by Addison Cole
Dane looked at the kids. “Hi, guys. I’m just going to talk to Lacy over here for a minute.”
Lacy’s stomach plunged. “What happened? Dane, what happened to Rob?”
Dane’s eyes filled with tears. He shook his head. “I…I shouldn’t have let him dive.”
“Dane, look at me. What happened?”
“We were free diving, and he got hit in the head. Hard. He was knocked unconscious.”
“Unconscious? He was or he is unconscious?” Lacy looked at the emergency room doors again. He’s back there. Sheila’s back there. Alone.
“Was. He’s breathing. He wasn’t breathing. He didn’t have a pulse. I helped him. He’s breathing now, but he still hasn’t regained consciousness,” Dane explained.
She searched Dane’s eyes. They were flat, like he was lost or dazed. “But you’re okay?” She ran her hands up and down his arms.
He nodded. “Yeah.”
“Sheila’s alone. She needs someone. Dane, I have to go back there,” Lacy said. “Please, can you get them to let me back there? She’s gotta be so scared.”
“I can. Treat’s a big supporter of the hospital. They put two and two together when they signed me in and said they were calling him. I told him to call you. They’ll let you go in the back with Sheila.” He looked at the kids. “I’m sorry, Lace.”
“Sorry? It sounds like you helped him. This isn’t your fault,” she said. “This is…” A risk of your job. She couldn’t say it aloud. His job was a heck of a lot more dangerous than walking across the street. “Can you watch the kids? Are you okay enough to?”
“Yeah, I’m fine,” he said. “I’ll go talk to the nurse and have them bring you back.”
Chapter Twenty-Seven
LACY COULDN’T REMEMBER the last time she’d been in a hospital room. She stood in the doorway of Rob’s room. The antiseptic smell permeated her senses as she took in Rob, lying with his head back, a thick white tube down his throat and an EKG monitor strapped across his chest with wires running to a machine by his bedside. Another monitor was attached to his index finger, and an IV line snaked from his arm. Sheila sat on the opposite side of the bed, holding his hand, tears streaming down her cheeks. Lacy took a step inside the room, feeling sick to her stomach.
“Sheila,” she whispered.
Sheila turned to face her. Her eyes were wet and puffy, and her slim, upturned nose was pink from crying. Her hair was a long, tangled mess. Her shirt had come untucked from her shorts and hung awkwardly from one side.
Lacy embraced her. “I’m so sorry,” she said through her own tears.
“Where are the kids?” Sheila managed. She clutched a handful of tissues in her trembling hands.
“Dane’s with them.”
Sheila nodded. “He’s okay?”
“Yeah, seems to be. What did they say about Rob?”
Fresh sobs ripped from her chest. “He…They said if he wakes up soon, then he’ll have less of a chance of any deficits.”
Deficits. He was going to quit today, and now he might have deficits. “If…? Do they think…?” Lacy wiped the tears that streamed down her cheeks.
“I don’t know. They don’t know. Dane thought a nine-foot shark whacked his head and knocked him unconscious. A freaking shark.” Sheila covered her face. “This is why…” Sobs swallowed her voice.
A shark. This is real. This could happen to Dane. Or worse.
“What am I going to do? I can’t live without Rob. The kids need him. What if he doesn’t wake up?” Sheila stood and touched Rob’s cheek. “He’s my life.”
Lacy reached for Sheila again.
Sheila didn’t collapse in to her this time. She grabbed Lacy by the shoulders. Her dark eyes were filled with fear and venom. Her thin lips turned down at the edge in an angry frown. “Lacy, this could be you and Dane. This is what I was so afraid of.”
No. I don’t want to hear it. Please stop. Stopstopstop.
“Honey, I know you love him, but think about it. This is real, Lacy. Real.”
“I’m sorry, Sheila. I’m so sorry,” Lacy said, and they fell into each other’s arms and held on tight. “What can I do? Who should I call? We can stay with the kids for as long as you need us to.”
“I called my parents. They’re on their way. I know Dane’s going to feel guilty, and the doctor said he saved Rob’s life. Please tell him thank you for me. Please tell him that I don’t blame him. I know Dane, and he’ll blame himself.” Sheila took Rob’s hand in hers again.
