***
The airport is lit up in lights. It's getting late and I'm tired, but I texted mom letting her know I wouldn't be home tonight. I'll explain everything tomorrow. Right now, I just want to get away from here.
Preston brings the car to a halt and shuts off the engine. He looks over at me and takes my hand in his. I have to admit it feels nice to be touched this way again. "Are you comfortable in that dress? We will go tomorrow and get you some clothes and everything you need until I can add you to my account. I promise we'll get everything you need for the baby before it gets here. Okay?"
After I got myself together in the shower, Preston had room service waiting and a pink, cotton maxi dress along with some clean panties and a pair of flip flops. I'm just thankful it was a big enough hotel that they had a gift shop with adequate clothing. It fits perfectly and beats wearing that prom dress and heels.
By the time I got dressed I was starving. He ordered my favorite, a Philly steak and cheese poboy with fries. I can't believe he remembered all these years. I wonder how long he's felt this way about me. You have to really study someone to remember all of their likes and dislikes, something that goes beyond friendship.
I take a deep breath as we sit here in the parking lot of the airport. My parents are going to be heartbroken, but one day I hope they understand. It makes me a little sad that I won't wake up in the same house with my parents anymore. I look at Preston and a look is present that I've never really noticed before: contentment, love, and happiness.
Before, arrogance and cockiness were his primary emotions. The change looks good on him; makes him more attractive. I like seeing him happy. In return, it makes me happy and it's nice. It makes this decision easier. "Okay, Preston. The clothes are great. You don't have to feel obligated to buy everything. I have savings. At least I brought my purse."
He wraps his hand behind my neck and pulls me forward. His narrow lips lock with mine. I think he's about to deepen the kiss when he breaks free. He suddenly seems a little angry. "I said I wanted to take care of you, Kinzleigh; both of you. I meant it. I have the means to do so. Save your damn money for the baby a trust fund or whatever the hell you want to do with it, but you won't use it for necessities or wants as long as you're with me, and I hope that's a really long time."
Well, I guess that Preston I've always known is still in there somewhere, the stubborn one. I was starting to wonder with all that caring, sweet stuff he had going on. Preston has always had that dominant, alpha male thing going on. He used to try to boss Presley and me around when we were kids. I guess old habits die hard.
"Fine, Preston...for now, but don't think we won't re-evaluate this conversation later. You know how I feel about that sort of thing. I want to pull my own weight." As if my words were a present at Christmas he takes on a glow with a smile.
He leans in toward me closing the distance between us. He stops next to my ear at the same time he laces his fingers on the backside of mine. "You can repay me in other ways, Kinzleigh. I've waited for this moment for a really long time; to call you mine." He places the palm of my hand over the bulge in his crotch, his dick straining against his jeans. "Being inside of you by day’s end for the rest of my life is the only payment I'll ever need. Think on that for a while. Now, let's go. We have a house to move into."
A surge of wetness runs into my panties as he steps out of the car. I bang my head against the headrest of the seat. I could kill my treacherous body for being turned on. I never wanted sex before Breyson and my heart says I don't want it with anyone else, but my body and mind are deceiving me. How can my mind compete with my heart? The mind controls the body and sometimes the heart, but the heart is a warrior, always fighting for what it wants.
I need to figure out a way to deal with all the wars that are fought inside me. I want sex. My mind says I want it and I need it, my body is controlled by its control panel in which is my mind, and my heart makes my mind feel guilty for wanting what it wants. Sex is a natural need, right? I learned to like it being with Breyson, but something feels really wrong with the idea of having sex with another man while carrying Breyson’s child.
My door opens and I realize I'm still sitting here lost in my own thoughts. Why should I be surprised? This is my life now; mental conversations have become my normal. "You coming, Kinz?"
I grab my purse and rest one foot on the ground outside of the car. He holds out his hand and I take it allowing him to pull me to a stand. "Yeah. I'm coming. I was just thinking that's all."
