by Ella Miles
I stare at my now empty plate that I didn’t even realize I had been eating.
“Feel better now?” he asks calmly.
He stares at me, completely unaffected by my words, which just makes me even angrier.
“Yes,” I spout.
He eyes my plate. “Glad you liked the salmon.”
“I did not,” I say, acting like a defiant child. God, no wonder he thinks I’m like a child. I act like one. “I mean, it was okay.”
His bottom lip twitches in a smile.
“So, what do we do now? What’s your fabulous plan?”
“My plan is for Lee to realize how valuable I am to the company—so valuable that he will want me to be CEO whether or not I marry his granddaughter. I already had Robert convinced. I can convince your grandfather, too.”
“That’s not going to work. They want the company to stay in the family.”
“That’s where you come in. You need to tell him that you are so devastated by your father’s death that you don’t want anything to do with the company. You don’t want it. You’ll marry someone else that your grandfather wants when you are older but not now. And, no matter what, you want nothing to do with the Felton Corporation. All you want is what you already have—plenty of money to live by.”
I stand up and throw my napkin on the table before I storm off. I’m so tired of listening to what other people tell me I should be doing. Killian doesn’t say a word and he doesn’t stop me from leaving the table.
I wander down the hallways of the largest casino and hotel in the Felton empire. It’s the original one, the one that started it all. This one isn’t my favorite though. My favorite, Crystal Waterfalls, is farther down on the strip. It has a river and a waterfall flowing through it. But Felton Grand has its charms, too. It’s flashy and brings the hustle and bustle of the city inside.
It could work. I know it could. I’m already devastated. I could convince Granddad that I’d lose my mind if I had to step foot inside one of the casinos again. But is that what I want? Is that what my father would have wanted for me? Did he really tell Killian he wanted him to run the company without marrying me? Don’t I want at least some small part of the company for myself?
I try to think about what I want, but all I come up with is what I don’t want. I don’t want to marry Killian. At least, I don’t want to be forced into marrying him, especially now that I know he doesn’t want to marry me either.
I just don’t know what I do want. So, instead, I try to think about what my father would have wanted. Did he ever give any indication that he didn’t want me to marry Killian? Did he ever give me any clue of what he did want me to do?
One memory pushes into my head. The memory used to seem so unimportant, but maybe it means more than I know.
“What does my princess want to be when she grows up?”
I think for a minute as I put another block on top of the one my father placed. “A princess!” I shout.
He laughs. “Of course! You already are a princess. And when you’re old enough, I’ll make sure you have a castle and a whole empire to run, if you want it. But what else do you want to be?”
My five-year-old self thinks harder this time. What else do I want to be, other than a princess? “I know! I want to be a CEOOOO, like you, Daddy!”
He smiles and thinks seriously for a second. “If that’s what you want someday, it’s yours. You can be anything you want, no matter what Granddad or I tell you.”
“Yay! I’m going to be a CEEEAAA, like you!” I squeal.
“Shh,” he says. “You have to keep it a secret though.”
I pretend to lock my mouth with a fake key, like I do whenever anybody else tells me a secret. My father laughs again. He’s always laughing at me, and I love to make him laugh.
“For now though, let’s just say you want to be a princess.”
“Princess Kinsley and King Daddy!”
I’ve never thought about that memory—until now. I don’t even know if my father was serious when he said I could be CEO. And I never thought to ask. I never thought I wanted to run a company. I don’t have the talent, the skills, or the schooling. But maybe it’s what I want—to follow in my father’s footsteps. It’s all I’ve ever wanted—to be just like him.
I make my way back to the table and find that my plate has been taken away. In its place is a piece of chocolate cake and ice cream. Confused, I look up at Killian.
He shrugs. “To make up for not getting you that burger you wanted and for telling you what to do. Don’t all girls love chocolate?”
I smile. Killian really does have some good qualities to him when he’s not being a bossy, arrogant ass. I dig in and melt in my seat as the ice cream melts in my mouth. I forget about everything, except for how good this tastes in my mouth.
“So, you’ll agree to the plan then?” Killian asks, seeming slightly nervous for the first time since I’ve met him.
I take one more bite. Chewing slowly, I savor every last drop in my mouth.
“Maybe,” I say on autopilot.
He smiles, thinking he’s won.
“I mean…no,” I say, realizing my screw-up. “I don’t think your plan will work.”
“Then, what do you propose?”
I wince at the word propose. That’s what will happen if I don’t find a way out of this. If my plan fails, it will end with Killian proposing to me. It’s not that I wouldn’t want to look at a handsome man like Killian for all of eternity, but he doesn’t want to look at me in return.
“I propose that you find a new company that will make you CEO because that current position is already taken.”
“By whom?”
“Me.”
He laughs, hard and uncontrollably. And then he laughs some more while I sit in my seat, frowning. When he finally stops, he seriously looks at me. “You can’t be serious?”
