“And then I never supported you during your trial. That was unforgivable.”
“Nothing’s unforgivable.”
He shook his head, his eyes filling with sorrow. “When you don’t apologize to the people you love before they’re gone…that’s unforgivable. I don’t deserve forgiveness. Especially when I’ve been so stingy in offering it myself.”
“It’s not too late.”
“It’s too late for me to make things right with Henry. He is…I mean…he’s not coming back, is he?”
I shook my head. “He died in the Philippines.”
“Yeah, I read about that in the paper back when they presented Mother with his Silver Star. I guess I just hoped that since you weren’t really dead, and Matthew wasn’t really dead…maybe Henry wasn’t either.”
Mother. James had called her “Mother.” Maybe there was still hope for that relationship. We stood in silence again, and I thought of how Henry had always brought out the laughter our family needed during hard times. “I sure do miss him,” I said. “He would have me laughing all the way through this awful situation.”
“He did manage to find fun in the most dire circumstances. I should’ve appreciated that more. You know, when I heard that he’d died, I realized that I had no more family left in the entire world. Both my parents, and then you, and then Henry. It was the loneliest I’ve ever been.”
“Can I ask you something?”
He nodded.
“Why did you shut Mother and Asa out of your life if you were lonely?” I moved over to the cell door and got as close to him as I could. “I know she isn’t the woman who gave birth to you, but she loves you just as much as if you were her own. Can’t you forgive her and Daddy? They meant well. They just wanted you to be happy.”
“Were we?” he asked. “Were we happy?”
“I thought so. Until Daddy died. And then it got harder. But we still had joy. You started your own family, and I saw you with Abner. You were a wonderful father. I’d bet you still are.”
“I have a whole houseful of young’uns now. You should come see—” He stopped as realization hit him. “Ruby, what’s going to happen to you now?”
“I’m not sure yet. Probably prison for a long time.”
He held up the newspaper in his hand. “You know, you’ve caused quite a stir. The entire state’s fired up about the mysterious Ruby Graves, escaped murderess, whose conviction was vacated. Everyone wants to know where you’ve been. Some papers are reporting sightings of you in various places. I think someone said they saw you in New York, another said you were in Texas. Apparently you’ve done a lot of traveling while you’ve been hiding from the police.”
“Let me see that,” I said. He passed the paper through the bars, and I opened it up. It was the Birmingham News, and the front-page headline read, “Fugitives From Justice Return to Face the Music.” The subtitle continued, “Where Has Ruby Graves Been Since Being Convicted of Murder in 1936? Sources Say She’s Been On the Move.”
“Oh my goodness,” I said. “They’re just making up stories about me.”
“Maybe you should set the record straight.”
“I hate newspapers. They crucified me the first time I was on trial. There’s no telling how far they’ll go this time. Now the Birmingham News is writing about me? I hope no one shows up at the farm. Hope will be so confused and scared.”
“Who’s Hope?” he asked.
“My daughter.”
His eyes widened, and he took a step back. “You have a daughter? Wow, I think we have some catching up to do.”
“How long do you have? It could take a while.”
Just then, John appeared and approached my cell. “Ruby, your family’s here. I’m going to move you to a meeting room so you can visit.” He stopped at the door and looked at James. “You’re welcome to come along if you like.”
“I don’t think so,” James said. He stepped back from the door. “I’m sorry, Ruby. We’ll catch up another time. I just…can’t yet.”
“All right,” I said as John entered my cell. “Take care of yourself.”
“You do the same.” James watched me a moment longer before heading back out the way he’d come. I watched him go, my heart both glad for his visit, but sad that he couldn’t find peace with Mother and Asa.
I turned to John and stuck out my hands. He grinned and shook his head. “I reckon you can walk to the meeting room without being cuffed.”
I tried to smile, but a bout of nausea sprung up on me. “Thank goodness. I hate those things.” I swallowed, and the feeling passed. We headed out of the cell and down the walkway. “John, don’t say anything to my family about me being pregnant. I’ll tell them myself when I’m ready.”
