by Di Morrissey
Catherine thanked Kiann’e who told her she was welcome to stay as long as she wanted.
Before she met Bradley she thought she would go back to their apartment to pick up a couple of things that, in her haste to leave, she had forgotten. She drove into the Base and was glad that neither Julia Bensen nor any of their other neighbours were around. But when she tried her key in the door it wouldn’t open. Catherine jiggled and then to her shock realised it was a new lock. Bradley had changed the lock on the door! She was stunned, angry and then felt like laughing. How childish.
When she got to the coffee house Bradley was sitting in a far corner. The restaurant was empty save for an older couple who looked like tourists. The lunch crowd had gone. He half rose out of his seat as she pulled out a chair and sat down. The waitress handed them a menu but Bradley waved her away. ‘Just bring us coffee, thanks.’
‘Could I have a juice, please? Pineapple is fine,’ said Catherine as the waitress moved away.
They stared at each other.
‘Why did you change the lock?’ said Catherine.
‘There’s no reason for you to be there. You’ve taken your things and moved out. I’ll arrange for whatever else you want out of the apartment to be sent to Kiann’e’s.’
‘I thought we were here to discuss things.’
‘You’ve obviously made up your mind,’ he said bitterly.
‘I guess I have. It’s not how I wanted things to work out.’
‘I’m very disappointed in you, Catherine. This is all very difficult for me. Embarrassing. Though I don’t imagine people will be too surprised.’
‘Oh? What people? Though I can guess,’ she sighed.
‘We could talk to the padre, to see if you will change your mind, but you seem very determined,’ he said.
‘Do you see a solution?’ Catherine asked.
‘Other than your joining me in Washington and starting afresh and agreeing to do the right thing?’ he countered.
‘That’s not exactly an option. Nor meeting halfway,’ said Catherine. ‘It’s your way or nothing, Bradley. Can’t you see that?’
It was a repeat of the previous conversations they’d had. Bradley remained stony-faced, cold-voiced and unmoved, refusing to accept, understand or acknowledge her point of view.
‘Just tell me this,’ he finally asked, a slight crack in his voice for the first time. ‘Is it me? Was there anything wrong with how I treated you? Was I a bad husband, a bad lover?’
Catherine didn’t want to hurt Bradley’s feelings any more than she had. She shook her head. ‘No, Bradley, you were a perfect husband. For someone else. Not me. We made a mistake,’ she said softly.
‘I didn’t make a mistake. I thought we’d be very happy. You will have to live with the consequences of this . . . madness,’ he finished. He pushed his coffee cup to one side.
‘So what happens now?’ asked Catherine. Then caught herself. She was letting Bradley make the decisions again. ‘I plan to go to Kauai for a while.’
‘There is the question of money. And the car. I’ve made arrangements to sell the car to someone in my office. So I’d appreciate your leaving the car in the parking spot and giving the keys to the guard at the gate. I’ll leave some money in our joint account to tide you over for a few weeks. If you want your freedom, Catherine, you’ll have to support yourself.’
‘I guess I can buy a secondhand car,’ she said, determined to show Bradley that she could look after herself.
Bradley stood up. ‘I’m going back to the mainland tomorrow or the next day. I will break this news to my parents.’
‘Do you want me to speak to them?’
‘Of course not. They’re no longer your family, Catherine.’
‘You make it sound like we’re divorced.’
‘Isn’t that what you want?’
‘I hadn’t thought it through,’ said Catherine, realising she hadn’t looked that far ahead.
‘Seems to me you’ve done a lot of thinking and this is the result.’ Bradley dropped some money on the table.
So it’s my fault, Catherine thought to herself. Bradley can be virtuous, the injured one. As he stood up Catherine felt a moment of panic – so was this really the end of her marriage, was this how she would remember him, striding out of a dark empty coffee shop? ‘Bradley . . . I don’t know what to say . . .’ Tears sprang to her eyes.
‘You’ve said enough. We both have. Goodbye, Catherine.’ He turned and walked out the door. He did not look back and she didn’t follow him. She slumped in her seat as the waitress picked up the money and wiped the table.
