by Susan Stoker
Her breath hitched with a sob, and Ryder tightened his arm, showing her his support the only way he could at that moment.
“It was my mom’s house. They found her in her bedroom. Dead. The police suspected foul play, and I knew in my gut Joseph had murdered her.”
Ryder could hear her sniffing and knew she was crying. His heart broke for her, and his hatred for the man who’d done this to her continued to grow.
“I had to go home for her funeral. I had to. I drove all the way out there and sat in the back of the church during the service. She had so many friends. So many, Ryder. The church was full. I even went to the graveside ceremony. I pretended to be there for someone else, sitting on a bench in front of a stranger’s grave, but I never would’ve forgiven myself if I missed my mom’s funeral. I killed her, Ryder. I might not’ve lit the match, but as surely as I’m lying here, I killed her.”
Ryder turned her then. She stared up at him with her blue eyes swimming in tears. They fell out of the corners of her eyes and dripped into her hair next to her ears. She clutched his biceps as she lay under him staring into his eyes, her misery and self-loathing easy to see in the low light coming from the bathroom.
“No, love. You didn’t kill her.”
“I did. And I can’t let it happen again. He’ll kill Grace. Or her babies. Or you. I just can’t—”
Ryder cut her off. “I hope he tries,” he bit out.
That surprised Felicity. She blinked. “What?”
“I hope that fucker tries to kill me. I want to be face-to-face with him when I slit his throat. Listen to me, Felicity. You did not kill your mom. That motherfucker did.”
“But if I hadn’t stayed away for so long, he—”
“No,” he interrupted again, not wanting to hear whatever bullshit she was thinking. “If you hadn’t stayed away for so long, he would’ve killed you. You did everything right.”
“But my mom is dead. I never got to see her again after I left. I miss her, Ryder. I miss her so much.” Her tears started leaking as if a faucet had been turned on behind her eyes.
“I’m so sorry. Tell me about her. Everything. Every memory you’ve got. I want to hear them all.”
She blinked up at him. “You want to hear about my mom?”
“Yeah, love. I want to know everything about her. How she smelled, and what your favorite memories of her are. What your life was like when she first brought you home. What she did for a living. What her favorite foods were. You haven’t talked to anyone about her in years. Telling me about her will help you grieve, and remember her.”
And she did. For an hour Felicity talked about her mother. Told Ryder every little thing about the woman who’d taken her in at an age most kids were past all hope of ever getting adopted. She cried. A lot. But she also laughed at some of the sillier stories she shared. When she was done, she looked up at Ryder and said, “Thank you.”
They’d changed positions a few times in the last hour, and currently he was propped up on an elbow, holding his head in his hand next to her. He ran his free hand over her head and leaned forward and kissed her forehead. Then he turned to lie on his back and pulled her back into his side. “You’re welcome. She sounds like an amazing woman.”
“She was.”
“He’s going to pay for what he’s done,” Ryder said, knowing his voice was too harsh but not able to tone it down. “He’s going to pay, and then we’ll go back to Chicago and you can properly pay your respects to your mom. No hiding at the cemetery this time.”
Felicity nodded against his shoulder. Ryder knew about grief. He’d grieved when his own mother was sick and when she’d died, but it wasn’t the same. Felicity hadn’t gotten to say goodbye. Hadn’t seen her mom or felt her arms around her for the last decade. Joseph would pay for that and more.
“I’d like that.”
Surprisingly, he felt the tension leave her body. As he’d hoped, talking about her mom had released some of the stress she’d bottled up since she’d been to Chicago.
“Has he done anything else?” he asked softly.
She nodded against his shoulder once more. “I got a note in the mail a couple of weeks ago. About the same time you came to town.”
“Do you still have it? We might be able to get DNA or something off it.”
She shook her head against him. “I threw it away.”
Ryder forced his body to stay relaxed. “Anything else?”
“A newspaper clipping of Colleen’s death. And of course the picture in my apartment tonight. And your slashed tires.”
Ryder’s thumb brushed back and forth on the warm skin at the small of Felicity’s back. She hadn’t protested when he’d slipped his hand under her T-shirt. In fact, when he’d begun stroking her, she arched into his touch and seemed to melt farther into his side.
He nodded. “Believe it or not, this is a good thing.”
“It is?” Her words were almost slurred.
With the emotional turmoil she’d been through in the last couple of hours, Ryder wasn’t surprised she was losing the battle to stay awake. “Yeah, love. The more he tries to mess with you, the better my chance of finding him and killing him are.”
The last part slipped out. He hadn’t meant to admit to her, again, that he was going to kill Joseph, but she didn’t tense in the slightest.
“Good,” she mumbled.
“Yeah, good,” Ryder agreed. He said nothing else, letting Felicity finally sleep.
He stayed awake for a long time, simply holding her in his arms. She snored slightly, and even drooled a little on his shoulder, and he loved every second of it. This was the Felicity he wanted. The one who let all her shields down around him. Her leg shifted and hitched over one of his, and Ryder closed his eyes.
Yeah. He liked this. Loved it.
In her bed. Surrounded by everything that made Felicity who she was.
Joseph was a dead man walking. It was only a matter of time.
