“Easy there, I've got you. I've got you, you're safe.” Jamie didn't know why these exact words fell from his mouth, but he couldn't hold Sebastian's eyes, the fact, that Sebastian had said the same words to him a few hours ago was just too real and too present in his memories. His arms were on Sebastian's bare hips and he felt a jolt of electricity running through him. The combination of warm skin and deep brown eyes looking into his own made him want to brush his lips against Sebastian's. The thought came suddenly and surprised him. It had been a long while since Jamie had felt a similar feeling, but he recognized it immediately. It can't be! It can't be more than lust!
Sebastian pulled away from Jamie abruptly, albeit, reluctantly. He hobbled to the coffee pot, and poured two mugs. It gave him a moment to organize his thoughts. He was confused about what he had felt just now. It was like someone had broken the chains around his heart and found entrance. Sebastian couldn't keep a silly grin from his face. His heart beat faster and his hands were shaking when he turned to give Jamie his coffee mug.
“Let me take that.” Jamie offered smiling and took both mugs to the table.
“I used to be a ballet dancer.” Sebastian started to tell his story, when he took his seat again. Something urged him to open up to Jamie, an unknown force wanted him to trust this man.
“I was very good, successful too. I saw the world and danced on many famous stages in many different countries. It was all I ever wanted to be – a dancer. I loved it. Every moment of it, even the bloody feet, the broken toes, the blisters and the exhaustion after many hours of training. Even keeping up with a strict diet was only a small hurdle for me. I lived straight-edge without even knowing it.” Jamie saw Sebastian's eyes light up, while memories from the past filled his thoughts. He didn't dare to interrupt him, so he only nodded.
“You know, when you're a certain age, your body starts to weaken and you have to exercise even more. Younger dancers started being privileged and when I fell down the stairs, my fate was sealed. The doctors say that I will never be able to dance again. It's the knee. I had surgery. Several times actually, but my joints and bones are just too used. Problem is, I can't really accept it. I need to dance. It's all I've ever done. It's all I ever wanted to do. What am I supposed to do with my life, if not dance? So, now you know why I need that damned cane.” Sebastian's hand sought support with his mug and he lowered his head, while silent tears found their ways out of his eyes. To his surprise, a warm hand covered his own and it made him look up into the most understanding green eyes he'd seen in a while.
“Did you talk to someone about it?”
“About what?” Sebastian huffed. “That I can't accept my body's condition and that I keep pushing myself beyond my limits as soon as I am more or less painless? About how the only way I know to deal with emotional stress is going to my studio and dance until I'm too exhausted to think and in too much pain to move? Yeah, right... Who is able to understand, that I can't stop maltreating my body, because I can't live without dancing? Who? He pushed me!” The last sentence was whispered and Jamie didn't respond to it, because he wasn't sure what it meant, but he was sure that he didn't want to push the vulnerable man in front of him anymore. Tears flowed freely now from Sebastian's eyes and Jamie let go of his hand. He got up and walked around the table, he turned Sebastian on the chair, until he was sitting sideways and then, he knelt in front of him. Jamie opened his arms and took Sebastian in a comforting embrace.
“I do. I understand.” He simply said and Sebastian accepted the shoulder to lean on. Jamie understood. It was the same predicament he was in himself, with the only difference that he didn't like his job.
Time went by and eventually Sebastian's tears dried up. The tension from before was back and crackling around them. Neither man wanted to let go of the other, but both of them knew that the inevitable moment would come soon. Sebastian buried his nose against Jamie's neck, while Jamie melted against Sebastian, soaking in the intimacy that he had missed for so long. He closed his eyes and stayed on his knees. Sebastian's eyes were closed too, enjoying the warmth, the natural smell, the feeling – Jamie – being this close to him.
