Above all Else

by Sophia R Heart

  "Do you need a hand?" I asked Kellan, feeling more than a little hopeless after the talk with Dad. The perpetual sadness I felt for Axel and Poppy marred the happiness I felt when I was in Dad’s presence.

  "Nah, I’ve got this," he said, his forearms straining against his crutches as he walked. It was slow going. The halls in this section of the hospital weren't particularly wide and he was jostled every time a visitor or a nurse rushed past. "I think your dad's right, though. You should rest. You look like crap."

  "Thanks," I said with half-hearted sarcasm. Axel and Poppy were on my mind, the grief I felt heavy in my chest. "It's been a little hard to relax with the three most important people in my life in hospital."

  He was silent for a beat. I thought he was concentrating on his steps until he spoke. "I'm one of the most important people in your life?" he asked finally, razor sharp eyes focusing on me.

  "Well, yeah," I said, an unspoken, “duh,” clear in my voice.

  "You are the most important person in my life," he said quietly.

  "I am?" I bit my lip to hide my smile, pleasure lighting up my soul.

  "Yeah," he said, soft eyes moving over my face. "And you've been crying.”

  I glanced away, letting my hair fall into my face. It had been stupid to think that he wouldn't notice.

  "I keep thinking about Axel and Poppy," I said in a small voice.

  "I wish there was something I could say to make it better. Something I could do.” His eyes were filled with frustration. His hands clenched and unclenched against the hand grips of his crutches – almost like he was fighting the urge to reach out to me. He seemed to make up his mind and let the crutches fall to the ground.

  "Kellan!" I exclaimed, grabbing his arm.

  "I can stand by myself, ballerina," he chuckled. "I need the crutches to walk, but my legs can support my weight."

  "Oh," I said, my hand falling to my side.

  He reached for it. Entwining his fingers with mine, he tugged me closer to him. "I just wanted to let you know that whatever happens – with Axel and with your Dad – I'll be here for you. I’m not going anywhere."

  His sweet words caused tears to gather in my eyes. Seeing this, he wrapped his arms around me, pulling me towards his chest. I hadn't been this close to him since the night we'd slept together. He’d been stuck in a hospital bed since then.

  I kissed him quickly on the mouth as we were jostled by a nurse hurrying past us. She shot us a dirty look for blocking the hallway, and I stepped back, grabbing his crutches off the floor for him. "Come on. We're blocking the corridor."

  "How's Phoenix doing?" Kellan asked me once we started moving again. He hadn't seen Phoenix in days. While those bastards had knocked me out, they’d used a syringe on Phoenix. Whatever they’d drugged him with had rendered him unconscious. He’d been fine, physically, within an hour of waking up, and had gone immediately to Poppy's side.

  "Not good," I told him, my thoughts darkening.

  Penelope Ellen Wright, who we'd all known as Poppy, had gone into cardiac arrest at 3:37 yesterday morning, during brain surgery. She was gone. Just like that. Phoenix had been inconsolable.

  He was at home in our guestroom now. I hadn't thought that it would be a good idea for him to go back to his house – not by himself. He hadn’t set foot outside the guestroom since he first stepped into it.

  It had taken almost all of my strength to go back to Phoenix’s place yesterday, but I'd forced myself to go. I'd grabbed Phoenix's cell phone, some of his clothes, and his medication for him. I'd also cleaned up the kitchen, and had cried more than I thought was possible while mopping away the blood on the kitchen floor. I'd been glad to leave, and I doubted that I'd ever be able to go back.

  Phoenix had known Poppy for a few short days, but he was crushed. I suspected that he'd hurt over her for a long time. As would I.

  The funeral was in a few days.

  I couldn’t believe that she was gone. Poppy had been so young, so full of life. She'd had a whole lifetime left to live.

  With a pang, I remembered the day in the diner with Phoenix and how flustered and happy she’d been.

  "He has us," Kellan said, pulling me from my thoughts. "This won't tear him down."

  “I hope not,” I said, wishing with everything in me that it was true. Phoenix’s therapist was back at the house with him now.

