His words cause me to open my eyes. "No, I'm fine. It's fine. It just caught me off guard. I'm ready." I try to pull him closer to me.
He shakes his head as he bites back a smile. "As much as it kills me to tell you no after dreaming to hear you want it for so long, the baby is more important. I don't want to do anything that could hurt you or him. I really don't think it's going to kill us to wait one more week. You do have another checkup next week, right?"
"You have got to be freaking kidding me. Please tell me you are. Preston no. I'm fine, really. Just put it in already. You said you've been waiting for me to want to, well, I do. Come on. You've been building me up for weeks. Hooking up isn't doing it anymore. I want to." I know I'm whining, even begging, but I don't care. When I make a decision I usually stick to it. I want this.
"It's just a week, Kinzleigh. Once we make sure it's nothing then we will five times a day if you want. I just don't want to do anything that could hurt you. Come on, you can introduce me to our house guest." I'm sexually frustrated. I want him to know how aggravated I am right now. It may be childish, but so be it. Guys always get to act pissy when they don't get laid. I think girls should have the same right.
He leans down to kiss me and I turn my head. "Don't be like that," he says. I push on his chest. I want up. I'm the one pregnant. What entitles him to this decision? Shouldn't I be the one to decide what is okay on my body and what isn't?
He is starting to look pissed, but I don't care. I figure he is about to say something, but he doesn't. Instead, he gets up. I sit up and stand from the bed, but my leg gives out on me. The same leg that had the shooting pain. I'm about to fall when he grabs my arm. "Dammit, Kinzleigh, chill out. Something isn't right. I know you're mad, but get over it. Fuck, sometimes your health is more important than your damn pride.”
I really don't like to be talked to like a child. It triggers my bitch nerve like a spark. I try to pull from his grasp, but he tightens his hold. "Sit the fuck down, Kinzleigh. You can be mad at me whenever you can walk without the possibility of falling and hurting yourself or the baby."
I release my frustration verbally and like a child throwing a tantrum. I want to rebel, but instead I sit on the edge of the bed like he says. I hate how mad I feel right now. To avoid the tears that I can feel coming, I place the heels of my hands over my eyes. He begins rubbing in a circular motion up my legs. "Kinzleigh, look at me."
My eyes are starting to sting. I have no idea really why I'm so mad. Maybe, because of being shut down the one time I actually wanted to go through with sex; maybe these stupid pregnancy hormones. Maybe it's because I don't recall a time ever being told no when I wanted to with Breyson once we got past the hurdle of waiting in the beginning, so he could prove himself. He never could tell me no. I always had that control with him in the bedroom.
As much as I want to sit here and pout, I open my eyes and look at him. He's kneeling between my legs. I can't deny this visual isn't sexy, him naked and on his knees between my legs. "I can assure you that I want to have sex a hell of a lot more than you do. I've waited for this exact moment for years, but I'm not going to let my dick make a decision that could have consequences. I don't know anything about pregnancy. Maybe I'm being brash, but I'd rather be safe than sorry. You and this baby mean everything to me whether you believe it or not and the thought of something happening to either of you does not sit well with me. If you don't want to wait until your appointment we can call the doctor first thing in the morning. Okay?"
He does have a good point as he always does. It's a little humiliating. My short temper always gets the best of me. "Okay. I read something about the baby-sitting on the sciatic nerve a while back. Maybe that's what it is."
He softly kisses my lips and stands. "Come on. Let's get dressed and go downstairs. We are being rude staying locked up here anyway." Holding out his hand for me, I take it and he never lets go the entire time I walk to the closet. I dress for the beach party in the comfort of sand colored linen pants and a pink tee shirt. I slide on my flip-flops while I wait on Preston to finish dressing in shorts and a polo. Once he fills his pockets with his wallet and keys we both go downstairs.
