by Ella Miles
“Sounds perfect,” I say, trying not to think about Killian.
I watch Cedric order our wine. It felt nice that he asked my opinion before just ordering for me. I’m so used to Killian, who just orders whatever he wants.
“Where did you go to school?” Cedric asks.
“Yale.”
His eyes widen. “Seriously?”
My smile drops from my face. “Yeah. I studied theater…although I don’t think that’s what I want to do. I don’t technically have my degree yet, but they should be sending it soon. I missed finals, but my grades were high enough that I didn’t need to make them up.”
“Why did you miss finals?”
I look down, not ready to hear his I’m sorry that is going to follow what I say next. “My father died the weekend before finals.”
He reaches his hand across the table and grabs ahold of my hand in a comforting manner. “I’m sorry.”
I smile weakly. “Thanks.”
An awkward pause passes where I don’t want to talk further about my father, but Cedric isn’t sure if he can change the topic or not.
“I’m not really sure about what I want to do next with my life,” I say. That’s not completely true though. I just don’t know exactly what I want to do with my life. I know it doesn’t involve marrying Killian. “What do you want to do once you finish your law degree?”
“I want to start my own firm. I like corporate law. And then I want to settle down with a beautiful girl like you. Somewhere warm.”
“Of course,” I say, smiling.
“And I want to marry her. I want to have kids with her. I want my life to be her.”
I blush. “I hope you find that someday.”
His eyes stay transfixed on mine. “I’m getting close.”
His eyes sparkle, and I quickly lose myself in them. It would be nice to be married to someone like Cedric. He seems nice. He seems like a gentleman. He seems like husband material, unlike Killian who is too focused on his work to ever give proper attention to a wife and family.
“Kinsley?” my grandfather says.
I turn and see my grandfather standing at the end of our table. He has a stern look on his face. I see Killian standing behind him with a small smirk on his face.
I try to pull my hand away from Cedric’s, but he doesn’t understand what’s happening. He just tightens his grip as his thumb slowly moves over my palm.
“Hi, Granddad,” I say.
“Who is this?” he asks, looking at Cedric.
“This is—” I start.
But, of course, Cedric, being a gentleman, jumps in immediately.
“I’m Cedric Allum. I’m her date for the evening—and, hopefully, if she will have me, for many dates after this.”
I wince at his words, and Cedric looks at me in confusion.
“I’m not just a model,” Cedric says in a rush, thinking that is the reason that my grandfather and I are so unhappy with what he just said. “I just do that on the side for some extra money, same as Kinsley. I just graduated with a business degree from UNLV. I got accepted into a law school in Chicago. I plan on being a lawyer, sir.”
My grandfather is paying him no attention. Instead, he is looking at me. “I think you’d better end the date now, Kinsley.”
I nod, unable to argue with him in such a public space. I don’t look at Killian. And I don’t look at Cedric as I begin to stand from my chair.
I take a deep breath before I do my best to look strong as I look at Cedric. “I’m sorry. You’ve been wonderful, but I think it’s best if we stop this here.”
“Why? I thought this was going well.” He glances up at my grandfather. “If your grandfather and”—he looks at Killian—“your brother would like to join us, they are more than welcome. Then, they can get to know me a little better and feel more comfortable with us going out.”
I chance a glance at Killian when Cedric calls him my brother. His smirk is gone. He’s rubbing the back of his neck in annoyance instead of the anger I was expecting. It seems he doesn’t even see Cedric as worthy of a challenge.
“That won’t be possible,” Granddad says.
“Another time then?” Cedric asks.
I smile weakly at his persistence, but he needs to learn when to give up.
That’s when Killian steps forward. “I’m sorry, Cedric, but you need to go home and forget about Kinsley. Don’t call her. Don’t think about her. Don’t try to reach out to her in any way. Plenty of other girls are out there who would be more suited to you.”
I close my eyes to keep the sting out of them after what he just said.
“I think Kinsley is plenty suited to me,” Cedric says.
“No, because Kinsley is my fiancée,” Killian says.
Cedric gasps. Then, he looks to my left hand to find that a ring isn’t there. His eyes narrow in my direction. “You’re engaged?”
I twist my hair as I look at him. I don’t know how to answer that. I’m not technically engaged. At least, I wasn’t the last time I spoke with either of the men glowering over me, but it’s too complicated to say that I’m not engaged.
Cedric takes my lack of an answer as an answer. “She’s all yours,” he says as he throws his napkin down on the table before storming out.
I don’t bother to follow him with my eyes when he leaves. I feel like crying. I feel like going home and spending the night taking a long warm bath, trying to forget what just happened.
“Come on, Kinsley. We have a table for us set up upstairs. We will have them add another chair. You’ll eat with us,” Granddad says. His voice is dripping with disappointment.
I just nod, unable to say any words without losing it. I feel so embarrassed. I watch as my grandfather begins walking, but Killian hovers over me, waiting for me to follow my grandfather.
I take a second. “How could you?” A tear falls.
“You can’t be with him. He’s not a good guy.”
