It being New Year’s Eve they’d planned to shut the shop earlier than usual, and at eight o’clock Seth and Nessie came upstairs. Pearl could sense that Seth was very wary at first, but within half an hour he’d satisfied himself that Christopher was genuine and the four of them ate a meal together, Pearl and Christopher holding hands under the table.
It had been decided that Christopher would stay the night and sleep in the boys’ room, but in the event Pearl and Christopher sat up all night once the four of them had welcomed the New Year in with a toast to lost loved ones and tears from Pearl and Nessie. Christopher had explained that he had to get back to Hill Farm the next day and both were loath to waste a minute of the precious time they had together.
Pearl was lying in Christopher’s arms on the sofa as a rosy dawn stole tentatively into the room. She was exhausted but had been fighting falling asleep all night. They had been separated for a decade, had grown and matured into different people from the ones they’d been that hot summer ten years ago, and yet the feeling between them was stronger than ever. She shut her eyes, breathing in the smell and feel of him, and still slightly dazed by the enormity of what had happened.
His voice came soft and tender above her head. ‘How soon will you marry me? I’m terrified to leave you, terrified something will separate us again.’
She turned in his arms, their faces so close their breath mingled. ‘As soon as you want.’
‘Today? Tomorrow?’ He laughed. Then, his face sobering, he said, ‘The farm isn’t a grand one, Pearl, far from it. In fact, it’s nothing like you’ve been used to – the house I mean. I was going to start on it this year, but for now it’s—’
‘Home, because you’re there,’ she interrupted gently. ‘And don’t forget where I was born, Christopher, or where we lived when I first came here. One room for the three of us. But I’ve got savings – we can start on the house straightaway.’ Now her face was sober when she said, ‘I’d like to make the business over to Seth and Nessie – all of it, the flat too. As a wedding present for them. Would you mind if I did that, rather than selling it?’
He traced her mouth with one finger. ‘It’s a wonderful idea and of course I don’t mind. I wasn’t sure how you would feel about leaving all this, to be honest, having built it up from scratch.’
She considered this for a moment. ‘Perhaps if James and Patrick had lived I’d have felt a pull, I don’t know, but now I feel I don’t belong here any more. It’s strange because even a week ago I wouldn’t have dreamed I could ever say that. Do you think I’m a fickle creature?’
‘I think you’re a wonderful creature.’ He kissed her soundly. ‘The rest of our lives won’t be long enough for me to show you how wonderful.’
‘I’ll be a good farmer’s wife.’ She smiled at him.
‘I know it. And you won’t mind the remoteness after the town?’
She shook her head. ‘I prefer it. Corinda always used to say that if you scratched me you’d find a Romany under the skin.’ She touched his face. ‘You don’t mind me talking about them, the gypsies? They were good to me, Christopher. They saved my life and treated me like one of their own – all except Halimena, of course. It was only the last days that were bad.’
‘Because of me.’
‘No, because of Byron.’ She gazed at him, her blue eyes intent. ‘I never pretended I loved him, not in that way. All along he knew I regarded him as a brother, but even if that hadn’t been the case, it still wouldn’t excuse what he did. For a long time I blamed myself, but how can you choose where to love? It just happens. But the things Halimena said to you, that was so cruel.’
‘She was a cruel woman.’
‘Yes, she was.’ It was the only thing she hadn’t told him, the words Halimena had thrown at her that last time. Ridiculous, but she felt if she voiced them, they gained power. Shaking off the shadow, she pulled Christopher’s head closer.
‘Kiss me,’ she whispered. ‘Please kiss me.’
Chapter 27
For several days after Christopher had returned to the farm Pearl had to keep reassuring herself that it hadn’t all been a dream. Before he had left they had decided on a May wedding. That would give Pearl time to sort out her affairs and Christopher was anxious to at least pipe running water from the stream into the house for his new bride. They were going to use Pearl’s savings on building an extension to the house and moving the pigsties and boiling-up house, as well as refurbishing the present building and buying new furniture. This would all happen once they were wed though, through the summer months.
