I came out with it, in an exhalation, “I really like you, Amelia.”
She backed off. “But you don’t know me well enough to like me.”
“Maybe. But I wish I did.”
She stared at me, as if she was studying my face, trying to figure out if I meant it, and then said, “But if you did, you might find out you don’t like me at all. I’m not just boobs, you know.”
I choked. “I—I ….” I calculated my options and the risks. She was smart enough to know that boys my age noticed boobs first, and that was enough to make us like a girl, so there was no use denying it. But I couldn’t think fast enough to be anything more or less than honest. “I mean, sure I noticed, but right now I kind of wish you were flat-chested so you would know that I would have beat the crap out of Ricky and taken you in my boat, even if you had no boobs.”
She threw her head back and laughed, treading water. “You actually think you could beat the crap out of Ricky?”
Still treading water, I grabbed my bicep, made a fist, and grinned. “Well, maybe not. But if I had to, I would have tried.”
She smiled—a shy but real smile. “Thanks for rescuing me.”
I shrugged and swam a loop around her. “No problem.”
She spun with me. “I really like you, too.”
“Even though I’m a lot younger?”
She glanced away and then back as I continued my circle. “That was a stupid thing for me to say the other night.”
“Sometimes we all say stupid things, right?”
“Yeah.”
“And you know, I’m not really that much younger.”
“I guess a couple years just seems like a lot.”
“It wouldn’t seem like that much if I was older than you. Why is it that girls can like older guys, but not the other way around?”
“Don’t you know that girls mature sooner than boys?”
“That’s not always true. It’s just something they say in health class.”
“Well, I guess there are exceptions. Penny says you’re mature for your age. She says that sometimes you’re more grown-up than she is.”
“Really?”
She nodded, following my eyes as I completed another ring, sending a wake around us like a halo. “You should bring me back.”
“Okay.”
We swam close to each other, over to the float. As she climbed up, her dress clung to her thighs and her hair hung down her back in coiled tendrils. She reeled and I thought I might have to catch her, but she rebounded. I grabbed my shirt, leaving my sneakers on the float, and held the boat for her as she climed in. I then climbed in after her. Sitting on my bench, I slipped my arms into my sleeves. She stared at my chest.
I grinned, buttoning up my shirt. “I’m not just boobs, you know.”
“Yeah, I know—boobs and brains,” she snickered.
Now I understood a little of how she felt. What if she liked my chest better than what was in it? Hoping she would focus more on my brain, I said, “I just like mechanics and reading, is all.”
“Me, too—I mean reading, that is.”
“I know. You’ve always got your nose in a book when you’re on the beach.”
She giggled. “Are you always watching me?”
I nudged her foot. “Not always.”
As I took my time rowing back to Whispering Narrows, we traded off staring at each other. What would happen after tonight? Would we spend any time together, talking about all the things we liked, and what we wanted to do when we grew up, and where we wanted to live, and what places we wanted to visit? I really did want to know her.
With a glance over my shoulder, I steered toward shore and beached.
She stepped over the transom, her skirt creeping up her thigh. A light breeze caught her dress. She looked mostly dry, if not a bit limp. “You’re coming up, aren’t you?”
“If you want me to.”
She nodded and I dragged the boat farther ashore. Instead of heading up to the big tent, we veered toward the hippies, out in the open and under an overhead haze. Halfway up the lawn, Sunshine rushed down to meet us, her curled hair bouncing above her shoulders. She took Amelia’s face in her hand, as if examining her young cousin’s state of mind, and then hugged her and grabbed my arm. In one swoop, she wedged herself between the two of us, escorting us to the tiki lights staking the area surrounding guests on the lawn. Another set of torches lit the perimeter of the tent.
Percy and Candace danced together. At the edge of the group, Lenny waited for us, swaying to the beat of “Crystal Blue Persuasion.” His snug vest, buttoned up to his collarbone, made his biceps look even huger. And it wasn’t like any vest I had seen in Sears and Roebuck’s—more like something a swashbuckler would have worn with a flouncy shirt in a sword fight. The vest might have looked frilly on some other guy, but not Lenny.