They moved away from each other, holding their gazes. Jamie's eyes traveled to Sebastian's lips. He licked his lips, maybe unconsciously, maybe teasingly, but it did all sort of things to Jamie's self-control. He move closer again, this time intent to kiss the man who was at once his savior and the man who made his heart beat again. Jamie could feel Sebastian's breath against his face. Mere inches separated their lips.
Sebastian's arms pulled Jamie closer to him. He didn't know why this man, a stranger really, was able to free his heart from the chains of the past in such a very short time, all he knew was, that right now, he wanted to taste the man, feel him, be with him.
“Uhm... Am I interrupting something?” Jamie jerked away and cast a horrified at look Agnes, who leaned coolly against the door frame, her arms crossed in front of her chest, her legs crossed at her ankles. She smirked and Jamie stood up hastily and everybody contact with Sebastian was disrupted at once.
~~Chapter 5~~
“How long have you been standing there, honey?” Jamie asked flabbergasted and wide-eyed.
“Long enough.” Agnes clapped her hands and rubbed them together, while starting into the kitchen.
“So? What's for breakfast? When can we start cleaning that other guestroom and, Mister Martin, I would very much like to have a tour of the house.” Agnes saw her father's brows furrow and she added immediately “If that's okay with you. Please.” Sebastian was very self-aware, still being trapped in his feelings and the way they poured out of him. He nodded and pointed to a cupboard over the sink. “Cereals” he croaked. Agnes made herself a bowl of cereals and took the milk out of the fridge, like she had been living in that house all her life. She opened a few wrong drawers, before finding the one with the cutlery and sat down with her father and Sebastian. An awkward silence reigned in the kitchen and Agnes carefully observed both men at the table.
“So, um, who is going to drive me to school tomorrow? I don't have to change schools, do I? That would be too awful.” For a moment, nobody talked, until Sebastian said “I have a car in the garage, but honestly, I overdid it yesterday. My leg's worse than it's been in some time. I am in no condition to drive. Do you have a license?” Jamie didn't know if he should laugh or cry. Of course he had a license. It was one of the first things he had to do all by himself, without the support of his family. Being a parent without a car is without a doubt feasible, but it's easier with a ride.
“Yes, but no car.” he offered curtly.
“Problem solved. If your dad feels well enough, he can drive you. If not, I'll ask Kai to give you a lift.” Sebastian shrugged, as if it was the most natural thing to allow a stranger to drive his car, and Agnes found it odd.
“And now in honest. For how long have you two been a couple and why didn't you tell me, dad?” she couldn't resist asking.
“What? We're... No.” Sebastian protested first, shaking his head vigorously.
“I'm sorry, but I don't believe you. Just look at yourselves. You're in love, even a blind person can see that.” Agnes was like a bloodhound. Once she thought she knew something, even if it was only a hunch, she wanted and needed to know more.
“Agnes McCarrick. Enough! Show some respect. And not that it's any of your business, but we are not a couple and you know that. I would have told you if I had been seeing someone. Which I am not. We only met yesterday.” Jamie raised his voice and strengthened it with all his parental authority.
“Then why did it look like you were about to kiss just now? Why did you hug a half-naked man, if he is a stranger?” But Jamie's parental authority was not working anymore. And once again, it became clear that Agnes was not a child anymore.
“Agnes, it's enough. Sometimes, even grown-up men need a shoulder to lean on. That is all I'm going to say about it and now you should let it drop, or I'll need to confiscate your phone for the
rest of the day.”
“That's not fair, dad.” Agnes sulked and crossed her arms in front of her chest like the sullen teenager she was.
“Life's not fair, but I am still the dad here.” Jamie retorted childishly, a bit embarrassed by Agnes's behavior and how the whole discussion must have sounded for Sebastian.
“I'm going to get dressed. Don't start throwing the dishes once I am out of the room.” Sebastian teased and both, father and daughter, rolled their eyes at him.
“Not funny.” they said in unison and started to laugh.
