“Like Hank used you?”
Meara recoiled. “Yes, like Hank. Hank would manipulate me, control me. He twisted me around. He made me feel horrible for wanting love and affection. When I finally pushed him away, he didn’t care. It didn’t matter if I was dead or alive.”
Diana hugged Meara. “I didn’t know it was that bad with Hank, Ems. I’m so sorry. Are you sure you aren’t overthinking this? I thought Duncan was different than Hank. Maybe Duncan needs to explain himself better. From what I saw, he loves and adores you. Do you truly believe he was using you?”
“I don’t want to be a doormat again while he makes up his mind if he loves me or not. He’s different than Hank, but that doesn’t mean I want to give him my heart when he won’t do the same.”
“Take the love part out of it for a minute. How was the sex? I don’t want details, so don’t give me that look. What I mean is did he satisfy you? Did he rock your world better than Hank?”
Blushing, Meara said, “The sex was great. We focused on each other. I didn’t know it could be that good. Hank never made me feel that way. I’ve never felt so wanted or so aware of myself.”
“That’s why I can’t see him using you. Duncan’s been alone for a long time. He has some adjusting to do. If you’re tuning into your sexuality, he did you a favor. You got some fun out of it. Who says the fun has to stop? Ultimately, if it’s over, there are other guys dying for a chance to be with you. You learned you could care for someone again. Keep your options open. What’s this about quitting?”
“I told him I was resigning. I can’t work for him if we aren’t going to be together. I can’t be with him if he has doubts. Russell McMahon’s still looking for a librarian. Maybe I should go work for him.”
“Is he single?”
“Are you saying I should date him?” Meara grimaced, tilting her head. “No way in hell.”
“Change in the Swear Jar please!”
Meara fished coins out of her pocket. “I owe the Swear Jar a nice chunk of change.”
“I’m sure you do. Want to come with us into town? We’ll have lunch. What are you wearing for the meeting on Friday? We can get you a new dress. If Duncan shows up, you can show him what he’s missing.”
Meara sighed. “Diana, you’re terrible! I doubt he’ll come. I stranded him. I feel bad about that. I’m feeling bad about the whole thing. Maybe I reacted too harshly, but he said we were a mistake. That really hurt.”
“He tried to talk to you this morning. If he was using you and you called him on it, why would he bother?” Diana said carefully. “I’m having a hard time believing Duncan’s a bad guy.”
“Hey! When are you guys closing the pool? I want to join the Pin Oak Grove Pool and Fitness Center. Can we stop by there?”
“Changing the subject won’t make it go away.”
“I know, but I think I screwed up and I’m trying to distract myself.”
On Tuesday morning, Meara took a deep breath and entered the library. Tom and Lucy stared at her. Her ponytail was gone and her hair was cut short. She had on an attractive, brightly colored outfit that hugged her curves. Tom waved heartily, but Lucy wore a puzzled expression.
“Well, hello beautiful!” said Tom.
“Thank you Tom,” Meara replied. “I’m still getting used to the hair. Or the lack of it. It’s a little too short for me, but it’ll grow back.”
Meara avoided discussing her weekend. She knew Lucy would be curious. Meara headed to Duncan’s office, slipping a white, business-sized envelope under the door. Tom and Lucy watched her walk to her office.
“What was that all about?” asked Tom anxiously. “White envelopes aren’t a good sign. When’s Duncan coming back? When they left here together on Friday, I thought maybe they would spend the weekend together. Now she’s back and he’s not. And she’s got a new haircut and clothes? Is there something you’re not telling me, Lucy?”
Lucy wrung her hands. “Yes, white envelopes aren’t good. Here’s Sherrie now. Sherrie, come here! The plan has obviously changed, so I don’t feel like I’m betraying their confidence. Duncan took Meara to the Shore on Saturday. He called me Sunday to say they were staying until Thursday. We need to find out what happened. Sherrie, Meara slipped a white envelope under Duncan’s door. We need to talk to her. Now.”
With a worried face, Sherrie nodded. Lucy and Sherrie found Meara in the office. They immediately noticed Meara was not wearing her wedding ring. Lucy and Sherrie exchanged looks. No wedding ring, attractive haircut, new clothes and no boyfriend in sight.
