Behind me, Amelia let out a gasp, breathing the words, “Oh my God.”
My heart came up out of my chest as fury in my nostrils. “I’m gonna kill him. I swear to God, I’ll kill him.”
Penny’s mouth trembled, “No Ben, you can’t tell anyone. Swear to God you won’t tell!”
“Penny—”
Her sobbing started again, “Ben, please—please don’t tell.”
“Penny—did he—did he—?”
She sobbed harder. “Don’t tell.”
I threw my head back, tears seeping from the corners of my eyes, searing a path through the cool rain pelting my face. I could hardly breathe.
Amelia came close, her arms wrapping around my waist, her chin resting on my shoulder. She sniffled and sighed. Her breath warmed my ear. “Just get her home for now.”
I continued rowing, letting my anger fuel the boat, propelling it forward. Lighting split the sky, refracting into shards of light bouncing off the lake, like some bizarre fireworks display. A second later, thunder crashed like a million tons of sand falling on a metal roof. If lightning struck the three of us, we would all be out of our misery, taking the secret to our grave. When a jagged bolt tore through the dark, illuminating the island as it touched down on the tallest tree, the static prickled my skin. As much as the idea of perishing sounded like relief a moment ago, the thought of Ricky getting off the hook powered me forward as we passed the floatplane mooring and cut through the Narrows. Amelia’s landing was only yards away.
I put the bow against the ladder. She climbed up and onto the dock. As I pulled away, she ran toward the lawn and didn’t look back. I continued to row hard, making for our beach. Gravel scraped the bottom of the boat, its sound muffled by bilge water and pouring rain. I didn’t worry about the noise. If the storm hadn’t already woken Mom, nothing would. Even if it did, there was no turning back. My main concern was helping Penny to bed.
I hopped out and pulled us further ashore. Penny quit crying but trembled, breathing heavily. She didn’t move.
“C’mon. We’re home.”
She didn’t budge.
“Don’t worry, it’s dark inside. No one is up. No one knows.”
She roused slowly, still trembling. I helped her up and out of the boat, snugging the blanket around her. We made it into the house and up the stairs without Mom hearing. I brought Penny to her room and whispered, “Do you need any help? Can I get you anything?”
She shook her head. I backed out as she dropped to her bed, wrapped in Amelia’s blanket.
I stepped into my dark room, shed my clothes and climbed in bed, my body buzzing with a trace of adrenaline. Now that I lay still, I became aware of pain in my hands, my shoulders, my legs—my chest. My cheek throbbed. A few minutes later, Penny crept from her room to the bathroom. The toilet flushed. Turning my watch crystal to catch the beam from my flashlight, I read, 1:01.
I shut my eyes. A tape loop replayed the events of the last hour. The image of my knuckles smashing into Ricky’s face played over and over, in slow motion at first, and then speeding so fast the images blurred, protracting the moment of impact, suspending it in time. Images of him on top of my sister—me on top of him—him on top of me. His fist coming at me. His crazed eyes. It was as if I were watching a movie—as if it weren’t me out of control yet completely in control. Every action premeditated yet exploding spontaneously from within. Where did that person come from? How could I be capable of such violence? My stomach roiled. I wished I had just thrown up and got it over with, but my body wouldn’t let me off that easy.
I stared at my ceiling for a long time.
Chapter 33
The tension in my back pinches the nerves from my neck to my skull. My head is throbbing. Have I been standing here for a full hour, staring at my watch? I stretch my muscles and set the pocket watch—the back and front open—on the table, but first, I read the top line of the inscription.
Douglas “Doc” Burns
The first time I read Doc’s given name, it wasn’t a complete surprise. I had heard one other person call him that. Doug—just a small word but words can be funny that way; one tiny word in a certain context can carry more import than an entire novel. Words have meanings, if not implications. That’s what swearwords are all about. As a general rule, my family never used profanity. “That’s how lowlife talk,” Mom would say. “Makes a person sound uneducated.” Consequently, I didn’t grow up hearing much cussing, and only when I started school did I learn some doozers. Even simply asking Mom about a ‘new’ word was enough to earn a douse of hot sauce. From the context of a term, I quickly figured out if it was dirty, and I made my personal list of words never to use around Mom.
