“I understand.” Samuel reached out to take my hand but I stepped out of reach and turned back towards the way we came. He did not seem affected by my hesitation. He just walked beside me without another word.
I suddenly didn’t want to be touched. I looked to my left and right and behind me. I could almost see Gregory’s sneering face in the shadows, until I forced myself to relax and remember that he could not hurt me anymore. I let out a shaky breath. I was also afraid that the other male vampires would hurt me. It was not a logical fear; they had done nothing to suggest they wanted to hurt me, yet even so my fear was real. I did not want to be a prisoner of this fear for the rest of my life. I supposed the others might find the image a touch amusing: a vampire who would jump at her own shadow. The more I thought about it, the more bitter I felt. I wondered if I would ever be whole again.
When we arrived back at the house, only Mary Anne and Matthew were there. Mary Anne was sewing and Matthew was writing what appeared to be a letter. “How did she do?” he asked, looking up.
Samuel walked over to a dresser and started rummaging in one of the drawers. “She did well for her first night out.”
Matthew smiled. “Good for you,” he said. “I did poorly my first time. Of course I had a horrible teacher.” He grinned at Samuel. Samuel rolled his eyes at him and turned back to the dresser. Matthew snickered. “I was awful,” he said, seeing my bewildered look, “but it was my own fault. Samuel did teach me well; I just chose not to listen for the first three years.”
“You still don’t listen,” Samuel replied and turned around. “Here, Julia, you can put these on. They should fit.”
I took the clothes from him and looked at them. A dark shirt and dark pants. “Wear these? Surely you jest!”
Samuel shook his head. “I told you you cannot wear a dress while fighting. At least not if you want to fight well.”
I took off the cloak and hung it up. I couldn’t take my eyes off the clothes he expected me to wear. I hadn’t dreamed about wearing pants since I was a very small child. “But it is not —”
“Not proper, Julia? I know. We do things differently. We teach everyone how to fight so they can defend themselves. Even women. Did you not tell me tonight you wished to learn to fight? ” he said with a smile.
I looked at Mary Anne sitting so serenely, doing her sewing. She confirmed Samuel’s words. “I know how. After I joined this group they taught me. You must learn. There are people who hunt vampires.”
“Do things differently? This is madness!” I stared at Samuel. “You do not truly expect me to wear these, do you?”
Samuel laughed slightly. He looked at Mary Anne. “I suppose it’s time we have ‘The Discussion,’ eh, Mary Anne?”
“Aye, I think we should,” Mary Anne replied with an amused smile. Matthew coughed and rolled his eyes from his position across the room.
I narrowed my eyes. “What ‘discussion’ Samuel?”
Samuel walked over to the table and sat down. “Julia, I know how this must seem to you. Ever since you were born, you have been taught that men are superior to women in every way: physically, intellectually, and emotionally. And yes, males are born to be physically stronger than females. However, women can rival men in every other way. Women can be as intelligent as men and are just as emotionally capable, if not more so.”
I shook my head silently.
“Aye. You can see the truth of it here.” Samuel opened his arm in a sweeping gesture. “At one time, everyone here believed as you do. As a human, I believed women were weak and creatures to be pitied.”
“So did I,” Matthew said and laughed ruefully. “After I became a vampire, I still foolishly thought women, even vampires, were too weak to hurt me. I will only say that a beautiful, delicate—looking female vampire corrected my assumptions.”
Samuel grinned at him. “We have both been knocked senseless by female vampires, Matthew.”
I stared at the three, struggling to comprehend this odd idea. “Why? Why is it that you treat women differently than humans do? And why do humans treat us like . . . like they do?”
Samuel stared at me evenly. “Why do we treat women differently than mortals? Only because we have lived longer and we’ve seen much more than they have.”
“Mortals. Even though they fascinate me and I love them, they are so backwards,” Mary Anne said with a sigh. “Mortals treat women the way they do because that’s what they have done for hundreds, maybe thousands of years. No one has ever really tried to change it, or even questioned it. And some mortals are just evil.”