“Meara? I like the haircut. That’s a pretty blouse too. Meara, where’s Duncan?” asked Lucy.
Meara nodded her head. “There’s no point in keeping it a secret. He’s still down the Shore for all I know.”
“What happened? You two left here so happy on Friday. Now you’re here alone. What’s going on?” asked Lucy, distressed.
“We thought it was going to work out, but it didn’t. It’s over. Now, if you don’t mind, I have things to do before the meeting on Friday,” Meara replied, her voice quivering.
“I’ve decided to resign as soon as Mr. Phillips returns. I’ve also decided to turn down the Chairpersonship. I should call Mr. McMahon and tell him.”
Lucy and Sherrie stood in stunned silence. Sherrie grabbed a pile of books to set up for storytime. Lucy headed back to the Circulation Desk with an incredulous look on her face.
“What’s going on? What happened?” asked Tom anxiously.
“They’re no longer together and she’s quitting. I talked to him on Sunday. What happened?”
“Look how passionate they were with each other. We could tell, be honest. Maybe they had a fight and things got out of hand. Just because Meara says it’s over, doesn’t make it final.”
“She’s not wearing her wedding ring.” Lucy frowned.
“Damn it! Where the hell is Duncan? He staked out his territory on Meara when she first got here. We’ve been chasing off those single dads and grandpas asking after her. Now she has no wedding ring and she’s looking pretty sexy. Duncan was the rebound guy. Now what? Do we still fight them off or let them try to romance her?”
“Duncan’s still at the Shore. What does rebound guy mean?”
“It means Duncan was the first one to show Meara she’s desirable after her husband’s death. She knows it now and the pheromones are going to get strong in here. Duncan may have made a big mistake. If you can get a hold of him, tell him to get back here as soon as possible.”
Sherrie came over, a horrified look on her face. “One of the grandpas waiting for storytime said Miss Meara was at the gym this morning, working out. He noticed she wasn’t wearing her wedding ring and asked me if she’s dating. We need to speak to Duncan. What are we going to do?”
Lucy said grimly, “I tell you what we’re going to do. We’re going to let Meara do what she wants. If Duncan was the rebound guy, she’s responsible for her own behavior. If someone asks about Meara, tell him to ask Meara. I’m going to track Duncan down. I’ll call Duncan’s cell phone.”
Lucy dialed Duncan’s cell phone and left a message. She called his home phone and left a message. She was worried enough to call Mike. Mike answered on the second ring. Lucy made small talk and then got to her point. She assumed Mike knew about Meara.
“I don’t like prying into Duncan’s business, but we’re worried here. He called me on Sunday to say he would be at your Shore house until Thursday. Now it’s Tuesday and his girlfriend’s here. I can’t reach him. You’ll try the house? Have him call me please? Thank you.”
Tom threw his hands up. “Well?”
“I can’t get a hold of Duncan, so Mike’s going to call the Shore house. We’ll find out something soon.”
Chapter Thirty-Three
Duncan didn’t expect the Shore house phone to ring. He recognized Mike’s number on the caller id box and picked up the phone.
“Hello? Hi, Mike! How are you? I’m fine. Yes, I’m still here.
Everything’s fine. Oh, I’ve been a little busy. I haven’t checked my phone lately. What? Lucy called you? I’m sorry I missed her call, but everything’s fine. I’ll call her. I was going to call you. I was going to ask if it was all right to stay until the weekend. No, she’s not here with me.”
Duncan stopped talking. Mike tried to fill in the silence with small talk. Mike wasn’t going to let Duncan clam up. Too many people were worried about Duncan. Mike asked a few questions.
Duncan exhaled. “I’m not really sure what happened. We had an argument Sunday night and Monday morning, she left. She didn’t want to talk. I’m not sure we can fix it. I’m not sure she wants to try. I sat in the backyard, read my books and fed myself. I’ve been thinking about what happened and I’m still trying to figure things out. I shouldn’t be bothering you with this.”