He places his hands on each side of my face as I stand fully upright. "I promise I'll be good to you, Kinzleigh. I know you still love him, but in time you'll see you're right for me. It's okay to let yourself love someone again. I know it'll take time and I'll help you through the bad days. I'll always be here for you, Kinzleigh, just like I always have been. No regrets?"
A small tear trickles down my cheek and he brushes it away with his thumb. I never really took the time to see it before, but he's a really good person, genuine. He always has been and he's always taken care of me. I was so blind to it before, but now, looking back on it I see it. I'm not sure why the things that I've had to endure happened to me, but I can't help but to still be grateful for the things I've been given. I will always miss Breyson terribly, but the fact that I still have a guy like Preston amazes me. There are so many girls out there that would give anything for a relationship or guy like this and I've been granted it not once, but twice.
"No regrets," I whisper and close my eyes as another tear exits my eye. "I do care for you, Preston, but I still miss him. I will always miss him."
He touches his lips to mine, silencing me. He slips his tongue through my lips like he's asking me to dance. I give in and allow him to twirl his tongue with mine. It feels so wrong and so foreign kissing him, but it's the only thing that has been successful in keeping my mind in check and away from things that break me down. Sometimes the only thing left to do is to give in and surrender, in effort to free ourselves from the things that bind us.
He breaks free and locks his eyes with mine. "It's okay to miss him, Kinzleigh. He's the first person you gave your heart to. We will get through it. I'll help you, okay?"
He will never understand that Breyson’s not the first person I gave my heart to, but the only. I can't give away to someone else what I no longer have in my possession. It takes one to go through it to understand, so I choose not to argue. I just nod.
"Good. Let's go before we miss our flight."
***
The plane is mostly quiet due to the time of night it is. It's nice sitting here in first class looking out the window at the dark sky. I look over beside me to see that Preston is sleeping along with a majority of the other passengers. With nothing to occupy my thoughts they begin to wander. I'm sitting in the last place Breyson was alive. I wish I could see what he experienced. My thoughts run wild with questions. What were Breyson's last thoughts? Was he scared? Did he think of me as he took his last breath?
I let myself do something I haven't done in months. I let myself remember...him, our last moments, the video, and how much I love him. Staring blankly out the window I let myself weep. I'm not sure this will ever get easier. I don't understand why bad things happen to good people.
Always on target when I need him, Bryce makes himself known inside my womb. The little flutters only become noticeable when I'm still, but always when I need him; always when I'm lost over Breyson. "How do you always know when I need you," I ask in a low whisper as I place my hand over my small swollen belly.
I'm not sure, but maybe Bryce is meant to be my saving grace in dealing with Breyson’s death. The lord giveth and the lord taketh away… If it weren't for him existing I'm not sure I want to think of where I might be. I already love him beyond words and he isn't even here yet. I want to give him the best that I possibly can. I want him to know how much I love him and how much Breyson would love him if he were here. Tomorrow is going to be a new day. I have to will mys
elf to believe it.
My eyes grow heavy in the dim light of the plane and the exhaustion of my thoughts take over. Leaning against Preston's shoulder I allow myself to drift off to a place I always see my beautiful blue-eyed boy, the land of dreams.
***
"Kinzleigh."
The world I've come to love is starting to fade. The green of the trees, the blue of the sky, and the running of a toddler in the back yard with the most amazing man I've ever met are starting to become a blur from where I stand on the front porch.
Breyson! Bryce! Where are you going? I begin to panic, as they become a mirage in the distance. I take off running through the grass that is squishing between my toes, but they are becoming further away with each step.
"Kinzleigh. Wake up."
I look around everywhere. They were just here. My heart is pounding and the adrenaline is pumping through my veins, sending a flood of panic into my mind. Where are they? I run to their favorite fort built in Breyson’s tree and mine. They always go there to have boy time. Yeah, that has to be where they are.