  "Did Dad say something to you?" I asked, changing the subject. The past few days had been so long, the nights even longer. It seemed like I did nothing but think about everything. I needed to dwell on something else – even if for just a few moments.

  "What do you mean?"

  "It seemed like back there wasn’t the first time you'd spoken since the warehouse. And you did have all that time while I was visiting Axel..."

  "Nothing, really." He shrugged. Seeing my eyebrows rise skeptically, he sighed. "Just that I should keep my belt buckled around you."

  "He didn't," I said, my eyes widening.

  "Oh, he did," he said, looking uneasy. “He also wanted to thank me.”

  “Thank you?”

  “He said that you’d filled him in on everything that happened since he disappeared.” He sent me a questioning look. I shrugged. “Well, I don't know what you said to him, but he said... he said that he was proud of me.” Kellan looked away, his throat working. It was clear that Dad’s words had meant a lot to him. It was also clear to me that that hadn’t been all they’d discussed, but I didn’t push.

  We were passing the cafeteria on the ground floor when I noticed Nathan coming in through the main entrance.

  I met Kellan's eye, inclining my head towards Nathan. He followed my gaze, eyebrow shooting up as he saw him.

  "Miss. Mansten. Mr. Reed." He nodded at Kellan, a smile fixed on his face. "It's good to see you up and about."

  "It's good to be up and about," Kellan said wryly.

  "Well, if you have a moment, I'd like to speak to the two of you," Nathan said, gesturing towards the cafeteria.

  We followed him curiously.

  "What’s this about?" I asked him after we sat down at a table.

  "Well, first and foremost, I wanted to thank you. Without you... this wouldn’t have been possible," Nathan said sincerely. "I also wanted to assure you that I'll be doing everything within my power to make sure that Mario does not receive any jail time"

  "Thank you," I said, gratitude choking my voice.

  "And Luke?" Kellan asked. I was also dying to know. He hadn't been at the warehouse when they'd made the arrests, and he was nowhere to be found afterwards.

  "That's one of the reasons why I'm here," Nathan said, sitting straighter. "He was visiting a storage locker about an hour from here when two patrolling officers recognized him. He was arrested this morning."

  "Good," I said, shoulders sagging in relief. It had bothered me a lot that Luke hadn't been there at the warehouse. I'd worried that he'd get away with everything he’d done. He’d been involved with the people who had killed Poppy. And he'd been responsible for Dad getting involved with the LSG in the first place. He deserved to be behind bars.

  "There is no doubt in my mind that he will be securing a very long sentence," Nathan said with satisfaction. He glanced at the clock on the wall, his face turning serious as he looked between the two of us. "You should know that this will be hitting all the major news channels any day now. We've tried to keep things under wraps, but there’s no way that it’ll stayed buried for long. Reporters are going to have a field day, and it's a good bet that they're going to learn about your involvement. Keep your heads down, and for the love of God, don't speak to any of the press. They're vultures and won’t think twice about twisting anything you say."

  I nodded, wide-eyed.

  "Anything else?” Kellan asked, looking like he was ready to leave.

  "I'll be needing a written statement from you, Kellan," Nathan said, back to business. "Archie Chambers was shot and killed by
an agent after he fired at you. There’s paperwork and procedures that we need to follow.”

  Absentmindedly, I touched the purplish bruises near my hairline. Archie's fist had caused them. He might have been the one to deliver the killing blow to Poppy. He could be the reason Axel was in a coma. Yet, I didn’t feel any relief that he was dead. It didn’t feel like enough.

  "I'll come by tomorrow, after court," Kellan told him.

  "I'll be seeing you there, then," Nathan said, standing up. Kellan got to his feet, too. Nathan paused, hesitating by the end of the table. "I am not indifferent to the innocent casualties in all of this, though I am aware that it can come across that way. Antonio Rossi was my former brother in law. My sister was... this case has always been personal to me. Now that it's over, I can see where I may have been callous in my approach. There are certain things that I overlooked in my desire to end the LSG – instances where I bent the rules a little. I hope however that these indiscretions are not brought up again. I hope that they do not reflect negatively on me."

