T-rex went back to eating, showing the prize was his and his alone.
The Allosaurus lowered its head and stepped toward the dead dinosaur. The T-rex roared and jutted its head back before the thief could steal a bite. But the threat didn’t distract the Allosaurus for long; it leaned its neck forward and bit off a mouthful of back.
“Brazen thing. I’ll say that much for it,” Will said.
T-rex watched the intruder eat and then lowered its head toward the dead animal, with no intention of eating. As the Allosaurus went for bite number two, T-rex snapped the air between them.
The Allosaurus rose on its legs and lifted its claws in the air. A challenge was made, and the challenge accepted. The two prehistoric beasts squared off for a fight to the finish.
“This is going to get good. I wish I was on my easy-chair eating some popcorn and drinking a Bloody Mary right now,” Will said.
“I’d settle for a handful of dates. We don’t have any of those either.” Gerald took a quick look around and then sat cross legged on the ground.
Will followed his lead, and said, “Might as well sit and enjoy the show.”
T-rex made the first move; it bounded forth and snapped at the Allosaurus’ neck. The slightly smaller dinosaur proved to be more agile as it made a quick sidestep and raked its claws across the T-rex’s chest. The claws slashed deep enough to plough three deep ditches into flesh, which quickly filled with red blood, and spilled down to the earth. T-rex’s hiss rang with primordial anger but only seemed to strengthen the Allosaurus’ resolve.
With a quick move of its own, the Allosaurus dipped low and sprang upward, catching the T-rex off-guard, and biting down on the T-rex’s neck. The T-rex thrashed about, but not enough to free itself. The Allosaurus struggled to maintain its hold, but maintain it, it did.
“See, the Allosaurus outsmarted the bigger, stronger T-rex,” Gerald said. “Give me smarts over brawn any day.”
With no sign of succumbing, the T-rex twisted its body, and brought its tail flinging to the side like a tennis racket striking a short lob ball with a smash hit. The tail hit the Allosaurus with enough force for the T-rex to break free of its grip.
The T-rex roared again into the sky.
“Godzirra is mucho pissed,” Gerald said.
“Tadzirra isn’t down and out yet,” Will countered.
The Allosaurus sidestepped to where the dead dinosaur was between it and the T-rex. For a moment, the two walked in a circle pursuing each other. It was obvious the Allosaurus was biding its time, but from the looks of things, the T-rex was ready for it to end.
Faster than Gerald thought possible for a thing as big as T-rex to move, it double-timed its pursuit and caught the Allosaurus. Before the Allosaurus could react, the T-rex came down with a foot and buried the Allosaurus’ tail into the ground. The Allosaurus fell forward, and its face crashed into the earth.
“Man, he’s going to have a tough time getting his ass off the ground. Those short arms aren’t going to help him to get up at all,” Will said.
The T-rex removed its foot from the Allosaurus’ tail and lurched forward with an open maw. The Allosaurus tried to right itself back on its feet, but stopped abruptly when the T-rex’s bear trap-like jaws clamped down on its neck. The Allosaurus let out a cry that sounded like a wounded bird. Its body squirmed about, and its tail repeatedly hit the T-rex in the side. The mighty T-rex held its own; its feet remained firmly planted to the ground.
“Look at that. The Rex is going to win. I wonder why the Allosaurus wasn’t able to kill the Rex when it grabbed it by the throat,” Will said.
“Must be the strength of the jaws. Look at the way the Rex’s jaws are shaped. I bet there’s a lot more muscle for crunching bone.”
“Looks like the Allosaurus just about shot its wad. It’s limp, and its arms are hanging down from its side.”
Will was right, Gerald thought. The mighty animal had taken its last breath. “You know, it was because the Allosaurus wasn’t as smart as the T-rex that it lost the fight.”
“What? Are you kidding me? You can see the size difference. The Allosaurus lost the fight because the T-rex is bigger and stronger,” Will said.
“Nope. It has nothing to do with strength. If the Allosaurus had been smart enough, it would have known better to pick a fight with something bigger and meaner. There, I rest my case,” Gerald said, daring his buddy to challenge his logic.