Chapter Eleven
A week later, Felicity wasn’t sure she’d done the right thing by telling Ryder everything. She’d woken up the morning after she’d spilled her guts and had thought things would be awkward between them, but they hadn’t been. When her alarm went off at its usual time, letting her know to get up so she could get her workout in, he’d simply kissed her on the forehead and slipped out of bed.
When she’d wandered out of her room after getting changed into workout clothes, he’d met her in the kitchen, looking as hot as ever, with a can of V8 juice, her usual morning beverage, and told her he’d meet the locksmith to take care of changing her lock and Cole would meet her downstairs for their usual workout.
Just when Felicity thought Ryder was going to ignore the intimacy they’d shared, he’d grabbed her hand when she turned to walk out of the kitchen and pulled her back into him. He’d kissed the hell out of her, and then had gently pushed her toward the door, saying, “Better not be late. Cole’ll kick your ass even harder if you are.”
The smile he’d bestowed upon her had carried her through the butt kicking Cole had given her in the gym.
She hadn’t met the locksmith, but now had a brand-new shiny lock on her apartment door and a permanent shadow. If it wasn’t Ryder or Cole, it was one of the Anderson triplets. She wanted to be pissed, but couldn’t. She felt safer with them watching her every move. Safer, but not completely secure. Especially when Grace had called that morning and told her that the cops had turned up at Ace Security to question Logan about a tip they’d received about a report of excessive force used against a client’s ex-husband.
She knew it had been Joseph. Of course it was. It was how he operated. When she’d told Ryder, his jaw had tightened, but he hadn’t blown up. Hadn’t lost his shit. He’d merely shrugged and said, “Logan will handle it. From what I understand, my brothers are pretty close with the cops around here. If he needs backup, I’ll call my handler and have him step in.”
“Just like that?” Felicity had asked.
“Just like that,” he’d returned.
That had been seven days ago. Now she was standing in her apartment with Ryder. She’d showered after her workout, and he’d made them a breakfast of omelets and bacon. She’d thought telling Ryder everything would make him stop obsessing about what he didn’t know about her past and move their relationship along like any normal couple, but now it seemed like all he thought about was protecting her. And she didn’t want that. She was ready for more. More than ready. But wasn’t sure where Ryder stood.
“How about a break from things around here?” Ryder asked.
She tilted her head at him. “What kind of break?”
“Bailey is going to head down to Colorado Springs for another appointment with the tattoo artist that is doing the new ink on her back. Want to go?”
Felicity couldn’t help the excitement that tore through her. “Yes,” she said immediately. She loved Bailey. They’d bonded when the other woman had been stalked by her ex-gang-member boyfriend, and Felicity knew she’d found a kindred spirit. Felicity had given Bailey the name of the tattoo artist down in Colorado Springs who was transforming a horrible tattoo on Bailey’s back into a beautiful work of art. “Is Joel going too?” she asked.
“No. Alexis and Blake are going to take him and two of his friends on a hike up to the top of Castle Rock today.”
Felicity’s brows raised. “All the way up there?”
Ryder chuckled. “Yup. They figured it’ll tire them out, and after they get back and stuff the kids with pizza, they’ll crash.”
“They’re probably right,” Felicity agreed.
“And I feel like I should probably warn you . . . I’d like to talk to my buddies while we’re down there,” Ryder said, changing the subject slightly.
Felicity smiled. “I’ll finally get to meet these elusive ‘friends’ you’ve been talking to on the phone?”
His lips quirked up, but didn’t quite make it into a smile. “Yeah, love, you’ll meet them. I feel like I should warn you, though, they’re going to have some information about Joseph you may or may not want to hear.”
She tilted her head as her smile died. “What are you saying?”
“I’m actually asking. Do you want to be in our conversation about him, or would you rather we discuss the situation when you’re busy with Bailey at the tattoo shop?”
“You’re asking?”
“Yeah. If it’s too much and you can’t handle any more right now, I’ll make sure we have our talk before you get to the pool hall. If you want in on it, I’ll hold them off until you get there.”
“You’d do that?”
Ryder grabbed one of her hands and pulled her into him. She let out an oof when she crashed into his chest. “Fuck, yeah. This is your life we’re talking about. I have no right to keep you out of it. But if you don’t want to, or can’t deal with it, I’ll make sure you don’t have to.”
She liked that. A lot. “I want to be there,” she told him.
“Then you will be.”
Felicity looked up into Ryder’s hazel eyes. They were looking at her with an intensity she hadn’t seen in a long time. She and Ryder had slept in each other’s arms for the last week, but for some reason, this seemed more intimate to her. One of his large warm hands had snuck under the hem of her shirt and was lying on her lower back. The other rested between her shoulder blades, holding her to him.
He brushed his thumb across the sensitive skin of her lower back, and his hazel eyes were fixed on hers.
“What?” she asked softly. “Why are you looking at me like that?”
“I’ve been around the world doing my thing. I saw women and children in some of the worst situations you could ever imagine. Some were completely broken, mere shells of who I imagine they used to be. Others were scared shitless. Still others were pissed way the hell off. I never knew how someone was going to react around me, or if I was with a team, us. But I’ve never really thought about how they felt about what happened to them. I only saw them for a short time, then passed them off to someone else to deal with the aftermath of their situation.”
