Jacob and my brother were sent flying against the dungeon door. There was a loud, splintering crack of wood.
I heard the sound as running steps drew closer, and I forced myself up. I made no move to form a casting as I formed a barrier in front of my brother and his friend.
“Stop!” Darren’s voice shot out. “Any further and I—” The prince reached the end of the hall and he skidded to a halt. “Ryiah?”
“Darren…” My voice broke. “Please.”
He stood frozen in place.
“Please don’t let my brother die.”
The prince’s gaze never left my face.
He stepped to the side.
Jacob finished pulling Derrick to his feet, and then they were off. Twin sets of boots thudding down the hall.
Darren never made a move to stop them. He just stood facing me, his chest rising and falling with my own.
He chose me.
The words filled me, warmed me, made me whole. I couldn’t speak, but it didn’t matter. Darren reached out his hand and I took it.
And then a flash of white lit up the hall ahead of us.
I started to run, cutting across the corner to find Mage Mira standing above two crumbled bodies, twin burn marks protruding from their chests. Directly at the heart.
Lightning still crackled just below her nails.
“You missed something,” she said.
And then I started to scream.
“SHE TRIED to stop them and she hesitated. You can’t blame her for not killing her own brother!”
“She would’ve let them escape, Blayne!” the woman screeched. “She’s no different than a rebel herself!”
“If that had been Marius—” Darren protested.
“And he were a rebel?” The woman sneered. “I would’ve put a blade through him myself!”
“Blayne!” The prince pleaded. “If it were you, I never could’ve done it—”
“Because your king would never be so foolish!” The woman snorted. “And you were with her—”
“I was trying to stop her! Ryiah’s magic is just as good as my own, and she caught me off guard. We were at a standstill when the boys escaped—”
“For all we know, you were helping!”
“Enough!” The third party roared. “I’m trying to think.”
“It’s Ryiah, Blayne! You know her. She fought to save Wren and father during the attack! She lost her brother today. She made a mistake, but she would never be one of them. Don’t hold this against her.”
Silence, then: “We will not hold Ryiah responsible for last night’s actions. The distraction the rebels caused in the gardens was done without her help. Her rooms were already searched—”
“Blayne!”
“Silence, brother. They came up empty. All the guards report no unusual activity, and her past actions demonstrate nothing but loyalty to the Crown. Her knight reports that the young woman has never been approached, and her family is loyal to the Crown.” He paused. “That said, I believe the Caltothians are recruiting at least some of their rebels from the border. The boy and his friend were both serving in the Ferren’s Keep regiment. Since it appears Commander Nyx was not aware of the actions of her men, I would like you, Darren, to send your top mages to investigate. Marius had no luck locating the rebels, but I trust you will be more thorough.”
“Yes, brother.”
“And, Mira, write to your brother in Langli. Tell him I want him to return to his investigations in the south. He might not be the Black Mage any longer, but I need all our best men on the job.”
“Yes, your majesty…”
ONE DAY SCREAMING and dying in bed. One day of rejecting the truth, burning it, tearing it right out of my chest, and feeding it to the shadows that chased me as I slept.
Tears stung my eyes and a burning hate strangled my lungs.
For one day, I allowed myself to shatter.
I wanted to lose. I wanted to let the darkness take me right there. But I couldn’t. And so I took the potions the healers offered me. I listened when the boy begged me to eat. I smiled when all I wanted to do was scream.
And then I begged to leave the very next morning. It didn’t matter that I was on the verge of losing myself to grief, it didn’t matter that I was breaking, that I could barely go a second without my heart screaming his name.
I still had to tell them.
And it couldn’t come as a letter. It couldn’t wait.
Even if I wasn’t ready, I couldn’t give in to grief. Not until then.
But I needed to do it alone.
He understood. And so did his brother.
THE FIVE DAYS’ ride to Demsh’aa was the hardest of my life. I rode on with four guards at my back and Paige at my front. Since the rebels had attacked the Crown not once but twice in the last couple of months, I was far too valuable to have just one guard in travel.
Let them try.
Now, I had two Combat mages, two knights, and my head knight, Paige, to protect me from the dangers of my brother’s betrayal.
They couldn’t save me from myself. They couldn’t spare me from the crippling shame that was eating me out from the inside. They couldn’t hide the truth.
Derrick was dead.
It made no difference that he’d been a rebel, a traitor to the Crown.
Whenever I thought of him, a cold fury slammed at my lungs. My hands balled into fists as I choked on a silent scream.
How could he? How could he betray us? How could he get caught?
How could he make me be the one to go home and tell them? My little brother was dead. Derrick. The one with the dimples. The easiest smile. The one who made all of my family laugh.
I stifled a sob with a sharp, hitching breath and stared angrily out at King’s Road. I had two hours before I reached my parents. Darren had sent two envoys—one to my mother and father, the other to Alex and Ella in Montfort—telling them to expect me at my parents’ homestead in exactly one week. The journey for Alex and Ella would take a bit longer to travel.
Just enough time for me to tell my parents on my own.
I pulled at the leather cord at my neck. The skin there was rubbed raw. The copper ring glinted out in the sun. The “R” stared back at me, reminding me of everything I’d lost.
