Two men ran over to Henry, grabbing him by the arms and forcing him to the ground. They kicked him in the sides and head, before dragging him over to Kojima. My fury ignited. I was not going to just stand there and let Henry die. I had to do something.
They dropped Henry in front of Kojima. “Stand up!”
Henry pushed himself up to his feet. Blood ran down his face.
“I have to do something,” I said to Diego.
Harris came at me. “If he wants to sacrifice himself for the rest of us, then so be it. We need to get out of here.”
For all his bravado, Harris was a coward and was showing his true colors when it really counted. Henry was the true hero here. I shoved Harris back. “Fine! You run! But he’s my brother, and I won’t stand here and let him die in my place!”
I went to the door, and Diego put a hand on my chest. “Major, I will go with you.” I nodded.
Diego flung open the door and walked out ahead of me. As I stormed into the clearing, Kojima’s back was to me as he brought his swagger stick down on Henry again and again. I rushed forward, pointing my pistol and firing a single shot into Kojima’s back. He dropped to the ground, and everything went completely silent for a split second.
Then chaos erupted.
Bullets and men came from everywhere. I dropped to the ground, crawling toward Henry. The ground exploded all around me. I heard Diego yelling, so I looked to my right. He was swinging his bolo into one Jap after another, like a man possessed. More of my men ran by, stopping to duck behind trees and fire at anything that moved.
I saw Henry, crumpled on the ground a few feet away. I pushed up and ran for him, a bullet catching me in the arm. Ignoring the sharp pain, I dropped down and wrapped my arms under his, pulling him across the ground. Bullets flew everywhere, and all I could do was pray God would keep them from hitting us. But another bullet caught my shoulder, and I fell to the ground with the force. I rolled, and spotted a patch of trees several yards away. I had to get there. I grabbed Henry again, pulling with every ounce of strength I had. We were almost there. Bullets hit the dirt around us. I fired off my pistol in the direction of the Japs.
I pulled Henry the rest of the way to the trees and dropped him to the ground, kneeling beside him to examine his wounds. He was bleeding from the head, and his nose was shattered. I checked his chest. Two bullet wounds.
I shook him. “Henry!”
Nothing.
“Henry!”
His eyes twitched. Opened. I ripped off my shirt and tore it into shreds. The barrio was ablaze. Bullets still whizzed in all directions. Men shouted. But I could only see Henry. My friend. My brother.
I wrapped a strip from my shirt around his head, and ripped open his bloody T-shirt. The holes in his chest bubbled up blood. “Oh God, please help me.”
I tore my shirt again and pressed down on the wounds. Henry’s hand suddenly covered mine. His eyes gazed up at mine, filled with that steady Graves peace I’d never understood.
“It’s all right,” he said.
But it wasn’t all right. I couldn’t lose Henry. Not Henry. God, not Henry!
Ruby. Ruby could do this. She could heal him. How had she done it? What had she prayed? I closed my eyes, and I tried to still my racing mind. Lord, whatever she prayed in these moments, just give me the words. Give me the faith. Heal Henry! Please heal Henry!
I placed my hands over his chest. How had Ruby done it? I tried to remember my own healing. She’d rubbed my back. And God had come over me. How had she healed Hannah? She’d prayed. Were her hands on Hannah? What about Sheriff Peterson and John Frost? What had she done?
“Lord, I don’t know the words! I don’t know the words!” I pressed down harder on Henry’s chest. “Lord, You can heal him if You want to. I don’t know the words, but You are able. You are able.”
Henry squeezed my hand again. “Matthew…it’s…all right.” His eyes closed and opened slowly.
“No,” I said, unable to focus through my blurry vision. “No. It’s not all right. I’m so sorry.”
His eyes closed again. I panicked. I spread my hands over him. “Lord, heal him before it’s too late! You’ve done it before! Please! I know You can heal him!” My voice rose until I was yelling at the top of my lungs. “You can heal him! You can heal him! Just do it!”
But nothing happened. No presence rushed in. No help. No healing. Just Henry’s spirit drifting away.
