“Penny.” Damien is by my side, pulling me toward the older man. I swallow hard, wanting this man to like me. “This is my father, Tom.”
“It’s wonderful to finally meet you.” I smile, feeling nervous because he shifts to stand up. Damien’s hand shoots out to steady him.
“Penny?” Tom whispers. His gray eyes study me carefully.
I nod my head, because no words form. As far as fathers go, I have very little experience, but from everything Damien has told me about him, he’s the kind of father I always dreamt of having. I want this man to like me.
“Absoluetly lovely.” He grasps me tightly and wraps me up in his embrace. “Just lovely.”
I can’t help the sob that escapes my lips. My body sags against him because he’s hugging me the way a father is supposed to hug a child. For the first time in my life, I’m on the receiving end of that kind of hug. My heart feels like it might burst.
“Damien,” Tom chokes and pulls him into the hug. Damien kisses my head, and then his father’s forehead. His body trembles next to me, and I hear a soft sob escape from the man who up until a week ago, had closed himself off from the world. Tom’s hold tightens on us. “Words can’t express how long I’ve waited for this moment.”
A moment passes before he finally loosens his hold on us, and I become aware of how silent the room is. Damien wraps an arm around me, and I look up to meet the eyes of his family members. They watch the moment with admiration, some wiping away a stray tear or two.
“What say we get our new sister here a glass of wine?” Savannah laughs while reaching for me. She graps my hand and pulls me away from Damien, who lets me go with an assuring smile. Seems he might not need me standing by his side all night, not with all the love and joy filling the room.
I glance over at the men standing across from Damien. They haven’t said anything to us; in fact, they don’t look very happy at all.
“Don’t you worry about them,” Savannah murmurs softly, her eyes on the same group of men. One sends her a wink, and I assume he’s hers. “They won’t dare do anything to ruin this moment.”
“They’re angry,” I observe.
“They’re protective,” she says with a nod. “The little brother who broke all our hearts has returned.”
I want to say something in his defense, but she’s right. He might have had his reasoning, reasons I’m sure they’ll understand, but that doesn’t make what he did right. He did more than hurt himself staying away.
“Three of the four have never met him, so they’ll look to Astrid’s husband to figure out how to deal with him without finding themselves in the dog house tonight,” Skye pipes in from behind me. Astrid and Farrah follow close behind her. They’re leaving Damien to the wolves, and all I can think is maybe they are mad at him after all.
“Are they going to say something to him?”
“Probably, but like Savvie said, they’re protective. If they had it their way, he’d be outside in a world of hurt,” Farrah laughs, completely unconcerned.
Something about the way the men are watching Damien tells me they are right, but the sense I get from these four strong women is that they won’t cross the line with him. I hold back a giggle because the whole situation reminds me of Damien and how territorial he can be. I learned firsthand what she means by protective.
Savannah clears her throat when we enter the kitchen, pulling me away from the precious memories that night.
“Red or white?”
“Umm…” I pause, feeling my stomach churn at the choice. I’ve been feeling poorly since yesterday morning. The last thing I need to do is embarrass myself in front of Damien’s family. “Do you think I can get a glass of water instead?”
Astrid smiles and walks around the large island in the middle of the room, stopping in front of the refrigerator. She opens it and produces a cold bottle of water, handing it to me as she returns to her spot next to me.
“So, Penny, tell us, how did you meet our brother?” she asks, getting down to the nitty gritty. I know it must be a surprise to have Damien home, let alone learning he’s married, but we prepared for this question.
I give them a washed-down version of how we met, hoping they believe it, knowing full well we’re going to tell them the truth before we leave.
*****
After dinner, a quick clean up, and listening to his sisters shuffle all the kids upstairs and into bed, Damien and I sit down with his family.
Conversation is tense as the elephant in the room continues to be ignored. No one is ready to talk about why Damien broke away from the family, but like Damien, I see their grief is still fresh and unhealed.