Matthew’s dark brown eyes sparkled. “Besides, Julia, do you know how ridiculous you sound? You go around drinking other people’s blood . . . and you’re resisting wearing a pair of trousers?”
It was all the reassurance I needed to be persuaded that this was not a joke. I made a face at Matthew and looked at Mary Anne again. “Could you help me put these on? I have no idea how to,” I said, feeling my face grow hot with embarrassment. She nodded and we left the room to get me dressed for my first fighting lesson.
I was thoroughly amazed by how comfortable trousers were. I kept my hair down and returned to the main room which was divided into both a seating area and Samuel’s room. Mary Anne followed me out and resumed her seat. “Now what?” I asked.
“Come with me,” Samuel said, leading me to a clearing in the yard. “Now go ahead and punch.”
“All right,” I said, making a clumsy fist. I jabbed it out the way I’d seen men do sometimes.
Samuel walked up to me and gently tucked my thumb in against my fingers. “Try again,” he said tightening my fingers.
I punched again. And then another time. “Am I doing this right?”
“Good. Yes, you are. The other hand now, Julia.”
I punched with my other hand. Samuel made several corrections and I tried again.
A little later we moved on to kicking. Samuel showed me examples of several different kicks, including side and front snap kicks. In a side kick you turn and use the heel of your foot to hit someone. In a front snap kick you bend your knee and kick straight out in front of you, using the ball of your foot to strike. I also learned a kick where you spin and use the instep or front of your foot to make contact. I practiced for over an hour on these basics.
Samuel showed me several different techniques in case I was grabbed or attacked, and I put all my anger and grief into learning how to take him down. If Adam had seen me then, he wouldn’t have recognized me. Samuel rolled over and got to his feet after I threw him. “Now do what you have to, to get me off,” he said and put his arm against my throat.
Anger and fear welled up inside of me and I had to remember that he was not really going to hurt me. I immediately turned my head to the side so I could breathe. My hands flew up and grabbed his arm. My leg moved back against his and I kicked back with bent knees. Samuel flipped over my head several feet and landed hard on the ground.
“Sweet Jesu. Are you sure you have never fought before?” Samuel groaned and rolled over. He looked up at me with pale blue eyes and coughed. “That was very good, Julia.” He smiled as he spoke.
I felt calmer and more at peace now than I had in years. This surprised me. It had felt good to release my anger. I offered a hand to Samuel and helped him up. “I think I should do this more often.”
“If you do, we’ll all be playing harps,” Samuel joked. “We’ll do some real fighting and grappling tomorrow.”
I nodded. “I am looking forward to it.”
“I can see that. It is good.” The other vampires had just returned and were filing into the house. “Come on. Let’s see if they did anything interesting,” Samuel said.
I followed him in. The other six vampires were in the middle of an intense conversation.
Samuel perched on the table and I joined him there. “What’s going on?” he asked quietly.
Christy brushed a few strands of blondish brown hair out of her eyes and turned to him. “J
effrey and I ran into another group of vampires. Some of Valentino’s friends. They were looking for information. Seems as if they think we’re up to something, Samuel.”
Samuel spread his hands. “We have nothing to hide. I made another vampire, so what? There’s nothing wrong with that.”
“He thinks everything you do is suspect, Samuel,” Mary Anne said mildly.
Matthew leaned forward. “He cannot do anything. Neither can those vampires. We’re not breaking any laws— that they know of. We made Julia a vampire, and they know nothing about Damien.”
“You hope. They may not wait for a legitimate reason to attack. Everyone needs to be on their guard,” Robert finished.
“We can do that,” Mary Anne said, hiding a smile. She rolled her eyes at Samuel.
“What about the child?” Robert asked, looking at me.
“Do not call her that. She’s certainly not a child anymore after what she went through,” Samuel said sharply. “She’s learning, quickly and well. Anyway, she will not be wandering around alone yet.”