The day has definitely taken an interesting turn and now I'm not sure what to expect. I haven't seen hardly any of my friends from school yet and now I'm very much pregnant. On top of that, I have a new friend in the mix that I have to show a good time. With her everything counts right now and she needs me. She wouldn't have come here if she weren’t desperately seeking help. Tonight, I'll have to act less like an eighteen-year-old girl that's tired from pregnancy and more like the eighteen year old I should be.
Macie turns to look back from the couch that she is sitting on as we reach the bottom of the stairs. She looks from me to Preston and when she does her eyes grow round in shape. It doesn't even faze me. Preston gets that kind of look from everyone, especially girls. Well everyone except me. For some reason it never affected me the way it does everyone else, but I've also known him my entire life. He has this powerful aura around him that draws people; he always has. I guess it has something to do with coming from one of the wealthiest families around.
She stands as we round the couch and wipes her hands down her denim skirt. She straightens her posture and holds out her hand in front of her. "I'm Macie. It's nice to meet you," she says nervously.
Preston walks forward from the place we are currently standing in, and wraps his arm around her shoulders in a sideways hug. "Handshakes are for business deals and acquaintances. If you're a friend of Kinzleigh’s, you're a friend of mine. You're welcome here as long as you like. Utilize the amenities as if you live here." His hospitality is surprising, yet I don't know why. Everything Preston does is surprising.
He turns to look at me as he releases her from the friendly embrace. "I'm going to finish up some calls about the basement. Why don't you show her to her room and then we'll get something to eat out on the way to the concert. Sound good?"
"Sure. Come on Macie. I'll show you to the master guest room, unless you want to be on the upper level in a guest room close to us. This one will give you more privacy, though." Preston takes that as his cue to excuse himself in the direction of the basement.
"I'm not a picky house guest. Anything you have is probably nicer than what I'm used to. Talon and I share a room at my moms." Share a room? Sometimes I forget how fortunate I am. I've never had to share a room before. Actually, it's always the complete opposite. I could've had multiple rooms had I wanted.
"Why do you have to share a room," I ask out of curiosity. I begin walking through the kitchen in the direction of the hallway that leads to the largest bedroom aside from the master suite.
She is following close behind me from the sound of her footsteps on the tile floor. "We live in a small, three bedroom, wood frame house and my brother still lives at home. After I got pregnant and Beau died I was forced to move back home, because dead end jobs don't pay enough to get our own place when having to feed and clothe another person."
I feel really bad for her. We're in the same situation, but then we're not. I have family that can afford to help me out if I need it and that doesn't even include Preston. I've never had to go without anything. I stop at the door to her room. "What about school?"
She closes her eyes briefly before she answers. "My mom couldn't afford to pay for my school. I was on an honors scholarship. A requirement to keep the scholarship was to reside on campus in the dorms and keep up good grades. I can't live in a dorm with a baby, so I had to drop out. I haven't had the funds to go back and my mom can't work because of a back disability she incurred when she was a nurse. I have to work two jobs just to help out with the bills. I work at a clothing store during the day and a twenty-four hour gym at night. I always wanted to own my own boutique, but it doesn't look like it's ever going to happen and I've accepted that."
I can tell she longs for a better life, but doesn't have a way to attain it. "What about your dad?"
"I never met him. My mom won't tell me who he is, because he has a family. She used to be a travel nurse and had a short-term affair with one of the attending physicians. I was the result. He wanted her to abort me; she wanted to keep me. My brother's father raised me until he was killed in an offshore accident. He worked on a oil drilling rig in the gulf." She is clenching her bag as if she's getting uncomfortable with this conversation. My curiosity wants to know more about her, but maybe it's best to let it go.
"Well, tonight that Macie gets a break. Tonight you can be anyone you want to be. While you're here you get to be someone different. Bury all of the things you wish you could forget and be free until you have to go back home. How long do you have until you have to go back home?" I ease the door open, waiting on her to finish this conversation.
"My mom and brother volunteered to take care of Talon for one week when I mentioned getting away. I think they're hoping I'll find happiness somewhere, but it'll never happen." I nod, knowing exactly what she means, and walk inside the large room.