“I want you to know that I read every email you sent.” Damien turns to Astrid, and I watch as the strongest of the sisters gets misty-eyed. “I’m sorry I never replied.”
She nods, never asking why. I suspect she already knew why, though. They all did.
“I have a little confession myself,” she admits, sipping at her glass of wine. “I’ve kept in touch with Kingston regarding your well-being.”
“I knew that,” he admits with a nod.
“You did?” she asks, clearly surprised.
“He asked the first time you reached out if it was okay. He isn’t the kind of man to go behind a brother’s back, family or not.”
“So, instead of responding to any of our emails, you let someone else tell us how you were doing?” Farrah growls, her sights narrowing in on her brother. “What kind of fucked-up shit is that?”
“Farrah—” Tom tries to interject, but Farrah doesn’t back down this time.
“No, it’s a reasonable question, Daddy. We’ve spent years worrying about him, holidays missing him, birthdays praying for him, only to discover he really just didn’t care about us.” She turns toward Damien and lets him have it. “Was it really that hard for you? One little reply?”
“No, it wasn’t.” He shakes his head, his shoulders sagging in shame. I reach out and grasp his hand. “But I wasn’t in the right state of mind—”
“None of us were.” She stands, throwing her arms out around her. It’s evident she’s been holding all of this in for far too long, and from the torn looks plastered on Astrid, Savannah, and Skye’s faces, they all have. “Look, I’m just going to say it. After all, I know we’re all thinking it. Losing Mom was difficult for everyone. Not just you. She was the glue that kept this family together, and it took a long time to figure out how to survive without her a phone call away—”
“Farrah,” Tom injectes again, this time using the stern dad voice. She freezes, and her face turns red as she struggles to tamp down the anger and frustration boiling through her. “That’s quite enough. It’s Christmas Eve and not the time to get angry over trivial things. An old man’s Christmas wish came true tonight, and I’d like to enjoy it with a smile.”
Farrah sits down next to her husband, who wraps an arm around her shoulders, trying his best to console her.
“Dad, please,” Damien calls, looking around the room with regret. The tension swirling around is thick enough to cut it with a knife, and he knows it’s his fault. Tom tilts his head, trying to assess his son. “I’m sorry. It was probably a bad idea coming here tonight. I didn’t mean to ruin your holiday. For what it’s worth, there hasn’t been a day that’s gone by that I didn’t think of you all. That I didn’t miss you. If you’d rather I leave, I’ll understand.”
The room is quiet after he finishes. He glances over at me, looking as defeated as I know he feels. I try to smile but can’t bring myself to push past the emotions stifling the room. With a nod of his head, he stands, ready to take their silence as his answer, but it’s Farrah who stops him.
“Stay.” She looks up at him, tears falling from her eyes. “Please don’t go away again.”
Damien crosses the room, pulls his sister into his arms, and gives her the one thing she needs most.
Her baby brother back.
Chapter 29
Penelope
“Merry Christmas, Penny,” he whispers against the skin of my neck, gently nudging me awake. I can’t help the smile that slips onto my face. Memories of last night and meeting his family tickle my consciousness, flooding me with warmth. Despite the turmoil and tension, I’ve never felt so much love in my life.
After Damien’s apology, things grew lighter and more at ease. The wine started flowing, although the men stuck to their beer, and a mountain of gifts were wrapped and placed strategically around the large Christmas tree. And then it was off to bed for an hour or two of sleep.
It was like a dream come true, one I never want to wake up from. Damien’s family accepted me as one of them without question. It’s a feeling I don’t think I will ever forget.
I finally feel like I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be in life. With Damien. With his family. On this day.
Our first Christmas together.
“Good morning, handsome,” I turn in his arms and snuggle into his embrace, sneaking a kiss on his lips before I settle. “Merry Christmas.”