“And you are?” I shake my head in frustration. “You can’t tell me you want me to make my own decisions about my life and then make every decision for me. You can’t tell him I’m your fiancé one minute but then tell me you don’t want to marry me the next. You can’t pick up a random stranger at a bar one minute and then say I can’t go on a date myself. Talk about indecisive. What do you want, Killian? Other than the CEO position, what the fuck do you want?”
I close my eyes when I realize I just cursed in front of a table with children. I never curse. But Killian brings out the worst in me, the absolute worst.
“I want to marry you,” are the words that leave his lips.
I haven’t looked at Killian since we sat down at the table, opposite my grandfather. I can’t. I don’t believe what Killian said when we were alone downstairs. He didn’t say anything else. It was just those five words.
“I want to marry you.”
I don’t believe them. I don’t think I ever will until I see him down on bended knee. And even then, it won’t be because that’s what he really wants. It will be because that is the only way he can become CEO.
“What were you doing with that boy, Kinsley?” my grandfather asks.
Our waiter interrupts us, and my grandfather orders wine for the table. He asks Killian for his opinion but not mine.
When the waiter leaves, Granddad turns his attention back to me, waiting for my answer.
“He was nice. I met him at the shoot earlier. I didn’t realize I wasn’t allowed to date while I waited for Killian to decide if he wanted to marry me or not.”
I feel Killian’s eyes on me, but I still don’t look at him. I’m too pissed to look at him. He did the same thing an hour earlier with a woman. Why can’t I?
“You know the rules, young lady. The same rules still apply as when your father was alive. If you want to date, you run the guys by me. I will tell you whom you should or shouldn’t date. You’ve made too many horrible decisions in the past to allow anything else. You shouldn’t have been on a date wit
h Cedric.”
“I’ve made one horrible mistake. One,” I say, glaring at my grandfather for bringing it up.
My eyes dart to Killian, but he doesn’t seem to know what mistake we are talking about.
I move on. “What was wrong with Cedric? He seemed like a perfect gentleman if you asked me.”
“Tell her, Killian.”
Killian takes a deep breath. “Cedric is a scam artist. He only dates rich women and then scams them or steals money from them.”
I turn to him. “And how exactly do you know this?”
“We do background checks on all our employees, including the models. There were some suspicious things when his returned. The suspicious information didn’t touch my desk until after the shoot. Otherwise, I would never have let him do the shoot. He’s a wanted felon in three states. We called the police. He was arrested as soon as he left the premises.”
Fuck! How the hell am I supposed to make my own decisions in my life when I keep making the wrong ones?
The waiter pours us each a glass of wine, and I down my glass in one gulp. I can feel everyone’s eyes on me as I do, but I don’t care. The waiter pours me a second glass.
“This is why you can’t make your own decisions without consulting me or Killian. You are too naïve, too easily taken advantage of, sweetheart. We are just trying to protect you.”
I don’t respond to Granddad’s words, but I can’t believe them. I didn’t do anything, except go on a date with Cedric. I didn’t make up my mind about him yet. If they had just given me time, they could have seen that I would have turned Cedric down on my own.
“Are you ready to order?” the waiter asks.
My grandfather nods. “I’ll have the sirloin, medium rare. Kinsley will have the same.”
I don’t hear Killian order. I’m too busy sulking. This is what my life will be like. Everything will always be decided by these two men. I will never get a choice in what I eat or drink. I will never get a choice in what I do. I will never get a choice in when I have children or what their names will be or what they do with their own lives. I will never get a say. I’ve never had a say.
I quickly sip on my wine, and before I know it, I’ve finished another glass. The waiter immediately fills it again.
“Regardless, I have some good news to share with you, Kinsley,” Granddad says.
I’m not hearing him though. My head is spinning. I’m dizzy. I’ve felt this way once before, and I know what’s going to happen next. I can’t be here when it happens.
“Excuse me. I think I’m going to be sick,” I say as I stand from the table.
I rush to find the restroom that is back on the first floor. I run, barely making it to a toilet stall before the contents from my stomach come back up.
God, I hate alcohol, I think as I heave into the disgusting public toilet.
A few seconds pass, and I hear the door swing open. Great.
Now, whoever has walked through that door will get to hear my embarrassment as I puke into the toilet.
I try to reach back to at least lock the stall door to keep the woman from seeing me, but I can’t without moving away from the toilet, and my stomach isn’t finished emptying yet.
That’s when I feel his arms on me. He’s holding back my hair as he slowly rubs my back.
“It’s okay, princess.”
I want to fight him off, but I’m too weak to do that. I vomit again and again, to my disgust. I can’t believe he is in here, taking care of me like a real boyfriend would. But we aren’t boyfriend and girlfriend. We aren’t even friends. We are nothing.
When I finally finish, I just feel like collapsing, but Killian holds me up.
“Come on, princess. Let’s get you cleaned up.”
He helps me stand and leads me to the sink. I watch as he turns on the warm water and puts a paper towel under the water before wiping my face.
