“I came home because I forgot something. I’m going to go before I can say anything else I’ll regret.” And then, clenching his teeth, he stomped to the bedroom, yanked open a drawer, and then a second later slammed it shut.
He didn’t say anything as he walked back out. But he did kiss me on the top of the head. It was hard and not so tender as he normally would, but I was so pissed I felt like spitting. Or saying something really, really awful to him.
I didn’t return the kiss. In fact, I jerked my face away. He looked at me as if silently demanding to know why I’d do it. I locked my feelings away when his eyes gleamed with worry, and turned my back on him when he walked out the door, hugging my arms to my chest.
And when he left, I sat on the couch and it took a minute, but once the tears started to fall it took hours for them to stop.
Tor was gone for so long that day. And at first I welcomed his absence, alternating between cussing him out and being so pissed that he couldn’t understand I hadn’t asked for Angel to come over and do what he’d done.
I channeled my anger into finishing up the final edits on a novel that was due back tomorrow. Normally in a situation like this I’d drink.
It wasn’t often that I did it. Only when one of Angel’s antics really got me low could I hold my liquor like nobody’s business, which was why I rarely kept any of it in the house. The temptation was just too great when I felt like this.
But now I was pregnant, and that wouldn’t work either. So in a manic fit of righteous anger I cleaned the apartment from top to bottom, even going so far as to clean out the grout in the bathroom tile with an old toothbrush from the medicine cabinet.
By the time I finished I knew the day was over half over and I’d not eaten a thing. My lower back and my stomach were also hurting. Exhausted, I dropped onto the bed and covered my eyes with my hand.
That’s when the anger flipped and I started to see my part in this scenario. No, it wasn’t my fault that Angel had come over and no it wasn’t even my fault that he’d acted like such an idiot that Carter had noticed.
But I should have called the cops, and if not them, at least Tor.
Pulling up my shirt I rubbed my belly like a Buddha statue, feeling as our baby moved and danced inside of me.
There was another life to consider.
One that mattered more than Angel, more than Tor, more even than myself. I also couldn’t deny that Angel had freaked me out a lot today. I was used to his temper tantrums, but never this level of violence before.
My phone rang.
Jerked from my thoughts, I snatched my phone up and this time did check the caller ID. It was Tor.
“Hello?” I whispered.
He exhaled heavily before replying, “I don’t like fighting.”
I gave a soft whimper of relief. “Me either.”
“Are you feeling okay?”
I snorted. “The house is clean.”
He chuckled. “I’m sorry, Eskelde. I just worry for you, and…”
Tor let the words trail off but I knew what he was thinking. He didn’t trust Angel, didn’t think I should still trust him.
I really didn’t. Not anymore. But it was complicated. As much as he’d scared me today, I still didn’t feel like he’d have done something horrible to me either. Or the baby.
Swallowing hard, I squeezed back the lump in my throat and nodded even though I knew he couldn’t see me.
“I know, babe.”
“I bought you ice cream.”
Laughing through the tears, I said, “Come home. Today sucked ass and I really miss you.”
He told me he loved me and even though my heart always fluttered when he said it, I couldn’t help feeling like we were still tiptoeing around our big issue, namely Angel and what I planned to do about him.
The problem was, I didn’t have a clue.
Chapter Eighteen
Seven Months (Third Trimester)
Tor
Today was the final day the Sullivans would be here. I was grateful. To say that I could not begin to comprehend how such a warm and loving daughter had come from two straight-laced people who didn’t seem to have a single humorous bone in them would be an understatement.
Though there was no denying the physical similarities. Jenna, Jamie’s mother, was as short as her daughter and had the same slenderness of frame. But while Jenna had a riot of curly brown hair and rich brown eyes, there were enough hints of sameness that it shot a hole in my theory of adoption.
“Mom, I can still do the dishes.” Jamie tugged at the plate her mother was trying to snatch out of her hands.
Jamie had taken an effort during the week to really dress up for her parents. Before they’d come she’d been so uncomfortable in any kind of clothes at this stage in her pregnancy that she was mostly walking around in bras and panties, a trend I’d grown rather fond of and couldn’t wait to see her bring back.
Today she wore a floral-patterned day dress that ended at her knees and had curled her much longer hair, and she’d even put on a little makeup.
Jenna’s lips thinned. “No, let me. Dad and I need some privacy anyway. We have things we need to discuss.”
Jamie’s spine stiffened at the obviously dismissive tone.
Slipping my arm around my woman’s shoulder, I rubbed her bicep, petting her like she was a startled, angry kitten until her muscles began to relax.
“Let’s go to the movie,” I suggested in her ear. “I’m sure there’s something you want to see there, right?”
Nibbling on the corner of her lip, she looked up at me and I had no problem reading the heavy anguish in her eyes. She looked so fresh-faced today and the makeup she’d worn was youthful and subtle; it panged my heart how much effort she’d put into gaining her parents’ approval and the fact that it didn’t seem to matter much to them bothered me more than I’d let on with her.
