I’d sought out the instrument shortly after getting back, needing it to help erase some lingering nerves from the evening’s activities. But I was too distracted to play. Looking at Kellan wasn’t helping.
I shifted, determined to stop looking at him. However, there was a flash of movement a moment later, drawing my eyes back to the window.
Kellan had pushed away from the wall and was stalking towards a tree. He pulled his hand back, and then let it fly forward in a tight fist. Amazingly, the branches swayed from the impact, several leaves scattering to the floor.
I gaped as he made his way back to the wall and leaned against it. Shoving a hand in his pocket, he pulled out a pack of cigarettes. Placing one in his mouth, he lit it up. I blinked, almost doubting that I’d just seen him punch a tree, he was acting so nonchalant. I stared at him for a moment longer before I placed Phoenix’s guitar down on the floor and slipped outside.
Kellan didn’t acknowledge me as I approached, though I could tell by the subtle tensing of his body that he was aware of my presence.
The wall wasn’t too high, but I still had to use my arms to heave myself onto it, coughing slightly as the smoke of the cigarette hit me. He put it out immediately.
“I haven’t seen you smoking much lately,” I commented, perched on top of the wall beside him.
He shrugged, his shirt straining across his broad shoulders. “After today... I needed it.”
I looked at his hand, seeing that he’d split his knuckles open again. He’d only just taken the bandages off from when he’d gotten into the bar fight.
“Nothing happened, Kellan. Nothing,” I said, a little exasperation seeping into my voice.
A searing look was sent my way. “It so easily could have. God, April,” he sighed, and I melted at the way he said my name. It was a half-plea, half something I couldn’t name. He closed his eyes, looking pained.
There was something else going on here. I didn’t know how I knew, but I did.
“What is it?” I said softly.
After a moment, he opened his eyes. The startling grey gaze stared at me, looking torn. “There was an empty room in the attic, behind a steel door with half a dozen bolts and locks on it. There was a single bed inside, and a small sink. No window. Nothing else.”
“Like... like a holding cell?” I asked, swallowing hard. My heart was pounding in my chest, dread at what he’d say next settling deep in my gut.
“Yes.”
I closed my eyes.
“You think–“ I started to say, but paused, unable to voice what I was thinking. I opened my eyes, looking at him wordlessly.
“Maybe,” he said, knowing what I was asking without me having to say. He hesitated for a moment, eyes tormented, before saying, “Probably.” He took in a deep breath. “Mario’s gun was on a table just outside the room... alongside his wedding ring.”
I drew in a ragged breath. Kellan’s arm was suddenly there, supporting my weight when I felt as though I might pass out for the first time in my life. He shoved his other hand in his pocket, and I eyed the closed fist he retracted anxiously.
“Here.” He uncurled his fingers, the familiar white gold band sitting in the palm of his hand.
Carefully, almost reverently, I picked it up and placed it on my thumb. Even on my biggest finger, it was still far too big for me. I curled my fingers into a fist around it, clutching it to my chest and close to my heart.
“But he wasn’t there anymore? He wasn’t there,” I whispered, tears stinging my eyes.
“No, he wasn’t,” Kellan confirmed, looking like he wished he was telling me anything else. Cupping my face with his big, warm hand, he used his thumb to wipe at the one lone tear that had escaped.
I leaned into the warmth of his touch and the comfort he was offering; his arm no longer supporting my weight, but presenting a soothing comfort. His arm tightened, and I nestled my head into the crook of his neck, feeling his warm breath on my forehead.
We stayed that way for hours.
The sun eventually set, and the sky darkened. His arm stayed around me, the warmth of his body keeping me more than warm. Even if I’d been cold, I wouldn’t have been able to move.
I was content. Physically. My mind still wandered to different places. To Dad. And Mom.
I thought about where to go from here. What to do next. One question haunted my mind the most... if Dad had been held in Antonio’s house, where was he now?
I had to work to shift my thoughts. But only other worries replaced them. I thought about the house, and how I’d pay the bills. I thought about getting another job. Or maybe going to college.
Apparently, I could afford to go now. With our debt paid off, I was in a much better position than I’d ever been before.
College had always felt like a faraway dream, something to think about later. What would I even do if I actually went? I wanted to do something useful. Helping others – making a difference in their lives –would be my dream.
“You think I would make a good teacher?” I asked, my voice the first to break the long silence. He turned to look at me, brows furrowed in confusion. “It’s something I’ve been thinking about. Working with disadvantaged kids. Helping to teach and inspire them...” my voice trailed off, uncertainty filling me as Kellan’s intense gaze remained focused on me.
“You’d be fantastic at it,” he said softly, a small smile appearing on his face.
“You really think so?” I asked.
He gave me a small squeeze, his arm still around me. “I have no doubt that you’ll excel at anything you set your mind to,” he said, then continued teasingly, “annoyingly so.”
I rolled my eyes. “You can talk. You’ve thrived as a bounty hunter.”
“Not in other aspects of my life,” he said quietly.
I looked at him for a moment, not sure if he was being serious. “Name one thing you’re not good at,” I said with a raised eyebrow.
