by Marie Wathen
“Is Decks here?” he asks flatly.
Standing statuesque and beautiful on the outside of the doorway, he lowers is gaze back to me when I don’t respond immediately. This look is more obsidian than the first. His resentment and disgust blasts me as it pulses off his body like shock waves during an earthquake. His hardness and total disregard are palpable, literally throwing me of kilter and I brace myself against the door for support. I deserve his hatred and I guess that I should count myself lucky to still be alive. Although we weren’t technically committed, breaking off a relationship with a powerful cartel member has proven deadly to many women before me.
“He’s not feeling well,” I say finally finding the ability to speak. Averting my eyes while holding onto the doorknob, I anticipate him leaving, but hear my soul crying out for him to stay. Enough already, what you had is over! I scold myself for being weak when it comes to Blues. He offers a curt, stiff nod while he continues looking up toward the top of the staircase, like he doesn’t believe me or is waiting for an invitation. “You can come in and see for yourself. He didn’t sleep well so he’s still in bed,” I offer peeking up at him. I notice the stubble on his face when my eyes zero in on the twitching motion at the back of his clench tight jaw. Provoking him with my knowledge of Decks being in bed isn’t smart, but he doesn’t glance down at me as he crosses the threshold, climbing the stairs two at a time in what appears to be a rush to get away from me.
Instead of going to my room immediately I make my way through the house to the kitchen where I gaze out over the still, frozen backyard. Avoiding an awkward moment with Blues and Decks is a fan-fucking-tastic idea. Even though Decks is probably still waning between consciousness and death, I don’t need him picking up on any sexy vibes between me and Blues, although, truthfully our encounter at the front door was anything but sexy. He was cold and his eyes spoke volumes, convicting me harshly with my betrayal. I deserve it. Just a week ago he told me that he loves me. Without waiting for my reply that night he took me back to his bed and held me against his chest until sleep possessed him, allowing me the time to cry over the steps I would take just a few hours later, destroying us completely. It appears my mission is accomplished. I finally got to see him for the bastard that he really is.
Twenty minutes later, I tiptoe up the steps heading to my room. Decks’ door is closed and I assume that Blues is still in there with him. Whatever they are talking about is none of my business, but the minute Decks is well enough I’m getting his ass out of here. I cross the room, grabbing a change of clothes on my way into my bathroom where I begin running scalding hot bathwater. There is nothing I want more than to finish this job and be back in my real life at the end of the week. I need it desperately.
Hoping to forget about the man in the other room, I sink down into the water and begin dreaming about everything I will do when I return home. I am excited about helping Tate with his proposal surprise for Kris this weekend making Valentine’s Day her favorite day of the year instead of the dreaded day we’ve always thought of it. I smile knowing that at least one of us will have true happiness. For sure, I’m going to swing by Gran’s. Maybe I’ll talk Kris into joining me next week, if I can pry her away from her fiancé. Hell, I might even make a trip to the UK to visit my baby brothers.
After a long soak in the bathtub, I change into comfy clothes and glance over at the clock. It has been two hours since I answered the front door. I’m fairly certain that it’s safe to assume that Blues has left and I’m eager to check on Decks so I decide to chance a peek. Getting him to agree to my plan quickly will make all of the hell I’ve gone through for the past year worth it…well almost.
“Decks,” I call after knocking on the door and turning the knob. Two sets of eyes shift my direction when I step into the room. Decks appears to be feeling much better and is smiling, happy to see me, Blues, not so much. Sitting in a chair on the far side of the room, he rises out of it promptly. “Sorry,” I offer, glancing at Decks and forbidding my eyes to drift over to the other side of the bedroom. “I didn’t realize he was still here. I’ll be back later.”
Before I can shut the door Decks calls, “Angel don’t run off.”
“Yeah Angel,” Blues growls stalking toward me, “don’t run off…again.” I swallow hard, glancing at the hand he lifts up to my face. He places a finger under my chin, tilting it upward. I lift my eyes slowly, peeking from under my lashes. “Goodbye,” he says it like he’s teaching me how to leave properly, implying that he is definitely pissed off that I left without saying it to him.