From the time I started school, I had heard the word “perv” but didn’t even know it was an abbreviation of pervert until I was eleven, and I had only the vague understanding that it had to do with men who behaved inappropriately with children—Mom called them molesters—and it somehow involved private parts. I knew what sex was, more or less. I had also heard the word “slut” from friends at school; those were the girls who would do it with anyone. But we didn’t use those words or discuss those topics around adults. We snickered about them in private while gaping at second-hand girly magazines. Or when we chose to walk around the block, rather than take that shortcut through the overgrown lot where pervs hung out, waiting to lure children with candy.
The day after Amelia and I rescued Penny, it seems I heard those words more times in a twenty-four-hour period than I had heard them in my entire fourteen years combined. In reality, those words came up only a few times, but the circumstances seemed to amplify their frequency.
In the weeks that followed, I learned a new word. I was one week short of my fourteenth birthday, but I had never heard the term rape. That’s how naive I was. And how does a kid explain what he saw when he didn’t know what he was seeing—when his own sister wouldn’t admit what happened; not until after years of drug abuse, rehab, and therapy, that is. Even then, she never confessed it to me. I never knew—still don’t know—just how far Ricky went. Not that it matters anymore. The damage was done and she has moved on. I’m proud of how far she’s come and couldn’t be happier about her progress. In fact, it was she who encouraged me to return here—both she and Christopher—so that I can figure things out and move on with my own life.
When Mom shook me out of a sound sleep the following morning, I knew it was bad. I hadn’t slept most of the night. I remembered only the first chirping birds at twilight and then exhaustion must have caught up with me. I woke to Mom’s screeching voice, her hands gripping my aching shoulder.
“Ben! Ben, wake up!”
I rolled toward her, rubbing my eye. It burned. “What?”
“What happened to your face?”
“Huh?”
“Your sister is gone!” She gripped a sheet of loose-leaf paper, shoving it at me. “Get up! We’re going down to those people’s house this instant! Get your clothes on, young man! You have a lot of explaining to do.”
Insane as she sounded, she seemed less nuts than last night at supper. “Where did she go?”
“As if you didn’t know! I’m sure you were in on this, all along. Now, get yourself dressed.”
I had no idea what she was talking about, but I obeyed, hopping off my bunk and pulling on shorts as she stood guard at my door.
I grabbed my shirt off the floor and pulled it overhead. “What’s the letter say?”
She gasped. “Is that blood on your shirt?”
I glanced down at the dark reddish-brown smear and spatter and then peeled it back off.
She leaned against the doorjamb. “Oh dear God! What has become of my children?”
Without a word, I yanked a button-down shirt from a nail on the wall, slipped my arms in and grabbed my sneakers. My mother shut her eyes, one arm falling limp at her side. Her other hand met her forehead with all the drama of a silent-movie leading lady. I snatched Penny’s note and rea
d quickly:
I’ve gone with Candace and the others to Woodstock. I’ll be back Sunday. Don’t worry.
I sent the paper to my bed as I scuttled to tie my laces and zip my shorts. I needed to get down to Doc’s place. Maybe they hadn’t left yet. I set my mind to that, although I had no idea how I would explain any of it once I arrived there. Instead of leading the way, Mom trailed behind. I broke into a jog as I flung open the screen door and took off.
“You come back here and wait for your mother!” she called out after me between gasps.
I picked up my pace, trying to steady my eyes on my watch—7:something. Doc would surely be up and around. I sped down the hill, the sheer momentum nearly taking my feet out from under me. I slowed enough to maneuver between the first set of stone pillars. Out of breath, I leapt up the granite steps and gave the doorknocker four consecutive thwacks. I glanced behind, at the road. My mother had not yet caught up, but her hysteria mounted as she neared.
She yowled, “ … My daughter … Those people … Rebellious children ….”
I leaned against the doorjamb. “C’mon Doc—c’mon.”