“Sure thing, but how are you going to explain throwing up every ten minutes?”
“I’ll just have to make sure I don’t do it while they’re here.”
He glanced at me with raised eyebrows. “I’ll put a pail outside the room, just in case.”
Chapter Thirty-One
Matthew
September 30, 1945
Hanceville, Alabama
I was learning new lessons each day, some of them difficult to swallow, others coming naturally. Playing with Hope in the evenings was my salvation from missing Ruby. In many ways, it was like having Ruby there with me. But spending each night alone in the bed, thinking about her and missing her, wondering if we’d ever be together again, was a hard lesson in trusting God. It drove me to my knees night after night. But the real lesson I learned in those dark hours was that joy was possible in the midst of much heartache.
I stopped begging God to save Ruby from prison or the electric chair. Instead, my heart began to desire God’s presence and comfort for all of us, regardless of our circumstances. And in the moments when I felt the most sorrow, when I’d think on Henry’s death and all the anger and sin that had followed, or the uncertainty of our future, a gentle, quiet presence came along beside me. If I was caught up in my pain, I would miss it. But most nights, I felt the Lord beside me, and I continued to ask for His wisdom and guidance.
Just when I thought I was making progress in my effort to completely surrender to God’s plans for our future, we made our family visit to Ruby on Sunday afternoon. It started with a tense moment, with James coming out from the cellblock as we waited to see Ruby. I think Mrs. Graves gasped the loudest, but we were all surprised. He didn’t say anything, but he did give a polite nod to Mrs. Graves before he walked on by. It was all I could do to keep from going after him. But I forced myself to stay in my seat, and instead, I prayed God would work on James’s heart.
Once we were settled in the conference room and Ruby came in, things took a turn for the better. Although she looked pale and tired, Ruby set a bright smile on her face and made us all feel at ease. Hope clung to her mother the entire time, telling one story after another. She even ratted me out for taking her down to see the hogs in the middle of the night. Hope scrunched up her shoulders and giggled, while Ruby pretended to be mad at me.
“Well, sounds like Daddy is taking great care of you, sweetie,” Ruby said. “But he might be in trouble for late night parties with the pigs.”
Everything was fine until it was time to go. Then I learned another lesson about joy in the midst of sorrow. Hope sobbed, and she begged Ruby to come home with us. I could see how much it hurt Ruby to tell her she couldn’t come yet. Mrs. Graves couldn’t watch. She buried her head in Asa’s neck as I tried to coax Hope away from her mother.
“We’ll come back and see Mommy again soon,” I said. “I promise.”
“But why?” Hope sobbed. “Why can’t she come home wid us?”
“It’s hard to explain, sweetie. Mommy has to stay here for now. But we’ll pray every night that she can come home as soon as possible.”
Hope had wrapped herself around Ruby’s legs. I couldn’t bear to pull her away, but I had to. Tears streamed down Ruby’s cheeks, and Hope squirmed in my arms. “Momma,
please come home wid us. You don’t hafta stay here.”
I held on to Hope as she stretched her arms toward Ruby. Dear God, what are we doing to her? Will she ever recover from this? Please help me calm her. I pressed my hand against Hope’s back, turning her into my chest and holding her as close as I could. I shushed her and rocked her from side to side.
“It’s going to be all right, little bunny. Mommy is fine. And we are all just fine too. We’ll just go home and take care of the animals, and keep the house ready for when Mommy can come back. Remember how much fun we had yesterday? That hog tried to dig under the fence, but you told him a thing or two, and he straightened right up.”
She stopped squirming and slid her arms around my neck. “He was being a bad pig.”
“Yes, he was. But you told him what’s what, didn’t you?”
“Yes, sir.”
“We better get back to the house and make sure he isn’t causing trouble again.”
“Yes, sir.” Her voice, so quiet and sad, broke my heart. But at least she was calm. I mouthed, “I love you,” to Ruby, not wanting to get Hope worked up again.
