Matthew glanced at Samuel and Damien. “All right, Julia. Let’s talk outside,” he said, getting to his feet. I nodded and waited for him to walk out first. He gave Samuel one last look and walked out. I followed, closed the door, and faced him. “What is it, Julia?”
“You look familiar, Matthew. Have I seen you before?” I blurted the question. When Matthew remained silent I entreated him. “Please, Matthew, tell me.”
“Aye, Julia, we have seen each other before.”
“Where?”
Matthew shifted his position. He seemed uncomfortable. “Do you remember the night that your sister stopped you from leaving Gregory’s house?”
I narrowed my eyes, staring at him intently. “Aye.” I recalled that night with a twinge of pain. Crystal had not been alone. A young man had been with her, one with dark brown hair. One of Damien’s friends, she had said. Matthew. My mouth fell open. “It was you who was with her.”
He looked away and nodded. “Aye, I was told to stay with her.”
“You sent me back there! How could you?” I shouted, feeling betrayed. “You deceived me when you bought me here! All of you made it sound as if Damien only got you involved the night Marie died, but in reality you were involved much sooner, weren’t you?” It was only after I had spoken that I remembered Damien had never said exactly when he got the vampires involved, nor that the time I had seen Matthew had only been a few nights prior to Marie’s death. But it was too late; the accusation was already past my lips.
Matthew turned to face me with a stony look. “I could do nothing else!” he yelled back. “Do you not think I wanted to do something to protect you and your baby? We couldn’t risk that someone had followed you, nor did we have the resources yet to take in both you and your child.”
“You could have helped us then. You could have at least taken Marie with you,” I said between jagged sobs. “Instead you killed her.”
“And don’t you think that Gregory would have been furious when he realized you got the child to safety? He might have killed you for defying him. We were trying to arrange things to get both you and your daughter out safely, you still human, and without jeopardizing the lives of your sister and brother-in-law. Perhaps we should have taken your daughter with us,” he said sadly. “I wasn’t thinking. I was just following orders to not interfere yet. I cannot tell you how sorry I am that we did not act in time to save your baby. But Julia, please do not say I killed Marie. You know that is not true.”
I shook my head. I could tell by the pain in his eyes that they had meant well, just made some bad decisions or hadn’t known what to do at all. I looked past him towards the garden at the side of the house, remembering how confused I had been that vampires cultivated a vegetable garden. I realized that those vegetables were some of the resources Matthew mentioned. I wiped my eyes with my sleeve. “Thank you for being honest with me. I think I will retire early.”
I turned and walked through the house into my new room. It was nice. Plain like everything else, but nice. There was a bed against the south wall. It was large enough for two people and had clean pillows and blankets on it. A dresser stood against the west wall. A table and chair completed the furnishings. I smiled. My new accommodations were closer to Adam’s lifestyle than to the one I was accustomed to, but it didn’t matter.
Sleep came quickly.
Chapter 9
By the end of my first year as a vampire I had learned to trust my group enough to be reasonably comfortable around everyone. As I sat one early evening at the table in the main room, my head bowed, I mused at how the time had also helped me begin to heal from the effects of Gregory’s violence. None of the others had ever admitted to killing Gregory but to me it no longer mattered. The pain of Marie’s death and her absence were still a part of me, as I knew it always would be, but as time passed, the pain was a little less raw, as though it was now a part of my deepest being, yet without tearing me apart as it once threatened to do.
Unbidden, my thoughts turned to Adam. I had observed him several times throughout that year, but despite Samuel and Mary Anne’s urgings I had never shown myself to him.
Samuel sat down next to me. I looked up and greeted him with a wan smile.
“What are you thinking about Julia?”
I shook my head. “Nothing really,” I lied.
“You’re thinking about Adam, are you not? Do you know that he’s getting married to Ruth Galloway in two days?”
“Damien told me last night.”
“You still love him, don’t you? You keep denying it, but you do.”
