All she knew was that when she was around Nickolai, or even just thought about him, she felt happy and all girly inside. She wasn’t sure what that meant, but she’d figure it out later. For the time being, she’d enjoy being happy and girly on the inside. It’d been far too long since she felt that way.
Nickolai stuck his wallet in his back pocket, ready to head down to Landry’s room. His cell phone chimed. He glanced at the caller ID, and his heart caught in his chest. He slumped to the edge of the bed as he answered the call.
“Hello.”
“Nicky? It’s Lisbeth.” She sounded as happy as she had last time he’d seen her.
He let out the breath that had caught sideways in his throat. “Hey, honey. Is everything okay?”
She let out that little giggle that he’d always adored of hers. Ever since she was a toddler. “Everything is better than okay.” She paused for a minute. “Do I only call you when something’s wrong?”
Truth was, she rarely called. “I guess not. I was just surprised to hear from you.”
“I don’t call you often enough, do I, Nicky? That’s going to change. I’m sorry I haven’t been a better sister.”
“Aw, Lisbeth, I understand.” He did, but he didn’t. He looked forward to seeing her every week, but he also felt guilty. But now … since talking with Landry, he hoped the guilt would leave him alone.
“Nicky, there’s a lot we need to talk about. A lot I want to say to you. A lot I need to say.”
His tongue wouldn’t wrap around the words right.
“But for now, I need to share something with you. Something amazing.”
“What?” He hadn’t even gotten the payment plan structure from the doctor, so there was no way they were moving her out already. They couldn’t without his signature anyway.
“Part of my treatment plan here is to attend some form of church service every week, so I’ve been going to the Christian service every Sunday morning.” The excitement in her voice was something he hadn’t heard in her for years. Not since she’d talked about her love of everything to do with fire. “And this morning … Nicky, I gave my heart to Jesus and was saved. I’m a Christian!”
“Wow.” He didn’t know what to say. Was this part of her disease? Another delusion?
“I hear that you’re skeptical. I get that. I was, too. When I first started going, I only went ’cuz the doctor told me I had to. If I didn’t go, I didn’t get any privileges for the whole week. I used to sit there and just think to myself how naive these people were for believing.”
Kind of like Nickolai did.
“But something started happening to me, Nicky. I started feeling different whenever I was in the church service. I felt free. Like I wasn’t sick. Like I used to feel.”
He’d heard all about the feel-good messages from some of the popular preachers on TV. All about how life was good and God had a wonderful life for everyone, everyone just needed to believe that. He’d debunked that a long time ago. If his sister was being fed such a line of cr—
“Something happened to how I felt on the inside. Little by little, I felt a change in me. I started looking forward to Sunday mornings. I started singing in the services. I really listened to the preacher. But most importantly, I got my own Bible and started reading it. Studying.
“Oh, Nicky. I realized I’m such a sinner. All the time. And I’ve been blaming my illness. Blaming you. Blaming Mom and Dad.”
Nickolai froze. She’d never said she blamed anyone. She also hadn’t mentioned Mom or Dad in over a year.
Sobs came over the line. “But I’m responsible for my own actions. Me.” Her sobs came harder. Heavier. “I set that fire to the house, Nicky. I did it. I knew Mom and Dad were in there, sound asleep, but I didn’t care. All I cared about was seeing the fire and setting the beast loose.”
His chest tightened.
“I fed my disease. I allowed the illness to control me. I was weak, yes, but I’m stronger now. I know I’m sick. I know I need help. And I know I’m a sinner and need Jesus in my life. He loves me, even with all that I’ve done. He loves me and forgives me. I don’t have to prove to Him that I mean it. He knows my heart.”
Tendrils of guilt snaked up his spine. Did he make Lisbeth feel like she had to prove herself to him for him to love and accept her?
Deep in the dark recesses of his heart, the place he didn’t want to admit existed, did he feel that way?