He doesn’t say anything. He just intently stares at me. There isn’t disappointment on his face. There is just nothing. It’s like he is doing a business transaction. That’s what I am. I don’t have to be stupid to know what my grandfather was about to say. He was going to tell me that Killian agreed to marry me. I’m not ready to hear those words from him. If he says them and I hear them, then it’s over. I have nothing left to fight for. My destiny has already been decided, but I’m not ready to know what my future entails yet.
“I want to go home,” I say.
He nods. “I sent your grandfather home. I told him I’d make sure you got home okay. I told him you would talk to him tomorrow.”
“Thanks,” I whisper.
I follow Killian out of the restroom. A woman, who was just about to enter, stares wildly at Killian. She’s probably thinking we just hooked up in the restroom. I see Killian smirk at her, and my cheeks blush.
I make it out of the restaurant without stumbling, but Killian scoops me up.
“I can walk,” I protest while hating and loving being in his arms. I hate the confusion he brings out in me.
“I know, princess, but you shouldn’t have to.”
I don’t fight him. I just let him carry me into the casino. I let him carry me, despite the stares we get on the casino floor. I don’t care. Let them think what they want about me. My life is over anyway.
To my surprise though, Killian doesn’t take me to my room. He takes me to his. I don’t protest. I’m too tired to do anything else. And we have some shit we need to work out anyway.
He lays me on his bed that is just like the one in mine. He leaves and quickly comes back with some water, aspirin, and the hotel’s cookies. He hands them all to me. He doesn’t have to speak to get me to take them. I know they will make me feel better.
“You shouldn’t drink so much.”
“No shit,” I say before swallowing the pills.
He smiles. “You’re cute when you curse.”
“I learned from you.” I sigh. “What do you want, Killian? Why am I here?”
He narrows his eyes at me. “Why did you agree to go out with him?”
I sigh. “Why not? I know what happened between us last night was just a one-time thing. And I just thought, if I could prove that I am capable of finding a man on my own, one who is good for the company, then my grandfather would give me more time to be more involved in the decision. I just thought I could do better than you.”
I study his face to see if my words hurt him, but they don’t. “And you were out with that brunette at the bar anyway.”
A small smile tugs at the corner of his lips. “That was my sister.”
“Oh.” I take a deep breath. “Why did you agree to marry me?”
“Because I want to be CEO. And I’ve realized that it is the only way I will ever get that.”
I sit up too fast, and the dizziness that ensues makes me grab my head. He grabs ahold of me and forces me to lie back in bed.
“I just want to go back to my own bed.”
“No, not until we figure this out.”
I sigh. “There is nothing to figure out. You want to marry me to get the CEO position, but you don’t really want to be married to me. I don’t want to marry you either. I’ll just tell my grandfather that I don’t care about the money or being connected to the Felton empire. You’ll get everything you ever wanted.”
“That won’t work.”
“It will. It was your plan after all. And you do no wrong, remember?”
“That’s not true,” he says. His body moves closer to mine. “I do a lot of things wrong. I do a lot of things that I shouldn’t do.”
I roll my eyes. “You’ve never done anything wrong in your life.”
His lips crash with mine. His lips are full of hunger, of need. I feel my body giving in to the kiss, but I can’t let it happen.
I push him away. “What was that?”
“It was me doing something that I shouldn’t.”
“Why shouldn’t you?” I ask, confused.
“Because you can’t fall for
me,” he says.
But when he kisses me again, I wonder if he is the one who can’t fall for me.
I push him off of me. But his mouth just finds my neck instead of my lips.
“I’m still mad at you,” I say.
His mouth tugs at my earlobe. “I know.”
“I’m still mad at you for making Eli break up with me.”
I moan when he nips at the lobe.
“I know.”
“I’m still mad at you for ruining my date with Cedric.”
He tangles his hand in my hair, tugging my head back, so his lips have better access to my neck. “I know.”
“I’m still mad—”
“I know.” He moves his mouth back to my lips, shutting me up.
I’m about to make a terrible choice. As his tongue caresses mine, I know I’m going to end up fucking him again. His hands slide down the sides of my body, feeling my curves.
“Fuck, I want you, princess.” His greedy eyes take in my body, but it’s not good enough to see me in the sexy dress. He wants more.
His mouth kisses down my neck to the edge of the dress. His hands grab at the top, and when I don’t protest, he rips the dress in half. It’s the sexiest fucking thing I’ve ever seen.
His eyes now lust with need to have my body. His hand grabs my breast without him asking, without him waiting to see if this is what I want. I’ve already told him with my parted lips, with my lust-filled eyes, with my heavy breathing. They all tell him how badly I want him, too.
“This is wrong,” I say.
He takes my exposed nipple in his mouth. He twirls his tongue around the hard bud, making me forget why this is wrong as I moan his name. He grabs my other breast and twirls his thumb around it.
“Maybe,” he says.
It makes me smile at him. He smiles back before disappearing between my legs. He pulls my panties down with his teeth, leaving me completely naked while he is still fully clothed. I grab at his shirt, and he gets the hint. He rips his shirt off. I watch as a few buttons fall to the sides. He stands and unzips his pants, removing them and his underwear.