It made me hot and sick to my gut to think about anyone else with her. Touching her like I’d touched her, worshipping and stroking her velvety softness. I fisted the bottle in my hand until my knuckles turned white.
“Want some wings?” Mandy’s sudden voice sliced through my thoughts, causing me to glance up just as she slid us a tray of fire-roasted chicken wings slathered in BBQ sauce.
“What?” I cleared my throat, releasing my grip on the bottle just a little.
“Wings,” she said again, sliding them closer to me but eyeing Ryko with a hungry smile.
As if speaking telepathically, Ryko got up from his seat, clapped my shoulder hard, and then jerked his chin at her. Mandy untied her waist apron, slid it underneath the counter and crooked her finger behind the bar.
Apparently “wings” was code for sex.
I could leave. Probably should. Who knew how long Ryko was gonna take—knowing him he’d have her shoved against the office wall banging the life out of her in two minutes or less. Not like either of us was really in the mood to make idle chitchat anyway, but I knew if I left here I’d have to confront this situation head-on.
For now, this was my oasis. I dug into the wings. They were okay, not my favorite food. Not like that pasta that Jamie had made the other night. Normally I liked to eat really clean, and carbs weren’t something I indulged in frequently. But hers had been good enough to make me forgo my rules for a night.
I snorted, washing down the grilled meat with another swig of now-tepid beer. I wasn’t really sure how long I’d been sitting there before it dawned on me that I’d finished all six wings and the new bartender was coming over.
“Done with that?” She smiled. Her eyes were a funky shade of violet, clearly contacts, and her hair was dyed a powder-blue.
She was thinner than Mandy, who was nicely curved. Not as pretty, either. But her features stood out more. Her nose was round and the bridge of it was covered in a striking array of freckles.
“Yes.” I shoved the plate away.
Taking it, she lifted her brow. “Don’t like the music?”
“No, I like it. I’m a musician, too; they’re good. What’s their name?”
“Infinite Monkies.” She widened her eyes for dramatic effect and then laughed, a husky sound, like she was a longtime smoker. But her smooth skin made me think her much younger than me. Twenty-one, maybe twenty-two, tops.
I shook my head. “Nice.”
“What’s your band’s name?” She wiped the countertop down in front of me.
Leaning back on my seat, I shrugged. “Fok.”
“Oh, that’s naughty.” She laughed again.
“Yeah.” I picked at the label on the bottle with my thumbnail, not really in the mood to correct her.
I began to understand that I wasn’t going to be finding the answers I needed here, ready to just pay and go. I reached for my wallet when Ryko walked in from the back room with a glaze-eyed and giggling Mandy behind him.
“Ugh, she does that every time,” the blue-haired bartender said with a definite drip of disgust in her tone before turning and walking toward them.
Mandy had her arms around Ryko’s neck and was nuzzling it. For his part Ryko looked completely put off and was cringing as he disentangled her arms. Some quick words were passed between them before he was patting her on the shoulder and coming back to me.
“Pay and let’s get the fuck out of here,” he whispered, whipping out a ten and tossing it down.
He didn’t need to tell me twice. I was curious just what had gone down back there, but I wasn’t going to ask. I paid and we left.
The second we were back on the sidewalk, he looked at me and with a really serious expression said, “I want Zoe back, dude. I’m so fucking miserable.”
Then shoving his hands down his pockets, he glowered at the street ahead. Every once in a while Ryko would break man law and speak his mind, always with the understanding that I not say anything back to him about it. We all knew that ship had sailed, Zoe was long gone and he was stuck with Candy. Cheating on her as he almost constantly did wasn’t any of my business, but it was also not a practice I could ever get behind.
“What would you do if you found out you may have gotten a girl pregnant?” I asked him, not looking at him, but at a rainbow-hued Beetle driving past with bumper stickers on it saying things like: “Peace. Unity. And Crabs.”