With that, the front door flung open. Just as quick, Doc stood in front of me. Across the foyer, Sunshine and barefooted Amelia appeared in the great room doorway, both in pajamas. I didn’t have time to read more than alarm in their wide eyes.
Doc held the door wide open as he glanced at my face and then over my shoulder. “Ben?”
“Is Penny here?”
“Penny?” His gaze vacillated between Amelia and my approaching mother. He shook his head, matching his granddaughters’ alarm.
My mother stumbled up the steps, gripping the note and thrusting it out in front of her. “Where is my daughter? She’s run off with those hippies of yours!”
Doc patted Mom’s arm and gently pried the note from her fist. “Let’s just simmer down, Mrs. Hughes.”
Mom panted, now crying, “Oh, my baby ….”
I rubbed Mom’s back, trying to calm her as Doc read quickly and then flashed a look at Sunshine who had approached. She took the note. Amelia stayed where she was, her eyes full of angst.
“Now, now, Beverly, don’t you worry.” Doc took Mom by the arm and directed her to a chair inside the front door. “We’ll get this all straightened out. I promise.”
Mom sat, clutching her chest as Doc crouched beside her. “Amy, go get Mrs. Hughes a glass of cold water.”
Doc looked me up and down, his gaze landing on my face. “That’s quite a shiner you have there, Ben.”
“Is it, sir?” I touched below my eye, flinching at the rough scab and its tenderness.
Amelia padded over to his side. Mom accepted the glass with a sigh.
“Would you like to explain where you got that?” he said, coming to his feet.
I glanced at Amelia, hoping to figure out whether she had told him anything. She took a deep breath as her eyes shifted with dread. Shrugging, she shook her head. She had told him little, if anything. I opened my mouth. Nothing came out.
At that very moment, the service door opened and Ricky backed through the doorway, as if he had hoped to sneak into the house undetected. The door clicked after him. He turned and flinched at the sight of an audience, all staring at him. His eye, swollen shut and his fat lip, split.
Mom gasped, “Oh dear God!”
I had all I could do not to leap across the room and pound his other eye shut. I stepped forward, jaw clenched.
Doc raised his bushy brow and placed his big hand on my chest. “Ben?”
I swallowed hard, emotion welling up. “He was on my sister, Doc. He was all over Penny—he was all over her, pinning her down—”
My mother let out a cry as glass shattered on the slate floor.
Ricky backed up. “He’s a lying son of a—”
“Ricky!” Karen’s voice ricocheted off every wall as she appeared on the balcony in a négligée wrap, mascara circles under her eyes.
Dick stepped out behind her in a short satin robe. “What’s going on out here?”
Doc’s hand had not moved from my chest as I leaned into it. “Hold on now. Let’s get to the bottom of this.” He glanced at the shards of glass on the floor. “Amelia, don’t you move.”
Mom sobbed as Sunshine, in slippers, rushed to her side and ushered Mom through the great room door.
“Ben,” Doc continued, “I want you to tell me exactly what happened.”
“We were out rowing around on the lake last night and we heard crying over by the beach—”
“Who was out rowing?”
I shot a look at Amelia. Her eyes filled with tears as her gaze cut overhead and then returned to me, pleading. She shook her head. Did she expect me to keep quiet about it? To somehow leave her out of it? She might never talk to me again, but I had to tell the whole truth, didn’t I?
I looked Doc in the eye and swallowed. “Me and Amelia.”
“Last night?” His brow arched higher. “Just the two of you?”
I let out a sigh. “Yes, sir. That’s when we heard sounds. And when I got near the shore, I saw the Mercedes, and then I saw Ricky attacking Penny.”
“He didn’t see anything,” Ricky interrupted. “He’s lying—he doesn’t know what the hell—”
Doc flung his arm at Ricky “You! Shut up!” and looked back at me.
I continued, “When we got closer to shore, I saw him on top of Penny—she was struggling—I jumped out of the boat and hit him with the oar.”
Ricky burst out laughing. “His slutty sister and I were just having a little fun and all of a sudden this maniac was all over me!”
Doc took one step toward Ricky and bellowed. “I told you to shut up!”