A ring for each twin. A boy and a girl who couldn’t be more different. And then came Derrick, the feisty little boy with blond curls, three years younger but outspoken and always brandishing a stick in hand. He’d stolen my heart the moment he was born, and he’d continued to steal it with every breath… until the end.
I’d given him the ring meant for me, telling him that each of my favorite brothers had a part.
And now I only had one.
More grief welled up inside at the way my parents looked as I told them when I arrived home that night. One thing was clear: the Caltothians had to pay. King Horrace had tricked Commander Nyx and her men, and my brother had died because of it.
I would not turn in the rebels. I’d thought of it countless times in the day following his death, but I couldn’t. A part of me was ripped apart at the thought. Derrick had died for their cause. If I betrayed them now, it would mean my brother had died in vain.
So I stayed silent. And I watched my parents fall. Dishes clattering, muffled cries, and tears. Angry, disbelieving shouts followed by stark betrayal and then grief.
I joined them. And another part of me shattered. I knew, by the time Alex arrived, there would be almost nothing left to break.
How many times can a person shatter?
At least once more.
PAIGE and the rest of the guards from the King’s Regiment remained outside. She was able to grant me that much when my twin and his new wife walked through my parents’ door.
“Ryiah.” Alex looked around the room, confused. His brow furrowed when he saw my parents in the corner clutching hands, their faces turned away. “What is it? Why were we summoned here?”
Ella caught my expression
before Alex understood. “No.” Her arms went around her husband just as he noticed the cord on my neck. I’d never taken it off.
“Derrick?” My twin rasped. “Where is he?”
I opened my mouth, but the words couldn’t come out. Tears started to swell at my eyes.
“Derrick!” Alex’s voice turned raw. “Where is he, Ryiah?” He broke free of Ella’s grip and crossed the room, shaking me while I struggled to breathe.
I can’t tell him. But you must. I can’t.
“Ryiah!” My brother screamed in my face. “Where is Derrick?”
My father’s sob was all he needed to hear.
“No.” Alex stumbled back; his eyes were streaming tears. “No!”
“He’s dead, Alex.” My mother made herself reach out and catch my brother’s arm. “Derrick is dead.” Her voice caught, and my father’s hand shot out to her shoulder.
“What happened?” was Ella’s whimper.
“How did you know first?” My brother’s eyes never left my face. “Ryiah, why are you the one to tell us?”
“Derrick was a rebel.” My whole body trembled. All of the darkness, it came back, and it threatened to take hold. “A-Alex, he tried to steal information to help them—”
“No.”
“He g-got caught—”
“No!” Tears streaked down his face.
“Alex, I t-tried to have him confess. I t-tried—” I bit down on my lip to keep from sobbing. “—but h-he wouldn’t l-listen.”
My brother sank to the floor, and Ella fell beside him.
“The rebels… t-they broke him out.” I lowered my voice to a whisper. “Darren and I l-let him go, but h-he still got c-caught by one of the g-guards.”
My brother was up in an instant. And then it was me being slammed against the wall, my back and shoulders flaring up in agony as he pounced on me, his voice a low snarl.
“Why was he a rebel, Ryiah?”
“Alex,” I whimpered.
My twin shoved me harder and my parents cried out in horror. “There’s something you aren’t telling us, Ryiah!” he whisper-shouted. “You wouldn’t look this guilty—”
“Alex!” Ella staggered to her feet. “Let her go!”
“Not until she tells us what she’s hiding!” My twin’s eyes stayed locked on my face.
“I’m not—”
“No.” My brother cut me off. “Stop lying! This is me. I know every expression you make, Ry. I know you like I know myself, and right now, I know you’re hiding something.” He dropped his shoulders, letting his forehead press against mine, whispering. “What are you hiding, Ryiah?”
My gaze fell to the doorway where the guards were still waiting. So far they would’ve just assumed our conversation was that of an angry brother in denial. They’d heard the same from my parents that first night I arrived.
I grabbed his arm and spoke softly. “You need to lower your voice.” My gaze darted to my family and Ella as I pulled them to the furthest corner of our house.
“I know who the rebels are.”
“What—”
Ella slapped a hand over my brother’s mouth. ”Alex!”
“You know?” My mother’s gaze searched my own. “Why didn’t you—”
“It’s dangerous.” My voice was pained. “Darren fought his brother just to grant me a reprieve. If Blayne suspected I-I knew anything…” I trailed off for a moment, and then forced myself to continue. “They are looking for traitors, a-and after Derrick, I d-didn’t want them thinking any of you were one of them. T-that you know something you shouldn’t.”
“Why did Derrick join the rebels?” My father shook. “What did he tell you? Why was he at the palace and not the keep?”
“What I tell you now”—my voice was barely a whisper, and I made myself stand strong—“it can’t ever leave this house. None of you can ever breathe a word of it to anyone, ever. Not even to each other.” I didn’t want to tell them, but how could I not? They deserved to know why their child was dead. Alex deserved to know why his little brother would never come home.
And so I told them. I told them everything.
My parents and Ella were horrified, but Alex…
I shouldn’t have told him.