He laughed, and the sound was ugly and grating. “Shit, dude, that’s why I wrap it up twice. I can’t be a dad. My life is too fucked up for that.”
We were heading back to the shop when we stopped at the crosswalk and the decision I’d been grappling with all night suddenly came into clarity.
“I gotta go.”
He frowned. “Where?”
I licked my front teeth. “Just got some stuff to do. See you at work tomorrow.”
“Yeah okay then. Later.” Throwing me the peace sign, he walked away.
I didn’t have a clue what I was going to say to Jamie, but if I was a part of this, then I was going to man the hell up and do what I needed to do. I was now only two blocks away from her apartment when I saw a small mom and pop bookshop.
Walking in, I noticed that the musty smell of old books and pets was everywhere. The cramped space was lined with wall-to-wall shelves full of yellowed, weathered books. An old lady wrapped in a colorfully crocheted lime green shawl smiled up at me, shoving her wire-rimmed glasses up her nose. “Can I help you?”
Mouth dry and nervous as hell, I looked around. Spotting the gray tail of a cat disappearing behind a large stack of glossy, leather-bound atlases. “Yes, I am looking for something about pregnancy.”
Her smile grew wide. “Congratulations.”
Shocked by that, I stared at her, dumbfounded.
“Ah, you must have just found out, yes?” She winked. “Well, no worries. I have the mother of all books for you.” Moving nimbly out from behind the narrow counter, she sauntered past me, flicking her fingers in a way that meant I should follow.
She was surprisingly spry for looking as old as she did. Her long gray braid fell well past the base of her spine.
Taking me on a winding path that eventually led to a self-help section before stopping. Tsking softly under her breath, she tapped her gnarled finger to her chin as her gaze drifted from shelf to shelf before finally smiling and beaming. “Ah ha, there you are, you pesky little devil. One copy left.”
Reaching up, she yanked it down and then pressed it to my chest.
It was a thick book, and flipping it over I saw that there was a picture of an obviously pregnant woman sitting in a rocking chair. “What to Expect When You’re Expecting?” I touched the title.
“Best book there is. Covers everything from first trimester on through birth and even a little bit after it too. Lots of good stuff in there.”
“How much?” I turned it over.
She wrinkled her nose. “You know, I would charge three bucks for that usually, but I’m feeling in a good mood today. Nothing.”
“I can’t just take this.” Her kindness was very much appreciated, but I didn’t feel right taking something from her, especially considering I saw no other patrons in the shop.
“Fine, you want to pay, then put those three dollars into the jar on the counter. I’m raising donations for inner city youth programs. That I will take.”
Smiling, I nodded at her and then turned and walked back to the front of the store. I stuffed a five in the jar before heading the final few blocks to Jamie’s apartment.
But my steely resolve to get to the bottom of things between us wavered the moment I was confronted by her apartment number. What the hell was I thinking dropping by unannounced? What if she wasn’t home?
Or maybe she was home and had a friend over?
Maybe another man?
“Dr
ittsekk,” I swore for never even considering those possibilities. The book in my hand suddenly felt about ten pounds heavier.
I was halfway back down the hall when I stopped, knowing that running away wasn’t the answer either. Tipping my chin up, I counted slowly to ten, as my mother had always taught me to do when I was a child and confronted by something uncomfortable.
Marching back to her apartment with purposeful strides, I knocked hard twice.
“Coming.” Her voice sounded small and muffled through the door a second later.
There was the fumbling sound of a lock moving and then her big blue eyes were peeking out at me. It took me less than three seconds to do a quick onceover. Her skin was pale, there were dark circles under her eyes, and she looked exhausted.
Suffering an urge to wrap my arms around her, I gripped the book tighter.
“Tor?” Her voice sounded scratchy. “What’s going on?” She glanced over my shoulder.
There were voices in the background, laughter, and claps. She’d been watching TV.
I scratched my jaw. “Do you have company?”
“No.” She frowned, gripping the frame. “What’s going on here?”