“Oh, Nicky, I’ll see Mom and Dad again in eternity. They were Christians. Remember, Mom used to make us say prayers before bed? Do you remember that?”
It’d been a really long time since he thought about it, but yes, she had. They’d prayed before eating, too. “I do. I remember.” How had he forgotten? Had he pushed all the memories of his family life before the fire down so he wouldn’t feel the pain? Had he been so angry at God that he’d rebelled by forgetting the foundation of his mother’s faith?
“I’d forgotten. But when I started reading, really reading my Bible, I read the twenty-third psalm, and I remembered hearing Mom recite it when I was little. She’d brush my hair and recite it. I could almost hear her voice starting ‘The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.’ ”
He makes me lie down in green pastures.
“ ‘He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul.’ That’s how I feel, Nicky. He’s restored my soul.”
It was all too much to take in. Lisbeth’s excitement. Her happiness. Her accepting responsibility. Mentioning Mom and Dad. Remembering their faith.
“I know you probably think it’s not real. You might think it’s part of my illness. It’s not, Nicky. It’s real. But you’ll see for yourself. You’ll notice I’ve changed because the change is in my heart. I may still make mistakes, but I’m focusing on following Jesus’ example.”
“You sound really happy, Lisbeth.” He didn’t want to diminish this for her. If it was real …
“I am.” She paused. “Well, I need to get ready for lunch. I just wanted to share this with you, Nicky. I haven’t told you in a long time how thankful I am for all you do for me. I really appreciate you. I love you, Nicky.”
“I love you, too, Lisbeth.” His heart thudded. It’d been so long since she’d told him she loved him. His eyes filled as she told him good-bye and disconnected the call.
Was this for real? Could it be?
THE TRANSITION
Gopan turned to the other three shamans. His hands trembled as he set down his pouch and bowed his head against the fire’s smoke.
Paco, Nantan, and Dyami answered as one, in their native Apache tongue. “Yes, the earth is our mother and the sky our father.”
Gopan had adorned his full ceremonial attire. He beat on the hide drum. “I come to ask for protection to our warriors as we protect Thunder God’s mountain and inhabitants.”
Paco nodded, standing and facing the eastern sky. He took a long pull off his pipe. His Apache tongue split the silence of the range as smoke seeped out of the corners of his mouth. “Hail to the East, to the new day. To the light. To the eagle. To insight. To the East, we call on you.”
Beating harder on the drum, Gopan blinked against the sweat dripping into his eyes. He would enter the trance state soon. The wind whipped the eagle feathers in his headpiece.
Nantan took the pipe from Paco. He lifted it to his lips as he stood and raised the pipe high above his head. “Hail to the South, to innocence. To trust. To the mouse. To the path home. To the South, we call on you.”
Smoke filled the air. Swirling and circling. Gopan banged on the drum faster, losing himself in the rhythm as well as the haze of the smoke.
Dyami took the pipe from Nantan, took a drag, and faced the West. “Hail to the West, to the darkened waters. To looking within. Home to black bear. To the medicine path. To the West, we call on you.”
Gopan couldn’t see. He set down the drum and took the pipe from Dyami. He inhaled, pulling the sage and spices into his lungs. He held it there as he passed the pipe bac
k to Paco; then he took the pouch with the blue cornmeal and faced the North. He raised his arms, exhaling the smoke with his words. “Hail to the North, home of the old ones, and those gone before. To the wisdom place. The place of snow leopard and white buffalo. To the North, we call on you.”
All four men knelt as one. In the prone position, each blew into their medicine pouches.
Gopan could no longer make out one brother from another, which was the way it should be. They were to be as one. He closed his eyes, welcoming the nonphysical state. He would ask for protection for the warriors, the protectors who would forevermore be known as the ghost warriors.
Paco’s Apache rattled Gopan’s chest. “And to mother earth, for the two and four leggeds. For those that fly or crawl and swim. For all children of the mother.”
