by Eden Winter
“I would,” I said. “I really, really would.”
*
I didn’t feel like myself on the entire journey back to my house. My body was like a shell, and it was like my soul had been renewed and placed back into a body that was only familiar to me because of memories instead of real experiences. If I spoke—which I didn’t do much of once the pickup truck turned around—my voice no longer felt like my own. There were too many thoughts and fears that were inside of me.
“Are you going to be okay, Sam?”
Isabelle had stepped out of the pickup truck. I couldn’t see any visible scratches or dents on it. No one had made mention of what could have caused the accident. We kept using the words ‘okay’ and ‘fine’ and ‘are you sure?’. It was so messy.
“I’m already okay,” I said. I closed my eyes as I gave my sister a smile and a hug. There was nothing in her eyes that said she was convinced. I was fully aware of why it was she was extra worried about me, but I hadn’t paid much attention to the fact that this was my second car accident in about a year. She was doing more than checking to see if I was hurt. I realized she wanted to know if this accident had stirred up any of the supposedly dormant emotions from the last year. Those emotions were never totally dormant, and though it certainly brought up that issue, there was more to my silence and being pensive and worried.
I wasn’t going to say anything about my dreams or about Malcolm. I had thought that now was the right time to tell my sister about the visions, but everything was piling up, and I didn’t know where to go. So, I was going to go home.
I looked up at the sky and saw no inclement weather. Wherever it was we were supposed to be going, we were at least spared that rainstorm.
“Call me if there is anything at all you need. No matter the time,” Isabelle said. She yanked me into another hug, and this time she didn’t let go for a good long while. It was like the hug she gave me when she went to the hospital after my previous car accident. It was her ‘I never want to lose you’ hug. I decided to cherish it.
“You can call me anytime too. Please get home safe.” I was looking at Malcolm when I spoke. He was still in his pickup. He was tapping his fingers on the steering wheel. He was probably listening to some music on the radio. He seemed to be fine about our near-death experience. I said nothing about that. His demeanor just seemed off with me because I had now become suspicious of him.
“Take care of her Peter,” Isabelle said. She waved at him and got back into the pickup. Neither Peter nor I said anything until the pickup truck was driving down the road and was almost out of view.
“I could go if you want,” Peter said. His hand was in his pocket, and I could hear the jingling sound of his car keys.
“Do you want to go?” I asked.
He shook his head.
“But I don’t want to impose if you’re not in the mood for company.”
Peter was so polite. I was beginning to realize that his serious face wasn’t angry at all. It was just how his face was. It was his natural expression. It seemed warmer to me now that I had realized that. The angles of his face no longer looked rigid and unfriendly. Now, they looked strong and wise.
“You wouldn’t be imposing. I’d really like it if you came in,” I said. I led him inside and shut the door. It was incredible how silent the world was now. There was no sound coming from anywhere. I wasn’t sure what to say to change that.
I wasn’t in the mood to talk, if I was being totally honest, but every break in conversation brought up my wild thoughts. I needed a distraction now more than ever. I had to keep my thoughts at bay.
We had almost died. My dream hadn’t just been a dream after all. How was I ever going to tell the difference between a dream and a vision? And did that therefore mean the dream I had in the car with the fish of Cesar was going to come to fruition? I hadn’t thought about that fish since grade school. The only time it was brought up was when I fell into the lake and everyone was talking about what it was I could have seen. I could have shrugged it off and said that it was just my subconscious stirring up old memories, but after what happened today, I knew better.
If my dreams could be more than just dreams then that meant the legendary fish of Cesar was actually real, and it meant I was going to encounter it face to face. I was going to need to figure out what that meant—not just the dream, but why it was I was going to meet it. I could only guess that it needed something from me, or I needed something from it.
“Are you okay? You look like you’re about to collapse,” Peter said. I was more shaken up by the accident than he was. I wasn’t just scared about getting hurt, but I was freaking out about my dream, and also freaking out because I could have sworn I heard Malcolm call me ‘bunny’ right after the car stopped swerving. There was only one person in the world who had ever called me that. How did Malcolm know? He probably did say ‘honey,’ and my paranoia was just getting in the way.
“Shaken up. I was falling asleep when it happened, and I didn’t see any of it coming. I woke up and my life flashed before my eyes,” I said. I wasn’t going to tell him about either dream just yet, but I was glad Peter had driven to the house before we went on our almost-fatal adventure. Having him in the pickup truck with us changed something, but it also changed nothing. The same thing I saw in my dream had happened, but now I had dragged someone else into the equation to experience that fear. He would never have been a part of it if I hadn’t invited him to come with us.
“I’m sorry you had to go through that. If I didn’t ask you to come, then…”
“Then we wouldn’t have spent today together. Despite what happened…. Man, I’m starting to think that I’m attracted to danger,” he said. He was completely serious when he said it. There was always something happening when he was around me, like he was some kind of protector or guide.
“What I’m saying,” he was correcting himself, “is that I am glad I’m here with you right now.”
“Peter,” I said.
He nodded for me to continue.