“I will.”
“What did you tell the kids?” Sheila asked.
“Nothing. I didn’t know what you wanted me to tell them. They’re so sweet, and they are very worried. Do you want me to sit with Rob while you go see them?” Lacy asked.
“Should I? I don’t want to leave him.” Sheila looked from Rob to Lacy and back again.
Her eyes widened, and Lacy knew she wanted her to give her the answer. “I don’t know. I’m not a mom, but I think they’d want to know you’re okay and hear something about their dad.”
“What if it upsets them more, and then I have to leave them again?” she asked.
“I wish I had the answers.” Lacy reached for her arm, just to reassure her that she wasn’t alone in all of this. “I can tell them whatever you want if you’d rather.”
“No, I should do it. Will you stay with Rob? I want him to know someone’s here with him.” Sheila stood and moved toward the door. “I’ll only be a few minutes.”
“Of course.”
As she sat alone in the room with Rob, the machine beeped in a constant eerie cadence—a gruesome reminder of Rob’s condition. Lacy crossed to the other side of the bed and noticed the bandages covering the left side of his face. A nine-foot shark whacked his head. She reached for her thigh and wondered if his cheek looked the same beneath the bandage. A flash of pain ran through her leg as she remembered being grazed by the shark.
She thought of the pride she’d seen in his eyes when he looked at Charlie and the love she’d seen for Sheila and Katie. He had been so vital last night. Now his skin had lost its sheen. It looked pasty, like it had lost all of its elasticity. How can that happen overnight? Anger stirred deep in her belly. A shark whacked his head.
This was a choice. Nobody forced him to dive. He chose this lifestyle. Dane chose this lifestyle. For all these years, Rob has done what he loves doing with little regard for what it does to the people who love him. She could replace Rob with Dane. With little regard for what it does to the people who love him. Her hands began to shake. Would you give up your career for me? Why hadn’t she seen his answer for what it was? Come on, Lace. He’d said it like she was asking a silly question. It wasn’t a silly question. And now. Now? She looked at Rob and felt a thread of longing for the man he had been the day before.
Sheila returned to the room, and Lacy’s whole body was shaking.
“I feel a little better having talked to the kids,” Sheila said. “My parents should be here in half an hour. Did he move at all?”
Lacy barely registered her words. Tears tumbled down her cheeks. She felt sick to her stomach.
“Lacy?” Sheila said.
Lacy didn’t respond. She couldn’t. What if it had been Dane? What if it was Dane tomorrow or next year?
“Lacy? Honey, are you okay? Should I get the nurse?”
She felt Sheila’s arm around her shoulder, she heard her voice, but she couldn’t process the words she was saying.
“What are you going to do?” The words came out as a whisper, without thought, without inflection. Flat and dry.
“I’m going to stay right here until Rob wakes up. And if he doesn’t wake up, I’m going to sit here some more. I can’t lose him, Lacy. I have to believe he’ll be okay.” Sheila touched her arm. “Honey, are you okay?”
Lacy managed a nod.
“Dane said Rob told him he was quitting, and he’d offered Rob a job driving the boat and helping in other ways, not diving, not tagging
. I think Dane’s still in shock. He’s having a really hard time.”
Lacy shook her head.
“Lacy?”
“Huh?” she said.
Sheila looked at Rob, then back at Lacy. “Lacy, why don’t you go be with Dane? He needs you.”
Chapter Twenty-Eight
AFTER SHEILA’S PARENTS took the kids home with them to Connecticut and Sheila assured Dane and Lacy that she’d be okay staying with Rob, Lacy drove Dane back to the marina in silence. When they arrived at Treat’s boat, Lacy followed Dane down to the cabin, clutching her keys and unable to think past the accident. She couldn’t get the image of Rob out of her mind, and Sheila’s words pummeled her mind over and over until she felt like they were coming from her own lips. For all these years Rob has done what he loves doing with little regard for what it does to the people who love him.
“Lacy, we should talk.” Dane’s eyes were full of sadness, but the rest of his face was emotionless. His mouth hung slightly open, and there were tension lines across his forehead. He looked as though he was still in shock.