I got up from the table angrily and pulled my light red hair away from my face. I hated to admit it after vowing to myself that I would never fall in love with anyone again. “I never stopped loving him, Samuel,” I conceded. “But now he is marrying Ruth and I’m a vampire!”
Samuel looked at me calmly. “And yet . . . Go see Adam, Julia. If he can accept you as a vampire, then the two of you can be together.”
I turned to look at him, my heart filled with longing at the possibility. “Do you really think so?”
He nodded. “Aye. Will you go to him?”
My gaze drifted to the far wall. “Maybe,” I answered, and retreated to my room. For hours before falling asleep I pondered the situation in light of Samuel’s revelation. I was still struggling with my dilemma when I awoke at nightfall.
I knew this would be my last chance to talk to him before he was married and I realized that I really did want to try. I rose and put on a simple black dress. I don’t think he had ever seen me in anything plain before. I shook my head and walked into the main room. Samuel and Matthew were there talking. I looked towards them and then put on the cloak I had months earlier claimed for my own. “Come with me, will you, Samuel? I want to go talk to Adam.”
“I’ll be damned,” Samuel whispered. “You will go see him, then?”
“If you will come with me.”
“Certainly,” he answered, rising.
I looked at Matthew. “You can come too,” I said softly. It was impulsive, but I wasn’t sorry.
“My pleasure. Thank you.”
I smiled. “Thank you. For being so patient with me.” I walked towards the door.
They both smiled in reply. We left the house and walked to Adam’s house in town.
I looked up at it for a moment, noting a few candles lit. I summoned a bit of courage and walked in. Samuel and Matthew waited outside. I silently mounted the stairs and walked through his house to the bedroom.
Adam was lying on the bed, a whiskey bottle in hand. I could see his dark brown eyes clearly even in the dim light. When I saw his expression and the bottle, I knew instantly that he had been thinking about my “death.”
“Hello, Adam,” I said softly, moving into the light.
Visibly startled, he dropped the whiskey bottle to the floor. It shattered noisily, splattering the amber liquid on the floor, wall, and bedclothes. “I’ve definitely drunk too much.” He sighed. “Evening Julia. How has it been in heaven?”
“Good evening, Adam. But I am not dead. Not exactly.” I stepped closer.
He seemed to realize somehow that he wasn’t dreaming or seeing a vision. “What then? How are ye here?” He gasped in what I perceived to be bewilderment.
“This was a bad idea. Oh, why did I come? I should not have,” I admonished myself and turned for the door.
“Julia, wait! I do not understand! How are you here? You are supposed to be dead!”
I felt my brows furrow. How to proceed? “Goodness, Samuel never told me how to say this —”
“How is Samuel? Are you married again? What does this all mean?”
“No one you would know yet. I fled Gregory and now he is dead. I am no longer married,” I said quietly, my back still turned.
“What?”
“I left him.” My voice was cold.
“You could not have . . . yet somehow you did. What do you want from me?”
I
looked back at him and felt my heart fracture. “I heard you were to be married soon. I only wanted to see you before you were married. I shall take my leave now.”
“Julia, stay.” Adam said, rising to his feet.
“I should go. Everyone thinks I am dead and dawn will be here in a few hours.” Adam stared, puzzled. “I cannot remain here all night.” I started for the door again.
Adam seemed to be struggling to say something. Finally he said, “Julia . . . I still love you.”
I glanced back. “What did you say?” I said stupidly.
“You heard me,” he said.
“You love me? I thought you had forgotten about me.”
Adam shook his head. “I could never forget about you, Julia.” I smiled and then realized I had also shown a glimpse of my fangs. I silently cursed my stupidity. Adam paled considerably. “What was that?”
“Oh, just my teeth.”
Adam shook his head. “You did not have teeth like that before.” He narrowed his eyes.
“Well, I do now. I am different, Adam.”
“What do you mean by that?” he asked harshly, a hint of fear entering his voice.
“I am a vampire,” I confessed.
Adam reeled backwards. Fear and shock were unmistakable in his yes. I imagined his mind was filled with every vampire tale he had ever heard, none of them good. I watched him grab a crucifix.