“I think the kids are up and moving about,” he murmurs against my lips. He’s right. I hear their muffled voices filled with excitement on the floor above us “Knowing my sisters, they’ll make them wait for everyone to drag their butts out of bed before letting them open a single gift.”
“That sounds like fun.” I smile up at him. A thrill runs through my body, and it takes everything inside of me to hide the excitement I feel. I bought him a gift at the airport. Even though we agreed to not buy for one another, I couldn’t help it. The small snowglobe reminded me of the first snow-filled walk we took during our time in Alaska. I wanted him to always remember our time there.
“Fun? Getting up before the ass-crack of dawn to watch a bunch of kids get excited over presents…” he trails off and looks down at me. “It does sound like fun.”
The sound of someone pounding on the door at the top of the stairs reverberates through the room. “Uncle Damien, Aunt Penny, Santa came. Mommy said we can’t open our gifts until everyone is awake.” Little Bonnie’s voice, filled with excitement and insistence, bellows through the door. “Please, come upstairs so we can open our presents.”
“See, I told you. If they have to spend the entire day tired and miserable, everyone else should, too.” Damien chuckles as he tosses the blankets off us both and lets me go all together.
“We’re coming,” he shouts up the stairs at Bonnie. She emits a squeal of delight before shouting all the way back to the living room, informting everyone that we are on our way up.
I sit up slowly, feeling lightheaded and a little queasy. Shaking my head, I reach for the thick robe Damien bought me the day he found me nearly stripped naked on top of a bar and chalk the feeling up to the change in altitude or something.
“You feeling okay?” he asks, and I look over at him with a weak smile.
“Must be the jet lag.” I shrug nonchalantly. “Or the late night.”
He smiles at me. His olive-colored eyes turn liquid as the reminder of what transpired between us last night plays out in both our heads. Not that I’m complaining, but I hate being sick.
“There were a lot of gifts to wrap,” he surmises. “Who knew my sisters would have so many kids?”
Speaking of children, the thought bubbles into my mind. I wonder if he wants children of his own. I know this thing between is still fairly new, but it’s a subject we’ve danced around without really talking about it. Seeing him with his nieces and nephews, there isn’t a doubt in my mind that he would make an excellent father.
My stomach lurches, and I pitch forward to my feet, needing to make my way to the bathroom before the contents of my stomach land on the floor. I slam and lock the door behind me before barely making it over the toilet.
I slink down to the cold tile floor at the end of it and take a deep cleansing breath. Damien taps gently on the door, calling to me with worry laced in his voice.
“I’m okay,” I croak, feeling the burn in my throat. I pull myself to my feet, flush the toilet, and turn the faucet on. I grab my toothbrush and notice the sickness has passed.
Maybe it was the airport food?
“You don’t have to wait for me. I’ll be up as soon as I’m done here.” I gaze at myself in the mirror, noting the flush that has taken over my body.
“Are you sure? Do you want me to get you anything before I go?”
“Please, Damien,” I sigh and close my eyes. It’s already embarrassing enough that he heard me. His worry is sweet, but I don’t want him to see me like this. “I’m okay.”
I listen to him take a deep breath before reluctantly stepping away from the door. Feeling like I need to reassure him, I search for the right words. “I promise I’m okay. I just… need a minute… please.”
“I’ll go,” he says, his voice much farther from the door now. I hate the unsurity in his voice, but he goes.
After brushing my teeth twice, I crack open the bathroom door and peek out. Seeing an empty room, I slip out of the bathroom, cross toward the bed, and exchange my robe for Damien’s oversized one. I wrap myself in it, inhaling his spicy scent, letting it calm me.
I’ve been feeling poorly the last few days and am ready for whatever has come over me to be gone. Whether it’s a case of the flu or my nerves, I’m not sure. I just wish it would stop.
The sound of family filters down the stairs, making me think of my own brothers and sisters. With all that my life has ensued, I haven’t allowed myself to think about them. Besides the moments I talked in detail to Damien about them, I’ve refused to let myself feel their loss.