After Mike spoke, Duncan responded. “Well, I’m sort of stranded. I can rent a car to get home, but I’m not ready to go back yet. I know I’m being stubborn, but she also said she was quitting. I can’t handle both things right now. She’s sure it’s over and doesn’t want to work at the library anymore. I want to give her some space. I thought we could talk about it when I get back. I should have been careful how I spoke to her. I’m working out how to explain to her what I really meant. You joked with me about the age issue. You said it was probably a matter of self-confidence and jealousy. I think it’s a self-confidence issue.”
As Mike asked more questions, Duncan closed his eyes. “It’s hard to explain. I love her and she loves me. I don’t doubt that. I’m not really afraid of her leaving me because of the age difference. I was hiding behind that a little. What I’m really afraid of is being alone again. She’s made me feel alive again. I don’t want to lose her and go back to being numb. Since she left, I’ve been on auto-pilot. Don’t get me wrong, I loved Brenda, but what I feel for Meara is so much deeper. I’m lost without her.”
As Mike gave his last words of advice, Duncan nodded his head. “I’ll call Lucy and find out what’s going on. Then I’ll get a rental car and do exactly what you suggested. I’ll go get Meara back. Thanks, Mike.”
Duncan hung up the phone, feeling as if a weight had been lifted from his chest. He couldn’t hide at the Shore house forever. He had to face Meara and work things out. He called the library. Lucy answered on the second ring.
“Lucy, it’s Duncan. I’m sorry I missed your call. Mike called. I’m sorry I didn’t call to let you know the plans had changed. I’m fine.”
“You’re not fine, don’t lie to me, Duncan,” Lucy said. “What’s going on? Meara’s back to work today and you’re still down the Shore? I was shocked this morning to see Meara. All she’ll say under direct scrutiny is that you’re no longer together and she’s quitting. She shoved a white envelope under your door. We all know what a white envelope means.”
“I was hoping she wouldn’t do that. Is she still upset?”
“She was a little emotional, but she held it under control. She showed up this morning with a new hairdo, a new outfit and no wedding ring.”
Duncan smiled. At least she hadn’t gone back to wearing the ring. His smile didn’t last long.
“She joined a gym. There have been a couple of inquiries as to her dating status. A few of the single male patrons have seen her at the gym. The UPS driver delivered some supplies this morning and tripped over the boxes when he saw her. One grandfather thought she looked a little sad after storytime this morning, so he went and bought her flowers.”
“What did Meara do?” Duncan frowned, becoming jealous.
“She gave him one of her brilliant smiles and thanked him politely. The poor guy almost had a heart attack. Let’s face it, Duncan. You were the rebound guy and now she’s ready to see what life has to offer. Since June, we’ve been discouraging male patrons from inquiring about her. Now she’s no longer with you, she’s getting more attention.”
“The rebound guy?”
“Yes, the first guy after the end of a long term, serious relationship. It doesn’t last, but it makes her feel good and ready for the next guy. Surely you’ve heard of the rebound?”
“Not really. Do you think she would date one of these men?”
Lucy crossed her fingers and silently prayed to atone for her fib. “Who knows, Duncan? If you’re letting her go, then let her go. Why do you care? It’s like trying to close the stable door after the horse has gotten out. Or letting a genie out of the bottle. Once it’s done, it’s done. You showed Meara she could be desirable and now she’s running with it. Russell McMahon has called twice.”
Duncan became furious. “What did he want?”
“He wanted to know Meara’s favorite place to eat. He’s going to call in that raincheck and take her to lunch on Friday after the meeting. I told him she likes Lynn’s Café down on Main Street.”
“The one I took her to?” asked Duncan incredulously.
“Yes, if she sees the place and it doesn’t remind her of you, then it’s really over.” Lucy rolled her eyes.
“What else did Russell want?” asked Duncan, anxiously.
“He wanted to know what her favorite flowers are. I have to call him back.”
“Tell him red roses.”
“That’s not true. She hates roses.”
“I know. He doesn’t need to know that.”
“Duncan, are you going to stop playing games? Is Meara still your girlfriend? Or is it over? Are you coming home or are you hiding at the Shore? Are getting your girlfriend back before someone else takes her?”
“I’m not playing games. Meara’s still my girlfriend. I’m coming back just as soon as I can get a rental car. Keep those other guys away from her.”