“This really was not a good idea,” I muttered, backing away. I silently damned Samuel for giving me the idea in the first place. I was not really afraid of the crucifix. I was afraid he would go for a wooden stake next. “I should not have let myself be talked into this. I—I just wanted to let you know that I was all right. I did not think you would understand. Sharon told me the same thing . . . I’ll leave you alone now, all right?”
Adam watched uncertainly as I turned away. Before I reached the door, he spoke again. “Julia, don’t. Please wait. I don’t understand this, but—”
I stopped, but stayed close to the door. Sadness filled my heart as I watched him. I turned away from him again.
“I am sorry Adam. I did not know what I was doing. I have always loved you but I guess that is not enough now. I should have known you would never accept my choice to become one of the undead.”
“You chose to become a vampire? Why?”
I grimaced, but since my back was again turned I knew he couldn’t see it. “I could not live with him anymore.” I didn’t offer any further explanations because I didn’t want his pity, nor did I want to relive the horror yet again. “I did it for you. In my heart, I hoped you would like to join me for eternity. But I guess you are happy where you are — mortal and with Ruth. It is all right. I must accept it,” I said, and glanced back at him. He slowly lowered the crucifix. He ran his hand through his hair.
“Ah, Julia. I said I loved you and I do. My feelings have not changed. This is just difficult to accept.” He sighed when I wouldn’t look at him. “I mean you are a vampire, Julia. A vampire damned to Hell,” Adam murmured hoarsely.
“I do not feel damned,” I retorted painfully. “I feel … liberated. But you do not want even to come near me.” I was dangerously close to tears.
“Julia, I did not mean it like that.”
I heard him set the crucifix down and walk to me. I felt him put a hand on my shoulder. I stiffened for a moment but relaxed when I realized he didn’t intend to harm me.
“I thought vampires are supposed to be as cold as death,” he said, “but you are solid, and warm.”
I shrugged without facing him. “There is a lot you do not know about us.”
I enjoyed having him touch me. If only it didn’t frighten him so! I slowly turned to face him, to stare directly into his eyes. Adam looked nervous but met my gaze.
I looked at him without power or the desire to control— only so he could look at me. It was really the first time in two years that we made eye contact. I could tell Adam was unsettled by my gaze. I knew he was thinking that my eyes looked the same, that I seemed to be the same person —except that I was strangely withdrawn and unsure of
myself — and a vampire. Telepathy has its advantages.
Slowly, almost hypnotized ( though not by me) he raised his hand to touch my cheek. He startled when I flinched, not understanding that it was out of pure instinct. Time still hadn’t diminished the reflex.
“It’s all right, Julia. I am not going to hurt you,” he whispered. I relaxed and closed my eyes as he gently stroked my cheek. My lips parted slightly, but not from physical hunger. I was not hungry for blood. I was starved for love. Adam touched my hand and pulled me closer. I did not resist. His lips found mine, and his kiss was firm, with just the slightest pressure. His hands hesitantly moved around my waist, as if he was afraid I would become frightened and leave. It felt odd to be touched so gently. Automatically, I put my left hand against his shoulder, my right arm across his back. I pressed against him, wanting to get closer still. His tongue slipped inside my mouth and was nicked by one of my fangs. The sharp sweet taste of blood filled my mouth and I moaned, licking instantly. Adam abruptly let go and stepped back.
My eyes reopened and I felt the most happiness I had felt in years. “Well?” I asked breathlessly. “Will you join me, or was this a goodbye kiss?”
Adam, shocked, glared at me. “You just bit me! How can I join you when you are a vampire? This is not going to work, Julia.”
“Adam—” I implored. Sorrow flooded through me at his words. I had known that he, like others of his class, believed in vampires and feared them. But when he had told me to wait, had set down the crucifix and willingly touched me, I thought his actions meant he still wanted to be with me. Perhaps he only touched me to prove to himself that I was real and not an apparition born of the fumes of cheap whiskey. I felt like a fool for having listened to Samuel— for coming here at all. It had taken me a year to work up the courage to show myself to Adam, and it was all for naught. Could he be—no, not in love with Ruth. Or was he? From what I had seen of them together, it did not seem so.