  Speechless, we watched Nathan walk away. It might have been my imagination, but it seemed like he was walking a lot faster than normal.

  "Was he really apologizing, or was he making sure that we don't say anything to anyone about how he handled this case?" Kellan mused, glancing down at me.

  "I don't care. I'll take the admission – no matter what his intentions may be." I reached for his crutches and handed them to him. "Come on," I said to Kellan, getting up. "Let's go home."

  CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

  * * *

  - NOW -

  "ARE YOU SURE you're–"

  "I'm fine, ballerina," Kellan said with exasperation. I'd plumped up half a dozen pillows, arranging them around him so he was comfortable. I loved that he hadn't wanted to go back to his apartment after leaving the hospital. He was here. In my bed. With me.

  I clutched the last pillow to my chest. "Do you need–"

  "I don't need anything,” he said, shaking his head. His eyes were soft – if not slightly amused – as they looked at me. "Go and have a nice hot bath. Relax. Pamper yourself."

  "Is that a hint?" I joked only half-heartedly. "You trying to tell me I stink?"

  "Maybe I am.” His words were teasing, but I could tell by the stubborn tilt to his chin that he was serious about me taking some time for myself. “And come back here once you're done."

  I raised an eyebrow at that last command, but turned to leave anyway. He could be bossy while he was recovering. I knew how all the laying about was driving him mad, but I doubted I’d be able to put up with it for long. "Fine."

  His hand closed around my wrist, stopping me from moving.

  "Before you go." He pulled me down towards him. Cupping the side of my face in one hand, he pressed his lips against mine.

  I was smiling as I closed the bedroom door behind me. He did that to me. He drove me crazy, but I loved him.

  Holy shit.

  I loved him. I marveled at the thought, though I wasn’t surprised by it. It didn't feel like a revelation. I loved him, and I think I’d known that for a while now. I just wasn’t scared to embrace it anymore.

  I made my way to the bathroom, carrying a towel and some pajamas. I'd never really been a bath type of girl. Instead, I showered, shaved, and then moisturized – all the while feeling giddy, like I had a secret to share. I loved Kellan Reed.

  I heard the front door close as I stepped out of the shower. It must have been Phoenix’s therapist finally leaving.

  Deciding to see if he was okay, I knocked on the guestroom door.

  "Come in," Phoenix said quietly. If I hadn't been listening so intently for sounds of movement, I wouldn’t have heard him. I pushed the door open, poking my head inside. He was sitting cross-legged on the bed, staring out of the window.

  "Hey." I stepped further into the room. "How're you doing?"

  He shrugged, his hair messy and as wild as a mop on top of his head. "I feel numb, and I feel guilty for feeling numb, even though it's the damn pills my shrink prescribed me."

  "But you need them, right?” I asked, coming to sit beside him on the bed. I didn’t like the bleak look in his eyes at all.

  "Yeah. I have to carry on taking them. And amp up my weekly therapy hours," he said, not sounding happy about it.

  "Would it feel better if you were in pain? I asked gently. I knew I would have embraced being able to cut out the pain.

  "I don't know. I don't know anything anymore," he said, looking helpless. I reached over, and squeezed his hand.

  "I can understand that, Phoenix. Really, I can. But please don't do anything hasty. Don't stop taking your pills," I pleaded, keeping my eyes focused on him.

  "I won't," he said in a small voice.

  I put an arm around him. "It might not seem like it, but things will get better. One of those bastards is dead, and the other will be going to prison for a long time," I told him, feeling him shake underneath my arm. "They haven’t gotten away with what they did to Poppy.”

  He turned to look at me, eyes red-rimmed behind his glasses. "The only reason she was there was because of me."

  "And the only reason they were there was because of me," I whispered through the ball in my throat. Hearing him blame himself helped me understand what Dad had been trying to say at the hospital.

  Poppy really was gone. It wasn't Phoenix’s fault, and maybe it wasn't mine either.