“Hey, Fixer-man,” he said. “Smooth maneuver down there at the dock.”
At least Lenny, if not the rest of the guests, had seen or heard about Ricky’s ‘swim.’ I blushed. “It was an accident.”
He winked. “That’s right, man. Take the fifth.”
I was unsure of what “the fifth” was, but if saying “it was an accident” was the fifth, I was sticking to it. I scanned the other faces for Ricky but didn’t see him. I didn’t know what the repercussions of his ‘swim’ would be, but I expected something, though not while I was anywhere near Lenny.
Amelia plunked down onto the grass, her dress tucked between her widespread-crisscrossed legs. Sunshine watched with concern. The filmy sheath of Sunshine’s dress covered her knees like an umbrella as she squatted beside her cousin. “Amy, did you have something to drink from the bar?”
“I don’t know—I mean, Ricky gave me some lemonade. It tasted funny, but I was so thirsty.”
“When’s the last time you ate?” She sounded motherly, but in a good way.
Amelia shrugged. “Last night? Wait, I had toast this morning.”
Sunshine rolled her eyes and sighed as she stood. “Ben, you hungry?”
“Sure.”
“Okay, you stay here with Amy, and don’t you dare let her wander off.” She squinted, but not as if she were mad. “Do you understand?”
“Sure.”
“Okay, I’ll get you guys a plate. I’ll be right back.”
As I sat beside Amelia, Sunshine strode across the lawn toward the tent. I glanced at my watch. Ah crap! I had forgotten to take it off before I went swimming. Oh well. It was worth it. When I glanced up, I saw Ricky’s back at the edge of the tent. He wore Bermuda shorts and a polo shirt. Sunshine headed straight for him. Her pointed finger jabbed his shoulder, snagging his attention. I couldn’t hear what she was saying over the loud music, but her finger shook in his face, and her squint could have shot poison darts. He flipped both palms up and backed off. After one last jab, she spun around and made her way toward the kitchen door.
Ricky glanced around. A few faces showed curiosity but then returned to their partying. That’s when Ricky’s eyes met mine. He smirked, then turned and disappeared deeper into the tent crowd. My heart thumped.
Amelia leaned into me. “I feel dizzy.”
“Are you going to barf?”
“My stomach feels okay—just hungry.” All at once, a giggle exploded from her chest. “Did you see the look on Ricky’s face?”
I wasn’t sure if she meant just now, when Sunshine was reaming him out, or when he had come out of the water, realizing a thirteen-year-old had made a fool of him. I tried to laugh along with her, but my bravery had peaked and since subsided. I mean, it was an accident. It wasn’t my fault he had tried to climb in the boat uninvited.
Amelia flung herself back, flat into the grass, holding her chest and laughing. Yeah, Ricky’s ‘swim’ was funny, but now Amelia was rolling and laughing as if she couldn’t stop. Then her laughter turned into crying, and quick as that, she was laughing again. I glanced around to see if anyone noticed. No one’s eyes met mine or ga
zed at Amelia. Were outbursts a normal part of rich peoples’ wedding receptions? I wasn’t sure what to do. She wasn’t hurting anything, but her skirt began hiking up her thighs. How would it look if someone caught me trying to fix that? She needed to settle down and quit thrashing.
I lay on my side next to Amelia and stroked her face. Her cheek warmed my palm as I brushed hair from her forehead and wiped tears. She took a deep breath and opened her eyes, though they were merely glazed-over slits.
She reached over and her finger hooked my lower lip. “Did you know you have the most kissable lips? All curvy and full.” Her finger dragged down to my chin, and her hand dropped to her side as if it weighed ten pounds.
Her lips looked like two little, red rose petals. I pulled a few strands of hair from the corner of her mouth. Since I had decided not to kiss her out on the water, I sure wasn’t going to kiss her right now, though she probably would have let me.