“School,” he said grudgingly. “I’ve never been good at it. I barely graduated.”
“I thought you didn’t care,” I said, surprised. Kellan had always given me the impression that he didn’t give a crap about school. He’d just swaggered through everything with a careless shrug back then. I’d heard Dad talk to him about it often enough those months Mom had been in hospital and I’d spent so much time hanging around the high school.
“Back then, I’d rather have had people think I didn’t try or give a shit about school than admit I was struggling,” he said quietly.
“You’re smart, though,” I argued, turning to look at him. He was so smart. Smarter than me. Even if he’d never gotten the grades in high school, it didn’t change how sharp and knowledgeable he was.
“I don’t read all that well,” he admitted. “I didn’t start going to school until I was ten and in foster care. I never did manage to catch up with everyone else.”
I was completely shocked. I’d never known that about him. Suddenly, little things were beginning to make sense to me. I felt a flash of sorrow for the little boy Kellan had been. What kind of life had he had before he’d been taken into care?
“It doesn’t matter to me. It shouldn’t affect how you see your accomplishments. You’re still the greatest man I know,” I told him, and it was true. Kellan Reed was honest and determined, kind and compassionate. It amazed me that he didn’t see himself that way. “Along with Dad, of course,” I added, a small smile appearing on my face.
His lips quirked. He turned, his face now so close to my own. “You really believe that?”
“Of course I do,” I whispered, barely remembering what we were talking about. His eyes moved across my face. They seemed to take in every feature; from my eyes, to the small beauty spot near my mouth, before finally dropping to my lips. They stayed there, and he swallowed hard, almost as though he were bracing himself.
My thoughts fled when his lips, ever so slowly, brushed against my own. It was barely a
kiss, but the reaction it elicited from me was greater than any other I’d ever received. It was tender and gentle when our last kiss had been anything but.
He deepened the kiss, his mouth soft, yet hard against my own. Our tongues brushed, and my knees weakened.
We pulled back at the same time.
I stared at him, panting slightly, and could see that he was similarly breathless.
The depths of his grey eyes were intense as they stared into mine, his breath fanning across my face making me feel lightheaded.
We moved at the same time.
Kellan was suddenly pulling me off the wall and into his arms, as my hands found their way into his hair.
Our lips met in a sensual, open-mouthed kiss, and I felt everything in that moment. His hard thighs as I stood between his legs, the softness of his hair in my hands, and most of all, the reverence in his kiss and in every single touch.
“Wow,” I said, breathing hard.
His answering smile was strained, though his eyes held an underlining softness as they gazed at me. “You stole the word right out of my mouth, ballerina.”
CHAPTER NINETEEN
* * *
- NOW -
I TOOK AN INAPPROPRIATE amount of time on my appearance the following day. I’d showered, shaved, put some makeup on, and had even take the time to style my hair – which was completely stupid as Kellan has seen me looking my absolute worst.
I was stalling. I could admit as much to myself.
With an irritated huff at myself, I put my hairbrush down, and made my way downstairs. I had a million things that I could have been thinking about, a million reasons for my insomnia last night, but I’d had Kellan on my mind.
What would today be like? One kiss could be explained away, but this was the second time it had happened. Would he mention it? Would we end up acting like nothing had happened like we had last time?
I’d barely allowed myself to think about last time, explaining it away as a heat of the moment thing. But there was no ignoring the truth now. I liked Kellan. I was attracted to him. And I maybe even loved him. But I had no idea how he felt. We hadn’t discussed it.
I felt a little nervous walking into the kitchen. My wayward thoughts were put on hold however when I saw Kellan on the phone. He had it in his hand on loudspeaker. Phoenix stood next to him, both of their heads inclined towards the phone, listening carefully.
Kellan glanced up, his eyes landing on mine and lingering. I didn’t look away. I wouldn’t have been able to even if I’d tried. There was something different in his eyes. I’d always found him hard to read, but today there was something unmistakably warm there.
“What you did last night was reckless and stupid....” the harsh voice, immediately recognizable as Nathan’s, came through the phone.
Last night? For one bizarre moment I thought he was talking about the impromptu make out session in the yard. It took a moment for my brain to catch up with me. I realized he was talking about Antonio’s house, and the fact that we’d technically engaged in breaking and entering. We’d broken the law. How had he found out?
“We needed answers,” Kellan spoke calmly, his eyes still locked on mine.
I stepped further into the room, my stomach a flutter of nerves. I could see by the determination lining his posture, by the very look in his eyes that he wasn’t going to be acting as though nothing had happened last night,
It filled me with relief. It scared me. This was happening. Whatever this was.
“You realize, don’t you, that there were cameras outside of his property?” Nathan said, sounding furious.
“It was taken care of,” Phoenix spoke this time, running a hand through his hair. His hand trembled and he clenched it into a small fist at his side. I frowned in worry.
There was a moment of tense silence. “I could have you arrested.”
I almost snorted. Arrested? He had some nerve. He’d gotten the flash drive, and now it seemed as though he was ready to wash his hands off of us completely.