The bedroom has a king size bed sitting in the center of the room. It's decorated in gray and lilac colors with touches of ivory in sporadic locations such as the throw pillows. The furniture sits perfectly nestled in various places around the room, empty and ready for use. The on-suite bathroom has never been used and the walk in closet is filled with boxes of my clothes that Mom shipped to me. I put them in here until I lose this pregnancy weight. There is really no reason to take up Preston’s closet space and mine when I can't fit in them right now.
Actually, I have an idea. "Macie, when's the last time you fixed yourself up?" She's absolutely gorgeous with her long brown hair, gray eyes, and perfect complexion, not to mention body, but I'm more so just confirming what I think.
"It was the last frat party I went to with Beau; the night before I found out I was pregnant with Talon." I look at the ceiling as I figure out the math in my head.
"I see," I say, trying not to make a big deal about it. The fact that she has lived like a zombie for over four years has me silently panicking on the inside. How is she still alive after mourning for that long? I can understand never loving anyone to that depth again, because I'm there, but to never have the longing to be in the presence of a man again after experiencing love at that magnitude is hard to imagine.
The thing about loving someone the way I imagine that she loved Beau, or me with Breyson is that it marks you; it leaves scars on your mind known as the memories. Each time you recall one you long to have it back, even if only a small percentage with someone new as it was the first time around. It's an unforgettable emotion; one of those things that no matter how hard you try, is unavoidable. I tried to run from it, but it catches you, hooks you, and moves on to the next victim. When the high fades or gets taken from you, you can't help but to go looking for it in someone else.
Love, along with happiness and money, makes the world continue to turn. If that weren’t the case no one would remarry or move on. Isn't it said that love and happiness go hand in hand? If that's the case, then will the permanent absence of one lead to the other? The loneliness of Breyson being gone destroyed my ability to love and kept me in a miserable state. It wasn't until I allowed myself to feel something for Preston that some of the happiness returned, and in turn made it possible for me to love again.
I guess my question is if she doesn't choose to find the possibility of happiness, will her ability to love be impaired? Will she have to learn to let go of Beau before she can begin down the road of recovery, or will it take someone pushing her in that direction? I'm going to assume the latter because clearly the former isn't going to happen if left up to her. "Why don't you go in the bathroom and get cleaned up. I have the perfect outfit for you to wear tonight and I'm sure you want a hot shower after coming all the way from Mississippi."
"Okay." She begins walking into the bathroom, but stops inside the door. "Kinzleigh." I glance at her, but I am still a little lost in my own thoughts. "Thank you for letting me stay. I've been drowning for a while." She shuts the door leaving me with that vital piece of information. That word, drowning, says so much more than I think she intended. She's searching for someone to save her and she came to me. There's only one question that remains. Is it too late?
***
We arrive at the beach just as the sun is setting. It's packed with cars and bodies are scattered everywhere. I look back at Macie and she's more beautiful than I ever imagined she was. It's like polishing a raw diamond. You know the beauty is there, but it needs a little work to bring it up to its full potential.
Her hair falls in loose waves from being curled and the black, off shoulder top accentuates her petite shoulders. The short, white, denim shorts elongate her legs and brings out the bronze hues in her skin. Her body is to die for and every time I've seen her she has it covered with loose clothing. The gold dusted on her eyelids make her gray eyes pop without overdoing it. Her makeup is light with a little bit of eyeliner, mascara, and clear gloss.
She looks like she is about to hurl. When Preston kills the engine to the car his eyes meet mine. "Will you give us a minute?"
"Sure, I'll just be standing at the front waiting." He opens the door and leaves us alone.
"Are you okay," I ask when I know he's outside of hearing range.
I can see her eyes scanning the crowd. "I think so. It's just been a really long time since I've been around people this way. I work an hour away from home so no one knows who I am and I'm only there to work."