“Daddy!” Karen shouted.
“And you!” he pointed up at the couple on the balcony. “Not a word!”
I took a deep breath. “Her skirt was…,” I couldn’t bring myself to say it “…and her blouse was ripped and she had a bloody lip.”
“Oh my God,” Ricky muttered, rolling his eyes. “What a freaking bunch of lies. If all that’s true, where is your slut sister?”
Doc turned to Ricky. “If I hear that word come out of your mouth one more time—” he then looked at Amelia with all sternness. “Did you see all this?”
She hesitated, glanced at me, and then nodded, tears streaming down her face. Her chin quivered. “He even tried to kiss me at the wedding. Benjamin saw it all.”
Doc’s eyes flew open. “What?” Now his voice echoed around the room, the chandelier above almost shook as he shot a look at Ricky and back at me. “Is this true, Benjamin?”
Even as I nodded, Doc moved across the foyer, glass crunching beneath his feet. In a matter of seconds, he had Ricky against the wall. Karen cried out as Dick swung around the balcony and made his way down the stairs. The painting beside Ricky shifted as Doc grabbed him by the shirt collar, raising him inches off the floor. His other hand squeezed Ricky’s red cheeks, as Dick landed on the floor, swearing at the glass.
“Get your hands off my boy.” In two steps, Dick yelped, his foot bloody. He fell to the stairs as Karen rushed down.
Doc still had Ricky by the jaw, lifted him away from the wall and let him drop. Ricky slid down, past the chair rail into a crumpled mass on the floor, shaking, his knees bent and palms pressing his eyes. Now Doc moved across the room toward Amelia and me, his face still ablaze with fury.
As soon as he stood before his granddaughter, he swept her trembling body from the glass shards and carried her across the foyer to safety. Planting her in front of the great room door, he jabbed his finger in Ricky’s direction. “You—don’t move a muscle, or I’ll come over there and finish you off.” Doc then turned his finger on me. “Ben—in here. Now.”
Was the anger in his tone now directed at me? He had every right to be mad. I was screwed. He waited in the doorway, breathing heavily as I stepped through. Amelia moved to the picture windows. On the sofa, Mom buried her face in Sunshine’s shoulde
r as she stroked Mom’s hair. As soon as Doc sat beside them, Mom turned to him, tears streaming from her eyes.
“Oh, Doug—my poor baby …,” she whimpered and pressed her face to his chest as he pulled her close.
Did Mom just call him Doug?
His demeanor and voice turned from angry to tender. “Don’t you worry, Bev. I will get your baby back and that boy will pay.”
Did Doc just call Mom, Bev?
He turned his attention to Sunshine and pointed at a roadmap sprawled across the chess table as Mom covered her face.
“You and I are going to New York this morning,” he said to Sunshine as he rose, and then pointed at me. “You and I are not done. We’ll talk about this—” he glanced at Amelia and back at me “—when I return.”
“Yes, sir.” I couldn’t catch Amelia’s eye before she turned, facing the cove.
In three steps, he landed in front of the map and turned to me. “When is your father coming up?”
“This afternoon.”
“Alright, you need to take your mother home now. You stay with her every second until he gets here, do you understand?”
“Yes, sir.” I moved to Mom’s side as she came to her feet. Taking her by the arm, I led her toward the door. Doc followed. As we stepped into the doorway, I glanced back at Amelia who had not turned. She probably hated me for telling—not for telling on Ricky, but for telling that she and I had been sneaking behind Doc’s back. Maybe she was afraid Doc would think she was like her mother.
In the foyer, Ricky still sat, crumpled on the floor. Karen wiped tears as she sat with Dick at the stairway landing, picking glass out of his foot.
She looked up at me. “This is all your fault.”
I tried to form the word What? but when I opened my mouth, nothing but a breath came out.
Doc spoke for me. “Don’t you dare try and put this on Ben.”
“I can’t believe you would take their side. I’ll never forgive you for this, Daddy.”
Doc shot a gesture toward Ricky. “That boy over there is a pervert, and he preyed on your daughter, too. What kind of mother—what is the matter with you?”
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