“I would really like for you to kiss me right now,” I said. He smiled and sighed through his nose.
“Only if you’re sure. I don’t want to scare or rush you or make you feel uncomfy in any way.”
I was already standing right in front of him by the time he finished speaking. I didn’t wait to hear him say anything else. I put my hands on his shoulders and kissed him.
The kiss was long and so, so soft at first, but I could feel myself getting greedy. I pulled him closer to me, and he wrapped his arms around my waist. He ran his hands up and down my back and put my arms around his shoulders.
I pressed my body up against his, wanting more of him. I was hungry and frantic now. I heard myself moaning into his kisses, and there was a shiver that went up my whole body.
I tugged at the shirt he was wearing.
“Take… this… off,” I said in between the moans and the kisses. Our hands were wild, trying to take our clothes off and still wanting to feel the warmth and the bliss of each other’s bodies.
I helped Peter remove his belt, and he unhooked my bra. I started walking backward clumsily, almost stepping over poor Tangerine. She let out a “mreow!” in protest and skittered off into the living room.
I was leading Peter to my bedroom. It felt good having his skin pressed against my skin. It felt right, and I knew we both wanted it. We both wanted each other and neither of us stopped or even hesitated.
When we got to my bed, we took the rest of our clothes off. Peter moved his face away from mine and looked down to admire my body. He wasn’t judging me or being a creep about it. He ran his hand on the soft peachy marshmallow of my tummy and kissed below my collar bone and right above my breasts. He lifted my face with one of his fingers, and I looked into his deep brown eyes.
“It’s very nice to see you, Samantha.”
I smiled because I knew what he meant. He was seeing me in a vulnerable state, in a place where I wasn’t able to hide
from him or avert his gaze. He could see all of me. I wanted to feel embarrassed because I was so exposed, but I didn’t. I admired him too. I could see the beautiful tattoos that snaked up and down the whole of his right arm, his skinny frame and his long limbs, and how every part of him seemed to be chiseled. We were so different from each other physically, but something united us in our souls.
“It’s nice to see you too,” I said. I kissed him again, and he picked me up and gently placed me on the bed. Our kisses were still so wild and hungry. Peter lay on top of me, and my legs were intertwined with his. I ran my legs up and down his and rocked my hips back and forth. Peter matched my movements, and his own hips rocked with mine.
We were like this for a while—a ball of heat and longing and frantic energy. We were so engulfed by one another. I rocked Peter over and got on top of him. He squeezed my soft flesh and then moved his hands up my waist, along my belly, up to my breasts, and then pressed his fingertips into my back and clawed down.
I couldn’t take it anymore. I lowered my hips onto him. A soft purr escaped my lips once I felt him inside of me.
He started slowly, letting out the occasional grunt when I felt extra good to him. He couldn’t keep his hands off me. He ran his fingers along the contours of my body and took hold of me. He brought one of my hands to him and kissed it.
He was so full of passion and power. There was no way I could resist him. Every time he went deeper inside me, I reached a new level of ecstasy.
Peter raised himself up and kept rocking his hips. He and I were at eye level, and I could hear the deep rhythmic sounds of air escaping his lips. Knowing that I was making him feel that way made me all the more excited.
He clawed down my back again. I pulled at his hair until the tie snapped and broke off. His hair fell like black angel wings. He was so beautiful, every part of him. I had never felt this good before. No previous partner could even compare to what I was feeling.
Peter’s hips rocked faster beneath me, and I slid higher and deeper, enjoying the wetness and the way my insides lit up like small electric shocks with every thrust.
My body quivered as more and more of the electric shocks were building up inside me. I clung to Peter, holding the back of his neck and bringing his face toward mine. His breathing grew heavier and heavier. His sounds of pleasure were too much for me.
My eyes rolled back as I felt the deep wave of my orgasm crashing into every part of me. I shook violently and moaned so sweetly. I didn’t want the feeling to end. My body undulated, not wanting to let go of my hold on him. I tensed up and then felt instantly relaxed and at peace. The feeling was indescribable, and I didn’t want it to end.
I waited for the last gentle wave to hit me before bringing my face to his. I kissed him then and we fell onto the bed feeling both exhausted and satisfied.
“I didn’t realize just how tired I was until I felt your pillow,” Peter said. He stretched his whole body and sighed.
“You can spend the night if you want,” I offered. I don’t know why I offered. It was possible I was doing that more for myself than for him. But I really did want him to stay longer.
“Thank you,” he said. He kissed the black coils of hair on the top of my head.
“I may fall asleep,” he said in the middle of a yawn.
“That’s fine,” I said. He was right about not noticing how tired I was. I felt like I could sleep for days. But my eyes shot open.
“What is it?” Peter asked. I didn’t know that he could see me with my hair in my face or from the angle we were both lying in.
“I don’t want to go to sleep,” I said. I could feel that he was nodding. The fact that I didn’t need to explain every detail to him was both strange and wonderful. I kept having to remind myself I had no one to answer to but me.