‘Can I get you something?’
Catherine shook her head and reached for the glass of water. ‘No. Thank you.’
She didn’t want to see anyone, speak to anyone. She drove out to windswept Makaha and tramped along the empty stretch of beach. Sand whipped and stung her legs. The surf was choppy, no-one was around. She was on her own.
14
IT WAS ONLY AT the beach that Catherine found a sense of tranquility during this upheaval in her life. She moved in with Kiann’e and Willi and they were considerate and left her to her own devices during the day. She asked Kiann’e if she’d mind cancelling their morning walk and swim for a little while as she wanted an early surf instead. The challenge and the beauty of being with the gold-tipped waves at sunrise gave her a feeling of equilibrium and helped her cope with her decision.
She felt very lost, especially after a phone call from Julia Bensen. Julia was quite cool and official, saying that she was calling on behalf of the Wives’ Club and asking Catherine please to notify Mrs Goodwin in writing of her resignation.
Catherine felt betrayed. Bradley had made it clear that she was not to tell any of their naval friends about their problems, but obviously he felt no need to do likewise. Now the navy wives would only hear his side of the story.
‘Oh. I hadn’t thought of resigning,’ said Catherine, although she wouldn’t miss the club activities. ‘But I hope I can still see you, Julia.’
‘I’m afraid that’s not really possible, Catherine. We’re all very shocked. Sad, too, of course.’
For me or Bradley, thought Catherine. ‘I’m no longer welcome at any navy functions? I’ve let the side down, sort of thing?’
‘Commander and Mrs Goodwin told us you were no longer part of the navy family. We assume you’ll be going back to Australia. After all, Bradley has gone to Washington. Just as well you didn’t have any kids,’ she added.
‘And did Mrs Goodwin, or my husband, I mean, Bradley, give you a reason for our separation?’ asked Catherine tartly, thinking how glad she was that the bossy woman no longer had any say in her life.
Julia hesitated. ‘Er, no, not really. I mean, she speculated . . . but it’s happened, so you aren’t exactly a navy wife anymore. I’m really sorry, Catherine,’ she said awkwardly.
Catherine could well imagine what the speculation might be. They had all closed ranks, freezing her out. ‘Well, I’m sorry we can’t meet for coffee, or that you might want to hear how I feel. I thought we were friends.’
‘Our husbands are friends and fellow officers, that’s what our friendship was based on,’ said Julia.
‘Well, I can’t say I’m sorry not to have Mrs Goodwin running my life anymore. I hope things work out for you, Julia. Who knows, our paths might cross again,’ said Catherine briskly.
‘I don’t see how as Jim said that there was no chance of reconciliation. But good luck with things, Catherine.’
In spite herself, Catherine had to admit that Julia’s final words had sounded quite sincere, but as she slowly hung up the phone, she was stung by the rest of her comments. How could Bradley discuss something with Jim and Julia without first discussing it with her? How quickly events rolled on, thought Catherine trying to put the uncomfortable conversation out of her mind.
Later she rang Mollie but before she could say anything, Mollie was in full flight, barely pausing for breath.
> ‘I know, I know. I tried to call you at your apartment after your mother rang me. Your parents are very upset. Shocked, I suppose, but trying to take it in and understand. As am I.’
‘It wasn’t working . . .’ started Catherine.
‘Hey. This is me. I have to say I’m not entirely surprised. I saw your face when that woman told you that Bradley was coming home. But I’m really pleased that you stood up for yourself. Yes, strike a blow, get out, quick and clean. I have to admire you. You are pretty sure about this?’
Catherine almost smiled. ‘Bit late if I’m not. I just got turfed out of the Wives’ Club.’
‘The pigs. Well, that’s one good thing. At least you’ll have that old battleaxe out of your life. What did she say?’
‘She handed the dirty work over to my ex-friend Julia. I’m no longer part of the navy apparently.’
‘You didn’t join up when you married Bradley, for heaven’s sake.’