Stomach a knotted mass of nerves, I inclined my head. “Can we talk inside?”
“Have you been drinking?” She sniffed.
“I had a beer.” I grabbed the edge of the door, afraid she might try to close it on me. “Can we…can we talk inside? Please?”
As she nibbled on the corner of her lip, I could practically hear her thoughts and knew the second she’d decided to let me in. Sighing, she nodded. “Okay. But I’m really tired, and I’ve got a trip tomorrow, so this really can’t take long.”
“Fine.”
She pulled the door completely open and stepped aside. The television I’d heard was actually a show playing on her iPad. Walking over to the couch, she shut the tablet off and then plopped down on the seat farthest from me. Crossing her legs in front of her, she patted the space beside her.
Sitting, I wiped my palms on my jeans, at a complete loss as to how to begin this conversation. Opting to go with something neutral, I asked, “How’s Angel?”
Her smile was small. “He’s good. Not really talking much to anybody, but his vitals are improving every day, though he’s really weak. Doctors think he’ll be able to start physical therapy soon.” She shrugged.
“That’s good. That’s good.” I scratched my head. “And um…how are you?”
Cocking her head, she reminded me of a baby chick. “Fine?”
There was a note of suspicion in her voice.
Realizing it was now or never, I spread my hands wide. “Zoe came to me today and—”
“Oh no.” She groaned, squeezed her eyes shut and pinched her brow. “Please tell me she did not tell you what I think she did.”
She looked so defeated and small and I knew immediately by her reaction that the child was in fact mine.
“So it’s true then?”
Dropping her head into her hands, she shook her head. Not speaking for several heartbeats. My palms grew slick as I tapped my fingers on the book in my lap.
The instinct to hold her grew stronger. But not knowing whether she’d accept that or not, I traced her salmon colored shirtsleeve instead. “It’s okay, Jamie. I’m not going to run away. But I have to know.”
Her fingers spread open and she gave me an overly long look, almost of disbelief. “Really? You’re okay with this, because I’m pretty sure I’m not. I’m barely beginning to process this as a new reality.”
Unable to resist any longer, I sidled closer to her and tugged her gently into the crook of my arms. At first she was stiff, but after a few seconds she relaxed into me.
“I hear of false positives all the time,” she whispered.
To me she sounded like a woman hanging on by a thread of hope. I wasn’t exactly thrilled at the idea of having a child myself, but I didn’t like hearing it coming from her either.
“How long have you known about this?”
“A week, which would put me close to a month pregnant at this point if I am. Which lines up perfectly to our…night.” Her voice warbled and the only thing I knew to do was pat her on the back.
“We’re too young for this, Tor, and I would never expect anything from you, okay? It’s why I didn’t tell you, because I’m not really sure yet.”
“Jamie,” I growled, a tiny bit exasperated that she’d keep something like this to herself and forced her to look at me. I know things haven’t exactly been easy between us. But if this is my baby.” I narrowed my eyes. “It is my baby, right?”
She sniffed, wiping at the corner of her right eye. “Yes. It could only be yours. I haven’t been with anyone else since or even…” She sighed. “Well, a while before that.”
A powerful caveman feeling of mine washed through me. I wasn’t ready for a child. To say I was would be a lie. But now there was a legitimate and powerful reason for the two of us to work whatever this was between us out. We had nine months to figure things out and to hopefully come to terms with the reality that our lives were about to be forever changed. And that I liked.
I probably didn’t have the right just yet to claim her lips, but it didn’t stop me from doing it anyway. She looked so fresh-faced, young, and heart-achingly fragile—like a delicate butterfly—I rubbed her jaw with my thumb and then stole a kiss.
Her taste of berries and cider filled my mouth as she slipped her tongue along mine. It always amazed me that even though we were rarely together, the moments we were, it all felt so natural and easy.
Small fingers clutched at my shirt and she whimpered into the kiss, showing the same type of passionate intensity she had our one night together.
