by Eli Constant
“Well,” I look down at the page I’ve flipped to, “you’re positive you haven’t been bitten by an animal?”
“Yep, pretty sure I’d know if a bear mauled me or a wolf bit me.”
“I think it would have to be a bear since that’s what you seemed to change in to. I think a lycanthrope can only infect someone with the same form of lycanthropy.”
“According to Liam?” Kyle doesn’t look at me, just continues to read and sip soda.
“Yes.” I don’t elaborate. He’s asked me a few more questions about Liam, sprinkling them here and there in places they don’t really fit. I know he’s curious about him, curious about how much time I’ve spent with him while we’ve been dating.
What am I supposed to do though? Not associate with my fairy guardian? Yeah, maybe. But I’d know a lot less about the preternatural community if I’d kept Liam at arm’s length.
We both continue in silence for a while until Kyle chokes on his drink, bringing my focus back to him rather than the notebook filled with my messy scrawl. “What?”
“You said I looked like a bear. Or you think I was a bear, right?” He stands up from the table and moves to me quickly, coming to rest on his knees next to the sofa. There’s no place to sit, not with the journals littering all the cushions. “Look here.”
“I would have remembered if there was something in grandmother’s teachings.” But I look anyways.
“It’s just a footnote. I almost didn’t read it myself.”
Sure enough, there’s a small paragraph tucked in next to the section about methods for protection. I read it aloud, even though Kyle already knows what it says. “In the olden days, a necromancer would be paired with a Norse warrior for protection. Then, we were revered for our powers instead of feared. These warriors, also known as berserkers, were giant men, known for going into battle without shield or weapon, wearing the pelt of an animal. Most often, the animal would be a bear and the spirit of the bear would lend its strength. They would enter a state of madness while they fought and normally would not remember much, save for a few fractured images. A necromancer could call his or her protector at will. It’s too bad the berserkers have gone extinct. My Victoria could use the protection.”
My eyes grew wide. “I don’t remember ever reading this, but I must have. Maybe I just ignored it because grandmother said they were extinct so I knew it was something I’d never come across.”
“I don’t see how I could be one. My mother’s family was German and French.”
“But Jim’s great-great-grandparents came from Norway. I remember because he showed me their family crest once.”
“Then it’s possible.”
“I think so.”
We sit staring at each other, wondering if it could be true. We don’t have to wonder for long.
“I could have told you what he was last year. In fact, I hinted that he was no more human than I or Blackthorn.” It’s Liam’s voice.
I turn and find him standing in the hallway that leads to my bedroom. He’s in full fae glory, maybe to impress Kyle or maybe because he doesn’t often think about holding onto the glamor of his more human disguise when we’re together anymore. I’ve gotten very good at keeping my more human appearance. Kyle’s never seen me become the white-haired Blood Queen. Maybe he should see it though, to get him more used to the idea of what I really am. Of course, we now know that he can change into a bear. Me going all glimmer-y and pale might not be a big deal to him anymore.
Kyle stands, looking every inch his height. “Liam.”
It’s not a question, but I answer it anyways, hoping up from the couch and placing my body between the sofa and the kitchen table. Or, rather, between my beau and my fairy guardian. “Yes, this is Liam.” I force a smile. “Liam, Kyle. Kyle, Liam. Since you two have never officially met.”
They nod at each other, each holding their body stiffly.
“So, you know what I am.” Again, not a question, but this time Kyle’s clearly directed it at Liam so I don’t see how I can jump in and halt interaction between them. Besides, they’re bound to interact. Nothing to look at here, folks, just my berserker beau and my guardian fairy. Absolutely nothing unusual.
“Yes. And if you’re wondering how it’s possible, here’s your answer.” Liam takes a step forward, but then thinks better of handing the scroll he’s produced out of his cloak straight to Kyle. Instead, he leans forward and gives it to me to hand to Kyle.
I don’t unroll the scroll, thinking it’s Kyle’s business more than mine, but when I’ve handed him the parchment and am going to walk away, he stops me. “Stay.”