Felicity tilted her head, not sure what he was getting at.
“I always thought what I did was the hard part. Physically getting the women out of their situations, being shot at, shooting at others. Killing. But now I realize I’ve been wrong. Way wrong. What I did was in a lot of ways the easy part. Yeah, it was dangerous, but the situations the women were in were always dangerous. But now I realize that it’s the continuing on after the rescue that’s the hard part. You’ve shown me that.”
“Ryder, I—”
He didn’t let her finish her thought. He interrupted her with a kiss. It was short, but intense. Then he pulled back. “I admire the fuck out of you, Felicity. You don’t deserve what he’s doing to you. All you did was try to help a friend. But with no experience, you’ve managed to keep ahead of him for a decade. That’s amazing. You will be free of him.”
“I hope so,” she whispered. “But I’m not sure I know how to live a normal life.”
“I’m used to getting a call every couple of weeks and running off to wherever I’m sent to track down and kill the dregs of humanity.” Ryder shrugged a little self-consciously. “If you’ll help me, I’ll help you. We’ll try to live a normal life together.”
That sounded amazing to her. “Okay.”
“Okay.” Then he leaned down and kissed her again.
As they kissed, he picked her up and placed her on the counter. She spread her legs, inviting him to get closer to her. She felt feminine and desired as his hands caressed her sides and thighs as they kissed.
Way before she was ready, he pulled back reluctantly. “I need to call Nathan. He’s waiting for me to let him know if we’re going with him and Bailey down to the Springs.”
Felicity looked up at him and licked her lips. She could still taste him on her and loved the desire she saw in his eyes as his gaze flicked from her lips to her eyes, then down her body.
“Maybe we should stay here instead,” she suggested, at the same time pulling up his shirt to caress his bare chest. She also tightened her thighs around him, trying to hold him in place. His hard erection pressed against her, making a jolt of desire shoot through her body. “I know we need to find Joseph, but this . . . you feel good.”
He pressed himself harder against the crotch of her jeans and spread his fingers across her belly while his thumb pressed hard against her clit.
She inhaled at his aggressive touch and arched her back. Ryder used his free hand to press against her chest until she had no choice but to lie back on the cool granite countertop. He slid his hand around to her back and helped her hold the position, her back arched, head back, legs spread, open to him.
“Ryder,” she moaned as his thumb continued its assault on her body. She gripped his biceps, her fingers curled, her nails lightly digging into his muscles as they flexed with his movements.
“You have no idea how hard it’s been for me to sleep next to you every night and not touch you like this,” Ryder informed her.
“I . . . I wasn’t sure you wanted me anymore.”
“Not want you? Fuck, love, I’ve jacked off in the shower every morning just so I could walk upright.”
She didn’t answer with words, but simply arched her back a fraction of an inch more even as her feet inched upward and she hooked her ankles together at his ass.
Ryder tried to control the lust coursing through him. He wanted to rip off all Felicity’s clothes and take her right there on the counter. Her tits were begging for his mouth, and feeling her feet press his hips harder against her core was driving him crazy.
“Tell me what you want,” he ordered. He wasn’t the kind of man to take anything that wasn’t freely given. Not only that, but over the last week, he’d learned that a feisty Felicity was much more exciting to him than the scared and uncertain woman she’d been when he’d first met her.
He’d wanted her then, but his de
sire for her had grown exponentially as he got more and more pissed off at Joseph and what he’d done to her.
“I want to come,” Felicity ground out. She lifted her head, and Ryder immediately moved his hand to support her neck. Her blue eyes were stormy. Her pupils huge with lust. She pressed her hips upward into his thumb. “I need it.”
Without breaking eye contact with her, Ryder increased the speed of his thumb over her clit. He pressed his erection into the scalding heat between her legs, mimicking the act of making love as he caressed her.
To her credit, Felicity didn’t look away from him. She held his gaze even as her fingernails dug into his arms. Her thighs tightened against him as she writhed under his touch between her legs.
For several moments they stared at each other as he brought her closer and closer to the edge, ignoring his own mounting lust. He knew she was on the verge of orgasm even before her eyes closed and her head dropped back as the muscles in her legs began to shake.
Ryder looked down her body just in time to see her stomach tighten with her impending orgasm. She clenched his hips with her thighs, dug her heels into his ass, and groaned as she exploded.
He’d never seen anything more beautiful in his life. She was fully dressed, wearing jeans and a T-shirt, which had hiked up above her stomach, and he wanted her more than he’d ever wanted another woman. As she continued to tremble under him, Ryder kept the pressure on her clit, pressing and rubbing even as he thrust against her as if he was actually inside her body.
Then it was his turn to close his eyes and groan as the mere thought of making love to her in the near future, on this very counter, and feeling her hot wet body around his cock, sent him over the edge.
When he opened his eyes and peered down at Felicity, he wasn’t sure what he was going to see. Regret. Embarrassment. Awkwardness. None of those emotions would’ve surprised him. But what he saw in her gaze floored him.