‘It was beginning to feel I had. Oh, Mollie, I feel so confused now. Have I done the right thing? I just couldn’t face living in a place like Washington. Suddenly I could just see how my life was going to be, how I’d be under Bradley’s thumb, how it would never change and how I’d never be able to do things I want. Am I nuts?’
‘Of course not, silly. So how’s Bradley taking it?’
‘He’s hurt, shocked, but I’m sure he has masses of support. He left straight away to go to Washington, so I guess he felt uncomfortable.’
‘His ego is dented I’ll bet, but it shows that when it comes to a choice between his work and you, he chooses his job. So what are you going to do?’
‘He’s changed the locks on the apartment because it’s naval property, so I can’t get in.’
‘He’s what! That’s pretty outrageous, Cath. I think that locking you out of your place, even if it does belong to the US government, is awful and spiteful. Where are you staying?’
‘I’m staying with Kiann’e. Bradley’s selling the car to some guy who just arrived. But I don’t want to be pushed out of the Islands and I don’t want to come home either, so I’m going to go to Kauai for a bit and think things through.’
‘Sounds good to me – after all, it’s your decision, your life. But of course you know you can come to Sydney. Stay here, any time, as long as you want. A big city might be a nice change.’
‘Thanks, Mol. But I’d rather stay here, until my money runs out, anyway. I might have to ask Vince for a raise,’ she tried to joke.
Kiann’e and Willi were out so Catherine answered the front door when she heard the bell ringing insistently.
A delivery man was standing there with a huge box. ‘Sign, please. Whose birthday?’ asked the man.
‘I’m not sure.’
But as she signed the chit she saw the parcel was addressed to her. Catherine carried the box to the kitchen, snipped the tape and lifted the lid. Inside were a dozen long-stemmed roses, each rose end wrapped in a cylinder of water. Her first thought was they must have cost a fortune. Roses weren’t grown commercially in Hawaii, so these must have been shipped in from the mainland.
There was a white box inside and a card. She opened the box and found an ornate glass bottle of expensive perfume. She drew the stopper from the bottle and sniffed and wrinkled her nose. The sickly sweetness was cloying. She would never wear anything so overpowering.
Finally, she opened the card.
Dearest Catherine,
You are my wife and I love you. Come home, stop this madness. Think what we have and the life we can have together. I am willing to forgive you. I hope we can start over.
Yours,
Bradley x
If Bradley’s extravagant gesture had meant to win her over, he had, yet again, not tried to understand her point of view.
‘Bradley! You don’t understand! You still don’t!’ she shouted. ‘Forgive me! You expect me to crawl back to you and go on as before. Well, I won’t! I can’t!’
She ran into the garden and sat crying until she couldn’t cry any more.
Later she threw the roses in the car and drove to Waikiki. She stopped by Mrs Hing’s and put them on the counter.
‘I thought you might like these, Mrs Hing.’
‘Oh my heavens, oh my goodness. They’re beautiful. So expensive. Why you give this away?’
‘I’m allergic to roses,’ said Catherine stonily.
‘Oh my, oh my. Here, you take.’ Mrs Hing began putting a selection of malasadas in a bag.
‘That’s enough, that’s fine, thank you,’ said Catherine and fled the little shop.
‘These are good,’ said Lester biting into his third malasada.
‘Mrs Hing’s finest,’ said Catherine and managed a smile.
He finished eating, took a sip of his coffee and gave Catherine a good hard look. ‘So you’ve told me you’re going to Kauai for a bit. Now, do you want to tell me why?’
‘Oh, Lester. It’s sad. Hard and sad. Bradley and I have broken up.’
‘Ah, are you sure? You’re still deciding?’
‘No,’ sighed Catherine. ‘He’s on the mainland and he sent me roses and an expensive bottle of perfume. I didn’t want them. Everything I dislike. It was such a cliché. And he wrote a card that was supposed to make me apologise and crawl back to the box of my marriage. You know, a tiny, inexpensive, thoughtful gift would have meant so much more.’
Lester nodded. ‘I never seemed to have money to buy my gal costly gifts. I made her a shell necklace once. She liked that.’
‘What am I going to do, Lester?’
‘Go to Kauai. Take deep breaths. Get in the water. Watch the sun rise and set.’