I don’t say anything, but I do turn back and focus on his hands as they unroll the yellowing paper.
“Jesus, this dates back—”
“Over a thousand years, back to the last of the berserkers who were beholden to Rollo, the first high leader of Normandy who hailed from Norway and brought his warriors with him to enforce his rule. When he died in the year 928, his son Longsword became ruler and he outlawed the berserkers, saying it was unnatural for such warriors to exist. Those that survived fled and found refuge with your people, Victoria.” He looks at me and I find there’s something hollow about his gaze. Something has happened whilst Liam has been away and I know, in my heart, that whatever it is will be my fault in some way. “They became the guardians to the first Blood King and after the line of the blood power was thought to have died out, they were assigned to exceptionally gifted necromancers. They live a very long time, berserkers, but even they die. We thought the very last of them had gone into the ether decades ago. A man known as Andre the Giant, well before the Rising occurred in human history. Kyle existing means that the lineage is not quite lost after all.”
Kyle is still staring at the family history in his hands; I am staring at Liam—who does not waver from my curiosity. Without thinking, I reach for him with my mind. Liam, what’s wrong?
This is not the time or place, Victoria.
Please tell me. Where’ve you been? Why did you stay away so long?
Another time, Victoria. I promise, I’ll tell you everything another time.
I reach for him with my power and feel the way his heart is pounding. I feel the blood running through his veins. And it tastes differently than it should in my mouth, but I know it is him, that truth is unchanged.
I’ll hold you to it, Liam.
I know you will. I can hear his soft smile in my head, even though his physical lips remain in a hard line.
“So I’m a freak.” Kyle sits down, not bothering to move the journals littering the sofa. “I don’t understand. Why now? What made whatever the hell this is present itself now?”
“Because your Blood Queen was near. Her power called to you, she called for help.” Liam shrugs, as if it is the simplest explanation in the world and so obvious that the question needn’t have been asked.
“But she was in trouble last year and I didn’t...” Kyle struggles for a word, “beast out.”
“Did she call for you though? Were you connected then? Did you...” now it’s Liam’s turn to hesitate, but his hesitation has nothing to do with vocabulary, “love her then?”
I finally stop looking at Liam to look at Kyle instead. He’s already staring at me, a thoughtful expression on his face. “I knew she was something special the minute I saw her, but, no, I didn’t love her then. Not the way I do now.”
Liam’s voice is tight when he speaks again. “Berserkers often formed strong bonds with the necromancers they protected. They are overwhelmingly female and berserkers are overwhelmingly male, you see. In the few cases that a male necromancer bonded with a male berserker or vice versa, things still worked out... amorously. You love her because of what she is, because of what she brings out in you—your best and strongest self so to speak.”
“He loves me because of my power?” I say the words softly, so quiet that I wonder if the two men in the room will hear me. It seems a strange thing to me. Most of t
he world hates me for what I am, or they would hate me if they knew. To have someone compelled to love me because of what I am... it felt like I’d entered backwards land, a place that invalidated Kyle’s love.
Kyle does hear me and he’s off the sofa in an instant. “No, I love you because of you, because of everything you are. What I am and what you are is only part of that.”
“You can’t know that.” Liam speaks, saying the words that I’m thinking.
Kyle takes my hands in his and his eyes beg me to believe. “I do know that. I loved you before we found out what I was. That has to mean something.”
“It only means that your inner beast was drawn to her and, when the time came, your beast was drawn out by her. I will not deny that the bond between necromancer and berserker is strong, but it is part of the magic. Nothing more.” Liam is still stood in the same spot, his voice as rational as ever. I want to punch him. I want to hurt him. He’s ruining the goodness between me and Kyle—the goodness that was already on shaky ground.
“Shut up.” Kyle drops my hands and takes a step towards Liam. “You shut the hell up.”