Nantan’s voice echoed inside Gopan’s head. “And to father sky. Thank you for this day.”
Dust mixed with the smoke as they moved, but Gopan stayed in the prone position, his heart open to the spiritual healing he’d undergo. For himself. For the others. For the warriors for all time.
The culture of the tribe ran deep into the veins of the shamans. This was their life. Their history, and their future.
Gopan spoke his heart. “We ask for protection. For those of us who will forever be in the service of the Thunder God. We give ourselves as protectors. As warriors.”
Lightning flashed, splitting the darkened skies.
“So be it,” said Paco.
“It is a good day to die,” all four men whispered. “Sadnleel da’ya’dee nzho.” Long life, old age, everything good.
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
Landry spit out the toothpaste and rinsed her mouth. She wiped her face and studied her reflection in the mirror. She hadn’t bothered with makeup in the last couple of days, nor had she been able to really fix her hair since the accident. Thank goodness she’d been blessed with good genes and a flawless olive complexion.
Did Nickolai find her attractive? Was she his type?
She shook her head and turned away from the mirror. She had no business thinking about Nickolai like that. Especially right now in the middle of such a crazy case and not to mention his skewed views on Christianity, which was vital to her very being.
Her cell chirped, the special ring tone for Marcie filling the motel room. “Hey.”
“How are you? Anything else happened?”
Landry laughed. “I’m fine. Everybody’s good. Nothing’s happened today.”
“Well, that’s good. Seriously, because it’s barely after noon. Don’t make me get on a plane and come get you.”
Landry would laugh, but she knew her friend wasn’t really kidding. “I’m fine. Nickolai is out of the hospital. I imagine we’re going to head out to the mountains this afternoon to see what we can find out.”
“I wish you’d just find the stupid map so you could come home. It seems that every time I talk to you, something else, worse, has happened.”
“Not this time.” Landry sat on the edge of the bed, smiling into the phone. She really did miss her best friend. “Maybe my luck is changing.”
“Funny, but I happen to know for a fact that you don’t believe in luck.”
“True.”
“What? I can hear your hesitation.”
Of course Marcie would pick up on her emotional turmoil. They’d been best friends since high school. “Will you just pray for me? And for Nickolai?”
“Certainly, but about what?”
“I just have this sense….”
“Hold up, girl. A good sense or a bad sense?”
“I don’t really know, to be honest. Just that … I can’t explain it.” She couldn’t. Landry had tried to explain it to herself earlier, before Stan had shown up, but there was just something … off in her spirit.
“Landry, I’m not sure you’re in a good place, and I don’t mean Apache Junction.”
“I know, but it’s all good. Jesus has my back.”
“Now you’re scaring me.”
“No, it’s nothing like that.” Landry tried to figure out how to put her feelings into words but couldn’t. “It’s all good. I just felt like asking for extra prayers is all.”
“Now I’m really worried.” And it sounded in her voice.
Landry lay back on the bed. “No, don’t be. It’s not a concerned feeling.”
“Are you okay? I mean, really and honestly and truly?” Marcie used their old saying, one they’d reserved for pushing for emotional release.
“I am. Better than I’d thought.” As she said the words, Landry realized she meant them. She thought of Tarak and the old Indian man in the motel as well as the Thunder God and the Great Spirit. “Marcie, do you believe God uses anything to do His will? Even things we don’t understand or think might be in contrast to religion itself?”
“Give me an example of what you mean.”
“There is a lot of history here with Native Americans and their traditional beliefs. Dream visions, questions, destiny, and stuff like that. Do you think God could use any or all of that for His purposes?”
Marcie laughed. “God created everything, the heavens, the earth, all the animals, and us. Why would we think there’s a limit on His power in what He chooses to use?”
Landry smiled. Marcie always did fraction things down to the least common denominator. Maybe that’s why she was such a rocking CPA. “Thanks, girl. I love you.”
“Love you, too. Call me tonight, or before if you need me.”
