He knelt on the bed, then slipped on his condom. “You do have a way with words.”
“I’m charming.”
“Yes, you are.”
He shifted between her legs and stared into her eyes as he slowly, deliberately, moved inside of her.
He filled her completely, stretching her, making her breath catch. Despite her recent release, the feel of him made her hungry again. She wrapped her legs around his hips and ran her hands down his back.
He shuddered. “You’re a temptation.”
“So are you.”
He withdrew, only to push in again. With each thrust, she tensed and wanted more. She sensed he was holding back.
“More,” she murmured, still holding his gaze and watching the need dilate his eyes. “You don’t have to hold back.”
“I don’t want to hurt you.”
“You won’t.”
He hesitated for a second. She gave a little thrust with her hips to urge him on. Apparently taking her at her word, he pushed in hard, faster, filling her until she wanted to scream, then pulled out again. He moved with purpose and she felt the exact moment he lost control.
His eyes closed and his face tightened. His body tensed and he took her with a force that pushed her over the edge to her own release. Seconds after her muscles began to convulse, he cried out, then shuddered and they were lost together.
Later, when he was asleep, Crissy listened to the sound of his breathing and wondered if she was in danger of getting in too deep with this man. Was there still time to protect her heart or had she fallen so far, so fast, there was no going back?
CHAPTER SEVEN
CRISSY STILL HUMMED with contentment from her activities the previous night. She parked on the street by Noelle’s house, collected the large teddy-bear-topped package containing her gift of adorable dresses for the well-dressed newborn through two-year-old girl and stepped out of her car. She saw Rachel and waved.
“How are you feeling?” she called.
Rachel touched her stomach. “Good. I’m going to take notes so that when I have my shower, I know what to register for.”
Crissy laughed. “Are you seriously worried?”
“No. Carter and his family will make sure I’m well taken care of.” Rachel looked happy as she spoke, as if she was confident that the Brockett clan would look out for her.
Crissy hugged her friend, then linked arms as they walked up to the large, beautiful house.
“When I marry a millionaire,” Crissy said, “I want a house just like this.”
Rachel grinned. “You won’t have to marry a millionaire. You’ll make your own millions. You probably already have.”
“Not technically,” Crissy said. “I live modestly.”
“More modestly than you have to?”
“Maybe.”
The gyms were doing well. Crissy probably could afford a bigger place, but right now she was in grow-the-business mode. All her spare cash went back into her work. If she was pregnant, that might have to change.
Not that she was. Denying the possibility was her new plan. It made things much easier.
“You’re not going to see me on the Fortune 500 list anytime soon,” she said.
“But one day,” Rachel told her. “I used to think I’d be all about my career. Maybe switch from teaching to administration, but now I don’t think so.”
“Too focused on the baby?”
“Yes,” Rachel admitted. “I’m not sure I’m even going to come back after my maternity leave. Is that too traditional? Do you hate me for that?”
“Why would I hate you?” Crissy asked. “We can want different things and still be friends.”
“I know, but sometimes, when I look at all you’ve done, I feel like a slacker.”
“You’re not.” Crissy knew she was totally intent on her career. It had been more satisfying than the disaster that had been her personal life. Maybe all that was about to change. Not that she would give up work, but a little more balance could be a good thing.
“What did you get for the baby?” Rachel asked.
“Impractically beautiful dresses. A couple for each size between newborn and age two. I meant to be more sensible, but when I saw those tiny dresses, I couldn’t help myself.”
“Sounds more fun than the month of diaper service I got,” Rachel said, waving an envelope. “Noelle said she wanted to avoid disposable diapers as much as possible. I’m being supportive.”
“She’ll love it. Plus, your gift makes more sense. Honestly, who puts a newborn in a fancy dress?”
Rachel laughed. “Noelle will. You know she will. If the baby has hair, she’ll put in coordinating bows. If the baby doesn’t, they’ll be stuck on somehow.”
Crissy chuckled at the thought and knew Rachel was right.
“I’m not the least bit maternal,” she murmured more to herself than Rachel. “That could be a problem.”
“You have other skills,” Rachel said as they approached the front door. “But I know what you mean. I worry about the baby stage. Give me a four-year-old and I’m totally comfortable, but the floppy months make me really nervous.”
“Carter will be there to help.”
“And his mother and sisters.” Rachel sounded delighted by the fact. “They have a lot of expertise. I know all I’ll have to do is call and help will be there.”
The front door open. Dev waved them in.
“Family room,” he said. “Only two more arrivals and then I get to leave.”
“All these women making you nervous?” Crissy asked, enjoying the sight of the always in-control Dev looking harried.
“You have no idea. Everything is pink. I half expected Noelle’s mother to want to paint the family room pink so it would match.”
Crissy had the thought that Dev and Josh would get along. They had similar sensibilities. Maybe, after the baby was born, the four of them could go out sometime. She looked at Rachel. Maybe the six of them.
“You came,” a very pregnant Noelle called from her place of honor in an overstuffed chair by the window. “I was getting worried.”