The tree comes into view and the tree house Breyson built Bryce last summer in that old oak tree. Without hesitation I begin to climb the net wall that leads to the entry as fast as I can. When I reach the top I look around and go into a full anxiety attack; empty.
The colors around me start to swirl together. What's happening?
"Kinzleigh, we're here. Wake up." Something shaking me causes me to awaken in startle. As my vision comes into focus I realize I'm sitting in an unfamiliar driveway to a large house inside of Preston's car. I recognize the neighborhood. We made it to California. "Are you okay? You looked like you were having a nightmare."
If only he knew...waking up is the nightmare.
"I'm fine," I say wiping my sweaty palms on the fabric of my dress. "So, this is it?"
The house before me is large in size and a neutral shade of beige in brick. It's two stories with an attached garage. This looks bigger than my parents’ old house. The green grass is decorated with a sold sign. I didn't expect something of this size. I know Preston's parents are wealthy and that he would be making a generous salary once he took his place, but this is a lot more than I anticipated. A house like this must cost a fortune.
I can’t do anything but stare at it wide eyed as I place my hand on the door handle. "This is it. You ready to go see it?"
Think of Bryce. Think of Bryce. Put your pride behind you, Kinzleigh.
I put a smile on and look at him. "Absolutely. It's beautiful, but I would've been happy with anything. You didn't have to get something this big."
"The best deserves the best, Kinz. Besides, I'd be lying if I didn't say it was for me too," he says with a smirk on his face. "Come on."
I walk onto the porch and I place my hand on the door handle. I'm not sure I'm prepared to see the inside. I feel two arms envelop my waist and rest over my protruding belly. I begin to feel a flutter at the contact. He's not big enough to be felt from the outside, but he's becoming very active, more active than usual during the day. Why would he be more active with Preston's hands on my belly? Weird...
He kisses my neck and my nerves begin to race. It's not the same feelings I got with Breyson, but it's something. My face begins to heat and my hormones begin to take over. His lips brush against the skin of my neck and stop just below the lobe of my ear. The amount of hormones present when pregnant is not fair. On top of that the movements from Bryce are making me feel like I'm going down a roller coaster. "Welcome to our home. From this day forward I work for the three of us. You and that baby are my family now."
He takes his hands off my belly and the flutters immediately stop. That is the strangest thing. He opens the door and we step inside a wide foyer with high ceilings. The beauty of the home takes my breath away and I haven't even seen it all. A tiny surge of excitement begins to fill me as I picture us being on our own. We’re not kids anymore. Maybe we'll be okay after all.
My life is changing at every turn. A few months ago I felt sure that Breyson and I would be living our happily ever after together in college and I’m sure we would be welcoming our baby boy in the world come September; that we would be a family. I didn't anticipate being a mother at eighteen when I still feel like a child myself, but I've also learned that sometimes we have to accept the hand we are dealt. This isn’t the vision I had for myself, but I think that Preston and I can make it if we try.
I will always love Breyson and he will always be the keeper of my soul. I was broken and lost after Breyson’s death, but there was one thing I was wrong about. Broken things can be fixed. Though they may still have cracks or flaws, with the right adhesive they can be put back together, and sometimes they may even be more beautiful than they were before they had scars. For what it's worth, I know that Preston will love and take care of us. Preston’s been one of my best friends for years, but I was wrong about him. Taking on what he is, he’s not arrogant at all. He’s one of the most humble people I know.
I will always wish that things would have turned out differently, but the world doesn't turn on wishing and hoping. Living in the past isn't going to bring Breyson back or raise Bryce, nor will it make me happy, because I will always end up disappointed that the outcome can’t be changed. Bryce will never know Breyson, but he can meet him through the memories and tales that I will share to keep his memory alive. Bryce needs a family. He needs a father even if it isn't his biological one. For him, I will be happy.