Glaring down at me with bitterness, his eyes veil with what looks like regret. More than likely he is just distressed over admitting his feelings so flagrantly to a woman he doesn’t even know. His hand glides up, cupping the side of my face and my eyes drift closed. My skin burns hot from his slight touch and I feel lightheaded and turned on instantly. I know he hates me, but my flesh, heart and soul still recognizes Blues’ essence as my one and only. That freaking stupid romantic bone which I have been lacking in for twenty-four years is finally deciding to make an appearance, making it difficult for me to focus on the task at hand. I can’t get sidetracked by the sex-god ever again. What we had is in the past and I won’t allow it to screw things up with Decks.
“Goodbye Blues,” I whisper back with a raspy, weak voice.
Sighing and avoiding his dark eyes, I shift away from him and make my way over to Decks. Blues turns around, watching me walk away, and I can still feel his presence behind me beckoning me to return to his arms as I hover over Decks’ bedside. Pausing only a moment, I shake my head slightly, trying to convince myself once and for all that I’m done–we’re done, while cursing my treacherous heart. He remains in the doorway until after I sit on the edge of the bed, taking Decks’ hand into mine. From the corner of my eye I see Blues’ powerful frame slump slightly before he shifts away, or maybe I imagined it because soon after I hear his footsteps rapidly descending the stairs followed by the slamming of two doors; Decks’ front one and the one of mine and Blues’ forbidden love story.
The show must go on, I remind myself.
Chapter Sixty-Three
“There you are,” I say barely managing to get my heart rate under control and forcing my smile.
Pulling his gaze away from the door where Blues was standing, he says seriously, “You are my guardian angel.” His eyes glance down at our interlock fingers. “Thank you. I don’t know if I would have made it through the night without your help.” His dark eyes are even darker, thinking back to the physical and emotional pain he endured. And maybe some other emotion that I can’t define.
“I’m just glad you’re okay.”
“We have a lot to discuss,” he says narrowing his eyes at me. He slides his legs over the edge of the bed so that he is sitting next to me. “I promise you that Lourdes won’t get away with what she did to you.”
I stare into his eyes and see that he honestly means his words. Nodding slowly, I glance at the empty doorway and sigh. “You told him?”
“Yes, he needs to know so that he can handle her crazy ass.”
“No,” I shake my head looking back at him. “This has to be done the legal way.”
“Angel,” he nearly growls. “I get that, but I’ve already explained to you that I won’t let anyone hurt you. I don’t care if it is my sister.” I cut him off before he can add to his explanation.
“Decks, I’m leaving.” I pause for effect glancing between his eyes and see sadness creep in quickly. “I cannot continue to live in this world.” I lower my voice and glance away. “You have been amazing to me, but I don’t belong here.” I wave my hand gesturing toward the gigantic room. I sigh heavily. “I will miss you so much.”
“No,” he grabs my upper arms and pulls me into an embrace. “Don’t leave Angel. I…” His chest heaves and his arms tighten around me, “I want you…with me.”
With my face pressing against his chest I shake my head. “I can’t do it. You�
�re life…it’s just too much.” I pull back and look him in the eyes again. “I don’t belong.”
He slides a hand under my chin, tipping my face up. “You belong with me.”
“No,” I whisper. Lowering my eyes and pulling completely out of his arms, I shake my head again. “I’m leaving tonight.”
Rising from the bed, I walk out of his bedroom and go straight into mine, heading for the closet. Picking up my suitcase off the floor my heart begins to beat erratically. I don’t know if I did the right thing or not, but him wanting to be with me so desperately is all the bargaining chips I have left. Dropping my bag on the foot of the bed, I stroll over to the large bay window and take in the serenity of the black lake, waiting for his next move. The sunlight mirroring off of the water’s surface, reflects back into my room creating, a beautiful, hypnotic warmth that I can feel inside while deceiving me from the reality of the frozen truth beyond the glass. It’s funny how much this visual feels like my life for the past year.