We both knew what her parents needed to discuss: the fact that they didn’t approve of much that their daughter was doing. To include the baby or myself, for that matter. But we couldn’t talk about it here.
Finally she nodded. “Mom, is that okay?”
“Yes.” Her mother never even paused in cleaning the dishes.
Jenna had made a roast of beef and carrots and potatoes. It might have been delicious, except for the fact that the tension in the room had run so thick I could barely taste it. This entire week had been fairly stressful for me and if it’d not been for Jamie, I’d not have put myself through it.
The bathroom toilet flushed a second later and then her father stepped out, shutting the door behind him.
Jamie got her looks from her father, Carl. Tall and athletic with a head of super blond hair and startling blue eyes, he reminded me a lot of my Uncle Gunnar on my pappa’s side. Contemplative and broody and not someone I wished to be around often simply because I did not feel we had much of anything in common other than my love for his daughter.
“Sir.” I nodded when he walked over to join his wife at the sink.
His lips twitched in a ghost of a smile. I didn’t feel quite the same level of resentment directed at me as I had from Jenna.
I tapped Jamie’s arm to snap her out of her trancelike state because she’d been standing there staring at her silent parents unblinkingly. She jerked as if I’d startled her and then nodded. “Let me get a sweater.”
She had the cutest little walk now, like a penguin waddle. Her stomach was so big we’d wondered that maybe we were having twins, but Dr. Gold kept assuring us that wasn’t to be the case.
As Jamie came back from the room she paused at the window and glared outside for a good three seconds.
“What?” I asked as I reached for my wallet, tucking it into my back pocket.
“Oh.” She shook her head quickly. “Nothing. Thought I saw something. Anyway.”
She gave me a tired smile. “You ready?”
At least her parents waved as we walked out.
“What was outside?” I asked the moment we stepped into the hallway.
Rubbing her brow, she looked suddenly so deflated and tired. “Nothing. I thought for a second I might have seen Angel.”
“What?” I growled as adrenaline flooded my bloodstream, making me want to rush outside and find the man himself. For the past week in a half Jamie had begun receiving mysterious phone calls from an unidentified number. Only after I’d noticed how frequently it was happening had she confessed that she’d been getting them for months now and she couldn’t prove it was Angel but she suspected it could be. I wasn’t mad at her for keeping that one; there was no proof and I understood that she didn’t want me getting upset. But my gut told me her suspicions were correct.
I was sure it was Angel, because the moment she answered it the caller would always hang up. Finally, after five days of the same shit, I’d grabbed the phone and sworn a blue streak at him, threatening to call the cops if he harassed her again.
For the past two nights the phone had been silent.
She grabbed my hand. “It wasn’t him. I saw the guy’s face. Just looked like him.”
“You sure? You’re not just trying to tell me that to make me feel—”
“No, Tor.” Her blue eyes were earnest. “I promised you I’d be totally honest. That wasn’t him. But I don’t want to talk about Angel anymore.”
I opened the door for her that led out into the heart of Austin.
Twining our fingers together, she inhaled deeply. “Let’s just walk, okay? I just want to stay out for a while.”
“Eskelde, what’s the matter?” I trailed a finger along her jaw, forcing her to look at me.
Shoulders slumping, she sighed. “They hate me.”
“No.” I stopped, tugging her into my arms. “Your parents don’t hate you.”
Resting her cheek against my heart, she muttered, “They’re not very happy.”
I hated to play devil’s advocate, as they hadn’t exactly tried to make either of us feel at ease, but these were her parents and I wouldn’t allow her to think badly of them. “You shocked them, Jamie. That is all. They were not expecting to see you so pregnant.”
Chuckling softly, she wiped at her eyes and then nose before turning to me. “I’m an idiot. I just didn’t know how to tell them. I mean, my parents are pretty liberal and open minded, or so I thought, but I’m not really sure if it was the shock of seeing me pregnant or us living together that’s totally ticked them off.”
Tugging on her gently to get her moving again, I shrugged. “Probably more that you hadn’t told them, they come here to see you pregnant and living with a barbarian.” I hugged her gently. “They leave tomorrow. In the end does it matter? They will come to understand us, to love our daughter. It will happen. Just give them time.”
“You think that’s really all they need? Time?”
Kissing the tip of my finger, I pressed it against her slightly upturned nose. “Of course I think that is all they need. They’re still your parents and still want what’s best for you.”
The grand marquee theater sign came into view when we turned the corner. “Now, there is one matter we desperately need to discuss, and very soon,” I said softly.
“Yeah?” She smiled. “And what’s that?”
“Just what we’re going to name our little engel.” I palmed her belly as we drew closer to the line of theatergoers.
Laughing, she swatted at me. “I told you, I’m not sure yet. I think I’ve narrowed the list down to seventy.”
I rolled my eyes and mock shuddered. “Our poor girl.”
***
Jamie
The movie was good. A silly romantic comedy about an aging rock star and the groupie who’d loved him from afar for over fifteen years. Just exactly what I’d needed to get my mind off the fact that my parents had been cold and distant this past week. They only got to come to visit once every two years.