“I understand, but it’ll be hard. She’s having quite an effect on the men around here and she isn’t even trying. I don’t know what happened between you two, but she’s not a shy little maiden librarian anymore.” Lucy bit her lip, hoping her fibs would be forgiven.
“How would you describe it?” Duncan asked, horrified.
“Tom mentioned the term sex kitten. She looks like she could purr at any moment. You have no one to blame but yourself, Duncan. If I had to describe it, she’s like a dragon in one of those fantasy books you like to read. A fire-breathing dragon that’s glowing and dangerous to mess with, but worth getting singed or scorched by.”
“Did SHE say anything about being a dragon?” Duncan jumped up from his chair.
“No. Why?” Lucy stared at the phone.
“Nothing. I’m getting off the phone now. I’m coming home as soon as possible but I may not come back to the library until Friday. Don’t tell anyone I said that. Okay, Lucy?”
“I understand. Have a safe trip and call me if you need me.”
Duncan ached for Meara. He felt terrible he had hurt her. He wanted a chance to explain how he really felt. He wondered if she wanted the attention these other men were giving her. He wondered if he really was just the rebound guy. He was jealous of these men and Russell. He was going home to claim her and to woo her back. He was going to be Sir Duncan. She made his life complete and he wasn’t giving her up without a fight. After the pleasure they had shared, he didn’t want any other man to know that pleasure. If she was a sex kitten or a smoldering dragon, she was his and only his.
He had to plan his return carefully. He had to be charming and supportive, but insistent as well. She would have to listen to him. After that, if she still wanted to call off their relationship and leave the library, he would know he had tried his best. But if she did end it, it would kill him. He called a car rental agency. They could get him a car for Wednesday afternoon. He would have to spend one more lonely night in the Shore house. He had changed bedrooms, but the house echoed with the memories of their time together. He had no more reason to visit their bedroom on the top floor.
It was difficult for him to return to the cottage where they had made love for what could have been the last time. He tossed out the champagne and food from the refrige
rator. He had locked the cottage door behind him and a piece of his heart died. He went through the motions of the day and crawled into bed for his final night in the house. He needed to practice what he was going to say to her. He needed to get it right. He could get his feelings on the subject down to seven words. He was afraid of being without her.
He grabbed the extra pillow and held it close to his chest. It wasn’t her, but it was going to be a long night. He wondered what she was doing. He wondered if she was sleeping alone. He didn’t think she would replace him that fast, but as passionate as she was, any man in his right mind would be thrilled to be with her. He wanted to call her, but if they argued over the phone, it might make it worse. He had hoped leaving her alone would give them time to think. Now he believed this had been the wrong thing to do.
She was changing. The men around town were noticing. Would she even want him back? He began to doubt and he stopped himself. He had pushed everyone away since Brenda died. Meara was in his heart. He would not believe their love could be destroyed by one argument and a few days apart. He didn’t like when she turned cold, especially when he knew how warm and loving she truly was. He had hurt Meara with his words. Hank must have done the same.
Duncan hoped Hank had not abused her. She had pushed Duncan away as if she had done it before. He wanted her to know he would never harm her. When he got back, he would be honest with her. His last thought before falling into a restless sleep was he hoped he would be strong enough to talk to her first before kissing her. He wanted her in his arms so badly his eyes filled with tears.
Meara had a long day at work. The library wasn’t the same without Duncan. She missed him terribly. She had butterflies in her stomach constantly. She tried to put on a smile, but her nerves were frayed and she wanted to cry. She had messed up by leaving the Shore house. She didn’t know where he was. He could be at his house, simply waiting for Monday to accept her resignation and wave goodbye to her. She had acted like a child. She had shown him she was crazy. He was probably glad she was gone.
She joined the gym because it had a pool. Swimming was one of the few ways she could relax. She could swim until she wore herself out. It calmed her mind, but she was reluctant to swim since the memory of the Shore house pool was still fresh. She had skipped dinner because she was nauseous. She was nauseous because she had skipped breakfast and lunch. It was a vicious cycle she didn’t know how to break. She wanted to sleep.
The Swear Jar Page 26