Ruby pressed her hands to her chest, her tears still flowing, and mouthed, “I love you too.”
The ride home was tough. Hope sat in my lap, straddling me with her face pressed against my chest. She kept her arms around my neck, and she barely moved the entire ride. I rubbed her back and prayed over her, asking God for peace in her little soul.
By the time we got back to the farm, Hope was asleep, so I carried her into Asa and Mrs. Graves’s bedroom, where she took her naps every day. I laid her on the bed, and stood in the doorway watching over her for a few minutes to make sure she was asleep. That was when it hit me. My lesson for that day was to make every moment with the ones I loved count. And that it was time to make peace with my father.
***
Later that afternoon, I stood on the doorstep of my childhood home, poised to knock, yet unable to do so. Although so much of it looked the same—the huge magnolia trees to my right and left, the blooming white ginger lilies my mother had cared for so meticulously, and their fragrant smell on the breeze—so much had changed. I knew when I walked through those doors, Mother wouldn’t be there to greet me, and I already felt the huge hole of her absence.
I raised and lowered my hand countless times. They had to know by now that I was back in town and that Ruby was alive. It was all over the papers. Would they be surprised to see me? What would I say?
Lord, there’s still so much hurt and anger in my heart. I don’t think I can forgive Father. I don’t have the strength. Only You can forgive him. Somehow, You’re going to have to give me the forgiveness I can’t muster on my own. Help me to see Father the way You see him. Help me to remember all that I’ve been forgiven for. Be near to me, and calm my spirit.
I took a deep breath, and rang the bell. Within a few seconds, footsteps approached, and Ellis swung open the door. He looked exactly the same as I remembered him: dark as night, slim, silvery hair, and a warm smile he didn’t often share with visitors at the door, but had always shared with me.
“Mr. Matthew,” he exclaimed, his face lighting up. “We been hopin’ you’d come by, and now here you are!”
I stretched my arms out and walked right into a hug, which seemed to take Ellis back for a moment. I reckoned white folks didn’t go around hugging the help, but as soon as Ellis had smiled at me, I’d been overcome with my love for him.
I patted him on the back before releasing him. “Ellis, I can’t tell you how good it is to see you. How’s your family?”
“Oh, everyone’s doing just fine. I got grandbabies all over the place. You should see ’em. Running this a’way and that a’way. Can’t hardly keep up with ’em, but I sure do try.” We beamed at each other for another moment before he came to himself and gave a little start. “What am I doing? I need to go tell Mrs. Mary and everyone that you’re here. I’ll be right back.”
He took off toward the back of the house, leaving me standing in the foyer. I looked around at all the portraits on the walls, most of them meaning very little to me. But when I came to Mother’s, my heart grew heavy. I had so much regret to face, so much to try to make right. Was it even possible anymore?
Before I could think on that too long, I heard Mary calling out to me, and the next second she was running across the foyer. She threw her arms around me, and I wrapped mine around her waist. “You’re here!” she cried. “You’re really here!”
“I’m really here,” I said, swinging her around as I hugged her. I set her down and stepped back to look at her. “I’m sorry it took me so long.”
She laughed through her tears and took me by the hand. “You have to come see everyone.”
“Everyone?”
“Yes! The whole family’s here. We get together every Sunday afternoon.”
I froze, suddenly apprehensive about seeing the entire family all at once. “How many people are we talking here?”
“Oh, I don’t know. Tom’s family, Frank’s, mine…all of us. Daddy insists everyone come for dinner on Sundays, and we’ve been doing it for a couple of years now. Of course, Andrew and I live here, so we’re always around. Come on! Come see all your nieces and nephews!”
She tugged on my hand again just as two little girls in matching flowered dresses ran into the foyer, their blonde pigtails bouncing. The oldest carried a toddler in her arms, who was clearly weighing her down. She handed the toddler to Mary with a big huff. “Mother, are you coming? Grandpa is about to start the race.”