“You’ve turned into a monster!” Adam shouted. He gingerly touched the tip of his tongue with his finger and winced.
I stared at him, feeling as if I had been slapped. “Well, you just shared a kiss with a bloody monster!” I screamed back, fighting tears. I was not going to cry in front of him. I was not going to show him how much his rejection hurt me. “Fine then,” I continued angrily. “I’ll leave right now so I will not contaminate your perfect mortal life any more than I have already. I was doing all right without you, and I can still be happy without you.”
“You threw away your life to be damned,” he said, sounding as if he was in mourning.
“Curse it, Adam! I’m still the same person you knew! Stop talking to me as if I am dead!” I screamed. “We are not evil! Not all of us, anyway, and not me.”
Adam looked away.
I ran my hand through my hair. “I need to leave. Goodbye, Adam. You won’t see me again, so do not worry,” I said sadly. “I hope Ruth makes you happy.”
I turned and walked out of the room. As soon as I was in the hall, I lifted my eyes towards the ceiling. I had found him and lost him. There was nothing left to do here. I started down the steps, made blurry by tears I could not stem.
Lost in my emotions, I did not hear his footsteps behind me. Grief slowed my steps as I descended with bowed head. Why had I acted on Samuel’s suggestion that Adam might accept me? Clearly, he had been mistaken. Adam hates what I have become.
“Julia.”
At the sound of my name I turned in mid—stride and nearly fell down the staircase. I stared at Adam, who stood at the top of the staircase. “What do you want, Adam?” I asked wearily. “You have my word I will not come after you or your wife-to-be. Please, just let me go.” I supposed he followed me to “put me out of my misery,” which seemed to be how he regarded my life. “You need not kill me, Adam. Truly, I am happy where I am. With what I am.”
&nb
sp; “I’m surprised you did not kill me back there,” he said quietly.
I frowned at him. “I do not kill. Not unless there is a reason.”
“There was a reason to kill me back there. I don’t understand why you did not.”
“Because, as impossible as it may seem to you, Adam, I love you. I do not kill someone I love. In fact, I have killed no one.”
“Is it really bad? Being a vampire?” he asked cautiously.
“No. I told you, I like it.” I smiled. “It gives me much more freedom. We can be together, Adam.”
Adam looked down at the floor. “I don’t know, Julia.”
“You told me when I was fourteen that you loved me. That you even wanted to marry me. Where has that love gone, Adam? Do you love Ruth? Is that it?”
“Nay. I do not love Ruth.”
“Then, why will you not join me?” I cried out, hurt and bewildered. “Never mind, you have already answered that. You cannot love a ‘demon.’ Adam, let me be. I’m leaving now.”
Adam looked distressed. “Vampires aren’t evil?”
“Not all vampires. We have free will just like you, Adam.”
“I cannot lose you again. Even if it damns my soul, I will not lose you again.”
Too surprised to speak, I smiled in reply. After a moment I followed Adam back into his room and walked over to the window. I pulled back the drapes and leaned out. Matthew and Samuel were lounging against the house talking. “Samuel! Could you please come up here?”
Samuel and Matthew looked up and then entered the house. I let go of the drapes and turned to look at Adam. A second later Samuel and Matthew entered the room. Adam turned and studied them in silence.
I walked to my fellow vampires and touched Samuel’s hand. “Help me. How do I do this?” I asked. “Should I change him here or go home first?”
“What is this, a group project? Don’t you know how to do it?” Adam asked, his attention fixed on Samuel and me.
“Nay. I have not been a vampire for long, Adam,” I retorted testily. I turned back to Samuel. “Samuel?” I saw he was staring at Adam, almost as though he was seizing him up. I touched his hand again. “Samuel!”
Lost Soul (War of Destiny Book 1) Page 11