“I am.”
“You can’t make a decision to save your life. You can’t even choose what you want to eat in a timely manner. You have no skill set. You don’t have a college degree. The only thing you have going for you is…”
“That I’m beautiful.”
“No.” His eyes meet mine. “I was going to say that you’re family.”
I shake my head. He’s wrong about that one. Granddad doesn’t care that I’m part of the family. He already thinks I will make a terrible candidate for CEO even though the company has been passed down to members of the family for three generations now. He’s only willing to pass it down to my husband. My beauty is the only thing I have going for me.
“Well, this should get interesting. But go ahead and try. This week is going to be amusing.”
“I will.” I stand from the table while digging into my purse to throw some cash on the table.
He grabs my arm again, keeping me from walking out. He pulls me close to him so that he can speak into my ear, but this time, there is nothing sexy about the move. “And when you realize what a mistake you’ve made, call me, and then I can work out a real plan to save you from marrying an arrogant, bossy ass like me,” he says, repeating the names I called him earlier. “Because trust me, princess, nobody wants that.”
“I don’t have…” That’s when I remember I already have his phone number.
“Although you should probably change the name in your phone to arrogant, bossy ass. I kind of like that.” He winks at me.
I pull away from his grasp and run out of the restaurant. He’s right. I don’t want to marry him, not now after that conversation we just had. I wouldn’t marry him if he were my only choice.
I just don’t know which choice to choose. One, marry Killian and be everything my family has always wanted. Two, refuse and be shamed by my family forever. Or, three, convince my grandfather that I can run the company—just like my father, just like my grandfather, and just like my great-grandfather. I’m just not sure which one to choose. The only one I’m sure I don’t want is the first option. I don’t want to marry Killian.
“Really?” I ask into the phone.
“Yes. Your grades were high enough that you could graduate without making up your final exams. Of course, if you would like to make them up, your last semester grades would improve.”
“No. The grades can stay as they are.” I release a sigh of relief.
“Okay then. We will mail you your degree. Congratulations, Ms. Felton.”
I end the call as I hear the door open to my bedroom. I turn and smile at Scarlett.
“Hey, bitch,” Scarlett says as she makes herself at home on my bed.
“Hey,” I say, shaking my head at her words. “Are you all moved in?”
Scarlett sighs. “No. The movers are impossible. They have been at my new house all day, and they’ve only moved in half of my stuff. They said it would take them another day to finish. So, I’m stuck at my parents’ house for another night.”
“I don’t know how you’ll survive,” I say sarcastically.
“You really have no idea how bad it is. All I hear about is how I don’t have any jobs lined up. I don’t have a serious boyfriend. What am I going to do with my life?” She sighs again. “It’s exhausting. I don’t know how you can stand to stay here. Why don’t you find a house or at least an apartment to move into?”
I glance at Scarlett, who is now flipping through the papers Granddad gave me. I walk over and snatch them out of her hands.
“Those were boring anyway.”
I shake my head. “I’ll move out soon. I just haven’t put much thought as to where I want to live.”
“So, how did it go, meeting the future Mr. Felton?”
I put the papers back on my desk. I spent all night reading every detail of my father’s and my granddad’s wills. I’m screwed. If I want any equity, any money, the only way is to marry Killian.
I bite my lip as I turn to face her. “It didn’t go so well.”
Scarlett sits up in my bed. “Why? Is he ugly? Or, no…is he, like, fifty years old or something? Does he have a disgusting mole on his face? Is he bald? Doesn’t speak English? Fat? What?”
I pace my room, occasionally stopping to stare at Scarlett. “No.”
“What is it?”
“Remember that guy I told you about? The one I met at the casino the other night?”
Scarlett crawls forward on my bed until she is lying on her stomach. “You mean, the mysterious, sexy man who gave you the only orgasm of your life?”
“Best, not only.” I pace. “And, yes. It was him.”
She scrunches her nose at me. “What?”
“The man I’m supposed to marry is Killian, the same man who gave me the orgasm the other night.”
A sly smile spreads across her lips. “So, what’s the problem?”
“He doesn’t want to marry me.”
“That’s crazy. Everybody wants to marry you. Why doesn’t he want to marry you?”
I grab my forehead that is pounding from her insane questioning.
“I say, fuck him!” she says after a few minutes.
“What?”
“Have sex with him. Once he gets a taste of Kinsley Felton, he will want more and more. He’ll be begging you to marry him.”
I chuckle. “I don’t think that is going to happen. He thinks of me as a child.”
“Ew. He does not, or he wouldn’t have done what he did to you the other night.”
“He was just messing with me.”
“No, Kins, he wasn’t. He was into you.”
“Whatever. I don’t want to marry him anyway.”
“What? I thought you thought he was sexy. I thought…”
“I don’t want to marry him because maybe I want to be CEO. I don’t want to have to marry someone else in order to have anything to do with the company. Or maybe I don’t want anything to do with the company.”