I also move, placing myself once again between Kyle and Liam, but this time, I only have eyes for one. I take his hands again, his fingers feeling so right wrapped around my own, and I use my power to feel him. I feel his blood, warm and dark and racing through his veins. I feel how it moves with a purpose. I feel how it is both animal and human. I listen to the memories inside of the cells.
They are memories of me, like I am now laced through every part of him. Like he is part of the fabric of my body now and we are stitched together.
“He’s right.” I whisper, letting go of Kyle’s right hand and catching a tear at the corner of his eye before it can fall to wet his cheek. “We’re connected now and it’s not just human love, it’s magical.”
Kyle opens his mouth to protest, I shake my head and keep speaking before he can talk.
“But he’s wrong that that’s all this is, Kyle. I believe, even without our powers, we’d be drawn to one another. Jim was my friend without knowing what I am. You are his son. We would have found one another. We would have fallen in love.”
“Jim could have been drawn to you for the same reasons I am.” Kyle looks past me at Liam, as if desperately hoping the fairy will contradict his conclusion. The way his face crumples, I know he does not get the negation he craves.
“Maybe.” I sigh, looking down; our hands are knitted together once more. “But does that matter enough to you to ruin what we have? I know that this is a lot to process.” I can feel Liam watching us, but I’m ignoring him. He’s even trying to enter my mind, to say something private, but I won’t let him in. “Because I love you, beast mode or not, and if I can get past you turning furry, maybe you can get past me being some insane Blood Queen who raises the dead.”
Liam is still pushing at my brain, wanting to say something, desperate to say something. But we’ve already decided that he will say his piece later. He doesn’t have a right to interject now.
“I love you, Kyle.”
“I love you too.”
And then Kyle releases my hands and wraps his great, thick arms around me. He leans his face toward mine and he kisses me in such a way that I cannot help but believe that everything is going to be okay. Everything has to be okay.
I turn to Liam when we separate, but Kyle continues to hold me in his arms. “I’m glad you’re back, Liam. I’ve missed you.”
Kyle’s grip tightens around me.
“Are you?” Liam’s voice is fighting against a thin thread of hurt. But he doesn’t have the right to be hurt. He can’t be with me. I chose Kyle. And he left without a word.
I look at Kyle, trying to flood my face with all the love I feel for him, and then I gently push his hands away so that I can walk towards Liam. “Liam, you know I am glad. Read my mind. I’m glad because I care about you, because you’re my friend.”
“I don’t want to just be your friend, Victoria.” Liam’s looking as lovely as ever, his pale fae hair a waterfall down his back, his eyes glowing jewels, his body tall and athletic.
We’re standing about three feet apart, close enough that we could reach out and touch our hands together, but we stay still, our arms firmly at our sides. “I’m sorry, but friendship is all I can offer. And you can’t really offer anything else either, Liam. You told me what the court would do to you. You were sent to be my guardian and nothing more. I’m sure even being friends would be unfavorable to them.”
Liam tries to speak into my mind, but I don’t let him. I shouldn’t have used telepathy with him when he’d first arrived. It’s not fair to Kyle. “He doesn’t know you, not the way I do, Victoria. He can’t see into you the way I can. What he feels for you, it’s mechanical—his beast feeding off of your power.”
“Liam, you left without telling me. You knew I was already dating Kyle. You could have warned me then that he was a berserker. Why didn’t you? Why did you leave? And why are you back now?”
“I told you, we’ll talk about that—”
“Another time, yes I heard you. But I love Kyle. We can’t speak another time. Anything you have to say, he can know it too.” I turn to Kyle and see confusion in his eyes. “Liam and I can speak to each other without talking. It’s a fae thing I think.”
“And you’re fae too.” Kyle walks to stand next to me. It brings him closer to Liam and I’m not sure that’s a great thing at the moment. He can’t seem to keep his eyes off the fairy and I’m worried it’s because he’s thinking of all the things he’d need to make fairy stew.
“Yes, like I said. The Valkyries were fae. There were twelve of them to begin with, the handmaidens of Odin. When they were cast out of Valhalla, they became the first necromancers.”
