
I feel all their eyes on me, and I really hope they can’t see the water still sitting in my eyes.
Parker shifts uncomfortably in his seat. “Yeah, sure. Help yourself.”
I walk past those intense gazes and into the kitchen. A hush fills the room as I walk away, and I’m sure Paislee is on the receiving end of some comments for bringing up the conversation. After pulling open the fridge, I pull out a can of soda from the shelf, crack it open, and take a large gulp to wash away the plaster that seems to have coated my throat. I shut the fridge and almost drop the can in my hand.
“Addison, what the hell are you doing? You scared me.” I take a breath to steady my racing heart.
“Are you all right?” Her voice is barely a whisper. She pulls me into her arms, and I do everything possible not to cry. I keep swallowing my sobs down—I will not cry.
I shuffle out of her arms, needing to escape. A knock at the door gives me my chance. I step back as Parker heads to the door. I don’t want to look at Addison’s concerned face right now. It only makes it sting even more. I can’t even bring myself to look over at Aiden, because that hurts way more than it should.
“What’s up, people?” Willow’s high-pitched voice bellows through the doorway. It seems like forever since I’ve seen them.
“Hey, bitches, nice of you to invite us to your little getaway,” Addison replies dryly.
Willow waves. “Oh, you’ll get over it. Plus, I didn’t think you’d want to leave your man.”
My brow furrows. “What about me? I don’t have a man.”
I place my soda on the bench and go give them a hug. I’m so thankful for their arrival and distraction from the previous conversation.
Willow and Jane give each other a knowing glance. Then, Jane responds, “That’s not the rumor on the campus.” She shrugs, and my head spins.
“Ah… what rumors?” I push.
Willow’s head turns to Aiden, who is still sitting silently on the floor. “News is that you guys have been busy locking lips.”
“So, does that automatically mean I’m in a relationship?” The words are harsh when I don’t mean for them to be.
Willow’s mouth hangs open, then she shuts it but gives me a small smile. “Don’t worry. Ignore what I just said.”
Yeah, right. Annoyance ripples through my veins. Stupid rumors. I can’t even hang out and kiss a guy without people assuming I’m in a relationship. Of course, I’d love to be in one with Aiden, but I don’t think that’s a good idea. It’s only asking for trouble, and like he said before, he’s going to move on eventually and go to some other place and probably lock lips with other girls, add another notch to his belt.
Clearing my throat, I say, “Sorry, guys, I’m feeling pretty wrecked. I’m going to call it a night. Got stuff to do before tomorrow.” I walk past Addison, who narrows her eyes at me. My lips form a thin line. I collect my bag from the doorway and toss it over my shoulder. “I’ll catch you all tomorrow.”
I walk back in and grab my soda from the bench.
When I turn, Aiden is waiting at the door, and my step falters. “I’ll walk you back to your dorm.”
“No, it’s all right. Thank you, though.” I step around him and through the door. I hear the others shout their goodbyes, but I don’t wait and see what Aiden does. I need to escape.
“Please don’t hate me.” Aiden’s voice comes from behind me.
My head whips around. “Why would I hate you? I always knew that this wasn’t anything special.” Emotion catches my throat, and I blink a few times to clear it away.
“Elsie, wait! Please.”
I don’t stop. I hear a rush of footsteps, and then Aiden is standing in front of me. His pinched eyebrows and the look of pain in his eyes shows me that this hurts him too.
“Aiden, I think it’s time to just call this what it is… nothing. Friends with benefits—or whatever term you use. But I need to put an end to this thing between us, because it hurts too much.” The lump is back, bigger than ever, and my chest tightens with each word spoken and breath taken.
“Don’t do that,” he growls. His face goes slightly red under the streetlamp.
“Do what?” I reply with as much frustration as he has.
“Shut me out. Is this what you do with everyone?” His words slam into my chest.
“No. I’m just the girl who’s only good for a one-time show.” I raise my eyebrows and purse my lips then step around him and pick up my pace. I’m sure the others can probably hear us having this argument on the footpath. “Now, can we stop making a spectacle of ourselves outside your place because, to be quite honest, I don’t need more rumors starting about me,” I call over my shoulder.
Aiden races up to walk with me as he lets out a groan. He reaches for my hand, and I let him, even though I shouldn’t. I want his touch more than anything right now. To know that he would catch me if I fell and put the pieces of my heart back together if he broke it means so much to me.
Nothing more is said as we walk back across campus and to my empty dorm room. I unlock and open the door then pause with my back to Aiden. I sigh. “You can come in if you want.”
“I’m sorry if I hurt you with what I said.”
I keep my back to him, go for the table, and dump my bag. I sense him behind me. I don’t need to look to know that his hard stare is burning a hole in my back.
I sigh and reluctantly turn to face the guy who seems to have a piece of my heart in his hands but is oblivious to it. “It is what it is. I shouldn’t expect anything more. We both know you don’t plan to stay. It’s fine.” I try to brush off the emotions that I’m wearing.
