by Marie Wathen
“You’re so fucking perfect, Doll,” he whispers. His hot breath feathers a few loose strands of my hair, tickling my neck.
My body goes rigid hearing him refer to me as perfect. I loathe that fucking word passionately. I untangle his arms and move off of his body. He twists around onto his side, reaching a hand out to stop me, but I’m off the bed in a flash. I scoop up my clothes and toss the shirt into the wastebasket once I shut the bathroom door behind me. I step into the shower and the water immediately begins cascading down from the shower head in the ceiling. My heart pounds wildly in my chest and my breathing is out of control. I stand here a good solid minute trying to calm the ire that possessed me.
Perfect is the last thing you will ever be. That’s the statement I’ve had repeated to me since I was a child. Neither of my parents really wanted me. My mother was young and stupid and my father was the town playboy. After getting together briefly, she discovered she was pregnant with me. Her father confronted my dad and insisted that he do the right thing. They married immediately and it was a hateful union. There was never any amount of love between them or in them. My brothers and I discovered at an early age that even though they had more money than God, they were greedy and wanted more. Nothing ever satisfies my lecherous mother and father; well he all but discarded me before we moved to England.
I discovered his reasons behind his bitter hatred for me my freshman year of college. I needed medical history for a bio class so I contacted my Gran. She provided all the details for my paternal side and so I called and asked my mom for the other. She quickly blew a fuse. Her rage was so palpable I physically shivered at the force. She demanded that I drop the questions and so I agreed, but the detective in me just couldn’t let it go. It didn’t take much effort to discover that Barret Walker is not my biological father. Part of me is grateful that I don’t belong to such a monster, but the other half is saddened by the fact that my brothers, my longest and most cherished friends, are truly only half-brothers.
“Angel,” Blues’ voice thunders through the closed door, but I don’t respond. Within a couple of seconds he is standing under the water with me, his eyes sparkling and heating while watching the water glistening down the front of my body. “Come here, Love,” he says sweetly, drawing me against his wide chest and burying his face into my neck, his kiss touching against my rapid pulse. Curling up into him and disappearing from the hurt would be so simple, but I’m stronger than these pathetic memories.
I won’t let him see my heartache. Blues can hold me all he needs, but the darkness where my demons thrive is the one part of me that I refuse to show anyone.
Chapter Thirty-Six
Blues washes me clean and it’s one of the most sensually tender moments I’ve ever experienced. He doesn’t even try to have sex with me again. His tender sacrifice and sweet endearments are ripping at my heart. This will hurt, but the temptation to have more of him is too fucking vast to stop this deadly scenario. I need to get my head straight. A few days away should help get the need for Blues out from under my skin.
Once out of the shower we dry off separately before returning to the bedroom. I glance out the window and notice that the evening is approaching. I take out a pair of skinny jeans and a long sleeve t-shirt from a dresser drawer and slip them over my pink and black delicates, which somehow survived the wrath of Blues earlier.
“Are you going out?” he asks, walking up behind me and wrapping his hands around my middle.
“Yeah,” I nod and twist around in his arms enjoying the warmth he gives me. “I’m heading out of town for the holiday.”
His forehead crinkles while sadness encroaches away the shine from his dazzling blue eyes. “You won’t be here for Christmas?” he asks dolefully.
I smirk, lift a finger to his swollen pout and stroke softly. “Will you miss me Mr. Sloane?” I tease and peck his lips quickly.
“Will you miss me, Ms. Johnson?” he counters with a sexy as fuck moan before dipping his mouth down and sipping from my lips. He’s being so tender and my heart swells upon opening my eyes to see him staring at me again during our kiss. God I love when he watches me. Love? Fear clutches hold of my heart.
Stepping out of his embrace, I end our kiss and stroll toward the doorway. “I need to get going,” I tell him a little too panicky, gesturing at the door. I grab my backpack and sling it over my shoulder before reaching down and seizing my helmet.
“It’s too cold for you to ride your motorcycle,” Blues insists following me downstairs.