I sat back on the ground and groaned. Henry was gone. And I was never getting off this island alive.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Matthew
September, 1945
Hanceville, Alabama
I sank to my knees from the weight of the memory of Henry’s death, and all the anger I’d felt since, that God had ignored my pleas. How could I trust in a God who didn’t seem to hear me? How could I ever know what He wanted from me?
Ruby dropped to her knees by my side, and I buried my head in her lap, unable to speak the pain coursing through me. She cradled my head, stroking my hair like I was a child, and it seemed like a long while before I could finally find my words.
“Why didn’t He answer me?” I asked. “I begged God to heal Henry. I knew He could do it. I’ve seen Him work through you. I tried to remember what you did, what you said when you prayed…but it was like…I was all alone, and God never heard me. He just stood by and let Henry slip away.”
At first, Ruby said nothing. She only caressed my head as I did everything I could to hold myself together. Her hands were soothing, comforting the rage that often sent my heart rate and blood pressure racing. I breathed in her peace, and somehow, the breakdown I was anticipating never came.
“Do you remember when my daddy died?” she asked. “You were so sick, and so was he. I prayed for God to heal both of you. I begged and pleaded. I thought if I just had the right kind of faith, if I believed strongly enough, with no doubt in my heart, that God would heal you both. But then, Daddy died, and it nearly crushed my faith. I remember thinking that there was no way I could serve a God who demanded such perfection before He would save me from so much pain.”
She grew quiet for a while, stroking more of the anger from my mind with her fingers. I did remember when she lost her father. At the time, I’d thought about how unfair it was that someone like Ruby, so full of faith, should lose a kind father who loved her so much, when my loathsome father was walking around as healthy as could be.
“But over the years since Daddy’s death, God has shown me His faithfulness and love over and over. He brought Asa into my life, and the gift of healing, and you…the greatest earthly love I could’ve ever imagined…and He brought me through war, hunger, violence, and all the fear that came with it. And He gave me our daughter to get me through those awful days when I thought I might never see you again. And none of those things might’ve ever happened if Daddy had lived.”
She paused again, and I thought about all the awful things that had come from my terrible decisions. But for the first time, I also considered all the good. I had memories I’d shared with Ruby that nothing could ever replace. And Hope. I had Hope.
“Don’t you see?” she said, lifting my head until our eyes met. “It’s not that I’d trade Daddy for any of those things. I can’t think on things from my earthly perspective like that. God sees this huge tapestry of intertwining lives, people who need each other and need Him in ways only He can weave together. That’s what gives me peace. Knowing He loves me, even when I take my eyes off Him and stumble. He lifts me up again. Even my sin, my poor decisions, my heartache and loss, are all woven into the beautiful tapestry of my life. And my life is interwoven with yours, and ours is interwoven with Hope’s and Henry’s, Asa’s and your father’s. We’re all woven into this massive tapestry that somehow radiates God’s glory and love. Even the death of His own son is woven in.
“Don’t you think the disciples thought that was the worst possible thing that could’ve happened? Don’t you think Peter agonized over his denial of hi
s friend and Lord? But that horrible, gut-wrenching day that Jesus died was the very day that made it possible for us to be with Him forever. That’s what I mean when I tell you to keep your eyes on Him, and not on me. Not on Hope. Not on anything this world throws at us. Because the story didn’t end with His death. Jesus lives.”
She was right, like always. I knew she was right. I’d been fighting so long to keep everything under control, to stay ahead of disaster, that I’d actually walked right into it time after time. I couldn’t keep living this way. But what now?
I stood and pulled Ruby up with me. “I think…I know things have to change. I have to change. I’m not exactly sure where to start, but I think it’s this decision on whether to stay and face the charges against us, or leave and try to start over. I just…I need to pray.”
She came up on her tiptoes and kissed me. “I’ll be waiting at the house for you. Take your time. Listen to the still, small voice. And know that I love you. Whatever God says, wherever He leads you, I’ll follow.”