Sunshine arrived and knelt beside Amelia. As I sat up, she passed me the plate, heaped full, and then helped Amelia to sit. Sunshine shook her head, adjusting her cousin’s dress and looked at me. “It’s just a good thing you came along when you did, Ben.”
Amelia grabbed a chicken wing.
“Slow down, kiddo.” Sunshine tucked a napkin in Amelia’s hand. “Chew it good or it will all come back up.”
I poked a shrimp in my mouth. “I saw you with Ricky,” I said, trying not to talk with my mouth full. “What did he say?”
“He said it was just a misunderstanding—that he brought her lemonade, she downed it, and then grabbed his screwdriver and drank it before he could stop her.” She turned Amelia’s chin to face her. “Did your lemonade taste funny?”
Amelia shrugged. “Sort of. I don’t know ….”
Sunshine shook her head. I didn’t know if I should say something about how Ricky was all over her. I didn’t want to embarrass Amelia. That was girl talk, and if Amelia wanted to tell Sunshine, that was her place, not mine. Besides, probably everyone saw it anyway.
I stuffed a wedge of something in my mouth. Whatever it was, it tasted good. I helped myself to another. For every one bite I ate, Amelia scarfed down two.
I nudged her. “Slow down—quit hogging it.”
Now that Amelia had simmered down, Sunshine asked, “You two okay over here?”
I nodded.
“Okay, well, before you leave, bring her to me. Got it?”
“Got it.”
She patted my cheek and, in the most ladylike way, came to her feet. Her hips swayed all the way over to Lenny, who passed her one of those funny-smelling, odd-shaped cigarettes. She took a long drag off it and then passed it to Candace. What was it with hippies and sharing their cigarettes?
Between the two of us, Amelia and I cleaned the plate. As I licked my fingers, she lay down and sighed, “I’m tired. I could sleep forever.”
I scooted a little closer to her head but remained sitting. Bringing my knees to my chest, I faced the tent. The crowd had thinned a lot in the last hour. Men had removed their suit jackets, and their ties hung like nooses. A few women padded around without high heels. Most of them looked as if they weren’t in much better condition than Amelia. The band still played, and a few people hung off each other on the dance floor. Some swayed by themselves. If it weren’t for the frequent sound of laughter, from both the lawn and tent, I wouldn’t have guessed that people were having a good time. It didn’t look like fun to me.
At the far end, way under the tent, I spotted Doc. I couldn’t make out if he was having a good time or not, but if he’d had to kick his son out earlier, after not seeing him for so long, I imagined that even if Doc was putting on a happy face, he was not enjoying himself. Then again, maybe Amelia misunderstood and Doc hadn’t kicked Brad out at all. Maybe they just had words. What had Sunshine and her dad fought about? She seemed tense, but maybe it was just the ‘misunderstanding’ between Amelia and Ricky.
I continued scanning the crowd—both under the tent and the fringes of people on the lawn—looking for Ricky. I found him on the dance floor with some middle-aged lady. I was safe for the time being and slacked my posture, allowing my gaze to wander. I happened to glance over my shoulder and did a double take as Penny came around the corner of the house, in rolled-up shorts and a tank top—without a bra.
What the crap! She had snuck out, too. That was bad enough, but then she walked right over to Percy Wade. I kept my sights glued to them as they made their way to some fold-up chairs and sat. Penny played with one of her thin braids—the way she had fixed her hair the other night—with a bead attached to the end. She hadn’t seen me yet. I didn’t know if I should call out—which would have mortified her—or if I should just watch.
While I considered what I ought to do, Candace joined them. She sat beside Penny and passed Percy the cigarette. He inhaled and then passed it to Penny. She looked at it for a second, took a small puff, and then let it out. Candace giggled and shook her head, then took the cigarette and demonstrated how to suck it in and hold it. Penny tried again. This time, she did just as Candace showed her. Penny coughed a little, sending two small puffs out her nose but held her breath and then let it out with a laugh.