They could come home more, but they’d always felt like the need was too great to step away for long.
I was hanging outside of the men’s bathroom waiting for Tor to come back out when I saw a face that made my blood freeze cold.
“Angel,” I hissed, glancing wide-eyed left to right as he suddenly appeared from around a thick screen of guys heading toward an action flick down the hall. I recognized a few of the faces as being friends of his.
His hot gaze was on my belly and all he did was stare at it for what felt like an eternity before he finally looked at me. He was clean-shaven, the bruises were completely gone, and apart from a scar right above his brow, you’d never be able to tell he’d been to hell and back just a few short months ago.
Dressed in jeans and a polo shirt with his naturally wavy hair styled back, he looked sleek and handsome as he always had. But while he was nice to look at, there was no longer a flutter of nerves or any trace of desire beating within me.
His nostrils were flared and he was blinking rapidly, his throat was working too. I could tell he was stunned, mentally processing what he was seeing adding it all up and more than likely realizing I’d been with someone while he’d been in a coma.
Then a second later Marianna, wearing a blue jean skirt and bright red tank top, walked up to us wearing a huge smile on her face, but it wasn’t enough to hide the flash of worry in her eyes.
“Jamie,” she squealed. “It’s so good to see you here.”
Angel still didn’t speak. He was now staring at the floor and flexing his fingers. I cocked my head.
“Is it?” I asked with a hint of hurt in there, wondering if the face I’d thought I’d seen in the parking lot really had been Angel’s after all.
Wrapping me up in a vanilla-scented hug, Marianna nodded. “Of course it is. Actually,” she said, looking at Angel, “why don’t you go catch up with the guys so I can just say something to Jamie real quick, okay?”
His eyes flicked briefly to me before he walked off, seeming like the weight of the world was on his shoulders. The second he disappeared around the corner, I turned and stared at Marianna wide-eyed, silently demanding an explanation.
“Did you guys know I was going to be here?” I rubbed my belly, wanting Tor with me in a very bad way.
I’d not been scared when Angel had been standing just a few inches away from me, but I was pretty sure I damn well should have been. Was he stalking me? Just the idea of it made my stomach twist violently.
“No.” She flicked her eyes down to my belly and then back up to my face again. “Or at least I didn’t.” She exhaled a heavy breath. “Jamie, I’ve been wanting to talk to you for a couple of weeks now but I can’t seem to keep my nerve up long enough.”
“What? Why?”
Closing her eyes briefly, she toyed with the end of her curly hair. “Because I’m really worried about Angel.”
I leaned against the wall, wondering what was taking Tor so long. “Marianna, I’m sorry, but I just can’t be there for him anymore. I don’t know if you know, but last month he came to my apartment and he got really violent.”
She nodded softly. “I do know. Because he told me.”
“I also think he’s been calling me last week. Calling and then hanging up—”
She shook her head. “No, that was me.” Puffing out a harsh breath, she flicked her fingernail along the top of her tooth. “That’s kind of what I’m talking about, though. We’ve had him in therapy and he was doing so good, Jams, so good. I mean Mom and I felt like he was really getting his act together and then I—”
She bit her bottom lip.
“What? Then you what?”
Cringing, she spread her arms wide. “Then I told him to call you. Mama had said that you’d talked with her before that day when you broke things off and th
at you’d told her it was just temporary, just to give him his space to heal and rest and—”
“No.” I shook my head. “I didn’t. I told her that I was done. Look, I’m sorry things went down the way they did. I’m sure I could have handled things a hell of a lot better than I did. But I told your mom I was pregnant, told her I was dating someone else. I’m sorry I hurt your brother, but I had to stop.”
Flipping the braid over her shoulder, she nodded. “I know. I was so mad at you that day, but I understood eventually. I knew there was something going on with you and that blond guy, but I didn’t think it was anything serious because you and Angel just seemed destined. Even when I knew he’d never get his act together, I still always believed in the back of my mind that you wouldn’t be the one to leave for good.” She shrugged.
I sighed. “We were toxic. And that relationship was killing him and me. But you have to know, not only am I pregnant, Marianna, I think I’m completely in love with the man who did this to me. So there really is no chance of me getting back with your brother.”
She rubbed her eyes, slumping against the wall. I finally got a good look at her. Nice as she was dressed, there was no hiding the thick bags under her eyes or the dull hue of her skin. She looked dead on her feet and I felt a pang of sympathy for her.
“He’s not in a good place,” she whispered. “Things are bad again. He’s having his night terrors and screaming, crying. I’ve never seen him this bad. The other day I caught him in his room just shaking back and forth.”
I closed my eyes. As much as I didn’t want any part of this, that didn’t mean I liked hearing what was happening either.
“Are you saying it’s because of me?” I looked her directly in the eyes.
Just then a big strong hand palmed my lower back and immediately a sense of calm washed over me. I leaned into Tor’s touch and rested my head gently against his chest.
“Marianna, this is Tor; Tor, Marianna.” I introduced them again. Even though I’d done it once before, I wasn’t sure they’d remember one another.
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