Will went to say something, but held himself in check, and let out a sigh. “Whatever.”
A reptilian roar from behind sent goosebumps across Gerald’s flesh and weakened his bowels to the point he thought he might shit himself. The two rolled to the side and laid flat on the ground, seeing a new horror had arrived.
“Son-of-a-bitch!” Will cursed. “We should have been paying attention.”
“What the hell is that thing? It looks like an Allosaurus with a fin on its back,” Gerald said, and then gasped. “What do we do?”
The Spinosaurus stood taller than the wild date palm it was next to. The beast was a good fifty yards away, but that was still far too close. There was no way he or Will could outrun it.
“I don’t think my arrows will do much good. These spears will be as effective as tooth picks. I don’t think we’re going to make it,” Will said.
The Spinosaurus sniffed the air and slow stepped forward. The closer it got, Gerald could feel the ground tremble. “There’s only one way one of us comes out of this: we split up—you run one way, and I run the other. Whoever lives goes back to the vortex by the volcano and meets the other.”
“That means one of us dies a painful death. I’ve got another idea. Have you ever seen Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid?” Will asked.
“We’re about to die and you’re comparing real life to movies again? The answer’s no.”
“How about Thelma and Louise, then?”
“Yeah—oh, I get it. You want to take a one way ride to the bottom of the valley,” Gerald said. The ground shook harder with each step of the approaching Spinosaurus.
“Yep. Beats the hell out of getting eaten alive again. You know, Brad Pitt got his big break in Thelma and Louise,” Will said.
“It disturbs me you’d share that factoid with me right before we jump to our deaths. It disturbs me even more you know that,” Gerald said.
Will rose and offered Gerald his hand.
The Spinosaurus roared and quickened its pace.
“Let’s go, buddy,” Will said.
Gerald nodded.
The two stepped off the edge, and yelled in unison, “Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit!”
Chapter 5
The infant T-rex waddled on its short legs across the volcanic soil toward an expanse of trees toward the south. Coop thought Caveman looked silly as the man attempted to sneak up on the theropod. The area was wide open, not looking different from a Martian landscape. Caveman’s bare feet kicked dust and small rocks in the pursuit. There would be no sneaking up on the little bastard.
Suge wandered away from the group, looking at various rocks. Coop hoped he wouldn’t have problems with people going off to do their own thing. It was important for them to stick together.
Caveman lifted the rock above his head and ran toward the baby T-rex. The critter turned about in a surprised move and hissed like a cat. The warning did nothing to stop Caveman’s objective. The rock crashed down on the dinosaur’s skull, and the animal dropped to the ground.
“That’s rock, one. T-rex, zero,” Caveman said. He tossed the rock to the side and poked the animal in the stomach with his big toe. “This little guy doesn’t even look real.”
“Be careful. Keep your hands away from its mouth. The salvia may contain deadly bacteria,” Alex said.
Bats walked over to help Caveman carry the dinosaur.
Caveman was preoccupied with examining the T-rex’s claws. “I’d like to hang one of these things from the rearview mirror on my truck.”
“Yea
h. I’m sure that would make a great conversation piece with the ladies,” Bats said. He went to the left side of the dinosaur and lifted up the arm.
Caveman stopped playing around and grabbed the right arm. “I’m telling you, it would. Ain’t nobody else can say they killed a T-rex with his bare hands. I’d hang the claw right next to my other conversation piece.”
The two dragged the theropod along the ground toward the group.
“What’s the other conversation piece?” Bats asked.
“Dick bone from a ’coon,” Caveman said.
“Dick bone from a raccoon? Why would you hang something like that from your rearview mirror?” Bats asked.
“Ladies get in the truck and at some point notice it hanging down. Naturally they’s gonna ask me what it is. I tell ’em. Most of them laugh. Some make faces. But see, I use it as a way to start talking about sex.”
“Drag it over here, guys. We’ll cook it by this lava pool. The rocks surrounding it are hot enough to cook on,” Coop said.
“You just a regular Don Juan, aren’t you, Caveman?” Bats said.
“Funny how some animals have bones in their dick,” Caveman said.