Aiden doesn’t appear to accept what I’m saying and takes two strides and envelops me in his arms. Mine automatically respond by latching themselves around him and holding on tight. I didn’t want to have these feelings. They suck, majorly. I wish I could stuff them in a box and lock them up, because that would solve a lot of problems with people and relationships.
“It’s not fine, and you’re not fine. I don’t want to hurt you.” He buries his face into my neck, and I feel the brush of his lips against my skin. It’s as if his touch shoots off electric sparks in my chest—something that’s never happened before with anyone I’ve ever been with. Aiden is different in so many ways.
I press myself tighter to his warmth. I need him to hold me like he’s never going to let me go, and I don’t think I can let him go either.
I sense his mouth moving up my neck. My head falls back, giving him access. Our breaths quicken. Everything becomes warm, and I want to be out of my little dress and wrap myself around him. I want his body against mine so I can breathe in his musky scent.
My hands ache to explore under his shirt. My fingers skim the bottom hem before taking it and pulling it over his head. His hungry gaze holds mine briefly while he traces the back of his hand over my cheek. My eyes close and drink up his touch like it’s a drug I desperately need. A slight moan escapes my lips, and then, seconds later, his mouth finds mine. Aiden moves then pushes me against the door. Our tongues dance and fight to claim each other’s mouths.
I glide my fingertips up his smooth chest and reach around his back to pull him closer. My nails bite into his flesh. A moan escapes me in the middle of our wet kisses.
Aiden’s hands move to the hem of my blue dress, and he pulls it up over my head. I’m still wearing my swimsuit underneath.
This could get interesting.
He tosses the small piece of material aside and stands before me, his stare claiming every part of my body, and I am just as hungry for him.
“Are you going to stand there and stare?” Words breathlessly rush out from my truly kissed lips. They’re swollen f
rom his wild, passionate kisses.
“You’re so beautiful.” His words are barely a whisper.
My heart leaps with the longing in his gaze as he steps closer to me. Our bodies are an inch apart, but he stands there, not moving. My eyes flutter closed, and my breathing is ragged. So is his. Still, he stands there.
“I want you so bad, but I don’t want to hurt you.”
The room around me shifts as the reality of our situation rushes back in my mind. I don’t want this moment to end. I want his lips all over my sun-kissed skin. I want this moment in case it will never happen again.
Taking charge, my hands go behind his neck, and I pull his mouth to mine. I’m going to take what I can while he’s still here. My heart longs for him, and if we decide to make this work, then that’s what I’ll do—make it work.
I pull back from our tongue dance and stare into his familiar ocean-blue eyes. “Aiden, I’m in this until you say you no longer want anything to do with me. We can remain friends or try something more. The ball is in your court.”
He doesn’t even wait ten seconds before his mouth rushes to mine again. He lifts me up and holds me against him, then my back is against the door once again with so much lust or love—I’m not sure which—locking us together. His mouth drops from mine and moves down to my neckline.
The strap on one side of my swimsuit is pulled down, exposing more of my upper chest; my breasts are still covered. I feel his lips pick up where they left off and move down until they get to the top of my sensitive breast, which swells and aches for his touch.
“Bedroom…” I breathe.
“Which one?” he breathes out somehow, because his kisses don’t stop.
My lower abdomen twists with aches and desire for him. “Across the room.”
With ease, he pushes off the door, not bothering to put me down. Aiden carries me as though my weight is nothing for him. He moves quickly and kicks the half-open door wider. My lips attach themselves to his tanned skin around his neck, working their way around the other side, and going back up. I pause halfway and suck.
“Oh my… Elsie,” he moans. With one swift move, he’s kicked the door shut. “Which bed?”
“Left,” I hiss between my teeth. I go back to the same spot and suck again. I desperately want to mark him, to let everyone know we’re together.
I don’t want anyone else to have him.
He. Is. Mine.
Aiden moves swiftly and gently lays me on the bed. “Are you sure you want to do this?” His large frame hovers over mine.
No words need to be spoken. I smile like a girl who’s about to receive a gift she’s been dying to get her entire life. I reach behind his neck and pull him back to my lips, giving him the answer he’s craving.
Noise behind the door startles me awake. My bed is empty, with no Aiden to be seen anywhere in the bedroom. My stomach flips anxiously. After a perfect night of exploring each other in ways only lovers can, he’s up and left.
I sit up on the bed and glance around for a note, checking the bedside table and the floor to make sure I didn’t knock it off.
There is nothing.
I hear Willow and Addison chatting in the other room. With my beaten heart barely beating, I slide my legs over the side of the bed. My elbows are on my knees, and my head falls into my hands. How could I have been so stupid? Aiden said all the right words, touched me in all the right places, and ate up my kisses and moans as though they were candy. Obviously, I was something that simply dissolved once the tasty treat was devoured.
Vigorously, I rub my face with my open hands, removing the sleep from the corners of my eyes. I don’t even remember what time it was when we fell asleep. Well, I thought he went to sleep, but it seems he waited for me to fall asleep and then left with his tail between his legs after getting what he wanted.
I stand and go to my closet to pull out clothes for the day—a short, light-blue denim skirt and a purple tank top. I need a shower to wash away any remnants of the night before. Grabbing fresh underwear and my clothes, I head out toward the giggling voices.