“Please do not worry about me. I’m going to get through this,” I said. And at that moment I realized it was true. I didn’t know how I was going to get through it, or even when, but eventually I would. I had to.
“That’s the spirit,” Matthew said. “And we’ll do everything within our power to help you.”
“You have already done so much. I do not know what else you can possibly do.”
Christy looked at me gravely. “You still have a long way to go, Julia. We’re here as your teachers, yes, but also as your friends.”
I smiled. “Now there’s something I’m not used to — having friends.”
Samuel got off the table. “Well, get used to it. You’re stuck with us now.”
Sharon and Robert shook their heads and left the room. Even though it was early and still dark, everyone else said good night and left the room. I crawled into bed. “Good night, Samuel,” I said sleepily.
“’Night, Julia,” Samuel answered. I rolled over and fell asleep.
Sometime later I awoke and gazed around the still-dark room in confusion. I could have sworn I had heard a baby crying. Sitting up, I listened intently. I heard deep and even breathing from beside me. I glanced to my left and saw Samuel sleeping soundly there. It was only then that I realized the crying had been part of a dream. Of course it had. Marie was dead. There were no children in this house.
The grief I had tried so hard to keep dammed up inside overwhelmed me then. I drew up my knees and wrapped my arms around them tightly. Sobs racked me, hard silent ones that nearly doubled me over in anguish. Barely any tears fell, as though the pain was too deep to allow them to escape. Alone in a soundless desert of agony, I began to rock with my eyes clenched shut.
“Julia?” Samuel whispered. My rocking must have woken him. I couldn’t answer him, and he spoke again. “Julia, are you all right?”
I rocked faster and opened my mouth to answer him, but my throat seemed to be closed off. I heard him sit up, turned my head towards him, and opened my eyes. My vision suddenly blurred with the tears that before had refused to come.
“Oh, Julia . . .” Samuel murmured, reaching out to touch my shoulder. At his touch, I unwound from my awkward position and practically flung myself at him.
“My baby, my baby . . . gone forever,” I whispered. I had landed against his chest. He wrapped his arms around me and held me close. He said nothing more, but stroked my hair as he held me until my tears abated and I fell into an exhausted sleep.
***
The rest of the week I spent close to the house except when Samuel took me hunting. I used the time to spar with all the vampires. The intense physical activity worked wonders for my emotions.
The eighth day was my first full sleep free of nightmares. I was the last to wake, but grateful for such a restful sleep. Everyone but Samuel and Mary Anne were almost ready to walk out the door. “Julia has awakened,” Matthew said with a smile.
“Where are you all going?” I asked, rising.
“We are going to talk to Valentino’s group, a few more miles outside of London. They keep raiding our hunting grounds and killing there.”
“They’re going into the city?” I asked, surprised.
“Aye. They have been killing several people a night without bothering to cover it up.” Matthew scowled and said, “They do this in our areas, which means we can be blamed for it if the humans start suspecting vampires. Will you be going out tonight, Julia?”
“Maybe,” I answered hesitantly. I was still nervous around Matthew and the other two men. The only males I felt somewhat comfortable around were Samuel and Damien, who had come by again a few days before.
“Have fun. I know we will,” Robert said. He and Sharon shared a snicker with the others. “We are going to a tavern after our discussion with the other group. Would you like to come with us?”
“Well. . . I do not know.”
“I do not think it is wise to bring Juliana,” Mary Anne said quietly. As she spoke she unbraided her brunette hair. “We wouldn’t want her there if you get into a fight. Not yet. She isn’t ready. Perhaps she can wander around London tonight. She has not done that yet.”
I smiled at her in gratitude as Robert shook his head. “Suit yourself, Julia.” He and the others left.
I left the room and put on a blue dress over a white underdress and laced up my bodice. I had to dress like a lady while in town. Returning to the room I said, “Let’s go, Samuel. I want to look for someone.”
Samuel followed me outside. I walked towards town and he matched my pace. “Who are you looking for, Julia?”