More deep snow in January meant Christopher couldn’t come to Sunderland again until the second week of February, when they had the weekend together before he left again. Although this was onerous for them both, Pearl had plenty to do to keep her busy in the day. It was the nights when a strange feeling of foreboding would come upon her, colouring her dreams so that she woke feeling far from refreshed. Sometimes she was back at the gypsy camp with Halimena shouting at her, other times she was being sucked down in deep mud like James and Patrick had described, vainly trying to reach Christopher who was standing some distance away. Another dream had her running towards a distant figure but without ever getting nearer, something pursuing her in the darkness. But the dreams all had one message. She was born to trouble, doomed to lose Christopher again.
In the bright light of day she told herself she was being silly. The dreams were a result of the huge changes which had taken place in her life: the loss of her brothers, Christopher seeking her out, their proposed marriage and all that it entailed. And she could believe it – in the daytime.
Night time, those hours of darkness when the subconscious has sway, was different. Then she could almost smell the gypsy campfires, see Halimena’s piercing eyes and taloned hands, hear the low chanting of her ancient incantations. At those times, Pearl felt sure that her marriage would never take place.
Seth and Nessie married very quietly in the first week of March, and Christopher was able to attend, which was good considering Seth had asked him to be the best man. Only Pearl and Christopher were present at the wedding and afterwards they went to the Queen’s Hotel in Fawcett Street for lunch, Christopher’s wedding present to the couple. He had first suggested the Grand, but Pearl had quickly asked if they could go to the Queen’s Hotel instead. Nessie had said nothing at the time, just squeezing her friend’s hand as they both remembered that other celebratory meal years ago and the two happy little boys who had finished the day with a bag of nuts and raisins from the man with a wooden barrel in the Old Market.
‘This is nice.’ Seth glanced round the fine dining room which could hold over a hundred guests, adding as the waiter brought a bottle of champagne to the table and presented it for Christopher to read the label, ‘Ee, man, we didn’t expect this.’
‘My pleasure.’ Christopher smiled at Pearl’s brother and his new wife as the waiter opened the champagne and proceeded to fill four flutes with the effervescent wine. ‘A toast, to Mr and Mrs Croft.’
‘Mr and Mrs Croft,’ Pearl repeated as Nessie blushed and Seth kissed her full on the mouth, causing her to blush still more.
‘And to those who are with us in our hearts on this special day,’ Christopher added, reaching across and taking Pearl’s hand as they raised their glasses once more. With tears in her eyes Pearl smiled at him. Her darling Christopher, she loved him so much. The shadow was there again, flitting across the poignancy of the moment and causing her fingers to tighten on his.
An hour and a half later they had finished the baked lemon chiffon and were waiting for coffee to be brought to the table, when Pearl reached into her handbag. ‘I didn’t buy you a wedding present because I wanted to give you this,’ she said quietly, handing Seth a brown envelope. ‘It comes with all my love to you both.’
‘No, Pearl, no.’ When he’d opened the envelope and seen what it contained, the colour had surged into Seth’s face and Nessie looked equally shocked. ‘We wouldn�
��t let you do this. You and Christopher will need every penny, and—’
‘It’s done.’ Pearl put out her hand and clasped Seth’s, stroking the crooked finger. ‘No going back. It’s yours anyway, Seth. The money to start the shop came from you and I want to do it. I owe you so much.’
‘Owe me? You owe me nothing, lass, it’s the other way round.’
‘Seth, do you remember why our da did this?’ She lifted up the damaged finger and when he shook his head, his eyes narrowing in bewilderment, she said, ‘I do. You’ve loved and protected me all my life and I couldn’t have a better brother. Or a better friend,’ she said to Nessie, who was crying openly. ‘There were six of us once, Seth. Now there’s only two. Let me do this. I need to.’