"First things first. What is your name?" If she is going to totally let loose, it might as well be all or nothing. I’ve learned that you never know when you’re going to know someone. Just because you are thousands of miles away doesn’t mean someone will not recognize you. I know, I moved to the same school as Breyson once, so long ago.
Her eyebrows dip like she's thinking. "Lauren," she says. "It's my middle name. No one knows my middle name." She closes her eyes and repeats it as if she's trying to convince herself. "I'm ready," she whispers and opens her eyes. "I'm ready," she repeats more sternly this time.
I might even be just as nervous as she is. I don't think anyone really knows that I'm pregnant and I don't know how everyone will react. We might be holding onto each other if this doesn't go well. "It's like getting used to cold water. We just have to go all in at once. No dipping the toes in."
As we step out of the car we meet Preston at the hood. He cups his hand on the back of my neck and pulls me close to him where no one else can hear. "Have you decided what you want to tell everyone? It's you and me 'til the end. If you want to keep down questions we can tell everyone he's mine. You are wearing my ring. No one has to know the truth, but us. It's none of their damn business."
It feels so wrong to lie. I feel like it's cutting Breyson out of the one thing that is and will always be his, but I don't feel like rehashing my life events and opening old wounds over and over again. I've finally gotten to a point since Breyson died that I'm starting to move on and be happy. I don't want to break down again by letting my thoughts run wild. "We can tell them he’s yours if you want."
He kisses my lips, but only a light brush. I imagine to avoid making Macie feel awkward. "Only a few more months and you're mine...forever. I can't wait." I return a small smile and we all begin walking toward the beach.
As we weave through bodies I glance down the beach from left to right. The colors of the sky still light up the beach. The ocean is filled with surfers that haven't given up for the day and a few people in waist deep water. Blankets and coolers are scattered all over the beach and layered with people sitting and lying.
A short distance down the strip of sand I can see a stage set up and people clothed in something other than swimsuits surround it. That's where we need to be. "Preston, down there," I say and point in the direction I want to go.
As we get closer I can hear music playing. It's not a band I'm familiar with, but they sound good. I think the bands are supposed to change ev
ery half hour of so until early hours of the morning. We stop at the back of the crowd to listen to the band currently playing. I begin scanning the crowd for Presley. She said she was going to be here. "Kinzleigh? Preston? Do my eyes deceive me or is this shit real?"
That voice was not the first one I wanted to hear. As a matter of fact, it's not one I care to hear at all. She used to be my friend, or at least I thought, until she acted like a complete bitch at Presley's pool party last summer. The slur in her tone of overdone excitement tells me she's drunk. She's that girl that you avoid when she's drunk, because all she does is stir up drama. "Hey, Lexi."
She bounces in our direction as she weaves through the bodies in close proximity, clearing her path. "Well, well. I guess it is true. You two finally quit lying to yourselves and gave in. It's about time. Everyone else saw it. I don't know why you didn't, Kinzleigh. There never was or will be a more perfect couple than you two."
Her voice sends chills up my spine. Her voice drips sarcasm. What happened to her? She wraps her arms around me, pulling me into an awkward hug. "We sure have missed you around here. I guess you can take the girl out of California, but not California out of the girl. You always were Hollywood at heart. Wait a minute," she says and cups her hands over my shoulders, putting distance between us.
She looks down at my stomach and over at Preston. "You sure don't waste any time, do you? Was this your insurance policy for keeping little miss perfect?"
"Knock it off, Lexi." I can hear the annoyance in his tone. Everyone is used to this kind of behavior when it comes to her. She's jealous of everyone that has more than her. Her parents are comfortable, but not rich.
I grab her wrist with my left hand to remove it from my body, but she stops me with her other hand. "You have got to be fucking kidding me." She is looking at the ring on my left finger. I didn't even remember it was there. "You did it on purpose, didn't you? This was part of your plot in becoming a professional cheerleader; your security blanket to keeping a perfect lifestyle on a tiny salary, so you wouldn't have to find a job to pay the bills when Daddy's money ran dry."
Twisting Fate Page 27