Catherine smiled. ‘Not the sort of advice I’m getting from my folks back home.’
‘They love you, honey, they’d be worried. You’ll be fine. You never seemed wildly happy or in love to my mind anyway.’
‘Oh. Well, I suppose once you’re married, settled in a routine, getting on with things . . . that’s how it is, right?’
‘Don’t ask me, I never got married. But I never fell out of love either.’ He brushed the crumbs from his shirt and changed the subject. ‘You better hang onto your job at the paper. I’ll miss our talks, and who’s going to take me out and about for a bit of a surf?’
‘PJ still has his business here. You know he’ll always be around in between surfing jaunts. Kiann’e will still be by every day or so. And I’ll be back. I have no plans, Lester,’ she said, suddenly feeling unnerved at the prospect.
‘Best way to be,’ said Lester firmly.
‘Come on, let’s go for a drive and do some shopping.’
Catherine called in to the Hawaii News and after telling Vince she was spending some time in Kauai she collected extra rolls of film and a couple of reporter’s notebooks.
‘I’ll try to find some stories for you. Thanks, Vince.’
‘It’s hard to get colour pieces from the outer islands. We’re supposed to be a paper about all the islands, not just Oahu, so I’ll look forward to being able to expand our stories. If you can’t develop the films, just send them to me. Have fun.’
She drove to PJ’s house, but he wasn’t home. Catherine wrote a note for him, put it on the kitchen table and anchored it with a bottle of kimchee sauce.
Hi PJ, I’m heading to Kauai for a bit. Is it okay to take my surfboard with me? Or can I borrow one from your friends over there? I’ll probably stay with Kiann’e’s mother, Beatrice, or see if I can do a deal with the Palm Grove. I’ll meet you by the Outrigger Club at 6 tomorrow. Catherine.
The following morning PJ was waiting for her.
‘Hi. You obviously got my note.’ She dropped her towel on the sand and put down her board. ‘I’ll leave this behind if you need it.’
He nodded his head. ‘Plenty of boards over there you can use.’ He gave her a quizzical look. ‘How come you’re going to Kauai, too?’
‘I don’t want to be around here. There are people I’d rather not see and memories
I’d rather forget. What do you mean “too”?’
‘I’m going over. Couple of people coming in to the Islands I want to meet. Maybe sell some boards. Surf should start to come up soon. Why don’t you stay at Nirvana? Plenty of room. Ginger is there with her baby.’
‘Really? And Doobie? Leif and the kids?’
‘I heard Doobie disappeared. Things were getting a bit heavy. He’ll roll back in.’
‘Oh, poor Ginger.’
He shrugged. ‘You know how it is. People come, people go. He’ll turn up again.’
‘I do need somewhere to stay till I find my feet. I was going to talk to Eleanor.’
‘Nice if you have the money.’
‘I don’t. I thought I could work for her. Surf in between times.’
‘There’ll be plenty of boards there. Leave that one here.’ He gave her a steady look. ‘You all right? Seems you’ve turned your life upside down a bit.’
‘Seems so. I thought Kauai might help, be a kind of transition into my new life, whatever that is. I’ll be chasing a few stories for the paper, as well,’ she said, trying to keep her voice calm. She suddenly felt teary.
‘Plenty “talk story” on the Garden Island. Ready to hit the water?’
She nodded, picked up her board and followed PJ.
The surf soothed her. Today the waves did not challenge her but rose soft and swollen, creamy crests that slowly unfolded in a slope before breaking apart to dribble onto the wet sand. She rode easily, sliding across the gentle waves and after an hour she coasted back in to the beach. She sat on the sand and watched the knot of surfers and further out, on his own, the unmistakable shape of PJ.
It seemed strange just to make plans on a whim. She’d got out of the habit. Bradley had always arranged everything but once she’d booked her airline ticket she felt a slight rush of confidence. Just the same, she did miss Bradley being around. This feeling surprised her, but she felt that she knew his habits and they had a system of sharing their life. Bradley was a man set in his ways. He liked routine. Perhaps she, too, needed order and purpose in her life.