Shaking my head, I glance over at him as I reach for my leather jacket. “Nah, I’m good. Besides the cold night might help cool me down and clear my head after the hot sex we just experienced.”
He presents a proud lopsided grin as he approaches me. “Just don’t forget it,” he says, pulling me into his arms and pressing me hard against him.
“Impossible,” I whisper, lifting up onto my toes to kiss him this time. “I’ll see you New Years Eve.”
“Angel,” he runs his hands up my neck to my face, splaying his large hands on both sides. “We’re both adults and we have needs. I don’t have time for games and I don’t need anyone else in my life. I guarantee this very second that I won’t be fucking anyone else while you’re gone,” his breath is heavy and lusty when he continues, “and when you come back, I want you to come back for me.”
“Lourdes, may disagree with everything you just said,” I counter watching anger etch into his forehead as I remind him of the fact that he has a girlfriend.
Calming himself, Blues hugs me and then says, “I’ll worry about Lourdes. You worry about getting your sweet little ass back in one piece. I’m going to need another taste of you soon, Doll.”
Blues kisses me passionately, telling me that he absolutely means every word. How will this work? Decks is a madman waiting for me to give in and become his woman. Plus, his ideas against sharing me are far from pleasant. Lourdes already detests me, but what the bitch doesn’t know is that she has good reasons for all of her animosity. If Blues is being truthful about not wanting to be with her then I have taken her man. She will do more than hate me when this little secret is revealed.
He presses his forehead to mine, staring deeply into my gray eyes and says, “Be careful, Love.”
I close and lock the door behind us after watching Blues walk over to his place. I cut around the front edge of the house and then kick a leg over my little beauty. I switch her on and the hard vibration sends shock waves through my body reminding me of what Blues did to me. I smirk and shake my head as I pull out of the driveway. Stealing one last glance at his front door, I see him standing there hand raised in the air waving goodbye.
***
“If it ain’t my other gorgeous daughter, finally coming to see us,” Kris’ dad says pulling me into a sweet hug. “Lynn, Sammie’s home,” he announces dragging me through the house and into the kitchen.
“Patrick, leave Samantha alone. Come here sweetie,” Lynn says, wiping her hands on the front of her apron. “Let me look at you. Ah, always so pretty.”
“Thanks for having me over,” I say hugging her and flashing a smile over her shoulder at Kris. “Hey you!”
She walks over and pulls me out of her mom’s embrace and wraps her skinny arms around me. “I miss you,” Kris says sadly. She lowers her voice and whispers, “How much longer?” I pull away from her embrace and shrug.
Glancing around the room, I don’t see Russ or Tate. “Where are your boys?” I ask, smirking at her eye roll.
“Freaking playing stupid video games,” she grunts. We sit down at the kitchen table and I grab a warm roll from the pan Lynn places in front of us.
“Thanks, I’m starving,” I growl, biting off a huge chunk. “Mm, delicious!”
Kris laughs while watching me before she grabs her own piece of heaven on earth. “So I expected you a couple of hours ago. Did something happen?”
I glance at her and know that there isn’t a chance in hell that I c
an hide the fact that I just had the second best sex of my life. The first was against the door. Yeah, that one will forever be tough to beat. I wink and she attacks.
“Come on, let’s go upstairs and put your bag away,” Kris insists.
Not wanting to argue, I pop the last flaky morsel into my mouth and stalk up the stairs behind her. She guides me down the hallway to her old bedroom. “Hey aren’t you going to sleep in here?” I ask.
“Nope, Tate and I are staying in a hotel room.”
“Huh? Mom and dad’s idea or yours?”
“Mine.” She bites her lip and shrugs. “I want him to feel welcomed here, but I can’t sleep in the same house knowing that sexy creature is under the same roof and I’m forbidden to touch him for five days. I will explode Sam.”
“You naughtiness,” I giggle. “This is freaking fantastic. Well, I need to meet the man that you’ve fallen for.”
“Oh no Miss Thang,” she taunts shutting the door and leaning her back against it. “You’ve got some explaining to do.” She arches her eyebrows and waits for my response.