“I will.” Landry sat up as she hung up the phone.
Knock. Knock. Knock.
Despite the lecture she’d given herself before Marcie’s call, Landry smiled as she headed to the door. That strong and deliberate knock was all Nickolai. She opened the door to find him smiling at her.
“I thought maybe we could grab something to eat before we head out to the mountains. I know I’m starving, and I figured you probably were, too.” His gaze dropped to the ground then back up to her face. His cheeks were a little brighter. “I thought maybe we could go back to Handlebar Pub and Grill. That burger is calling my name again.”
She laughed. “It was good. I think I’m going to order that this time myself.” She grabbed her purse and the keys to the Jeep, handed them to him, and then shut the door behind her. She double-checked to make sure it was locked before following him across the parking lot.
After they were buckled into the Jeep and on the way, Nickolai opened his mouth, paused, shut it again. Clearly something was on his mind. She waited. He did the same thing again, still without saying anything.
“What?” Patience never had been her strong suit.
“My sister called me while I was changing.”
Landry’s pulse kicked up a notch. “Is everything okay?” Maybe that’s why something felt off to her.
“She’s fine.” He turned into the restaurant’s parking lot. “Apparently, she’s more than fine. She said she became a Christian today.”
Landry smiled. “Oh, Nickolai, that’s wonderful. I’m so happy for her.”
“How can you just automatically say that?” He parked the Jeep, turned off the ignition, but made no move to open the door. He released his seat belt, turning to face Landry. “You know about her disease. What if this is just a delusion brought on by her illness?”
Landry laughed then saw his frown and covered her mouth with her hand. “I’m not laughing at you, Nickolai. It’s just if being saved is a delusion, then there are a lot of us in the world today who are delusional. I can assure you, choosing to become a Christian is not a side effect or symptom of being schizophrenic.”
“But you don’t know her. How can you be so sure?”
“What did she say when she called?”
“That she’d been going to services. She’d been skeptical, then started in the worship, then listening to the preacher. Said she got a Bible and started reading it. Ended with deciding to become a Christian at the services today.”
&nbs
p; Landry’s heart could’ve exploded at that moment. “Oh, Nickolai, that’s a great testimony. She didn’t just jump on a bandwagon. She didn’t want to just belong and follow along. She admitted she was skeptical, not buying into any and everything.” She undid her seat belt and turned to face him as well.
Heart pumping, she continued. “Little by little—deciding to join in the worship, listening to the message, and finally getting a Bible and reading the Word for herself—all of that was Jesus wooing her. Loving her heart with His. That she made the choice to follow Him … that truly is a choice every person has to make for themselves. She made that choice for herself. Don’t you see? If anything, this shows she is getting better. She’s not just blindly being led, but is thinking for herself and making her own decisions and choices in her own time.”
Nickolai stared at her, but it wasn’t an intimidation stare. It was … oh, goodness, it was a stare of attraction.
Landry’s heart threatened to jump out of her chest, and she licked her lips.
Slowly, as if the world had screeched to a stop on its axis, Nickolai leaned toward her. His cologne wrapped around her, drawing her in like a warm embrace. She leaned in as well.
His eyes flickered to her mouth and back up.
Her heart caught in her throat. He leaned in. Closer.
Closer.
Her pulse echoed inside her head. His gaze made her dizzy.
His hand touched the side of her face. His thumb stroked her cheekbone with the gentlest of movements.
Nickolai’s breath caressed her lips; then his lips were on hers.
Landry closed her eyes, savoring the sweet tenderness of the kiss. She couldn’t breathe, but didn’t want to. Didn’t want anything but this kiss. Right now. Right here. Until …
He drew back, his eyes glued to her face. “Landry.” His voice, ragged and rough, yet so soft as he said her name.
It was as if her insides had melted.
A horn honked on the road. They both jumped. Laughed. The special moment between them gone.
“I guess we’d better get inside.” He opened the driver’s door.
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