“You don’t have to face anything you’re not prepared to face right away. Give yourself time. But don’t forget to take care of yourself. You’ll need to sleep at some point, and if you need me to be here for you when you do, then I will be here,” Peter said. I was glad that he said that. I appreciated his reassurance more than he knew. He was always telling me to take good care of myself.
“I will,” I whispered. I didn’t say anything more, but soon after, I could hear a gentle snoring.
Peter was fast asleep.
Chapter Seven
Bridge Over Troubled Water
“Mew.”
Tangerine was looking up at me with her big blue eyes. She sniffed the air around me and then took a gander at the book in my hand before she meowed again and slinked away. I was sitting in my living room and waiting for my sister to pick me up. She’d called me every day since the time we very nearly got into an accident. Her paranoia was sweet at first, but I didn’t know how long I could keep up the façade of being all right.
I had given in and told Peter about one of the dreams I had. I didn’t want to tell him about the giant blue and gold fish in my newest dream [which I could only assume was the fish of Cesar]. I was still sorting out my mind and trying to figure out if my dreams were now all going to be premonitions from here on out, or if the one that involved the crash had simply been a fluke. I had to figure out how powerful these premonitions were and if there was a way I could control when I wanted to see them and how.
Peter suggested that I speak more with my father. He was the only person I knew who even had a clue about what it was I was going through. The first time I had a vision around my father, I was still so confused about what was going on. My dad had told me what it was I had but didn’t give me as much information, which is what I clearly needed now. I should have asked him more questions. Now I didn’t want to bombard him, especially since my mom was back. There was a chance that he told her about me, or at the very least she knew about the powers his great-grandmother possessed.
Before my premonitions, I didn’t know it was even possible for humans to have powers. I thought being clairvoyant was a power only given to mystics or people who had the patience to cast spells. Now it was an ability that had hit me, and there was no getting rid of it. I was hoping for a miracle. Since I knew these powers weren’t going to go away any time soon, I wanted to be able to control them in some way.
I was staring at the pages before me, but I wasn’t taking in any of the information. I had gone to the library and picked up a small book about mythical creatures. There wasn’t that much information about the fish of Cesar. It had a brief history about the origins of the tale, the powers it possessed, and the pages upon pages of possible riddles it could answer. I was trying to memorize some in case I might indeed encounter such a creature.
I kept having to remind myself that the fish of Cesar wasn’t real. It was just an urban legend from my childhood. There were so many songs and stories and poems about the mythical fish, but none of it was informative; it was purely entertainment. I figured it appeared in my dream because it was brought up to me when I first met Peter’s friends. At least that was what I hoped.
But if there was the chance that it wasn’t a dream, I was going to have to do as much research on the fish of Cesar as I could. I wouldn’t know what to do if I came face to face with it, but I knew I had so many questions. Was it possible that the fish was so powerful that it could come to me in my dreams and ask for my help? Why me? What help did it need? Did my grandmother ever have visions of the fish too? Was the purpose of the premonitions to bring me to the fish, or was the fish just a mini quest in a proverbial sea of mini quests that would last me for the rest of my life? What if the fish had no answers for me? What if I was just going to have to go through this world blind, expecting but also not expecting to see a brief message of the future where I would be powerless to do anything?
I had all of these questions and no way of knowing how to answer them. It irked me that I might never know the answers. The fish could be real, but there was also a chance it could be a dud. What if it was just a giant elusive fish that wasn’t capable of any of the things we wer
e taught in school?
I closed my eyes and I squeezed them tight. I didn’t want to consider any more theories or ask any more questions I didn’t have the answers to. Even the words on the page in front of me were all blurred together. I needed to know where to start in order to know where I was going.
Peter kept telling me to talk to my family. They were people in my life I could trust, and it was likely that they would know what to do. If they didn’t, then they would be a source of comfort while I figured it out on my own. He offered to help, but I specifically asked him not to. There was no use in putting someone’s life on pause just to help me out. He had too much going on in his life to be concerned with what was going on with me.
I sighed and closed the book I was reading. I would pick up where I left off after I went out with my sister. Maybe there were more books in the library that didn’t include jingles or cartoons based on a fish. The people who had claimed to see it were probably hacks, just like the people who were so sure that they could see aliens because of crop circles. The crop circles were more than likely made by bored and mischievous teenagers. Witches and warlocks had the spells to do it, pixies always liked to cause trouble, and a drunken flying fairy with nothing better to do could carve out a corn field if they really set their minds to it.
The people who saw the fish of Cesar had spotted it all over the globe. It came and went as it pleased, according to the different news reports that came from every continent on the globe, but it seemed to have taken a liking to our little town. So many people saw it in our lake. I always thought it was baloney. If the fish of Cesar was in our lake and it could shapeshift into any water creature, how was it possible for it to leave our lake and go to anywhere else on earth. Even when I was a kid I didn’t like or believe the stories.
And yet, it was the excuse I made for why I had fallen off the boat the other day. Nothing had triggered that lie, which had no connection with my premonitions. It came out of thin air. And now I was dreaming about it.