“Only mammals have penis bones, Caveman. It’s called a baculum. Humans and spider monkeys are the only primates without a penis bone. Most other mammals have them, like dogs and cats. That’s why you see dogs get stuck sometimes after having sex,” Alex said.
“How the hell do you know so much about animal dicks? You some kind of prevert?” Caveman said.
Alex bit his lip, shook his head, and said, “No, I’m not a per-vert. I’m a Zoologist. A student of mine once wrote a paper on the subject and pointed out the details.”
“You know you can make toothpicks out of ’coon dick bones,” Caveman said.
“Can we stop talking about raccoon penises?” Susan said. “If we’re going to eat, we need to get that thing cooking.”
“Yeah, we need to cook it and get on with the plan,” Coop said.
“We’s need to gut it first. That’s going to be tough to do just using my fingernails,” Caveman said. He sounded serious.
“Try these,” Suge said. He handed Caveman two knife-shaped black rocks. “The stuff’s kind of brittle, but the sharp edges cut like glass.”
“Obsidian,” Coop said. “It’s a volcanic glass formed as an extrusive igneous rock. Obsidian can produce a cutting edge sharper than surgical steel. In fact, some surgeons use scalpels with obsidian blades.”
Caveman took the two rocks, looked them over, and handed one to Bats. “Hold this.” He then grabbed an arm and started sawing it off from the body. “Ain’t a whole lot of meat in this thing. Not much more than a chicken wing.” The makeshift knife made rough cuts across the flesh but did an adequate job at severing the arm. Red blood stained the black blade as he started cutting the other arm.
“I wonder what it’s going to taste like,” Natasha said.
“Might taste like gator. You ever eat gator?” Caveman asked as he cut off the other arm. He tossed it aside, and started sawing on the tail. “I like it. Tastes good fried, blacked—hell—I’ve even had it in a Sauce Piquante.”
“I’ve had fried alligator before—at a restaurant. It tasted like chicken. What’s a Sauce Piquante?” Natasha asked.
“It’s a Creole dish. First you make a roux, you know, with flour and oil. Add the trinity—bell pepper, onion, and celery. After that, add your tomatoes and shrimp or chicken stock. You’re making a red gravy. Kick it up with some garlic and Cajun seasonings. Slow cook it until done, add your meat, and cook until it’s done. Squeeze a little lemon in before serving, and eat it over rice. You know you go the spices right when the pepper makes your nose run.” Caveman cut through the tail and handed it to Bats.
Bats laid the tail over the hot rocks. It made a searing sound, and a wisp of smoke rose from the blood oozing from the cut end.
“I left the skin on. If it ain’t good to eat we can just peel it off.” Caveman went for a leg next, and said, “This thing might be a female. It has a slit between its legs.” He pushed the sides of the sex organ with the knife. “There’s something in here.” The blade carefully went in and lifted out a two-inch shaft. “This thing’s got a little pecker. It was hiding up in there.”
“Let me see,” Alex said, and went over by the dead animal.
“See, you are a prevert,” Caveman said, and started laughing. “Ha! Got you.”
Alex chuckled and examined the dinosaur. “There’s a lot of questions concerning dinosaur sex organs. Sex organs are made from soft tissue, so there’s little fossil evidence. The question is, did dinosaurs have sex organs similar to alligators or birds? Male and female alligators have vents. That’s why the gender is hard to tell apart just by looking at them. The male’s penis is hidden in the body and exits the vent when it’s time for sex. The testicles never drop, and the penis is always erect.”
“The hell you say,” Caveman said. “Lucky bastard.”
“Anyway,” Alex continued, “birds have a cloaca, which is an orifice where urine and feces are excreted, but also serves as the pathway for reproduction. For the T-rex, at least, this proves dinosaur reproduction is more like the modern day alligator.”
“This little pee-pee is hard. Must stay hard like the gator’s.” He pinched the penis with a thumb and forefinger and carved it off the body with the knife. “Souvenir.”
Alex went to speak, but must have thought better, because he simply rose and walked off.
Caveman went back to working, cutting off the two legs and the head. When he sliced through the stomach and started gutting it, Natasha gagged and made a mad dash away.
“Ribs won’t have much meat, the back either. Legs and tail are the best part,” Caveman said.