“I just want to look for an old friend of mine.” I stared straight ahead, not wanting to meet his gaze. “We grew up together. We were close.”
We walked in silence for a little while before he spoke again. “Does this friend happen to be the young man Damien has mentioned? The servant’s son?”
I gave him a sidelong glance. “Why? Are you going to tell me I cannot look for him?” It wasn’t intentional, but my voice rose a notch in volume.
“Nay, Julia. I was just wondering who has sparked your interest after all this time. I haven’t seen you this animated except when we’re sparring,” Samuel answered mildly.
I scowled. “Be quiet Samuel.”
Samuel shrugged graciously. “As you wish, Sunshine.”
I looked at him and opened my mouth to reproach him, but stopped. Sunshine was the nickname Samuel had affectionately given me. I shook my head in exasperation and kept walking. I wasn’t exactly happy with the nickname. I was not even sure what had inspired it.
I knew the most likely place to find Adam would be the small inn next to his shop. Even if he wasn’t there I could probably get information on him from there. Once we arrived at the center of town, I wandered over to the inn, and entered. Looking around the small, crowded room I noticed most of the patrons were men and couples. I heard Samuel move up beside me and was reassured by his presence. I didn’t want any drunken human men looking to take advantage of a young woman alone. I searched the crowd for Adam.
Samuel suddenly took my hand. “Is that him over there, Sunshine?” he asked, inclining his head. I looked in the direction he’d indicated. I gasped softly and then tried to suppress my feelings.
“Aye,” I replied, rooted to the spot.
“We can get closer if you’d like,” Samuel said, watching me carefully.
“Do you really think we should? What if he sees me?” I asked.
“You have to learn to blend in with them, Julia. Most mortals don’t observe other people much unless they draw attention to themselves. And if we keep standing here staring, people will notice,” Samuel said quietly. “Let’s sit down.” I nodded. Samuel took my arm and led me to a table in the shadows not far from where Adam was sitting with a young woman. Ruth Galloway, I supposed. We sat down and Samuel ordered a glass of red wine and some bread. He smiled at me as he did so.
“You should be able to hear everything they say now, Julia,” he replied.
“Do not read my mind,” I said looking back at him.
“I did not have to.” Samuel sipped his wine. I scowled and looked over at Adam. He still looked healthy and strong, and I smiled in spite of the circumstances. Ruth was talking animatedly about their wedding plans, but he looked distant and spoke very little.
Was he thinking of me? I felt childish for wondering, yet found myself praying feverishly that he would be. I wanted to discover that he still remembered me. Almost in answer to my silent desire, Ruth leaned forward and asked, “Are you thinking of Lady Heretic again?” The harshness in her voice must have bothered Adam.
Adam looked startled. “What I’m thinking about is none of your business, Ruth. And do not call her that.”
“You are thinking about her,” Ruth said. She looked disgusted. “Adam, she is dead. You heard what her family said. They believe she drowned herself in the river, and that is why no one has found her body. What I think is that the day she found out about our engagement, the noble Juliana went mad.”
Adam looked away. “I have heard the story. If it is true, then I am to blame.”
“Adam! It is not your fault! The girl was insane. She could not accept that you two could not be together.”
“Julia was perfectly sane!” he protested angrily.
“Oh? And that is why she killed herself?” Ruth’s voice dropped to a whisper. “It has been rumored that she had a child.”
“That is strange. Crystal never said anything to us about Julia having a child.”
“I know, but some of us saw her a couple of times with a baby girl. But maybe it was a maid’s.”
Adam frowned. “Why would she be with a maid’s daughter? A gentlewoman would not have a servant’s child with her. Perhaps another girl was mistaken for Julia. As for her supposed death, I suspect there is something else involved.”
I looked at Samuel and then back at Adam. Never in your wildest dreams would you guess what really happened, I thought with a sigh.
“I suppose it’s possible it was different woman,” Ruth conceded. “It was close to sunset every time we saw the woman with the baby.”
Lost Soul (War of Destiny Book 1) Page 9