This is my first Christmas without them, and it’s impossible not to feel their absence. Especially now, when Damien’s family is patiently waiting for me to join them upstairs. I let the tears I’ve been holding back fall and send a small prayer out into the world for them.
“Penny?” a soft voice calls from the top of the stairs. It’s Astrid, Damien’s oldest sister.
“I’ll be right up,” I call, feeling frozen in my spot. I lift a hand and brush away the wet, trying to pull in the heartache I’ve released.
“Is everything all right?” she asks, her voice closer. I hear her soft steps on the stairs. “Damien said you weren’t feeling well.”
“I’m all right,” I whisper, then take a breath and turn to face her. “It’s all the jet lag. I swear I’ve never been on so many planes in my life.”
She smiles at me, but I see the worry in her eyes. My tear-streaked face hasn’t gone unnoticed, but she doesn’t know me well enough to ask about it. She wants to, but we aren’t there yet.
“Do you like coffee? Savannah owns a coffee shop and has this amazing Christmas blend brewing you have to try.” She resumes her role of hostess. I give her a quick nod, but my stomach heaves at the thought. “But I also have an amazing chamomile tea that will help settle your stomach, if you’d prefer that.”
“That would be nice,” I murmur, tying Damien’s robe at my waist. I know I should probably remove it, but there is something about his scent that somehow calms me inside.
“We better get upstairs. I don’t know how much longer they’ll be able to hold off the kids. They were ready to tear apart the house when I came down here.” She laughs before putting an arm around my shoulders. “You can thank my mama and daddy for this famly tradition. No one gets to sleep in on Christmas Day.”
As we make our way back to the stairs, I remember the small package I tucked away in my bag before catching our flight out of Alaska.
“One second.” I spin back around, walk over to our luggage, and pull out the small box. Before tuning back to Astrid, I close my eyes and place the box against my chest, sending out another prayer, hoping my siblings know I thought about them today.
*****
After the last of the brightly-colored paper is stuffed into a large black trash bag, I finally find the courage to pull out the little white box from my pocket and catch his eye.
“This is for you,” I whisper, feeling a rush of blood hit my face. The urge to take the box back and hide it from him hits me hard, and I worry I’ve done something wrong.
What if he doesn’t like it? I can’t help the thought but push it aside as quickly as it came.
“I know we agreed not to get each other anything, but I couldn’t help myself. When I saw it, I wanted you to have it,” I explain, watching him look down at the gift, a smile playing at his lips.
“Now I don’t feel so bad,” he chuckles before handing me an envelope with my name. Where it came from, I have no idea, but I take the envelope from him.
“You got me a gift?” I smile, focusing on my name written in his bold handwriting. My heart swells at the gesture, and warmth fills my body. My nervousness disappears, and I feel giddy. “Nobody’s ever done that.”
“What?” he asks. His smile falters for a moment, and I realize what I admitted to. “You’ve never gotten a Christmas gift?”
Biting my lower lip, I contemplate making up some grand story but decide to be honest with him. He knows the deepest, darkest things about me and my life before him, so I nod.
“He wouldn’t let me have one,” I say without thinking it through. A roar fills the room, and I blink, suddenly remembering the number of adults sitting around us. They don’t know about me or where I came from. They don’t even know the truth about how Damien and I met; not that we’re hiding it from them, but the time hasn’t been right.
From the arguments and shouting voices, we aren’t going to be able to keep it from them any longer.
“What do you mean, he wouldn’t let you have one?” Astrid demands, glaring at her brother.
Shit, do they think I meant Damien wouldn’t let me have a gift?
“No, no, it’s not what you think,” I gasp, floundering to find the words, but it’s useless. All four sisters have stood from their places besides their husbands and are bearing down on us. Astrid’s husband begins urging the children out of the room, sending daggered looks toward Damien.
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