  * * *

  Kellan was fast asleep by the time I slipped back into my bedroom. The sun hadn’t fully set yet, but I’d drawn the curtains, and the room was dark. I snuggled down on the bed beside him, careful not to move his pillows. He was so incredibly warm, I couldn't help but gravitate towards him.

  I wasn't sleepy at all. As I lay there in the dark, my thoughts raced.

  Dad. Axel. Poppy. Phoenix. Kellan.

  Again and again, I thought about the past few days. And I worried about the coming days. Whether Axel would wake up. Whether Dad really would be returning home with us after court or if he'd be leaving in handcuffs.

  Feeling kind of like I was suffocating, I tried to match my breathing to the steady rise and fall of Kellan's chest. I shifted, trying to get comfortable. Maybe I’d take a nap before heading back to the hospital. My arm brushed his, and it was only then that I felt how hot Kellan was. His arm was scorching.

  I placed my hand on his forehead, worry encompassing me as I felt his temperature. I slipped out of bed and dug through his bag, looking for the drugs the doctor had given him. Finding a bottle, I squinted at the label.

  Going back to the bed, I shook him gently. I didn't want to startle him – not with his hip wound. "Kellan," I whispered.

  "Hmm," he mumbled.

  "Kellan," I said louder.

  "What?" He opened his eyes blearily. As he looked at me, bent over him, his eyes cleared, lingering on the dip at the front of my tank top. "Yeah, ballerina?" he said, his voice turning husky.

  "How do you feel?"

  "How do I–?" He blinked at me, looking confused.

  "Here." I handed him two pills and grabbed the water bottle I’d placed on the nightstand earlier. “The label says you should take them three times a day.”

  "Thanks." He swallowed the pills, and then settled back into the bed. "Come here."

  He moved the covers back, inviting me closer. I nestled into his side. Hooking a leg over his, I was careful to avoid the thick white bandage on his injured hip. He sighed, the sound soft and content, and I felt him place a quick kiss on my cheek.

  I turned my head, capturing his mouth with mine. He threw himself into the kiss with more vigor than I'd thought possible.

  I pulled back when things began to get even more heated. "You just got shot a few days ago,” I reminded him.

  "I haven’t forgotten," he said breathlessly, eyes still focused on my lips. He kissed me again.

  It was a while before I managed to get the strength to move
back again.

  "Kellan, you'll hurt yourself," I protested.

  "It'll be worth it," he said, his cheek rubbing against mine. He hadn't shaved today, and his stubble felt rough against my skin. I imagined how it'd feel, rubbing against the inside of my thighs, and... I needed to put a stop on those thoughts. Or I’d never keep my resolve.

  "You'll regret it tomorrow," I told him.

  "Trust me, ballerina, that isn’t even remotely possible,” he said, looking at me like I was crazy.

  A smile had begun to work its way onto my face. I'd been on the verge of an anxiety attack earlier, but his attempt to seduce me was making me feel lighter, helping me to breathe easier.

  "Tomorrow, then." I gave in, but not entirely.

  "I'll hold you to it." He kissed my neck, before pulling back a little. Despite his enthusiasm, he must have been exhausted. Not two minutes later, his breathing evened out and he fell fast asleep. I closed my eyes, too, feeling warm and comfortable. I’d rest my eyes for a bit, and then head back to the hospital.

  It wasn't long before I was fast asleep.

  * * *

  The ringing of my phone woke me. I opened a bleary eye, noticing that it was dark out, and fumbled for my cell on my nightstand.

  I looked at the caller ID, my eyes hurting from the brightness of the screen, and saw that Dad was calling. What time was it? Despite Dad telling me to stay at home, I’d fully intended on going back to the hospital.

  Had something happened?

  I answered the phone, suddenly feeling wide awake

  "What's wrong? Are you okay?" I asked, sitting up. Kellan stirred beside me.

  "I'm fine. It's Axel." I could hear the smile in his voice. "His mom made such a racket, I'm sure the whole floor’s heard. He's awake, sweetheart. He's awake."

  I let out a breath I hadn't known I'd been holding, smiling so wide my cheeks hurt. "I'll be right there."