Sebastian took his cane and walked out of the kitchen smiling. These two would be good for him, he knew it. He could sense how important Jamie was becoming to him, even if they had not known each other for a long time. The attraction was there and Sebastian hoped that it was mutual. He took a lengthy shower to wash away the negativity of these last few months and the rest of the fight he had had the night before with his ex-husband. It seethed inside of him that Rudy still had so much power over him and that he could make him feel bad about himself. He hated the fact that Rudy had shown up and driven off after their fight and he also hated the fact that he feared something might have happened to him, after he drove away fast and furious. Once he had loved this man with all of his heart and even though his heart was ready for a new love, he still cared about his ex-husband.
****
In the meantime in the kitchen:
Agnes sat up straight and put her spoon away, before looking at her father intently. “Dad? I know you don't want to talk about it, but I need to know. What happened to you yesterday and what is there between you and Sebastian?” Jamie thought for a moment how much he could tell her about last night and then he decided to answer: “Someone got a little rough with me. I can't remember it all, but I woke up on the street. It was cold and frankly, I was afraid that I was going to die without seeing you one last time and without saying good-bye. My whole body hurt and I was so dizzy. I knocked at a few doors, but nobody helped me, until Sebastian opened the door. He and his brother patched me up.” Jamie saw the tears in his daughter's eyes and pulled her close to him.
“I feel much better now. Honestly. I have a slight concussion, that comes with headaches and I am bruised and my pride is hurt quite a bit, but I am fine. I am not going to die anytime soon.” Jamie smiled reassuringly.
“So basically, Sebastian saved your life when he opened the right door.” It wasn't a question, more like thoughts being spoken out loud without intent. Jamie nodded.
“In hindsight, it sounds overly dramatic. But yesterday it was like that. Yes.”
“Are you in a lot of pain.” she asked and Jamie decided that this was a good time for a little white lie, because truth be told, he was in some pain. Sitting was a bit painful.
“No. I'm not in pain, apart from the eye that feels weird.”
“I never knew the human body could turn those colors.” Agnes smiled faintly. “And what did I just interrupt when I walked in on you two?”
“I don't know if I can talk to you about it. He told me some of his background and why he has to use the cane. Suffice to say, that it was quite emotional for him and I simply – I don't know.”
“You acted on impulse. You like him. I can see it. He likes you too. Maybe you should live for once, without thinking about me first. Maybe this is your chance at finding some love.”
“When did you become so wise?” Jamie ruffled Agnes' hair and kissed her.
“Dad, my hair!” she squealed and moved away from him, her hands brushing her hair down again.
“Um, Agnes? This is going to sound weird, but do you have any idea where we are? How this place is called. We're surely not in Gabefield anymore.”
“We're in Angel's Hollow. Maybe it's a sign.” Agnes cleared her bowl of cereals and took both mugs to the dishwasher.
“Come to think about it, maybe I should change school after all. Maybe this is our chance to start again. You could go to college and finish your studies, I'm old enough to be alone some times. Maybe we could work something out and pay some rent to Sebastian. I don't know... What do you think?” she mused with her back turned to Jamie.
“I think, you think too much and I think that I have a beautiful young daughter who may be right for once. Just... let's take a bit of time before making all these life-changing decisions.”
“I think we should do it. Now. Without taking some time. Without looking back on our old lives.”
Agnes left the kitchen without saying anything else and without looking back and Jamie found himself alone with his thoughts. Involuntarily, they went back to Sebastian and how he had felt against his skin. The longing look in his deep brown eyes, the right amount of muscles on his warm body, but also the pain when he talked about his passion and how he would never be able to dance on a stage again. His thoughts turned to Agnes and the pleading in her voice to start a new life and her willingness to give everything else up. She was right, this was a once in a lifetime opportunity, but the question remained – what could he do with his life. He had never done anything apart from hustling, and he was not sure if he would be able to start anew and also, he wasn't sure, if at his age, going back to studying was that easy. He had always been a good student, but that had been years ago. Jamie didn't know if he had the patience to sit down and listen to profs and write papers, to be graded and judged with every step he took.