“No, you weren’t,” Crissy said as she walked over, bent down and hugged her.
“Okay, not really,” Noelle admitted. “I knew you wouldn’t miss my shower.”
“How could we? We’ve been involved from the beginning. We love you too much not to be there at the end.”
“That’s right,” Rachel said, moving in for her hug. “I believe I was the one telling you to go for it, where Dev was concerned.”
“You were both worried about me and I love you for it.” Noelle sniffed. “Oh, no. Hormones. Quick. Say something funny so I don’t start to cry.”
“Carter’s mom wants me to name the baby Hortense, if it’s a girl. Apparently it’s a family name.”
Noelle giggled. “Hortense? Seriously? You wouldn’t do that to an innocent child, would you?”
“I wouldn’t want to,” Rachel told her with a grin. “But we’ll have to see how labor goes. I’ve been telling my stomach that for the past couple of days. If things go smoothly, you can have a cool name. But stick me with forty-eight hours of screaming you might be known as Hortense...even if you are a boy.”
Crissy left them alone to drop her present off in the impressive pile by the coffee table, then went into the kitchen to see if she could help.
Noelle’s mother greeted her, then motioned to the hardworking women who seemed to have everything under control.
“I’m impressed,” Crissy said. “My party-hosting skills are limited to an opening I did for my last gym. I hired caterers. My big involvement was writing a check.”
“You forget I’m a minister’s wife. I can do this sort of thing in my sleep. How’s Noelle holding up?�
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“She’s a little emotional, but happy. We’re all anxious for the baby to be born.”
“I agree.” Noelle’s mother sighed. “When I first heard she’d married Dev to give the baby a name, I thought she was on the road to disaster. But everything turned out more wonderful than I could have imagined. Now I’m going to be a grandmother.”
Crissy knew Noelle’s mother was barely in her forties. “Are you okay with that? I mean, you’re kind of young.”
“My baby’s having a baby. That’s pretty cool.” She squeezed Crissy’s arm. “You’ll see what I mean when you start having babies yourself. I know it sounds silly, but there’s something powerful about watching the next generation being born. It anchors my place in the universe. Does that make sense?”
Crissy nodded, even though she wasn’t sure she understood. She tried to imagine Brandon old enough to get married and have children. How would she feel about that?
But instead of seeing the future, she felt a wave of longing and a sense of having missed something important. Something amazing. However much she and Brandon became friends now, she would never be his mother. The time lost was gone forever. His bond with Abbey and Pete was unshakable, and in truth she, Crissy, didn’t want to upset that. But there was a sense of emptiness inside of her she’d never experienced before.
Twelve years ago she’d gained the freedom she’d wanted, but at what price?
* * *
CRISSY CELEBRATED FINDING a new, reliable cleaning service for her gyms by ordering a nonfat blueberry muffin with her usual lunch salad. When she returned to her office, it was to find a phone message from Josh.
Her insides actually quivered when she heard his voice.
“Hi, Crissy. It’s Josh. Give me a call when you get a chance. I have a proposition for you.”
She lived with the anticipation for a couple of minutes before calling him back. Anticipation turned to pleasure when the receptionist said, “He’s been waiting for your call. I’ll put you right through.”
Seconds later Josh came on the line. “Where were you?” he asked. “Hanging out with some buff guys who can bench-press four-fifty?”
“Only on alternate Wednesdays,” she teased. Was it possible he wondered about how she spent her day and worried about someone else catching her attention? He always seemed so perfectly together and confident. It was nice to think he was in over his head, too.
“So I won’t ask again until next week.”
She heard the humor in his voice.
“What’s up?” she asked. “You mentioned a proposition. Or was that just cheap talk?”
“Not talk. I’m going to be getting a puppy tomorrow afternoon. I thought you might want to come with me.”
“A puppy.” She tried to picture one in his all-white town house. “Most guys start with a plant.”
“It’s not for me. Alicia, one of my patients, is turning ten. She wasn’t expected to make it past her eighth birthday. She’s been cancer free for eighteen months and her parents want to give her a puppy. She wants me to pick it out.”
“That’s a lot of responsibility.”
“Less than it sounds. Her parents took her to a breeder, where they narrowed it down to three puppies. The breeder has been watching them for the past couple of days to see which one would be best with her. All I have to do is go pick it up and deliver it. I thought maybe you’d like to come along.”
Puppy shopping, huh? Was there any other activity designed to show a woman a guy’s softer side? Was she already at risk where Josh was concerned? Yet she couldn’t figure out a good reason to say no.
“I’d like that,” she said. “What time?”
* * *
CRISSY WAS WAITING for Josh in the foyer of her gym. It probably wasn’t cool, but she was too excited to wait upstairs. What was it about puppies, kittens and babies that made a person crazy? Not that she was as excited about the puppy as she was about seeing Josh.
She saw him pull up in an SUV she’d seen parked at Pete and Abbey’s house and grinned as she opened the passenger’s door.