She turned and headed back down the path, leaving me in the immense quiet of the woods. I thought back over every decision I’d made since meeting Ruby, and how each one had been an attempt to keep control. Just like Father. He’d once told me I was more like him than I knew. And he was right.
“Lord,” I said, speaking softly to the quiet woods. “I’ve been so wrong. I’ve spent a lifetime looking at all the wrong things, trying to fix what was wrong, or trying to save Ruby or Henry, when I’m not the Savior. I can’t do it anymore. I can’t keep running, but it’s all I’ve known. Tell me what to do.”
Surrender.
“God, how do I surrender? Everything I know tells me surrendering is worse than dying. Better to fight to the end and die on my own terms, than to surrender. I don’t know if I can.”
The birds and crickets continued their song, and for several minutes, nothing more came to me. I’d never known how to hear God. I’d always just listened to Ruby. She was the one who knew Him. She was the one who led me…She’s been leading me.
“Lord, teach me to me lead my family. Show me how to follow You. What do you want me to do?”
Surrender.
I walked further down the path, continuing to pray. I wanted something more, something I could see or touch. Some sign that I was supposed to walk Ruby into the sheriff’s office and turn her over to the very people who were prepared to kill her nine years previously. Surrender? With no plan? No way to escape if she wound up right where she’d left off?
Surrender.
If we left town and went to Mexico, we could live together in peace. No one chasing us down. No need to lie about our names. Who would care? But would Ruby ever look at me the same? Would I ever be able to please God? What kind of husband would I be? What kind of father? Did I want to keep fighting and fighting to stay one step ahead, when all I’d ever done was make one wrong turn after another?
I turned around and walked the other way, still arguing with myself. I prayed for God to still the anxious thoughts in my mind. Where was that still, small voice Ruby spoke of?
Surrender.
Was that it? Just the one word? I stopped walking and closed my eyes, pushing every thought out of my mind. I was done fighting. I was done trying to control everything around me. I knew what I was supposed to do.
When I opened my eyes, Ruby walked toward me from down the path. “I couldn’t go far,” she said.
“It’s all right. I’m glad you’re here.”
“Have you made a decision?”
I nodded and pulled her into my arms. “You’ve been right all along. It’s time to surrender. Not just to the authorities. It’s time for me to surrender everything I have to God. Even you.”
***
Ruby
Two days later, I did my best to explain to Hope where I was going. But how do you tell someone who isn’t yet three years old that her mother is going to jail and may not be coming back? I had no words for that.
In the end, I spent the morning playing with her down at the barn, watching her care for the animals she’d come to love. I hugged her close while Asa sat in his truck, and I did my best not to cry.
“Mommy has to go someplace for a while, sweetie. I may be gone for several days. Maybe a little longer.”
“Who will take care of me?” she asked, sitting in my lap on the front porch.
“Daddy will be here to take care of you, and so will Grandma and Uncle Asa. Remember when Mommy would go into work sometimes at the hospital, and Grandma would give you supper and your bath…and she’d read to you and put you to bed?”
She nodded.
“Well, it will be like that for a while. And I need you to be a good girl and do what Grandma says. You mind her and Daddy, and Uncle Asa too.”
“Can I go wid you?”
“No. You have to stay here and help take care of your animals. They would miss you if you left. You have to feed them and play with them every day.”
She squirmed in my lap until she was on her knees facing me. She put her hands on my cheeks and studied my eyes. “Momma, are you sad?”
“Yes, sweetie.” I took her hands in mine. “I’m going to miss you. But I’m going to pray that I’ll see you real soon.” It was all I could do to hold back my tears. I was determined not to scare her.
“Maybe you should just stay here.”
“I wish I could, but I can’t.”
She scrunched up her face, thinking this through. I looked over her head at Matthew leaning against the truck. His hands were shoved into his pockets, and he kept his eyes on the ground. Mother stood at the front door behind the screen, trying to hide her sniffles.
I couldn’t take it much longer, so I pulled Hope into a hug. “No matter what, you make sure you know how much Mommy loves you. All right?”