“Angel,” Decks says standing behind me and wrapping his arms through mine. He pulls me closer and I tilt my head back against his chest. “If you go, I go.”
Twisting around, I step back and say, “No, you can’t do that. You can’t just leave.”
“The hell I can’t.” He grabs for my hands again. “I’m done. That’s exactly what Blues and I were discussing.”
Cynical by the ways of this world, I have to stop myself from grinning and pretend to be disturbed by his plans. I suck in a sharp breath. “What? Why? And is it possible?”
He nods his head while smiling. His hands move to cup my face as he leans down staring deep into my eyes.
“I’m out. I want to be with you and I can’t keep living this life.” He smirks, “And possible is a relative word.”
Pointing toward my bedroom door I say, “They’re not just going to let you walk away Decks.” I shake my head. “You are too important.”
He smiles. “I’m glad you think so because I feel the same way about you. We’re doing this together.”
“Decks, if I’ve learned anything from the year that I’ve been immersed in this life, it is that nothing is that easy.” I walk over to my bed and unzip my suitcase. “I’m not naive enough to believe that you’re getting out of this life just by saying that’s what you want to do. I’m nowhere in as deep as you are, but I know that when I leave here tonight I’m running fast and far away,” I pierce him with complete determination before adding, “and I’m never looking back. But your uncle won’t let you just disappear.” Pausing, I twist around and step over to him, his eyes studying me with a new emotion burrowing deep into the dark chocolate shade. “Wait, that’s it.” I stare deeply into his eyes, and push away that last thought before offering, “We must disappear.”
“That is exactly what I have in mind,” he says dipping down and placing his lips to mine. His sudden movements catch me off guard. I really wasn’t expecting a kiss. I brace both hands onto his upper arms. He wraps his arms around me one hand going into my hair and titling my head back for better access while the other sweeps around my waist. He kisses me tenderly and through it I smile. This is working.
“I don’t know what you have in mind exactly,” I say pulling away from his kiss and glancing up into his blazing brown eyes, “but I think I know a way to make this work. If you’ll trust me we can do it today and say goodbye to this life forever.” Smiling still about winning me at the end of this game of chance, he slides both hands up to the sides of my face.
“But Blues –,” he starts and I grunt, cutting him off. My throat clogs up thinking that he’s going to give into whatever Blues coerced him into before I came in earlier. Whatever he’s offering will end in another death. It’s a guarantee.
“No, Decks, I don’t give a damn about what Blues says, I’m not waiting.” I snap, seeing that I might be losing him. I back away and bump into the dresser behind me. “I won’t be part of this another minute.” I begin pulling clothes out of my drawers before adding, “If you want to go with me I’m leaving now.”
“I can’t go now, but if you’ll just wait…” His hands are up, palms facing me, like he’s trying to halt me from leaving. His eyes look wild and pleading clearly not prepared for me to run off without him.
“No!” Pushing passed him I slam my clothes into the bag and rush over to the closet ripping everything off of their hangers in a fury. “No! I have to go now, Decks.” I keep my voice in an unnerved and susceptible manner, matching my actions.
“Angel, there’s more going on here than you know. The things that I have done.” His guilty eyes avert to the floor quickly as he shoves his hands into his front pockets looking vulnerable and honestly remorseful.
“Decks,” I drop more clothes into my suitcase. I pause hovering over it with my hands placed on the tall stack. Taking a deep breath, I exhale softly. “Whatever you worked out with him isn’t good enough. I don’t trust Blues and I won’t wait any longer. You can come with me.” Turning my head and looking him right in the eyes, I lower my voice and say, “We will make everything go away.”
His eyes drift over to the doorway a silent debate is waging inside his head right now and I hope that my side comes out the victor. I’ve laid it all out for him. If he really wants out and thinks that I’m his prize for leaving this shithole behind then he’ll pick me and my escape plan. But if the powers that be, Nelson and Blues, are onto his desires of leaving the cartel they will kill him before he has a chance to escape. Decks has bought himself a death sentence by letting Blues know he wants out. I honestly don’t know if we’ll make it out alive, but I’m not giving up on my only shot.