“But you won’t,” Kellan said, a little chill seeping into his voice. “Or you’ll have to reveal that you were also watching the house. It would jeopardize your whole investigation. Besides, we needed to find Mario, and you weren’t willing to help. If you’ll stop treating us like we’re the enemy, I can tell you what I found there.”
Nathan made a noise that Kellan took for assent. Turning the phone off speaker, he pressed the cell to his ear. He touched my arm gently for a moment, before walking out of the kitchen.
I heard him start to explain to Nathan what we’d found at the house. Although he was pissed, it seemed he was still willing to be civil.
With him gone, my stomach settled a little and I poured myself some coffee. The hot liquid did wonders for my nerves, and I was much calmer by the time Kellan returned.
“I guess we should have expected that the cops – the good ones – would be watching,” I said, putting my mug down.
Kellan paused, picking up an apple from Phoenix’s fruit basket. He took a bite, looking as though he were debating something. “I already knew.”
“What?” Phoenix exclaimed.
“And you didn’t say anything?” I asked, indignant.
“What good would it have done? You were already nervous as it was. Besides, they weren’t going to do anything. I was sure of that.”
Resentment built up within me at the thought of Nathan and his men watching Antonio’s house, maybe watching Dad being held against his will there, and doing nothing. I shook my head. They were the FBI, despite what they were hoping to achieve by waiting to take out the whole of the LSG, they wouldn’t overlook something like that. Would they?
My trust for police officials had long fallen down the drain.
“You can’t keep trying to protect me,” I said softly.
Our eyes met.
Things were different. I could feel it, unmistakable, in the air. Say something, I mentally willed. Anything at all.
His eyes darkened, his lashes lowering as a heated, almost predatory look entering his eyes. Things were different alright. Phoenix must have sensed it too. He stood up, ready to leave the kitchen.
“Wait, I’ll make us some lunch,” I told him, reluctantly getting off the table. I’d dawdled so much today that it was too late for breakfast. Plus, it was his house. There was no way I was making him feel like a third wheel.
“I’ve already eaten,” he said, disappearing out of the kitchen door before I could utter another word. I stared after him for a moment, before I busied myself with preparing lunch.
Kellan didn’t say anything else, though his eyes remained on me. I tried to look fully engaged in what I was doing, though every part of my body was attuned to his.
Opening a drawer, I stood on tiptoes, to reach for a cooking pan. Phoenix wasn’t really a tall guy, but apparently the extra few inches he had on me made all the difference.
I jumped when I felt a hand on my waist. Kellan’s scent entered my senses, making me feel almost dizzy. He smelled of musk, wood, and spice. I was heady and overwhelmed. He stretched up, his hard chest pressing firmly against my back as he used his other hand to pull the pan down for me. His palm lingered on my hip.
I hardly breathed as I stared down at his hand, strands of my hair falling into my face. When I glanced back at him, he moved his hand to push my hair back behind my ear, his warm palm grazing my cheek as he did.
He spoke hoarsely. “April–“
“Whoa. Okay–” a voice said from behind us. My head jerked towards the doorway, and I saw Phoenix standing there, two spots of color high on his cheeks. “Sorry, I just needed to, uh–“
“It’s fine, man.” Kellan stepped back, and I tried to quell my disappointment at the small, subtle movement.
Phoenix grabbed a glass of water, and a bottle of pills, before practically fleeing the kitchen.
“Wait, Phoenix,” I called out, following him. I rem
embered the way his hands had been shaking early, and worried about how he was doing. I found him in the hallway with one foot on the stairs. He stepped down, turning towards me as I approached.
“I really am sorry,” he said sheepishly, rubbing the back of his head.
“Kellan was just helping me to get a pan down from the shelf,” I said lamely.
“Right.” Phoenix nodded, biting his lip. He suddenly looked like he was holding back a smirk.
“I am making lunch though,” I continued, “and I know you didn’t already eat, so don’t even bother trying it.” I shot him a look.
“Thanks, April, but I’m really not hungry,” he told me, his fingers drumming on the banister. “I gotta get some work done. I’ll grab something later.”
“Are you feeling okay?” I asked softly.
“I’m fine, April. I have my up days, and my down days. Really. I’m okay.”
Left with little choice, I took his word for it and went back to the kitchen.
Kellan was on the phone again when I entered. He stood straight, facing the window with his back to me.
I paused, taking a moment to study him. I’d never fully allowed myself the luxury, always afraid he’d catch me looking. He was hot. That was undeniable. The bulge of his arms visible through the short-sleeved shirt he wore, the sharp profile of his face as he stared out the window, and the curve of his ass in those jeans... he was undeniably sexy, and I’d always kind of resented him for it. Well, I had in my teenage years. I hadn’t wanted to find him attractive. I hadn’t wanted to have a crush on him.
I’d known, even then, that it would only break my heart.
Kellan glanced over his shoulder, the look in his eyes, and the raised eyebrow letting me know that he was well aware that I’d been checking him out. I bit my lip. His eyes dropped, following the movement.
“I’ll get there as soon as I can,” he murmured into the phone, before hanging up.
“You going somewhere?” I asked, raising an eyebrow.
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