Great. Now my sister was smoking. Oh well, just more ammunition for blackmail—not that I needed it. When Percy again passed what was now a skinny little butt, Penny took another drag and didn’t cough, until her eyes landed on mine.
Chapter 21
For Penny and me, the wedding at Whispering Narrows was where all the trouble started—that is, it marked the point of no return. We were both so naive. If I had to serve a day sentence for every time I beat myself over not knowing what was really going on, I would be locked up for life. Over the years, I’ve come up with a hundred different ways I could have—should have—handled that night. I have replayed a thousand scenarios. I should have told Sunshine that Ricky kissed Amelia—I should have told Doc. I should have pulled Penny out of the pot-smoking group of older kids. I should have beat Ricky senseless or taken a beating or anything that would have called attention to the fact that he was a scum predator.
Even now as I swim the cove, I want to pummel something, but my blows strike only water. And what does venting accomplish? Nothing. Besides, it’s too late for anger. I can’t change any of what happened. I was only a kid. How was I supposed to know? Just the same, I have to acknowledge the role I played even if it wasn’t my fault—directly. Penny had to learn to take responsibility for her own actions, which I’m sure was far more difficult than me trying to reconcile my own culpability. And she has also had to learn how to let go.
So, where did it all really begin? That’s as difficult to determine as defining ‘it’. Probably it began years before that summer, right in our own family dysfunction. So, if it didn’t start at the wedding, it certainly gained momentum there. My involvement might have gone back to weeks before I ‘helped’ Ricky into the lake, back to when I spilled coffee all over him at Garver’s. For Penny, it might have launched at the moment she took the drag from that “funny little cigarette.” A manifestation of it was that look on her face, the way her gaze shifted—the way her whole person shifted—as she turned her back on me.
I stared at the back of Penny’s head as she again faced Candace and Percy. My chest dropped into my stomach as I slouched over my knees. It was ridiculous to let my feelings get hurt over it. Maybe I just needed to grow up and accept the fact that Penny had older friends who were more interesting than I was.
Beside me, Amelia snored quietly. She looked like Penny when she slept, with her wide-open mouth. That was definitely not how I had pictured this night turning out. My visions of slow dancing with Amelia, and stealing a kiss of my own out at the end of her dock, evaporated like the wisps of smoke rising above Penny and her new friends.
On the bright side, I was sitting beside Amelia, even if she was passed out. She still looked beautiful as her head lay in a nest of strawberry curls. Her lips were closed but relaxed and
her cheeks, flushed. I could have been in a hundred different places, but I wouldn’t have traded sitting beside her, watching her sleep and guarding her, for anything.
One dainty hand lay atop her tummy and the other tossed overhead. Her fingernails matched the hot pink of her dress. They weren’t long and fake looking—just trim. Her skirt draped over her slender thighs. She had pretty feet, with pink toenails. Had her mother made her paint them, or did Amelia like them that way? I hoped it was a special-occasion thing. The more I hung around with hippies, the more I liked the natural look of a girl without all the make-up and stiff hair. Amelia sure didn’t need the extras—she was perfect the way she was. If there hadn’t been people around, I would have lain close beside her and listened to her breathe—maybe I would have dared to lay my hand on hers.
After a few minutes, she roused, rubbing her eyes. She looked up at me. Propping herself upon her elbows, she asked, “Was I snoring?”
“A little.”
She grimaced. “How embarrassing.”
“It was cute. At least you weren’t drooling.”
She shifted to sit, tugging at her skirt. “I don’t drool.”
“Of course you don’t.” I chuckled.
“I gotta use the bathroom.”
“Are you going to barf?”
She squinted with annoyance. “No. I gotta pee.”
“Okay, well, let me help you up.” I stood. She took the hand I offered, and I pulled her to her feet. She didn’t hesitate or stare into my eyes or anything; she just started toward the house. I looked for Sunshine. She spotted us at the same time and came over to me as Amelia kept walking.
“I’m going to put her to bed.” Sunshine kissed my cheek. “Thanks for taking care of my little cousin.”
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