“We need calories, so we’ll cook everything but the head,” Coop said. “People, I don’t care what it tastes like, we divide it up, and eat our portion. We need fuel to survive, and we don’t need anyone holding us back.”
***
The T-rex meat didn’t take very long to cook. The rocks were so hot it dried the flesh and made it hard to chew. The group sat in a misshapen circle and dined on their portion.
Caveman held an arm bone with the hand still attached. He chewed on the hand like a dog with a new rawhide bone. The small bones creaked as he bit down, and gristle popped between his slurps.
“From the sound of things, Caveman, you must be enjoying your lunch,” Coop said.
“I am. It’s knuckle sucking good,” he said, and then licked his lips.
Coop noticed as he watched the others eat how there was no interaction. Everyone sat staring at the ground, lost in their own thoughts. Not surprising, their minds were sorting out the events from the last couple of hours. He had to chase his own memories of his violent death away in order to concentrate on the business at hand.
For them to act as a team, distractions had to be at a minimum. After swallowing his last portion of meat, he decided now was the time to clear the air.
“I’m glad to see everyone eating,” Coop said. “We’ll have to find water—and soon. We can’t survive without water.”
“This would have been easier to choke down if we had something to drink with it,” Susan said.
“You know, modern day chickens are actually descendants of the Tyrannosaurs,” Alex said, and wiped his fingers on his thighs.
Even though Alex had spoken to the whole group, Susan glared at him as if offended he’d dare speak to her.
“People, there’s a storm brewing amongst us. We’ve all experienced psychological trauma. I’ve been trying to hold mine in check, but maybe it’s better if we all tell a little of our story. Right now our thoughts are trapped inside and building a monster that may destroy us later. Let’s not let that happen,” Coop said.
Coop turned his gaze to Susan. “Susan, I knew that you had died from some kind of allergic reaction before I was killed. Not long after we found ourselves alive again by the vol
cano, you accused Alex of murdering you. How do you know this?”
“I’ll tell you how I know. The bastard gave me his canteen to drink from, and I tasted the salt and peanuts on my first swallow. The reaction was immediate and closed up my throat. I couldn’t talk or breathe. I saw that evil look in his eyes before he put on a sympathy show to fool the others who came to save me.” She turned to Chief. “I remember you too, Chief. You tried to save me. You’re a good person. A really good person. I can feel it. Thank you for trying. I…funny, I don’t even know your real name.”
“You’re kind, Susan. I don’t know how you ended up with that piece of shit for a husband. Don’t worry about him now—or ever again. Oh, and my real name is Inez Magnus Sheldon the third.”
Susan grinned slightly. “You’re serious, aren’t you?”
“That I am,” Chief said.
“Is it true? Alex,” Natasha asked, her tone fearful.
“Of course it’s true, and you’re the reason why,” Chief said.
Alex had held his head low the entire conversation. Red splotches brightened his cheeks.
“Alex killed me because of her? A child? He was fucking one of his own students?” She turned her gaze to Alex. “Who are you? Answer me!”
Natasha started, “I had no idea…he never said anything…I thought you—”
“Can it! I’m talking to Alex,” Susan said.
Alex finally lifted his gaze from the ground but kept his head down. In a low voice, he said, “I admit that I put the peanuts in the canteen.”
“Oh, Alex! How could you?” Natasha stared at the Professor with her mouth open and her eyes wide.
“I did it for you. I did it for us,” Alex said.
“No, you did it for you. Don’t bring me into this. If you had done it for me, then I would have been in on the plan. I wasn’t. Because you knew if I knew you’d killed her, I’d have nothing to do with you ever again,” Natasha said.
“What can I say?” Alex said, and lifted his hands, open palms to the sky. “I was in a bad place. I was trapped in a relationship that has been dead for years. Taking a life had never occurred to be before—ever. Especially not Susan’s—despite our issues. Something…something about Patagonia changed my way of thinking. We were no longer in a world run by rules. Patagonia is a world of might means right. Something about this place brought out a person in me I didn’t know existed. Patagonia has stirred a savage instinct that I gave in to.”
Lost World II: Savage Patagonia Page 5