“Really?” I huff. “You want me to tell you now?” She nods. “I’ll make a deal with you,” I pause watching her glowing smile fade into a frown. “Calm down, it’s painless.” I joke and then point to the bed. “We’ll play a lightening round of our game. It has to be quick though or you mom will hunt us down.”
“I’ll go first,” she demands and I nod. “Did you have sex today?” Girl brings out the big guns on the first question.
Well since I only get one pass I must answer truthfully. “Yes,” I admit staring her right in the eye. It’s my turn to ask a question and it’s driving her nuts that I didn’t offer more than the required one word answer. “Are you going to marry Tate?”
She shifts her eyes away from me and I see glisten in the corner. “Hey,” I soothe, reaching over and pulling her into my arms. “What’s wrong?”
She sniffs lightly before answering me. “I can’t commit to him Sam.”
I pull away from her and see the seriousness in her gaze. “Why not honey? If anyone deserves to be happy it’s you.”
“No,” she whispers. “I’m just not in the right place at the moment. Tate says he understands, but he doesn’t…” she trails off and I instantly grow angry with a man I haven’t met before.
“He doesn’t what…know if he can wait until you’re ready?” I snap, ready to rush downstairs and flog that fool. “Well screw him. You dump his ass and don’t look back, Sweets.”
“No Sam.” Kris shakes her head while crossing the room. She looks out the window and I see her reflection in the panes looking all melancholy. “Tate wants to wait, but I don’t know if that is a fair thing to ask of him.”
“What’s going on Kris?”
“I can’t…” she sobs and then turns around to look at me. She holds my stare for a moment, clearly debating on revealing what’s got her so worked up. “I have to put work and other things first Sam. One day when I’m financially able for a relationship and can commit I hope that he will still be hanging around.”
“But…”
She cuts me off. “I know you love me and want me to be happy.” I nod walking over to lean against the wall beside her. “I am happy. At least as happy as a dating woman can be.” She smiles before adding, “More will have to wait a little longer.”
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Deciding to stay at her parents after all, Kris and I stay up until the early morning hours on Christmas morning. She finally tells me what is holding her back from Tate. Knowing the truth answers all of my questions about her being so thrifty. It breaks my heart that she takes responsibility for her father’s bad decisions.
A few years ago Patrick Daniels fell into a slump when he was forced into early retirement after working for the same company for twenty-four years. They gave him a pension, but he wasn’t eligible for health insurance. With the rising costs, thanks to our amazing government, he came up short month after month for a solid year. With his pride and home at stake he took a shot and bet on a sure thing football game. Needless to say he lost big time.
Kris found him one afternoon curled up in the living room floor weeping. He pleaded with her not to tell Lynn and Russ. He couldn’t bare their disappointment. She vowed then and there that she would do everything she could to help her father. She gets her pride from him. I offered to help her, but of course she refused. I, however, am just as stubborn as my best friend and will be making a phone call Monday morning to clear the mortgage on the Daniels residence. She will be pissed off at me, but eventually she’ll get over it. What else am I going to do with all the damn money I save? If I can’t help people with it, what’s the damn point?
I eventually broke down and told her about my complicated relationship with Blues. I didn’t mention details, but she’s smart enough to know that he’s bad news. After listening to every reason I have as to why being with him is so wrong all she could do was offer one single piece of advice. She told me, “A man can change if he’s loved by the right woman. He’ll want it more than his own life.” That’s it. Her sage advice brought to you by a hallmark greeting card quote. No, I don’t know if it’s an exact quote or not, but it sure sounds like their BS.
Russ and Tate are getting along like best friends. I love seeing them bonding. It feels almost like they are really my brother and soon to be brother-in-law. Tate, Tate, Tate. What can I say about Mr. Perfect-For-Her? He loves my girl. And damn did she ever hit the Casino Royale Jackpot. He is a true southern gentleman with breathtaking looks. Tate is a large man with a freaking linebacker physique. His dark hair and eyes compliment his dark tan beautifully. He is seriously some hotness, as Kris likes to call him. If he was my nurse, I would find a way to stay in the hospital longer so he could nurse me back to health. Hell the hot temperatures he invokes would probably be enough. While she was off in the kitchen helping her mother create our fabulous Christmas dinner I pulled him aside.