Addison and Willow turn my way when the door opens. My face must give away how I’m feeling because Addison rushes to me, her forehead pinched together with concern. “What’s wrong?”
A lump forms in my throat. I don’t want to cry. I won’t. Swallowing the lump down even for a few seconds allows me to get out what I need to. “He’s gone. He got what he wanted and left.” I shut my eyes tight in the hopes that it’s just a dream. That he didn’t actually leave. And that I’m still asleep. That’s it. It has to be.
I remember how he spoke to me, how he claimed my body like he would never need anyone else again. His sweet whispers of affection and want made my stomach drop. He really left.
Addison takes me in her arms, but I’ve become numb. Having no feelings would be better than the pain I’m feeling right now. “Elsie, I don’t think he left to get away. Aiden wasn’t even at the house this morning when the boys were up getting ready for practice. I’m sure there’s an explanation for why he left without leaving a note.”
I wriggle out of her grip and shrug. “It is what it is. Just fun. I should have listened to you.” Clearing my throat, I step around her and keep walking to the shower. Willow gives me a pitying look as I pass her. I don’t want their damn pity.
“Elsie…” I shut the door behind me, not wanting to deal with it. I’m going to swallow my pride and put a smile on my face and roll with whatever comes my way.
After scrubbing away all traces of Aiden, I slip on my clothes and blow-dry my hair. I can’t stand soaking wet hair, even if I am going to throw it up in a messy bun right after. When I turn off the dryer, there’s silence on the other side of the door. Thank goodness. The girls must have gone. I purposely took my time so I wouldn’t have to face them again.
I twist my long brown locks up into a messy bun, straighten my top, and brush my hands down the front of me. I look at the makeup on the countertop and screw my face up then shrug my shoulders. I can’t be bothered today.
Stepping into the living area, I pause mid-step while my stomach drops to the floor. “What are you doing here?” I don’t bother hiding my bitterness.
The smile that was on Aiden’s face drops. “Wh… what do you mean?” He lifts his hand and rubs the back of his neck.
I storm past him to my room. “So, it’s normal for you to get what you want and leave?”
“Wait, Elsie. That’s not what happened.”
I whip around. “How did you even get in here?”
He shoves his hands in the pockets of his jeans. “Addison. She was leaving. She told me to wait, but she didn’t warn me about your morning attitude.” He chuckles, trying to make light of the situation.
My eyes narrow, and his smile vanishes. “You left and didn’t tell me. I didn’t think you were like that.”
“I’m not. I’m here now. Did you not get my text message?”
Of course, the one place I didn’t check. Trust me to overreact for no reason. I left my phone in my bag last night.
I shake my head. After going back to the table, I dig my phone out from under my stuff from yesterday, press the button to light the screen, and there’s nothing there, just the time staring back at me.
“Nope, no message.”
“What? No. I sent you a message. Here, look on my phone.”
I watch as he takes his phone from his back pocket of his jeans. The screen lights up, and his fingers move over the screen. “Oh, man.” His hand smacks himself in the forehead. “See? I told you I’m no good with my phone. I wrote the text and mustn’t have hit send.”
Seconds later, my phone alerts me to a message.
I cock my eyebrow at him. “Are you serious?”
“Just read it, will you?”
I glance down at the screen once again.
Aiden: I had to go to practice. I’ll come back and walk with you to your first class.
The anger and annoyance from a
second ago slowly leaves my body. I look up at Aiden. His hand runs through his damp hair.
“Sorry,” I mutter. “Still, you didn’t send it, so my anger is justified.”
“Of course. I’d be pissed if you up and left without a note or message.” Aiden steps closer; he smells fresh and clean with a hint of aftershave. “Now shut up and give me a kiss.” His arms encircle my waist, and mine go around his neck. Our lips connect ever so slightly, like the brush of a feather, and it feels awesome.
I moan. “We should probably stop and go to class, or we won’t see the inside of any classrooms today,” I breathe against his lips.
Aiden pulls back but still holds onto my waist. “We could skip?” A mischievous grin spreads across his face.
“Nope, sorry. I’m not that girl.”
Aiden leans over and pecks my already aching lips. “I know you’re not, but it was worth a try.”
We walk across the courtyard, and something is different. A wave of utter happiness rushes from the top of my head right down to my toes, and no matter what happens, I want to be with Aiden.
Glancing around at the people walking by, I turn to him. “So, here’s something to think about.”
“What’s that?” He looks at me as if he wants to devour me right on the spot.
Don’t tempt me, buddy.
I clear my throat. I can’t believe I’m going to ask this. “What are your thoughts on an actual relationship?”
His forehead pinches together.
I quickly rush more words out before he can speak. “I know you’ve ended a relationship not that long ago, but I like you. I really like you.” And I could almost love you, but I leave that off.
“I really like you, too,” Aiden says, but he sounds so uncertain.
A sharp pain stabs me in the chest. “Okay, well, I’ll leave you with that to do with what you want.” I scurry away down the nearest corridor. Damn, he’s so hot and cold.