Chapter 17
Breyson
It's the middle of July and my life remains the same. I've been in a pattern for months on end. During the week I help Antonio and on the weekend I'm at the club. I've been to a few bullfights with Antonio and Maria, but I stay pretty busy at the club and I have to allot my extra time for Marcus.
Some might like the predictability that my life has become, but me, it just pisses me off. Why, because it means I've spent more months of my life not knowing who I am or where I belong. I try not to complain because I've been adopted into this family as if I'm one of their own, but the images in my head haunt me day in and day out.
After the day I had the vision of the girl pregnant, I can't eat, sleep, or think of anything but her. I can feel it down to my bones that she's pregnant with my child. Maria has been trying to think of a way for us to find out more about me, but to date we have come up with nothing, which brings me to my current state of action.
I'm standing at the entrance of the club. I never ask Big Sanchez for anything, but I feel like I've earned the right to ask for a favor. Word has it he has connections that run deep and the power to achieve almost anything he wants. Today, I'm going to see if that's true.
I pull open the door and walk through the front office, no different than I do every day. Angelique is sitting at her desk as I enter. A smile suddenly becomes displayed across her face as she takes me in, visually undressing me with her eyes.
Fuck. I really don't want to deal with her today.
One night and several used condoms later she won't stop. She comes on to me every time we are at work together; a closet here, a bathroom there, even company vehicles. It’s getting old. Everywhere I go she appears, making it a point to volunteer as my shadow. I was drunk, not thinking clearly, and she was hot. I haven't touched her since, but that doesn't stop her from trying. "Angelique," I say nodding my head so I can keep my hands in my pockets. The less she can grasp onto the better. "He here?"
I stop in front of her desk, but keep my distance. She licks her red stained lips and stands. Her black dress looks as if it's painted on her body and stops at her thighs. Her breasts look like they could fall out of the rounded neckline. I don't think the girl owns a single piece of clothing that is considered conservative. It kind of gets old to be honest, leaving nothing to the imagination.
Her heels tap against the floor as she walks toward me; she's in heat and on the prowl. Removing my hand from my pocket, I begin to scratch the back of my head as I look o
ff in another direction. Why in the hell did I have to fuck her? This is awkward every damn time and never gets easier. I couldn’t have taken the easy route and bedded a guest. I never do anything the easy way. I’m starting to wonder if I have any sense upstairs.
"Hey sexy. He's going to be awhile, but you're welcome to wait with me." She wraps her arms around my waist and I tense beneath her touch. This feels more wrong than the last time. Guilt plagues my mind, but I'm unsure as to why.
Shit.
I look back at her and she has a look of determination in her eyes. She's a woman used to getting what she wants, a woman that will stop at nothing to obtain it. "I've missed you, Bryce. I thought we had an agreement of sorts. You've left me waiting on you for months. Don't deny it, the sex we had was amazing. You know you want more; stop fighting it." She runs her fingers up my shirt and over my tightened abs.
That's the thing about being drunk; wasted would be a better term. You don't remember much of the act itself, just that it happened. "Look, Angelique..."
She places the finger on her free hand over my mouth, silencing me. She begins pushing me backwards until the back of my knees press against a chair. "Placer me (Pleasure me)." I'm still not sure why she chooses to say some phrases in Spanish when she knows I don't speak the language; at lease, none aside from select phrases I've picked up from my family.
She places her palms on top of my shoulders and presses down, hinting she wants me to sit, so I do. I have no idea why, but I have a feeling I really don't want to find out what she has planned. It looks like this is going to be a losing battle. She props one heel up on the seat of the chair beside my thigh, revealing that she isn't wearing panties.
Damn. What the fuck am I supposed to do with that? You can’t show a man something like that and expect him to turn it down. It’s not in his nature, not the way he was designed. I am a male, one that hasn't had sex since that night. What's it going to hurt, Bryce? Look at that plump pussy. You know you want to...
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