Silence. That’s the answer I get.
“Scar?”
“Yeah?” she says hesitantly.
“Well?”
“I don’t know, Kins. Running the company is a lot of responsibility. Are you sure you are up for that?”
“I don’t know.”
She laughs. “See? You can’t even honestly answer a simple question. How do you expect to run a huge company where you are going to have to answer, like, a million questions a minute?” She pauses. “I don’t know, Kins. But if I were you, I’d fuck the guy. That’s what I would do. It’s a lot more fun.”
“Thanks, Scar. You’re a real help,” I say sarcastically.
“Kinsley!” my mother screams from downstairs.
“That’s my cue to leave,” Scarlett says.
I nod. “I’ll tell you how it goes later.”
Scarlett quickly hugs me. “I know you are still sad about your dad. And I know you don’t want to deal with everything right now, but I’m always here for you if you need me.”
I nod, and then she slips out of my room.
I grab my purse, so I can get out of here as soon as I deal with my mother. I take the stairs down two at a time and find my mother in the kitchen.
She’s slumped over the bar. She’s not crying, but she doesn’t exactly look her best in my father’s old robe. Her hair is matted on her head. She’s a mess, but at least she left her room.
“Morning, Mom,” I say as I open the pantry to find a granola bar.
“Where’s the alcohol?”
I take a deep breath before answering, “What do you mean?”
“The alcohol that we always keep in the bar. Where is it?”
I shrug. “I don’t know, Mom. I think everybody drank it all after the funeral.” That’s not true. I know exactly where the alcohol is because I’m the one who took it.
It’s been years since my mother relapsed. She’s been sober for almost five years now since I made the biggest mistake of my life that almost destroyed the family.
Dad dying must have pushed her back to the alcohol. I don’t blame her. We all miss Dad. And we all deal with missing him in different ways. I just can’t handle the way she has chosen to deal with his death.
I glance at my phone. Her old therapist and AA sponsor should be here soon to help her since I can’t. I know from experience. I don’t have the patience to help her.
“I need the alcohol, damn it!”
I calmly walk over to my mother. “I’ll make sure to have someone pick you up some alcohol on their way in today. But, right now, I think you need to eat. Can I make you something?”
She grabs the closest vase of flowers and slams it to the floor. I jump at the sound of the glass breaking on the floor. I don’t react to her tantrum. Even though I’ve wanted to do the same thing to the stupid vases of flowers, I can’t show her that it’s okay.
“Hi, Mrs. Felton. Let me make you some breakfast,” Samantha, one of our cooks, says as she enters the kitchen, seeing the mess.
I go over and clean up the glass while Samantha has my mother’s attention.
When I’m finished, I whisper to Samantha, “Just keep an eye on her until Dennis and Kirsten get her. Half hour, max.”
She nods and smiles before going back to cooking my mother some pancakes. I walk out of the kitchen to the front door. I need to move out of here. I don’t know how much more of this I can handle.
“Where are you going?” Granddad asks as I try to leave.
“To the Felton Grand.”
He curiously looks at me even though it’s not that strange for me to go to the casino. I used to go all the time before I went off to college. It should be understandable that I would want to go mourn my father there.
“I’m sorry,” he says as he looks at me. For the first time since the funeral, I see tears in his eyes. “I’m sorry for blaming you. It’s not your fault. I need you to know that.”
I walk over and hug him. I know he needs me to forgive him for blaming me just as much as I need to stop blaming myself for my father’s death. But I’m not sure I can do either of those things yet. I’m not ready to forgive.<
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“I miss him,” is what I say instead.
“Me, too, sweetie. Me, too.” He gently rubs my back, like a grandfather should. “Do you want some company?”
“No, I just want to spend some time by myself,” I lie.
I try not to look him in the eyes, so he won’t know that I’m lying, but somehow, he does. Everyone can always tell when I’m lying. It’s one of the reasons I would make a terrible actress.
I don’t want him to come with me though. I need some time to interact with everyone at the casino, to begin to form real relationships with them, to begin to understand how the business runs. That way, when I tell him that I want to run the company, I will have some ammunition to do it with.
Then, Granddad smiles, like he just realized something. I stare at him with a blank expression.
“Ah, you’re going to see Killian. That’s why you don’t want me to come with you.”
I blush at his words, bringing more truth to them in his eyes.
He smiles wider. “Have you fallen for that boy already?”
“No, Granddad. I just need some time to myself.”
He nods knowingly. “Just let me know when he’s wrapped around your finger, so I can set the date.”
“Granddad!”
He just winks at me before heading into the kitchen to be with my mother. I sigh. But, at least, if he thinks I’m into Killian, he won’t think anything of me spending time at the casino in the upcoming days, which will come in handy since I plan on spending lots of time there. It’ll be enough time to make up my mind.