“Let’s do the outrageous,” he says reaching for me and drawing me in for another kiss. I wrap my arms around his waist and let out a heavy breath that feels like I’ve been holding onto for a whole year. Finally, this will be over.
“Thank you,” I whisper.
“You and me, baby.” He jogs over to the door, but turns around before disappearing into the hall. “I’ll do anything for you, Angel.”
I smile and counter, “Be ready in fifteen minutes.” He stays there staring at me wild heat blooming in his dark eyes. “Move your ass Hilary,” I order playfully watching his charming smile burst across his handsome face again.
Decks leaves me to finish packing and I fall down onto the bed instead releasing another heavy breath. I grab my cell and after glancing over my shoulder making certain that Decks is gone I text Russ.
Me: We’re coming in.
Russ: Probation office?
Me: Done. See ya in an hour.
Russ: Be safe.
Me: Always!
I clear the messages, slip the phone into the bottom of my suitcase and then bury it under a pile of clothes. The end is in sight.
Chapter Sixty-Four
Parked in front of the busy government building in downtown Atlanta, Decks and I stare solemnly at the large, imposing office. For me this moment represents an end to the means, but for him it’s a means to an end. A state of unrest wormed its way into my heart many months ago and now I feel the agitation unwinding itself knowing that this is finally it. Acknowledging that exoneration from the repulsive drug world lies just a few feet in front of me I feel a bit triumphant. Peeling my eyes away from the front door, I turn to look at Decks.
“There’s something I want to tell you before we do this,” he says taking my hand into his and pulling me across the console of his truck toward him.
“You don’t have to tell me anything. When we are done here there will be a time for talking.” I say biting back a successful grin.
“No,” he says, gulping hard and averting his eyes to our entwined hands. “I want…I need to do this now.”
His nervousness would normally make me anxious, but in this moment he is so different from the big jackass I met a year ago. Instead, I feel satisfied in his changes, and he almost appears vulnerable and innocent today.
“Okay,” I smil
e sweetly, looking back at the place signifying the emergence back into my life with renewed excitement.
“I know that we are facing a crazy unknown future, but there is something that you should know. Something I should have already told you.” I twist my head back around and see worry etching across his features, his dark eyes saturated with emotion.
“Are you okay?”
“Honestly, I don’t know how to do this so forgive me for sounding so damn lame.” The corners of his mouth tip upward. “You are the most amazing and sexiest woman I have ever met. From the moment I laid eyes on you I knew there was something special about you. Thank you for everything and for your faith in me. I hope I don’t let you down.”
Smiling passively, I shake my head slightly, reassuring my trust in him. “You are not going to let me down because you’re doing something that makes me extremely proud of you.”
“Angel,” his voice is thick and his eyes veiling while his thumb strokes slowly over the back of my hand. “As long as I have you with me I know I can do anything. I can leave behind all the bullshit. I can become a better man–a good man. With you beside me for the first time in my life I want a good life.” My heart leaps knowing that he has successfully taken the bait that I have cast out and this job will end exactly as my team has hoped for almost two years. His eyes lift up slowly, staring deeply into mine. “I am completely in love with you.” I gasp, shocked and completely speechless. “I don’t expect a response. For you, it may feel like this admission is coming out of left field, but it’s something I’ve been feeling for a while. I’ve been attracted to you since we met, but I was certain that I loved you when you crawled into bed with me in the Bahamas, and I actually was more than happy to have you just lying in my arms. I didn’t even care that we weren’t going to have sex.”
My lungs seize and it feels like I’ve sucked down a frozen margarita too fast. The tingling in my head reminds me of the last time I suffered from severe brain-freeze, and for the first time in my entire life I am completely speechless. Where the fuck did this come from? He loves me? Is this monster even capable of loving anyone other than himself?