“Right.” He puts an arm around me, all the while staring at Liam. “Why don’t you look like him?”
“Actually,” I take a deep breath, “I sort of do now. When he marked me as the Blood Queen, it didn’t just give me powers, it changed my appearance a bit.”
“You haven’t shown him?” Liam’s voice is nearly taunting, like he thinks it means more than it does that I’ve not shown Kyle my fae self.
“Why haven’t you shown me?” Unlike Liam’s self-gratified tone, Kyle’s sounds hurt.
“Kyle, you didn’t even know what I was up until a few hours ago. I didn’t know if I could trust you.”
“But you could trust him?” Kyle throws Liam a hard glance.
I throw my hands up in the air, exasperated. “He’s already a fairy. He knew what I was without me telling him. He knew I was the damn queen of the fae. I didn’t really have much of a choice.”
“All right, fine. I’ll give you that. But if he’s seen you, then I should too. If you love me, you should trust me completely.”
I look between Liam and Kyle and Kyle and Liam and I want to tell them both to go pack sand. “Fine.” I close my eyes and I feel the power; I reach downwards, to the little invisible place where I keep my true appearance, and I force the change. I know when it’s over; I can feel the realness of self. I can also hear Kyle’s gasp.
“Oh. Wow.”
I open my eyes to find Kyle standing in front of me. His hand is already reaching for my hair, brushing the starlight strands out of my face.
“It hovered around you like a halo when it changed. Jesus, it was like the color was bleeding into the air like shadows.” He finds my eyes then, sees the fire there. “You’re beautiful, Tori. You’ve always been beautiful, but this feels...”
“It feels like power and it looks the way a necromancer Blood Queen should.” I frown, because I’ve just realized that I wanted Kyle to prefer my human form. I want him to think the old me, the more human me, was the better of the two.
That’s how I feel, Victoria.
Shut up, Liam.
You gave yourself to him. I can taste it on you.
That’s none of your damn business. I mentally yell the words at h
im.
“Now,” I skirt around Kyle, just as he’s getting ready to try and kiss me (I can see it on his face), “tell me why you left, tell me why you’re back, and for god’s sake, tell me why you’re acting so damn weird about us.”
Liam changes before answering, his fairy self giving way to his human disguise. And I follow suit. I do not like the way Kyle is looking at me—like I am something to be worshiped rather than loved. “I went because I was called by the Light Prince. He’d received my reports that Braeden was interfering with human lives and he wanted me to deliver my findings in person. He also wanted to know how you were coping with becoming the Blood Queen.”
“Okay, but why did you have to leave without telling me? We went from seeing one another several times a week to nothing. You could have called.”
He nods. “I would have called, had I been allowed.”
“You weren’t allowed?”
“Not after I confessed to the Light Prince that my feelings for you were... more than that of a simple guardian.”
“Why would you tell him and why would that even matter to him?”
“I told you, I was forbidden to care for you in that way. And,” Liam looks away and then back again, “did not tell him willingly.”
“He forced you?” I want to step towards him, check his body for damage.
I know Liam can feel my need to come next to him. I can also see the small smile he’s fighting back. “Not physically. I have the gift of telepathy. He does too, in a way, but his relies on touch. All he needed to do was take my hand in his and he knew even my darkest secrets.”
“I still don’t understand why he’d care enough to imprison you, though, Liam.”
“Because I was forbidden, but also because you are promised to him, Victoria. To the Light Prince.” Liam’s voice is neutral, but I feel the pain running through his blood.
My jaw drops, metaphorically hitting the damn floor with my shock. “Say, what now?”
Kyle stiffens behind me; I can feel his tension coming off of him in great tsunami-size waves.
“You are the one hundred and tenth reincarnation of the blood power and promised to the light fae. The one hundred and ninth married into the dark court. It is how it has always been.” Liam shrugs, as if the words do not hurt him as much as they hurt me. He can’t hide his truth from me though. I can feel his reluctance to say the words, his hate of the law in place, but it is his duty to make sure the contract between light and dark is upheld.