“So we don’t want to risk puppy piddle in our fancy doctor car,” she teased by way of greeting.
He gave her a half smile that didn’t reach his eyes, then leaned over and lightly kissed her cheek. “It was Pete’s idea. I didn’t say no.”
She stared at him, taking in the shadowed hollowness of his face. It was as if something had sucked the life out of him.
“Josh, what’s wrong?” she asked, thinking of Brandon and praying he was all right.
“Nothing. I’m fine.”
“Are you sure? Abbey and the kids are okay? Pete?”
He frowned. “They’re all good. Why?”
“You look different. Something happened.”
He put the SUV in Drive and turned onto the street. After a couple of minutes of silence, he said, “I’m sorry. I thought I could act normal, but I guess I can’t.” He glanced at her. “Or you’re more perceptive than most.”
“I’m sure I’m just amazing,” she said, hoping to lighten his mood a little. “Lucky you to have me around. What happened?”
He clutched the steering wheel more tightly, then exhaled. “One of my kids. Joey. He died last night. We knew it was coming. I tried everything I could think of. For a while it seemed like we were winning, but in the last couple of weeks...”
She had no idea what he was feeling. Death was as much a part of Josh’s work as sweat was of hers. She couldn’t begin to imagine what he must go through with each patient, knowing there was a chance that a child could die. But without his willingness to try, those lives would be lost for sure.
“He went downhill fast,” he continued, slowly. “Faster than we thought. His body started shutting down late yesterday afternoon. He was gone by midnight.”
“I’m sorry,” she whispered. “It must hurt every time.”
“It does. I nearly canceled getting the dog, but Alicia is really excited and she’s still with us. Life has to go on, right?”
“You get involved,” she said. “You have to mourn.”
“I don’t always have time. Every life is a battle. Me against the cancer. Sometimes I beat the bastard. Sometimes I don’t. Even when the end is expected, it’s still a shock. I was with Joey last night, along with his folks. I never know if staying is a good idea. If I help or make things worse.”
“I’m sure his parents appreciate knowing how much you care. I would.”
“Maybe. I know what they’re going through. There’s always hope—right to the end. That the hand of God is going to reach down and touch your loved one. That this time, there’ll be a miracle.”
He wasn’t talking about the child anymore, she thought. “Was it like that with Stacey?” she asked softly.
“A little,” he admitted. “By the time we knew the cancer was back, it was everywhere. Or maybe she knew earlier. I was never sure about that. She didn’t want me to worry. We both knew once it returned, there wasn’t going to be much for us to do. I kept on top of the research, but progress isn’t made everywhere. When she got the diagnosis, she had less than six weeks to live.”
Crissy hadn’t known that. “I’m sorry,” she said, wondering how anyone could survive the loss.
“She’d always known the cancer could come back,” he continued. “In her heart, I think she believed it was just a matter of time. She lived her life knowing her years were limited. In the end, she made things as easy for me as she could. Isn’t that crazy? She was the one dying and she wanted to make it okay for me.”
There was too much emotion in his voice, Crissy thought, feeling as if he would later regret sharing so much. There was also a need to protect herself from this information. It would haunt her later. She had a feeling she would always be able to hear his vo
ice, so filled with love and pain as he talked about the woman he had loved and married.
“But you go on,” he said quietly. “You go on and while you never forget, eventually there’s color in the world. You might not want there to be, but there is. Sometimes I tell that to the parents of my kids who die. Especially if they have other children at home.”
His kids. She hadn’t noticed that before. He called them his kids. Because he was that closely connected? Or for another reason?
“It’s like losing her all over again, isn’t it?” she asked. “When you lose one of the children. You’re reliving Stacey’s death.”
He looked at her. “Sometimes. How did you know?”
“It’s not a big leap. You fight the same disease that killed your wife. You work with children who are innocent and far too young to die. Was Stacey all that different?”
He returned his attention to the road. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be talking about this.”
She didn’t know if she agreed or not. It was difficult to have the conversation but ignoring these truths didn’t make them go away.
“I know you were married before, Josh. I know you loved your wife very much. She is a part of who you are and she always will be.”
Crissy knew all that in her head, although she’d yet to come to terms with the information in her heart. It wasn’t that she wanted Josh not to have loved Stacey, it’s that she wanted him to be able to move on. The jury was still out on that one.
“I shouldn’t have brought you along today,” he said.
That hurt, but she did her best not to react. “Because you’d rather be alone?”
“No. Because you didn’t sign up for my problems. I’m sorry. I’m glad you’re here, but it can’t be much fun for you. Want me to take you back?”
The pain faded. “I’m happy to be here. Consider me your distraction for the day. Until we get the puppy. Then you’ll have a four-footed one to keep you from going to the dark place.”
He reached across and took her hand in his. As his fingers laced with hers she wondered if she was making a mistake. Had she somehow become one of those women who fell for men they could never have? Or was she giving the man she cared about enough space to open his heart again?
Circle of Friends, Part 5 Page 10