Seth stood up, drawing her into his arms, and careless of everyone in the restaurant, he hugged her tightly. ‘Lass, when I look back over my life I’m deeply ashamed,’ he muttered, tears running down his face. ‘It’d eat me up if I let it. And yet you persist in seeing the best in me.’
‘You’ve only ever shown me the best and the rest doesn’t matter, it’s history. I’m proud to be your sister, I always have been.’
They sat down just as the waiter arrived with the coffee. In the bustle of the man pouring each of them a cup, and the women ooh-ing and ahh-ing over the beautiful handmade chocolates which accompanied the coffee, Seth had time to surreptitiously wipe his eyes and compose himself as they suggested he should. As they left the restaurant, Seth pulled Christopher to one side. ‘You knew what Pearl intended to do with the shop?’
‘Of course.’
‘And you didn’t mind?’
‘Mind?’ Christopher looked into the tough face in front of him. He was beginning to understand that the toughness was only skin deep. ‘I agree wholeheartedly with her. The way Pearl sees it, she’s just been minding your investment in her the last few years.’
‘Thanks.’ Seth rubbed his hand over his mouth. ‘I mean it, thanks.’
It was from that moment on the two men became firm friends.
March saw another period of deep snow in the middle of the month, the wicked easterly winds and icy cold making it clear it had no intention of leaving ‘like a lamb’. Despite her joy at Seth and Nessie’s transparent happiness, Pearl found herself fretting for Christopher. She hadn’t seen him since Seth’s wedding day and was feeling the separation keenly. They had arranged that Seth would take her to Hill Farm for a visit, but it was the first few days of April before this became possible, weatherwise.
Seth hired a horse and trap for the day and they left Sunderland very early in the morning just as it was getting light, leaving Nessie in charge of the shop. An infant spring was evident once they left the town for the countryside, blackthorn and hawthorn beginning to sprout along the hedgerows, and wild flowers such as violets and primroses peeping shyly at them as they passed. The white, star-like flowers of the stitchwort dotted the hedgebank, reminding Pearl of the times she’d seen Halimena grinding up the flowers with powdered acorn to make a mixture to add to wine which was said to relieve the stitch, a pain in the side. Her corner of the caravan had been full of creams and potions the old woman had made, along with dead newts and bugs and even a snake or two suspended in bottles filled with liquid. Pearl shivered. A witch’s den.
‘Cold?’ Seth wrapped the rug he’d tucked round her earlier more securely about her legs. She thanked him but didn’t say the chill was from within rather than without.
It was an uneventful but blustery journey. In one or two places, the roads and lanes were caked with thick mud, which made the going slow; in others, the wild winds had dried the ground and it was hard. By the time they reached the road Christopher and his men had made, which led directly to Hill Farm, Pearl could appreciate how easily the farm could be cut off from the rest of the world. This worried her not an iota. In fact, she couldn’t think of anything she’d like more than being in a place where the rest of the world couldn’t impinge on them.
Once the farm came in sight Seth stopped the trap for a moment or two and they both stared at the huddle of buildings in the distance surrounded by fields of grazing cattle and sheep and lambs. Lambing was always a difficult and arduous time for farmers, Christopher had told her, which was another reason they had decided to wait until May to get married. ‘Your future home,’ Seth said gruffly. ‘Nessie and I will miss you, lass.’
‘We’ll visit each other.’ She turned to him reassuringly. ‘It’s not too far away.’
Christopher must have seen them approaching because long before they reached the farm he was waving and running along the road to greet them. ‘He’s actin’ like a lad still wet behind the ears,’ Seth said, shaking his head, although Pearl had the feeling her brother was pleased, nonetheless.
‘I’ve been looking for you every day.’ As they reached him, Christopher held out his arms and Pearl jumped down into them. ‘Even in the thick snow when I knew it was impossible I still hoped.’ He swung her round and round until she was dizzy and then kissed her thoroughly. ‘Why didn’t we say April instead of the beginning of May? I won’t last another four weeks.’
‘You’ll have to.’ Laughing, they followed the trap to the farm, arm-in-arm.