The phone rang and Jamie hesitated to take the call. There were no rules set yet, no guidelines as to how to behave while living with Sebastian. By the time it was clear, that Sebastian wouldn't take the call, Jamie got up and just when he wanted to connect the call, it stopped ringing.
1 Missed Call: Rudy Hayes.
Jamie felt a strange pang of jealousy, but before it could spread, he reminded himself that Sebastian had never said he was single and that he had no business being jealous anyway. There was undeniable palpable chemistry between them, but no promises were made at all.
****
Later that morning, Kai came by and with joined forces, they emptied Agnes's future bedroom. Box after box was moved, while the hallway got fuller and fuller. It was a large room with lots of natural light. Agnes liked it a lot and was already starting to decorate it in her mind. The emptier the room got, the more Agnes was excited. She had never had a big bedroom like this, with a walk in closet nonetheless and a small en-suite bathroom.
“All that's missing now, are a bed and your stuff, maybe a desk.” Sebastian grinned with his hands on his hips. He was tired, but happy to see the gleam in Agnes's eyes. It had been a long but productive day and the four of them worked well as a team.
Agnes's excitement was muffled at once, after hearing Sebastian's words. She had her clothes and a few books, her things for school and pictures with her best friends, but she had no bed and no desk, no furniture and no money to buy them either. Tears started to flow down her face and she made a hasty exit to hide away in the other bathroom. Her sobs could be heard down the hall and the twin brothers looked at Jamie for an explanation.
“I'll go and take care of her.” Jamie said sadly.
“What did I miss here? I thought she wants this room?” Sebastian asked completely surprised and overwhelmed. He didn't understand the situation.
“She does, but we don't have furniture and no savings to buy any right now.” Suddenly it dawned on Sebastian why Agnes had reacted that way.
“Oh. Would it be okay, if I talk to her? Apologize?” Sebastian asked almost shyly.
“I don't know if she will talk to you. She doesn't know you.” Jamie answered sincerely.
“Just... please?” Sebastian asked again, the guilt of what he had said and the guilt of hurting Agnes could be clearly seen in his face.
“You can try, sure.” Jamie nodded and moved from the door. Sebastian brushed past him and there was that warm feeling inside of him again. Despite the situation, Jamie smiled, looking at his feet.
****
Sebastian limped down
the hall and knocked at the closed bathroom door. The sobs of the girl inside where still audible and Sebastian scolded himself for being so inconsiderate.
“Agnes? Are you decent? Can I come in?” Sebastian asked through the wooden door.
“It's your house.” was Agnes's snappy answer.
“Okay, I'm coming in.”
Sebastian closed the door and saw Agnes, with red rimmed eyes sitting on the floor, her knees pulled up to her chest.
“What are you staring at? Do you want to humiliate me some more?” she snapped, glaring at Sebastian.
“Hey!” Sebastian raised his hands in a surrendering motion. “I didn't do it on purpose and if you had stayed in the room, you would have heard, that I want to buy those things. With my money. For you.” Sebastian sat down awkwardly, stretching his leg and he let out a deep sigh when he finally settled and leaned back against the bathtub.
“Why?” Agnes asked suspiciously.
“Because – honestly, I have no idea.” Sebastian deflated a bit, but then he added “maybe, because it's the right thing to do?”
“Buying me stuff to get into my dad's pants?” Agnes was gaining speed. She felt hurt and she wanted to hurt Sebastian back, but he didn't react the way she wanted him to. He stayed calm and unfazed, while she wanted to agitate him.
“I'll pretend, that I didn't hear that comment...”
“Do you want me to repeat it?”
“I don't think your dad would approve.” Sebastian countered dryly.
“Bite me.” The look she shot Sebastian made him self-aware and uncomfortable.
When The Right Door Opens Page 6