“How do you know Derrick wasn’t telling the truth?” he pressed. “Did you see what King Lucius did to those prisoners? To me?” His voice quivered. “To Ella? Did you forget what the king allowed Blayne to do to her? What Darren did to you during the course of the apprenticeship? No—” He caught my protests before I could speak. “What Darren did was wrong, Ry. No man leads a woman on while he is betrothed to another. He lied to you, humiliated you in front of the court. He lied to you every gods blasted day for two years before he was finally man enough to do something about it—”
“I told you why Darren did that!” My voice rose. “Don’t you dare—”
“That whole family is evil!” My twin struggled not to shout. “Maybe Derrick was right. Maybe the brothers did know what their father was doing the whole time. Maybe your precious prince decided to murder his cruel father and his brother in one night, only he missed. Maybe this has been his plan all along. You said yourself you believed what the rebels said about King Lucius was correct. How do you know they weren’t telling the truth about the attack in Montfort?” Alex’s breath came out faster and faster, his chest rising and falling as his face grew red. “What if it wasn’t them or King Horrace? You let our brother die for nothing!” Hot tears streamed down his face, and he shoved Ella’s hand away when she tried to grab his wrist.
My brother snatched up his saddlebag and threw it over one shoulder, his eyes twin daggers as he regarded me with hate. “The Crown has done too much to the people I love—”
“Alex, no!” My father’s face was full of terror, and my mother raised her voice.
“Alex, don’t you even—”
“My little brother was murdered. And I didn’t even get to see his burial because our new king has his body hanging from a pike in the capital square.” His tone could’ve cut glass. “If he asks me to choose between a tyrant and a misguided group of people trying to make a change, I choose the latter. The rebels had the right idea all along.”
“Alex!” Ella shook, trying to stop him from leaving. “Please, Ryiah didn’t tell you this so—”
“I’m sorry, Ella.” My brother’s shoulders fell as he looked across to his wife. “You don’t have to come with me.”
“Alex—” I reached out and he jerked back, eyes flashing.
“Go ahead and turn me in!” he snarled. “You already let one brother die, what’s another?”
My best friend and parents screamed and sobbed as my twin stormed out the door. A second later, a cloud of dust trailed as his mare kicked up a trail of dirt, galloping out into the night.
I could barely breathe. Why did I tell him? My misguided guilt had turned my second brother against me, and now my betrothed was going to be hunting my twin with the rebels while his brother called on a war.
There was a flurry of movement, and I realized Ella was running toward the door.
“Ella!”
“I’m sorry, Ryiah.” Her voice was hoarse. “I’ll try and stop him.”
And then she was gone.
Then it was just me and my parents.
“I’m so sorry,” I whispered.
“First Derrick…” My father could barely speak. “And now Alex…”
My mom just stared at me, and the way her nails dug into her palms, I knew she was fighting not to speak her thoughts aloud. But her eyes were sad, and my mother was never sad. She was strong.
And now my parents were breaking.
I heard what my father didn’t say, what my mom fought to swallow. Ryiah, how could you?
I didn’t have a reply. There was nothing I could say to take back the pain I’d wrought.
19
I returned to the palace and my days were written in red.
I saw Derrick’s face around
every corner; every young man in the crimson soldier’s tunic was his ghost. Every stain against the cold marble was a pool of his scarlet blood.
I looked into Darren’s eyes. Dark garnet was the color of my soul, and the Shadow God was counting down my days.
I was a filthy traitor. To the boy I loved because every word from my mouth was a lie. To my little brother who’d died because I was too much a coward to speak the truth. To my twin because I had to be the one to break his heart and then send him on his way. To my parents because I was supposed to look out for my little brother, and I’d failed. To my best friend whose husband was now joining the wrong cause, all because I had told the truth when a lie would have been warranted instead.
I was a traitor to everyone I loved. And I had only myself to blame.
I wasn’t sure how a person like me could sleep. With the shadows that consumed my thoughts, I should’ve been writhing in terror each night. But the pain was helping. It kept me from the grief. It kept me from breaking one final time; it kept me strong.
I went about my duties in a haze.
A couple more weeks passed, and they assumed I was in mourning. It was understood the sister of a traitor might be experiencing a bit of despair. But I wasn’t depressed; I wasn’t crying myself to sleep… I was numb.
The flames of the castle’s sconces danced for me as I passed. They taunted and beckoned, telling me they knew all my lies, that they knew my heart was really black.
I should’ve turned in the rebels. If not for Derrick, then Alex. I should’ve gone to Blayne. I should’ve confessed everything and begged for Alex’s amnesty and condemned myself to the cells. I should’ve saved the lives of thousands by turning my brother and the rebels in.
But I was a coward, too afraid what it would mean if the king decided my second brother was an even greater traitor than the first. Too afraid to take another brother’s life. Too afraid of his blood on my hands, so I sacrificed the others by silence.
I was bound for the pit of darkness in the Realm of the Dead. It was only a matter of time.
When the king announced that King Joren had agreed to our terms, that he would fulfill his end of the New Alliance, I felt not a moment of relief. The crowds rose up in Devon’s square, but my eyes were glued to the rafters.
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