Lacy was unable to concentrate or even think past the new worry that had taken over her mind.
He sank onto a cushioned bench. He didn’t reach for her hand; he didn’t pull her close. He didn’t look into her eyes the way he always had. Dane folded his hands in his lap.
“My job is risky,” he said.
“It is,” she said robotically.
“When I held Rob’s lifeless body in my arms…” Tears sprang from his eyes. “I was sure I’d lost him.”
Seeing Dane cry tugged tears from her eyes, too.
Dane stared at the floor. “He might not wake up. Sheila and the kids might lose him tonight. Lacy, he quit before we dove. He was giving up diving, and now…now he might never wake up again.”
“Yes.” Lacy’s mind was impotent. She couldn’t form a coherent thought. She felt reality staring her in the face. Dane could have been the one who was hit. Their conversation came rushing back to her. What if something happened to you? What if I gave up everything and, I don’t know, you get eaten by a shark or something? He’d answered her so easily, like the risks associated with his job weren’t real. Lacy, that’s not going to happen. She held on to the wall for stability.
“I can’t do it to you, Lacy. I can’t ask you to be with me knowing the reality of what could happen,” Dane said. “I can’t live knowing that you could end up in the same place that Sheila is right now.” His voice was cold and hard.
“I know.” Fresh tears sprang from her eyes. She clenched her keys so hard they cut into her skin.
Dane shook his head. “I promised not to fall in love with you.” He raised cold eyes to her, and when he spoke, his words came out hot and mean. “I lied. I love you, Lacy. But I love you too much to let you be with me.”
“I understand.” Lacy couldn’t feel her face. Her lips were numb.
“You should go. It’s too hard to see you, knowing we shouldn’t be together.” Dane looked away then, his hands fisted by his sides, his teeth gritted. “Leave, Lace. Please leave. You deserve a life with a man who will come home every night in one piece. Alive. Please, just go.”
Her legs were controlled by someone other than herself. They had to be. They were moving up the stairs. No! Go back! And then she was running. Running faster than she’d run in years. She was in the car, driving. She didn’t remember any of the turns or stopping at red lights. How did I get here? She stood on the porch of the cottage. She unlocked the cottage door. The cottage that Dane rented me. She didn’t remember turning on the bath or soaking until her fingers and toes had pruned. She didn’t remember hearing the phone ring and ignoring it—multiple times.
When Lacy opened her eyes as the morning sun streamed through the curtains, she couldn’t remember ever feeling so lost. She buried her head beneath the pillow and closed her eyes again. Maybe she could stay here forever, in this nowhere land, this gray state of half awake and half asleep. Maybe if she tried hard enough, she really could disappear. No, she couldn’t do that. Rob’s unconscious. Sheila needs me. She had to get to the hospital. She tried to move from the bed, but her body wouldn’t respond to her command. When had she become so exhausted? Dane. Dane will come. No matter what I need, he’ll come for me. She collapsed back against the mattress with the weight of a dead man. Dane wouldn’t answer her pleas. Dane was gone. They were done. She closed her eyes and allowed herself to be whisked away into another day of blissful sleep.
DANE SHOT UP in bed. His eyes darted around the cabin, his pulse racing. Stupid dream. He looked at the empty space beside him, where Lacy should have been. The evening before came back in bits and pieces. Rob. Oh no, Rob. The next thought brought Lacy, and reality hit him like a brick in the face. He’d sent her away. He’d had to protect her. I did the right thing. His chest burned. If I did the right thing, why do I feel like someone turned my body inside out and kicked me to the curb? He wanted to stay in his cabin and never face the world again. He wanted to go someplace far away, where he could disappear and wallow in his despair.
He dragged himself from bed, went into the bathroom, and turned on the shower. He stepped under the warm spray and ran his hands through his hair, thinking of his call to the hospital last night. No change. Rob had been moved to the ICU, and he was being treated prophylactically for aspiration pneumonia.