Pearl fell in love with the farm and wasn’t even slightly daunted by the farmhouse, immediately seeing in her mind’s eye how their home would look once the alterations were done. Christopher proudly showed them how he and his men had routed water into the farmhouse from the stream by means of pipes and a pump, insisting Pearl and Seth both took a turn pressing the handle of the pump so water spurted into the deep stone sink. ‘I intend to have a well dug at some point too, but that’ll be in the future, once the house is done.’
‘It’s lovely,’ Pearl said, and she meant it. She knew the lot of a farmer’s wife wasn’t an easy one but it was satisfying and she had never been afraid of hard work or long hours. They would work together to build a good life for them and their bairns. Bairns . . . Her heart leaped and raced. Christopher’s babies.
By the time she and Seth had to leave, Pearl had met the farm hands and their wives, seen every inch of the farm and even taken a turn feeding an orphan lamb Mabel had ensconced by her fireside. She was tired but contented as she left Christopher, the two of them clinging together until Seth lost patience and bodily lifted her up into the trap. The next time she would see him would be on their wedding day, just under four weeks away. She hugged the thought to her as the farm and his distant figure were lost to sight and she turned to face the front.
‘We should have left a couple of hours ago. It’ll be long since dark by the time we get home,’ Seth worried as they bowled along.
‘It’s all right, it’s a fine night.’
‘Aye, but it’ll be bitter once the sun’s down.’
‘Nessie’ll warm you up once you get home.’
‘Pearl!’ Seth’s voice expressed shock and Pearl giggled.
She was feeling more at peace than she had since the New Year. Seeing the farm and what her new life was going to be like, and the hours with Christopher, had been satisfying. She would never forget James and Patrick. They would always be close to her, carried in her heart along with Fred and Walter. But starting afresh like this, away from Sunderland and all its memories, she could remember the good times more easily and not dwell on the bitter ‘what-ifs’.
Dusk was falling and birdsong was filling the air as they approached Morpeth. The road split here. One way led to the outskirts of Newcastle and then the town itself, while the other veered right towards the coast, leading to Tynemouth and South Shields and then Sunderland. It was as they reached the fork in the road that Pearl glimpsed the blue smoke curling up amongst the trees in the distance. Her heart seemed to stop beating and then resumed at a furious pace. She recognised those thin wisps spiralling into the evening sky.
‘Seth, stop.’ As her brother went to steer the horse towards the right, Pearl clutched his arm.
‘What’s the matt
er?’
‘There’s something I need to do. The smoke . . .’ She took a deep breath. ‘Seth, I think that smoke is from campfires, gypsy campfires.’
His eyes followed her pointing finger. ‘Oh no, lass.’ He turned to her, his face grim. ‘If you’re thinkin’ what I think you’re thinkin’ . . .’
‘Please, Seth.’
‘Why, Pearl? You said yourself the past is just history. It’s turned out all right, you’ve got Christopher.’
‘I can’t tell you why, I just need to see if it’s them. It might not be.’
‘This is foolishness. There was bad feeling when you left and there’s only the two of us.’
‘They wouldn’t hurt us,’ she said softly.
‘Oh aye? Tell that to Christopher. He still bears the marks of what that man did to him, and will do till the day he dies.’
‘But it saved him. He didn’t have to go away to fight.’
‘That’s warped thinking and you know it. Your gypsy friend meant to do for him.’ Seth turned her to him, his hands tight on her forearms. ‘They live by their own rules, you told me so yourself. And the old grandmother, the one who told Christopher you’d drowned, what do you think she’d do if you turn up all bright eyed and bushy tailed?’
Halimena. It always came back to Halimena. Seth would never understand in a hundred years and she wasn’t sure if she understood herself, but Halimena was the reason she had to see if it was ‘her’ gypsies making camp a mile or so away. And it could be. This was their territory, come the spring. ‘I have to go.’ She pulled herself free. ‘With you or without you, Seth, I have to go and see.’
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