“You have my blessing, but you should know that girl is stubborn as hell,” I smirk.
“I’m well aware, Sam,” Tate smiles back but his eyes are full of concern.
“Here is a special pre-Christmas present for both of you. You’ll have to hide it in a good place to keep it a secret from nosey in there,” I laugh softly when his eyes flick toward the direction of the kitchen. “It’s the key to my grandparent’s beach house in Key West.” I will never forget the look in his eyes as he takes them from my hand. I recognized the wheels turning look. He now had the loveliest place to propose, and I couldn’t be happier knowing that I get to be a part of it.
“Thanks, Sam.” His dark eyes sparkle with life.
“One last thing,” I sigh, “If you suddenly become stupid and decide to let her get away with postponing this relationship then it is me that you will have to deal with. Understand?”
Tate beams. “I’ll sweep her off her feet and she’ll never worry about anything ever again.” I laugh. He’s a good man and a smart man.
Before I knew it the week slipped past. Russ and I talk strategy, plotting the demise of the X’kapz mafia and I hold my tongue about the personal shit. I think Russ would shut down my assignment if he gets a hint about me and the second in command getting freaky.
What am I going to do about Blues? He made demands on me before I left that I just don’t think I can agree to. We would both be risking a lot if we pursue this… relationship…or whatever the hell you want to call it. Sneaking off and scratching an itch occasionally is one thing, but being his is totally not something I can commit to doing. My heart is fucking with my head and that is deadly in this world. I cannot trust him. I will not trust him. So therefore I cannot love him. It’s that simple. The best way I see it is to avoid the hell out of him, like he has the black plague. Perhaps time and space will give me time to get him out of my system. It isn’t going to be easy, but I will make this plan work if it kills me.
“Sam,” Kris whispers, “When will I s
ee you again?”
“I don’t know sweets,” I smile and glance over her shoulder at Tate, “How about Valentine’s weekend? I can drop in on Saturday. We can do our traditional routine of gorging on ice cream and vegging in front of the tellie watching scary movies all night. We’ll tell all the boys to piss off until Monday.”
“No good,” she demands shaking her head. “Valentine’s Day is on Monday. We have to do it on the day, it is tradition! Since you were preoccupied with work this year we had to skip it, but it has to be a priority next year.”
“Oh shoot,” I fake disappointment. “I’m not sure that’s going to work with everything that’s going on with the case. But I’ll do my best.” She sighs, but relents with a sad, tiny nod.
“Take care, Samantha,” Lynn says releasing me from a tight squeeze so I can leave.
“Bye,” I wave to everyone as I pull away from my other family.
I take the back roads through Canton heading back toward Decks house in Buckhead. It’s late in the evening so most of the houses still have their Christmas lights on. And unfortunately the families are out doing the slow crawl through the neighbors to see them. I gun the throttle and pass several cars taking a side road that leads up the backside of the mountain. A couple of other vehicles had the same idea and turn just before me. I catch up to them as we crest the first small incline.
High beam lights flash in my side mirrors, indicating they want me to go faster. I’m already pushing the ass end of the car in front of me on this dangerous road. I’m not about to risk my life for some rude fucker who can wait a little longer to get to his mansion on the mountain. The two cars in front of me turn off and I pick up speed. So does the car behind me. We coast along at a speed a little too fast for my liking, but I can handle it. I’ve taken many road course tests and can outmaneuver most of the men in my department, in a car and on a motorcycle.
After the third incline I can tell the ground is getting icy so I slow up just a tad. The asshole behind me doesn’t appreciate the decreased speeds so I flag him around. After another minute of riding my bumper I flip him off and flag him around again. That was my dumb mistake. He backs off but only for a second. Before I realize it he is charging at me from behind and swerves at the very last second. Passing me on the deadly crest, he gases the expensive looking SUV until he spots the headlights of an oncoming car at the same time I see it.