“All right, Momma. You make sure you know Hope loves you.”
My throat closed up. I couldn’t remember why I was doing this. Was it really so important to turn myself in now? Why couldn’t I wait until she was older? Did it have to be so soon?
Lord, give me strength. Help me keep my eyes on You.
I waved Mother over, and she scooped up Hope from my lap. “Come on. Let’s go check on the chickens and see if any of those eggs have hatched yet.”
I stood and hugged Mother’s neck. She whispered in my ear. “God bless you and keep you. I love you. Don’t worry about Hope. She’ll be just fine.”
I watched Mother and Hope walk down to the chicken coop behind the barn until they disappeared, and then I released the tears I could no longer hold back. Matthew came over to me as I walked down the steps, wrapping his arm over my shoulder.
We climbed inside the truck, and I laid my head on Matthew’s chest. None of us spoke a word from the time we pulled out of the driveway until we pulled into a parking spot behind the courthouse and jail. We sat in silence, unwilling to move.
Matthew gripped my hand. “We’ll wait until you’re ready.”
I leaned my head against his shoulder and ran my free hand up and down his arm a few times. We’d spent nearly the entire night before just clinging to each other in the bed. I couldn’t hold on to him tight enough. But it was time to let go.
“I’m ready,” I said.
We all three stepped out of the truck. Across the parking lot, Stanley got out of his black Chevy sedan and headed for us. He had on a suit and tie, and his expression was serious. He shook Matthew’s hand and then Asa’s before turning to me. “Big day. You ready to go shock everybody?”
“I don’t know about that. There’s no way to prepare for this moment. I suppose I’ll just have to get it over with.”
We crossed the lot, with my hand still clutching Matthew’s. Stanley walked in front of us, stopping as we reached the door. “All right. I’m going to go inside and speak with the sheriff so he won’t be quite so shocked when you walk in. I’ll come and get you in a few minutes.”
Stanley disappeared into the brick bu
ilding, leaving me to wonder once again if this was really the right thing to do. Matthew stepped over to the wall, pulling me into his arms. I stood there with him and rested my head against his chest.
“Last chance,” he said. “We’re sure we want to do this?”
I couldn’t speak, so I just nodded. His chest rose with his deep sigh and we stood together in silence again. There are no words for the moment right before you jump off a cliff. All I could do was hope Jesus was at the bottom to catch me.
The door opened, and Stanley motioned us inside. Matthew took my hand again, leading me into the foyer of the sheriff’s office. It looked exactly the same as it had nine years ago. The cold cement walls and the sharp odor of concrete made my stomach swim. Every nerve in my body protested at being back in this place.
I followed Matthew over to the desk where the sheriff sat, in the same place it had been before. Only this time, it wasn’t Sheriff Peterson siting there. Instead, John Frost stood behind the desk, his mouth agape when he saw me.
“I…I thought you was playing a joke on me…” He turned wide blue eyes to Stanley. Then he stared back at me. “Ruby? You’re…you’re alive?”
I nodded. “I know this must seem a bit…um, shocking. But here I am. I’m turning myself in.”
John blinked, but he didn’t move. He looked from me to Matthew, and then at Stanley again. “You weren’t joking.”
“No, Sheriff Frost. I wasn’t.” I took a quick glance at Stanley. He almost seemed to be enjoying this. “Now, I believe the correct procedure here would be for you to book Mrs. Doyle and place her in a cell.”
“Mrs. Doyle?” John said.
Matthew cleared his throat. “We married a few years back.”
John rubbed the back of his neck and shook his head. “All right. Well, yes…we need to get you booked.” He came around his desk and went to a filing cabinet, where he pulled out some papers. He dropped two of them on the floor, and I noticed his hands shaking as he picked them up.
I dropped Matthew’s hand and went to John as he stood. “Listen,” I said quietly. “It’s all right. I won’t be any trouble. I know this is confusing and all, but I’m here to make things right, not cause a stir.”
Abiding Hope: A Novel: Healing Ruby Book 4 Page 30