She turned them around to face me, her free hand on the older girl’s shoulder. “Girls, this is your Uncle Matthew.” Their eyes widened. “This is Rebecca. She’s six.” She patted the younger one on the shoulder. “And this is Martha, who will be four very soon. They’ve been dying to meet you for months now.”
I squatted in front of them, amazed at how much they looked like Mary. “I’m so glad to meet you,” I said. “You’re both just as beautiful as your mother.”
They looked at each other and giggled. Hope would love her cousins. Maybe I should have brought her along, but I hadn’t known what to expect.
Rebecca looked up at Mary. “Mother, can we go back to the race now?”
“Yes, go ahead. We’ll be along in a few minutes.”
The girls ran out of the foyer toward the backyard, and I stood up again. “And who is this young man?”
Mary bounced the little boy on her hip, grinning at me. “This is my son. His name’s Matthew, but we all call him Mattie. Andrew hates that. Says it sounds like a girl’s name. I reckon he’ll grow out of it though.”
I smiled at him, and he ducked his head into Mary’s neck. “Matthew?”
“Yeah. We named him after this fella we used to know. He was a hero or something in the war.”
I couldn’t find words for the love and regret coursing through me. How had I been so blinded by anger that I couldn’t see how much my little sister loved me?
“Mary, I’m so sorry about not coming home for so long. Especially for not writing you more often. I should have—”
“Hey, all’s forgiven. You’re here now. That’s what matters.”
I cleared my throat, trying to keep my emotions in check. “So, uh, what race are the girls talking about?”
“Oh, that. Father had Ellis build a little track around the property with a few simple obstacles. The kids all run around it whenever the weather permits. Father insists on starting the race and being at the finish line for each of his grandkids as they come across. It’s really quite wonderful.”
I had a hard time picturing Father that way, but maybe Mary was right. Maybe he had changed. I was about to agree to go with her to the backyard when I heard a moan from behind me. It was a deep, guttural sound, almost like a cry. I turned around to see Father in his wheelchair at the door that led back into the kitchen. Ellis stood behind him, his hands gripping the handlebars. He pushed Father into the foyer.
> My throat ached at the sight of him. He looked worse than when I’d seen him in Houston, his mangled hands twisted. He coughed as Ellis pushed him forward. “Mr. Matthew,” Ellis said. “Your father wants me to tell you how happy he is that you’re here.”
I walked over to Father, still unsure of how I felt about all this. But I was determined to try to make peace with everything that had stood between us. “Hello, Father. It’s good to see you.”
He hit his little chalkboard in his lap with the chalk in his hand. I couldn’t make out the scratches. But Ellis could. “He says he’s very happy. We’re all very happy to have you here today.”
Mary came up beside me, her hand resting on my back. “Come on outside and see your brothers and their families. Stay for a while. We’ll catch up on everything.”
I hated to disappoint her again, but I wasn’t ready for a big family production. “I really can’t stay,” I said. “I’ll come back soon, though. I want you to meet my daughter.”
Mary’s eyes shone with happiness, and she nearly jumped in the air. “I knew it! That little girl in the picture. She has your eyes. I knew she was your daughter! Oh, when can we meet her?”
“I don’t know. There’s a lot going on. I assume you’ve read the papers?”
Mary looked over at Father, her smile fading. “Yes, we’ve seen them. Is Ruby really…alive?”
“Yes. And she’s facing some serious charges. We have a lot to deal with. But I promise, I’m not disappearing anymore. I’ll come back when I can, and I’ll bring Hope next time. I’m sure she’d love to meet her cousins.” I met Father’s gaze. “And her grandfather.”
A tear fell from the corner of his eye. He scratched something on his board, and I glanced up at Ellis for a translation. Ellis looked confused. “Mrs. Mary?” he asked.
She stepped over and looked at the board. “He wants to ask Matthew some questions.” She turned to me. “Do you have a few minutes?”
“Ah, just a few. Hope was napping when I left. She’s been upset and missing her mother. I don’t want to be gone too long.”
Abiding Hope: A Novel: Healing Ruby Book 4 Page 33