The feel of Rob’s weight in his arms was ingrained in his muscle memory. The feel of his friend’s stilled chest beneath his hands came back to him, and the rush of fear that had torn through him returned. Dane fisted his hands, remembering how hard he’d thumped Rob’s chest. His lungs burned as they had yesterday. He’d have climbed into Rob’s body and pumped his heart by hand if he could have. He thought of Lacy running into his arms at the hospital and, later, walking off the boat and sprinting away. The images came at him all at once. Lacy, naked beneath him. Rob laughing on the deck of the boat. The damn shark whipping up toward the surface. Dane covered his face, trying to stop the flow of tears that burned as they left his eyes. He didn’t recognize the rumbling in his chest. He didn’t hear the desperate cries as they tore from his lungs, or feel the muscles in his legs tense when he dropped to his knees on the shower floor and buried his face in his hands. He didn’t feel the terror that ripped through him at the thought of losing Rob and Lacy. A piercing pain seared through his heart. Finally. A pain he recognized. The same gut-wrenching pain that had speared him the day his mother had died. He cried out again, this time with determination. The words that came were indiscernible, but they didn’t matter. He had to let the incessant gnawing pain out of his body before it ate him alive.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
DANE’S PHONE HADN’T stopped ringing all morning, and as he pulled into the hospital parking lot, it chimed again. Treat. He couldn’t deal with him right then. He couldn’t deal with Blake, or Savannah, or Hugh, or Rex, or any of the others he’d received calls from. Every time the phone rang, he looked to see if it was Lacy—half wishing it was her, though he knew he wouldn’t have answered it. I did the right thing. She could be sitting by my bed in the hospital right now. The thought sucked the life from him. His family would have to wait. He barely had the fortitude to do what he had to do and visit Rob.
He left the phone in the car and lumbered into the hospital, stopping just inside the doors to gather his wits about him. He scrubbed his face with his hands, then ran his hand through his hair, thinking about Katie and Charlie, now with their grandparents, probably petrified about their father’s situation. Please let Rob be okay. Take me. He has a family. Please. Take me.
He made his way up to the ICU and stood outside Rob’s room, taking one deep breath after another. Hold it together. The door felt too heavy, wrong, as he pushed through it and stepped inside. The sight of Rob’s immobile body diminished beneath the sterile sheets, the tube still down his throat, and Sheila asleep in a chair, her hand encircling his, was too much for Dane. Tears threatened again,
and he struggled to hold them back, for Sheila’s sake. His chest lurched with each constricted sob that he held hostage.
The door slipped closed behind him, and Sheila raised her head with a start, her hopeful eyes finding Rob before realizing the noise came from the other side of the room and shifting her gaze to Dane.
“Dane,” she whispered.
He moved toward her, his arms open wide. She met him at the foot of the bed and collapsed against him, opening the flood gates for his tears.
“I’m so sorry, Sheila. I wish it had been me.”
“I know you do,” she said. “This wasn’t your fault, Dane. It’s a risk of the job. I know that. Rob knows that.”
Tears slipped down his cheeks as he held her, strangled by guilt. “What…what are the doctors saying?” he managed. Sheila went back to her chair, and Dane squeezed Rob’s other lifeless hand. His heart sank when Rob didn’t respond. It’s real. This is real. Oh man. Rob.
“They’re hopeful. They said we wait.” Sheila stood and touched Rob’s cheek. “I can’t lose him, Dane,” she whispered. She kissed Rob’s cheek. “Don’t you leave me. Don’t you leave Katie and Charlie.”
A tear slipped down Dane’s cheek. Don’t leave me. “I did everything I could. The second I realized what happened, I got him out of the water. If only I’d been closer to him. If only I’d been the one at the rear of the shark.”
“Stop,” Sheila whispered.
“Sheila, I’d do anything to have had it be me. Rob has everything to live for. I’ve ruined your family. Your kids…They need their father.”
“Stop,” she repeated.
“He quit. I shouldn’t have let him go down. He was probably distracted. I should have stopped him,” Dane said.
“Stop, Dane. Please stop. You can’t change what happened. You can’t make it all better. All we can do is pray he gets well. And if not…” She turned away, her shoulders rounded forward, rocking with sobs.