I wanted to strip her down, worship not only her body but her soul. Kiss her belly, and whisper a hello to my child, but I sensed that Jamie needed me to be slow and gentle. What we had was so new if I didn’t handle it with care I could ruin it completely.
With great reluctance I pulled away. Her blue eyes were dazed but smiling when I did.
“Have you had a doctor’s appointment?”
“No.” She rubbed her forehead. “I’ve been dealing with Angel during the days and editing manuscripts at night. Honestly, I’ve been putting this aside, hoping that maybe that test I took in New York would be proven wrong. But”—she swallowed—“I don’t feel right. Something is definitely up with my body.”
“Have you had a monthly?”
She shook her head reluctantly.
I rubbed her palm, savoring the texture of her petal-soft skin. “You said you’re leaving tomorrow?”
Jamie always smelled so good, like the flowers she loved. I curled a strand of her hair around my finger. She tipped her head in my direction. I wasn’t used to her being so receptive to my touch; it was nice. Though different. I sensed that the reason she was allowing me to touch her was because of her fear and worries, that she needed someone here and I was present.
Or maybe she understood as I did that if we could make this work, or at least give it an honest shot, it would be the best situation for us both. Not to mention the child.
“Yeah, but not far this time. I’m going to Dallas for another book convention that I unfortunately scheduled a while ago and I probably shouldn’t go, but if I am pregnant I really want to start making more money than I am.”
I wanted to assure her that she didn’t need to feel the pressure of being the sole provider now that I was here, but I wasn’t sure she’d easily accept my horning in on her life this way just yet either.
“I’m trying to drum up more interest in my business. I figured I should probably make more of an effort to make this editor thing succeed, all things considered.” She rubbed her stomach.
“You’re an editor?” I grinned. In all the years I’d known Jamie, I’d h
ad no clue she had a passion for the written word. A fierce longing to know everything there was about her, what made her tick, happy, sad, came over me.
“Yeah.” She patted my chest. “I used to think I wanted to be an agent when I was going through college, but now thanks to the advent and popularity of self-publishing I realized I could just cut the middle man out of the equation and go straight to the writers. My dream is to someday man a world-renowned editorial service known for quality work while keeping prices competitive, with myself being in charge and having a host of other editors working for me. It’s an untapped market, but one I think the industry is hungry for.”
Her mood instantly lifted as she talked of her work; it brought a sparkle to her eye and a smile to her lips. It was like someone turning on the lights inside of her. I’d always found Jamie beautiful, but now I was witnessing her inner beauty and it left me awed.
“That’s how I feel about my art. That joy you’re sharing now, that’s what it does for me.”
She blushed and I traced the pink in her cheek with my finger. She shivered beneath my touch.
“I do love my job, I’m grateful I can work for myself, be my own boss. It helps, especially during times like these when I don’t feel so good.”
Thinning my lips, I nodded. “You need to take it easy and make an appointment. I wish you weren’t going to Dallas tomorrow.”
“I know,” she said, wrinkling her nose. “Zoe thinks I’m being stupid too, which is probably why she went and tattled on me to you.” She peeked at me from the corner of her eye. “But I’ll only be there for the weekend, then I’ll fly back.”
“I could drive you.”
“No.”
She shook her head. “You’ve got the shop, and I know how tight the schedule’s been for you guys lately. Zoe’s always complaining how you need at least two more artists.”
That was the truth, but not one that would stop me either.
“I still think—”
Placing a finger over my lips, she smiled. “No. I appreciate it, but I wouldn’t ask that. I’ll be fine. I’ll fly there and fly back. Women get pregnant every day—it’s not a life threatening condition. So you both just need to relax. Hopefully I’ll make a few more contacts, interview some potential editors, and then I’ll make that appointment. I promise. Besides, I may not be pregnant and this could all be a moot point.”
Rockers After Dark: 6 Book Bundle of Sexy Musicians Page 65